Fractured
by sweeet-as-honey
Summary: As Connie and Grace fight for their lives and Charlie fights to keep the ED together, their colleagues face their own struggles as the helicopter crashes into the ED. Cal, Ethan, Lily, Alicia, Robyn, Louise, Iain and Max feature, along with three returning characters. Takes place during Too Old for This Shift (27/08/16).
1. Chapter 1

_This is based on the 30th anniversary episode. I'm afraid there won't be much Jonnie or Charlie as I really want to keep everything as much like the original as possible and I don't want to be typing up scenes word for word and adding nothing new. This is focused on some of the other characters and the dramas that could have happened to them. There will also be three extra characters who have left the ED. They didn't return (or even send a message) in the episode, but I wanted to bring them back for Charlie's anniversary._

 _This is also my 50th story on fanfiction, so thank you for encouraging me to write so much. I'm sure I wouldn't even have got to five stories without your support._

* * *

Rita brushed her fringe off her hot forehead and wondered if this was a mistake.

Spending an hour sitting on a muggy station platform was not her idea of fun. At this rate, she was going to be unattractively clammy by the time she arrived (not that she was worried about looking good for anyone in particular: definitely not) and all for what?

How many people were going to be glad to see her?

One – and he was going to have a million other people to talk to.

An invitation had been sent to almost everyone Charlie had ever worked with. Had it been more exclusive, Rita doubted she would have been on the list. Not with Louise taking such an active role in the organisation of the party.

But she was and she'd felt she ought to come – she'd even slightly wanted to come – but now she was halfway here and already regretting it.

Rita closed her eyes. She knew she'd messed up. She'd messed up so horribly and she doubted there was anything she could do to change that. She'd felt so trapped and afraid and hopeless and Iain was the only person who'd made as though she was worth anything at all.

But then Iain had dumped her. Proving she was nothing. And then Rita's lie was exposed: the desperate lie she'd told, mostly just to shut Louise up because there was no way she could have admitted the truth; a lie she'd regretted as soon as she'd left her lips. But by then it had been too late.

The lie had sealed her fate and it was a fate Rita felt she deserved. If it wasn't for Charlie's party, she wouldn't have gone back. Charlie was the one person who hadn't wanted to let her go. The one person who'd bothered to contact her since her departure to check she was all right.

Rita jumped as the PA system burst into life again. An impersonal and completely unbothered voice informed Rita that there was a fault on the line and the train was running twenty-one minutes behind schedule.

No mention of whether the train was still stationary. No mention of whether she might have to wait a whole lot longer than twenty-one minutes.

Maybe this was a mistake. She wasn't going to be welcome and she'd been running late even at the start of her journey. She should just go home now. Cut her losses. Save herself perhaps an hour of sitting here, feeling sticky and uncomfortable. Not to mention another couple of hours cooped up on a train.

Rita got to her feet and walked towards the steps in feet that were already sore from the shoes she'd chosen to wear.

Yes. She would go home. Charlie would understand.

* * *

Ethan wasn't looking at her, but he caught the movement from the corner of his eye as Alicia walked out of the ED. Ethan considered leaving her alone: he didn't want to intrude if she wanted space and he certainly wasn't going to make another attempt to prove he wasn't the pathetic loser he still suspected he was, despite all his attempts to be more like Cal.

He'd tried so hard. He'd thrown himself into drinking and socialising. He'd embraced the salsa and although he wasn't on Cal's level as a dancer – he didn't know anyone who was – he really could move a bit and he actually enjoyed it.

But he still wasn't Cal and it was such hard work and no matter how hard he tried to slam the door on his diagnosis, it was always there. Always reminding him.

He looked at Alicia again. He could see even from this distance that she was unhappy.

He walked away from the group and through the door, heading towards Alicia. _Please let me say the right thing this time. Please let me make her feel better. Please let me be more like Cal…_

* * *

Zoe walked out of the station, her trolley bumping along behind her and stopped for a minute, taking in her first sight of the city she'd known so well. It felt both familiar and different: the sights and smells were as she remembered them, but something felt odd and out of place.

It took Zoe a moment or two to realise it was her.

Had she really changed so much? Zoe didn't feel as though she'd changed at all. Her time in America, although successful as far as her work was concerned, had seen another catalogue of disasters in her personal life as she fought to convince herself that this was what she wanted and needed; that this was a better option than staying and breaking Max's heart over and over again.

She often thought of him. Actually, she thought of him more often than not. Those eyes looking into hers: cheeky and boyish yet full of the wisdom Zoe had failed to acquire in forty-one years.

She blinked to clear the image away and walked towards the taxi rank, stopping as she saw someone ahead of her she was sure she recognised: someone with dark curly hair and a body she'd admired more than once, if several hundred times fewer than she'd admired Max's body.

"Lofty?" she called out as she began to run as quickly as her shoes and trolley allowed, but he was already in the taxi and the door had slammed behind him and Zoe couldn't even be completely sure it was him.

She slowed to a more sedate pace and walked towards the taxi rank. Lofty, or his doppelganger, had taken the last taxi. The sigh of annoyance that escaped her lips was quickly followed by relief and she stood for a moment on the path, wondering where that had come from.

But the answer to that was easy.

It was always scary, going back. She was glad to put it off for a few more minutes.

* * *

Cal watched as his brother went after Alicia. He tried to feel happy that Ethan was still trying and hadn't given up, despite the complete mess he'd made of it earlier in the pub. His jeans looked ridiculous, but Cal couldn't find a smile.

None of it mattered anymore. It was Charlie's special day and he could be about to lose Connie.

Cal's hands clenched into fists. He hated being so helpless. Charlie had done so much for him and he'd been helping people now for thirty years. He deserved to be celebrated. He deserved to see how much everyone loved him.

And now this. His friend Connie and her child were fighting for their lives.

Cal felt a tightening in his chest as he thought of how Connie must be feeling. He knew what it was like to be afraid of losing your child; to fear you might never see her again.

Would they even have seen each other before they were whisked away, Connie in the ambulance and Grace in the helicopter? Cal didn't know. He tried not to think about it because much as it had torn him apart, he was now glad that he'd been able to say goodbye to Matilda.

He wished he could go into Resus and help, but Elle and Dylan seemed to have it all under control and Cal knew he couldn't do it. He'd always been a coward. He'd run from Matilda and he knew he'd run from treating Connie now if he'd had half the chance. Connie was the opposite: she would always face everything, no matter how hard it hit her. Nothing would have made her run from Grace. She was probably fighting to be allowed to see her, even now.

Connie was the incredible parent - and doctor - Cal had wanted to be but couldn't.

Cal closed his teary eyes and prayed for the safe arrival of Connie's little girl.

* * *

Lofty knew there was no point. He'd long ago lost count of the number of texts he'd sent, but the number of replies he'd received seemed to be printed indelibly into his brain: zero. All this time and nothing from Dylan. Lofty had guessed Dylan was disappointed he was leaving and he'd been flattered by that, but he'd hoped that once Dylan had calmed down, he would contact him.

He hadn't.

All Lofty heard of Dylan was the occasional update from Robyn and Max, and that was more likely to be describing something apparently ridiculous Dylan had done than to let Lofty know that Dylan was okay. Lofty could have asked of course, but he held back from it: afraid of their reactions and perhaps also afraid of his own.

 _Hi Dylan, I'm in a taxi, just left Holby Station. Hope to see you at the party._

Lofty knew there was a chance that Dylan wouldn't even attend. A text from Lofty was unlikely to change his mind about that.

But still he hoped. Just as he'd been hoping all these months to hear from the man who'd become such a surprisingly good friend.

* * *

Robyn leaned against the wall, tears sliding down her cheeks. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't fair. She couldn't lose anyone else.

She and Glen were happy now, but they would only have a short time together. Connie, of course, wasn't particularly close to Robyn, but Robyn admired and respected her; perhaps even loved her in a way. At times, Connie seemed to have no heart at all, but perhaps that was because she'd poured every ounce of it into the ED. And into being Grace's mum.

Robyn felt a hand on her arm and looked up. Louise's features, often sardonic, had softened with concern and for once, she kept her mouth closed, speaking all her compassion with her eyes.

"I know I'm being silly," hiccupped Robyn as she wiped her tears away.

"It's okay," said Louise in an unusually gentle voice. She put her arm around Robyn. "I know we deal with stuff like this every day, but this is people we know."

Robyn nodded and strained her ears, desperate to hear the gentle thrumming of an approaching helicopter. She heard nothing.

"We've just got to keep positive," said Louise. She sounded close to tears too. "It's all we can do."


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for the lovely response to this story! I just wanted to let you know that although a lot of the storylines might be inspired by what happens to the characters in the episode, that doesn't mean the same things will happen. So it might be better not to assume that no-one will die._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I know a lot of people like Zoe (and so do I), so I thought she should be one of the ones to return.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you're enjoying this so far. This story won't necessarily follow the episode, but I hope you'll still like it. I decided to make it an ensemble cast as I kept thinking of all the things that could have gone wrong for the characters in the Series 31 opener but fortunately didn't!

 **X-Sammii-X** , the episode was so sad and emotional! I'm really hoping the next episode will be set immediately after the last one as a lot could change in a week. It's sad Rita left, but I'm really glad she left in the way she did rather than being killed off. I really hope Tilly will come back too! Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you're enjoying this so far. I'm hoping to put lots of Cal and Ethan in this story - I enjoy writing about the whole cast, but those two will always be my favourites!

 **LittleBritishPerson** , I wish more people had come back for Charlie's anniversary - it was really interesting seeing Josh as I didn't know him and it's always good to see Duffy, but do wish there had been more. Though at least it meant they all stayed safe! Thank you for your review and your congratulations. I hope I will write 50 more!

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review and your congratulations! I'm hoping my 'anniversary' will go better than Charlie's! That's true - if they'd brought more people back, it would have been ended up being about three hours long! Though that wouldn't necessarily have been a bad thing. I really hope this lives up to your expectations.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review and your pm. I'm sad Rita left so suddenly, but perhaps she will get the chance to build bridges, though I think she will be very busy for a while! Ethan behaving like Cal has gone on too long... you know how much I miss the old Ethan! And the differences between them are part of the fun. And yes, they're reasonably all right-looking, I suppose. I was sad too not to see a message from Lofty after all the rumours, but I hope this will help a bit.

 _Thank you to **Gingersnaps2507** , **FloraXHelia4ever** , **X-Sammii-X** , **Strizzy** , **InfinityAndOne** , and **Elle A Kay** for the follows and favourites._

* * *

There was something different about the ED.

Zoe didn't know what it was. It looked the same, other than some scaffolding that had been put up near the ambulance station. It sounded and smelled the same. But there was a sharp, tangible feeling in the air.

Perhaps it was nerves.

She could see a couple of figures standing by the nurse's station. One of them might have been Ethan; the other looked familiar, but Zoe couldn't place her. A movement caught her eye and she saw someone striding through the doors, a cigarette hanging from his lips and his lighter in his hand.

This person Zoe had no difficulties in recognising. He knew who she was instantly too. His feet stuttered to a halt and he stared, his cigarette dropping to the ground. His lips moved, framing her name.

They both started moving at the same time, coming to an awkward stop when they were just seconds from touching; staring at one another but not speaking.

 _Max…_

He didn't look happy, but Zoe found she wasn't disappointed. How could she be, when he was gazing at her so intently? He still wanted her. As much as she wanted him.

"I need to talk to you," said Max.

"What's wrong?" Zoe asked softly; anxiously, as she silently hoped the problem wasn't her.

Max looked at her for a moment. His mouth twitched slightly, but not with amusement. "Not here," he said at last.

Zoe nodded. If Max was taking her inside, she'd have to forego the cigarette she was beginning to crave - but Max was upset and nothing else mattered.

* * *

Lily leaned against the wall, her face turned away from the others. They weren't looking at her and probably weren't aware of her. Despite all her efforts, Lily still didn't fit in. It saddened her more than she ever wanted to admit, but there had been one consolation: Ethan. He might not want to be her husband, but at least he still wanted to be her friend.

Until now. Lily could see Ethan through the window, standing beside Alicia. Lily guessed he'd gone to comfort the locum, but she knew his feelings were far stronger than that.

She would have been upset and jealous, but right now, it didn't seem to matter and she missed Ethan only because she longed for a friend to comfort her; a friend whom she could comfort in return.

Lily had always admired Connie tremendously, as she believed they all did, and although she had no particular liking for Grace – connecting with children was even more difficult for Lily than connecting with adults – it always upset her to see a child fighting for their life. Lily would have said she had little imagination, but she had often dreamed of holding a baby in her arms, knowing that the tiny bundle of love depended upon her utterly.

Lily's eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them away before anyone could notice. She didn't want to cry when it was so much worse for Connie.

She also didn't want to cry because she was afraid no-one would care.

* * *

The train finally drew into Holby Station. The delay time had been extended from twenty-two minutes to thirty-five; then forty-one, but finally, she was here. Rita had nearly given up on many occasions. More than once, she'd began the walk to the opposite platform, but something had always made her turn around.

She'd spent much of the journey wondering if this was what she really wanted. To be back with the others, who despised her. To be back with Iain, who might have brought a date. To be back in the place where it had all gone so horribly wrong.

But then she'd remembered Charlie.

Charlie, the one person who hadn't wanted her to go; who'd even asked her to promise to come back.

He was the reason she had to do this, no matter how much she might get hurt.

* * *

Cal suspected not much time had passed. It felt like hours but had probably been minutes. Cal felt exhausted and overwrought. Almost almost every ounce of his energy was focused on keeping himself calm and upright; stopping himself from collapsing onto the floor in helpless tears.

It was supposed to be such a special day.

Cal looked at Ethan in desperate hope that he would finish talking to Alicia and come inside, but he hadn't moved. Cal felt a yearning for his brother so powerful he almost ran out after him, but something held him back.

Fear.

Ethan was so different now. All he ever thought about was drinking and girls and dancing and whilst all of those activities were very high on Cal's list of favourite things to do and he'd always longed to share his interests with his brother, the reality was heartbreaking.

Cal had fun with Ethan, but despite all the time they spent together, he felt they were drifting apart. Being Ethan was like looking into a mirror (or not quite like that as Cal usually enjoyed looking into mirrors) and sometimes Cal couldn't see the real Ethan at all. Just an imitation of himself - and not a terribly good one.

He wanted to be with Ethan now. He wanted to hear Ethan's voice, telling him everything would be okay and they would get through it together. Or even telling Cal to stop thinking about himself and think of Connie and Grace: Cal would even welcome that because at least it would be Ethan.

 _I need you, Ethan…_

 _But it really doesn't look like you need me._

* * *

Lofty didn't think he'd been away for that long. Less than six months, he was sure. But looking around the ED waiting room, he didn't know anyone.

He didn't know the man sitting at reception. He didn't know the shy-looking man in scrubs who spoke softly and hesitantly to the receptionist, though it did cross his mind that it could be David. Robyn talked about David quite a lot.

The conversation between the possible David and the receptionist looked like it could continue for some time. Lofty decided not to interrupt. He knew his way around, after all. He could find Dylan on his own.

Or could he?

Lofty was halfway down a corridor when it hit him.

He hadn't heard anything about Dylan for some time.

Robyn's texts and phone calls, at one time nothing but the latest gossip, were too full of David and Glen to make room for anyone else. Max alternated between talking about Zoe and talking about lots of girls who weren't Zoe, just to prove how over Zoe he was.

Now Lofty and Zoe had gone, no-one was close to Dylan. If he'd left the department, would anyone even have mentioned it?

There had been a very large turnover of staff this year. Zoe, Rita, Big Mac, Jack and Dixie had all gone, as well as Lofty himself, with a lot of new people replacing them. It would have been easy to forget someone and perhaps Robyn had. Perhaps Dylan had also gone.

Perhaps Lofty had left it too late to try to make it up to him.

* * *

Iain checked on Grace again – not that he'd really stopped checking on her. Her stats were fairly stable but not at all what Iain wanted them to be; what Connie _needed_ them to be. Iain spoke to Grace reassuringly, telling her they'd be there soon and she'd see her mum, but he was just talking rubbish really. It was true they'd be there soon, but he'd seen the state Connie was in.

He'd seen the state Grace was in too.

"Not far to go now, Grace," he said awkwardly. Jez was much better with little kids than he was, perhaps because Jez had a similar mental age to most of them, but Jez had gone in the ambulance with Connie. "You've done really well, okay? Your mum's going to be proud. And so's your dad. And Jacob."

He glanced out of the window and saw, to his surprise, that they really were nearly there. The hospital lay below them. Looking at it gave Iain a sense of comfort. It was the place where Grace would finally receive the treatment she needed, but it was also the place where Iain had finally been able to relax and find himself again.

"I can see the hospital," he told Grace. "It looks pretty good. Apart from the scaffolding that Jez keeps nearly walking into because he's a dozy little..." He broke off and substituted the word in his mind with something more appropriate. "…idiot." Iain checked Grace's stats again and saw they'd improved, just a little.

Iain allowed some of the tension to drain from his shoulders.

They were so nearly there and Grace was still with them. Perhaps everything would be all right.

* * *

Alicia just wanted him to leave.

She'd been grateful at first. Grateful that one person had cared enough to follow her, but now she wanted him to go. He confused her. He was so different from the Ethan she remembered. The old Ethan had barely spoken to her at all. She'd only met him again a few hours ago and he'd hardly stopped talking! And who on earth had told him those jeans were a good idea?

She didn't know what to make of him. She wasn't sure if he was making a genuine attempt at flirting or if he was making fun of her in some way. If he was making fun of her, he could get lost as far as she was concerned. But if he did have genuine feelings for her, she didn't want to hurt him and that was a worry she didn't need. She felt so devastated by what had happened to Grace and she really thought she might cry in a minute. Ethan would probably hug her if she cried and then she'd have the choice of keeping her arms by her sides, which would embarrass and hurt him, or hugging him back and risk getting his hopes up.

She couldn't deal with Ethan on top of everything else. Not when a child was dying.

Alicia had known that returning to Holby wouldn't be easy, but she wasn't prepared for this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. It is difficult for Zoe - she probably knows Max is going to give her bad news, but she doesn't know what - and she's not going to guess, though even if she did, she probably can't prepare herself for this. I'm glad Alicia came over sympathetically even though she was horrible to Ethan.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , the situation was so emotional, Alicia was probably a bit all over the place. She wasn't at all impressed with Ethan in the pub, but he was kind and reassuring when she was upset. They did work well together, but we'll have to wait and see if she still thinks he's an idiot! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm really hoping the writers will explore the effects of the crash on Iain - that would be very sad but so interesting. I have no idea what's going to happen with Alicia as I don't read spoilers, but she hasn't really made a good impression on me! I'm not sure if the love triangle will be in this story. Thank you for your review.

 **casslourocks** , thank you for your review - I really am happy that you're enjoying it so far. I'm really glad you like the detail as I was a bit worried by the lack of conversation in the opening chapters - most of it was just thoughts and I didn't want it to be boring.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. Cal's thoughts about Ethan kind of reflect mine - I miss the old Ethan so much. I thought at first that it was his way of hiding from the truth of his diagnosis, but now I think he has really changed. I'm really glad you liked my exploration of the characters' thoughts and feelings.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I am sad Lofty, Rita and Zoe didn't even send a message - though it would have been even better to see some of the former cast members appear in person. I really like Duffy and Josh, but I don't remember them as regulars. I'm so glad you're enjoying this so far and I hope you continue to read and enjoy it.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your reviews - I'm glad you're enjoying this Even though their thoughts would mostly have been with Connie and Grace, I didn't think the feelings and worries they have every day would disappear completely. I agree Ethan can do better than Alicia - though perhaps she'll learn to understand and appreciate him.

 **Tanith Panic** , yes, you're exactly right about the word Iain didn't say about Jez! I'm glad you liked the way I wrote his thoughts. I agree Lily has a warm heart too and I really hope the writers will show more of it, though I am worried Alicia won't bring out her best side. Cal and Ethan love each other to bits, but I think everyone knows that except them! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you YoGirlAL, casslourocks, Crazyturtlefrog for the follows and favourite._

* * *

Ethan was so relieved to hear the helicopter. Soon Grace would be safely in the ED and the medical team would do everything in their power to save her. Ethan had already decided to offer his assistance. He would have done it for any patient, of course, but he felt a particular desire to help Grace. Connie terrified him on a daily basis, but she'd taught him so much. He would do everything he could.

He looked at the helicopter again. With shock, he realised it wasn't the only object in the sky. Something was flying towards it at speed.

Ethan knew what was going to happen, but there was nothing he could do. He thought he might have called out, but it was just as likely he hadn't. He watched helplessly as the object hit the helicopter, which wobbled helplessly in the sky before plummeting.

Ethan's eyes met Alicia's and they dived for cover. He heard a crash and tried to protect Alicia as scaffolding rained around her, but he lost his footing and they became separated. He called her name but couldn't even hear his own voice. He heard her scream and shouted her name again, but then something hit his head, hard.

He struggled to fight the blackness swirling around him. He had to get to Alicia and make sure she was all right.

But the darkness was too strong.

* * *

Max hated being the one to tell her. It shouldn't have been him. It should have been someone who was trained in giving bad news. Max was quite experienced in supporting people afterwards, but he had no idea how shatter Zoe's world in the least painful way.

Zoe and Connie didn't always see eye to eye, but they had come to respect and admire each other as doctors and a friendship had sprung up between them. She would be devastated,

He told her as quickly and sympathetically as he could, holding her hand in his.

"Where are they?" said Zoe in a tiny voice that didn't sound like hers.

Max felt a rush of protectiveness. He moved his chair closer to Zoe's and put his arm around her. "Mrs Beauchamp is in Resus. I think Dylan and Elle are with her. Grace is coming by helicopter."

"I've got to see her," said Zoe, her voice weak. She stood up slowly and swayed slightly. Max grabbed hold of her, feeling the trembling that wracked her body.

"Not yet," he said, trying to sound firm yet reassuring. "You've had a shock. Let's wait five minutes and then-"

Zoe cut him off. "No! I've got to go _now_ , Max."

A sound came to Max's ears and he quickly drew Zoe's attention to it. "There's the helicopter, Zoe. Grace is nearly here. Let's wait a few minutes: they might want to rush her straight to Connie."

"They won't," said Zoe. "The priority would be…" Her voice shook. "…saving their lives."

Max held her tightly in his arms.

And then it happened.

* * *

Lily hit the floor hard. It hurt, but she ignored it, letting her doctor's instincts take over. She was aware, somewhere in the back of her mind, that she was terrified, but she couldn't think about that now.

She wasn't terrified for herself but for the people out there. Max, Cal, Alicia… and Ethan: oh God, _Ethan_.

But Lily was a doctor and she knew what to do. She couldn't worry about Ethan. She had to do her job.

Lily looked quickly around the group of colleagues who were standing, sitting or lying with looks of shock on their faces. She thought she might have said something: something like: "Come on!", but it hardly mattered. She hurried to the door, tearing it open, aware of feet behind her, following her out into... what?

The sight that met Lily's eyes almost allowed her doctor's instincts to fail, but she gritted her teeth and hurried out. People lay scattered around the floor. So many people. Some moving or moaning or groaning aloud in agony. Others just lying still. Lily saw blood on faces and in pools on the tarmac. She saw limbs bent into positions that shouldn't be possible. She watched as someone almost threw himself from the helicopter and collapsed onto the ground.

She didn't approach anyone straight away. As quickly and calmly as she could, she assessed the situation. The helicopter was embedded in the ED: there was a chance of an explosion, but the vehicle itself seemed steady. She looked around for fires; for other hazards that would endanger their safety. Lily had a feeling she would have ignored the danger even if it was there: she would willingly risk her own safety for the people who had come to the ED to be made better, only to find themselves in the midst of horror and destruction.

Lily looked over at her shoulder at her colleagues. Their faces looked white and haggard, but Lily saw the look in their eyes and she knew they could do this.

As one, they moved forward, spreading out to help the fallen. Lily ran to the nearest figure. "Hello, my name is Lily. I'm a doctor. Can you tell me your name?" She went through the first aid procedures she'd once learned as a child, speaking to the victims, hearing their symptoms and watching for signs.

As she worked, moving from one person to another, helping some to move to a more comfortable position whilst advising others to lie still, she also searched for Ethan.

She couldn't see him.

* * *

Lofty heard the crash. A second later, he was flying through the air, his face slamming into the hard wall. Stars danced in front of his eyes and he felt himself fall backwards, landing hard on the floor.

The breath whooshed out on his lungs. Lofty's brain was screaming at him to get out of there, but he couldn't move. He watched helplessly as the room seemed to grow darker and only realised at the last minute that this was happening because something was blocking out the light. Something falling.

Something falling on top of him.

Lofty tried to move, but there was no time. It hit him. The breath left his lungs again.

And then… nothing.

* * *

Louise and Robyn were working side by side. Louise had never expected to become such good friends with someone as overwhelmingly positive as Robyn - a true romantic who still believed in miracles and happy-ever-afters - but she'd soon discovered Robyn was not only good-hearted but a good nurse and Louise was glad to have her nearby now.

Robyn was kneeling beside a woman. Robyn spoke to her and tapped her shoulders, but there was no response.

"I don't think she's breathing," said Robyn, a quiver in her voice.

At one time, Louise had thought Robyn's emotional nature was a weakness.

It wasn't. Louise knew that even if Robyn broke down, she would keep doing her job and do it well until they both knew it was hopeless.

"Louise, can you help me roll her over, please?" said Robyn.

Louise glanced around to see if anyone passing might be able to help support the woman's spine, but there was no-one. "I'll hold her head," she said.

Together, they rolled the woman onto her back. At once, Louise saw the swell of her stomach. She began to shake. Her arm lifted and she pointed, but she couldn't get the words out.

"She's pregnant…" said Robyn, devastated. She leaned over to open the woman's airway. She leaned close. "She's not breathing."

She lifted the patient's right hip from the ground, sliding her knees underneath it to support it: this would prevent the uterus from pressing against the blood vessels in the abdomen and making it even more difficult for the heart to pump blood around her body. Assuming they could get her heart started.

Robyn looked at Louise. "Can you begin CPR, please? I don't suppose there's a defibrillator out here – the helicopter probably has one, but it's probably not safe – but we'll do what we can."

Louise didn't move. She was staring at the swollen abdomen. She knew it was stupid. There was a patient in danger and she had to help. And she was over this. Wasn't she?

"Louise!" said Robyn urgently. "Begin CPR or we'll lose her!"

* * *

Cal realised he was sitting on the ground. There was a pain in the side of his head and he tried to lift his hand, but he couldn't move. All he could do look straight ahead of him at… something.

It looked like a helicopter, but Cal's brain didn't seem to be functioning properly. He knew the helicopter shouldn't be there and this was bad, but that was all. He didn't know what had happened. He didn't know what to do.

He didn't even know what he was doing here.

Panicking now, Cal tried to think back. He remembered… what did he remember? Jeans. Ethan's jeans. He'd honestly have been better off wearing one of his stupid suits, but instead, he'd bought some jeans. And worn them.

But that was in the pub and Cal wasn't in the pub now. He was somewhere else. Somewhere he was sure he should be able to recognise, but he couldn't because that _thing_ was here.

A sound came to his ears. A sound that increased as though someone was turning a volume switch. Screaming. Crying. Groaning. People were hurt and Cal had a feeling he ought to help them and even that he knew how to help him, but further than that, his mind remained almost blank, with only whispers of awareness that made no sense at all.

 _People are hurt. Badly hurt. I must help._

But Cal didn't move.


	4. Chapter 4

**Mills2808** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying it and finding it intense - I'll try to keep it up!

 **LittleBritishPerson** , writing from more perspectives can be harder, but the advantage is, when I run out of steam or ideas with one character, I can move on to another character and leave the difficult one alone for a while, which is a relief! I'm so glad you're still enjoying this. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think they're all caring really, but Zoe is the one who really shows it and she can be almost maternal, which none of the others can. I like writing from Lily's point of view because I can show the thoughts and emotions she hides from everyone else. I wish you were there to support Cal! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , oh, I've killed Lofty! It is hard to describe everything, especially as I don't want to watch the episode again as I know I'd get upset. I'm glad it all makes sense. I really want to show Lily's efficient side as well as her caring side in this story, so I'm really glad that's coming across. Cal really isn't in a good place at the moment and Ethan literally isn't in a good place. I'm going to make Louise suffer in this story! But in a good cause, I hope. Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the update. I hope you like this one too.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. It's natural to like the sections involving your favourite characters best - I'm exactly the same when I'm watching! I'm really glad Cal's complete shock came over convincingly. It's not easy to imagine that. Now I've just got to hope the reactions of the other injured characters aren't too similar!

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm going to try to update this every day until it's finished, but I can't promise that I'll be able to stick to that. I have got it planned out scene-by-scene though, so that should help. I'm really happy you're looking forward to what happens next - I hope it doesn't disappoint!

 _Thank you to **Tanith Panic** and **CatsAndWhiskers** for the follows and favourites_

* * *

Pain. A sharp, splintering agony that felt like his knee was split in two. An ache in his head. Something on top of him, pinning him down.

Ethan opened his eyes. He still had his glasses, miraculously, but they were clouded with dust and the ceiling above him looked odd and unfamiliar. His breathing quickened and he felt an ache in his chest, but he might just be panicking. He fought to slow his breathing, telling himself he was okay and everything was fine.

It was a lie, of course. Nothing was fine. Ethan was trapped and hurt and for the moment, he didn't know what had happened or where he was. He managed to free one of his arms, but this only caused him more pain and although he tried, he couldn't reach his phone.

Ethan had a look at what was pinning him down. It was large and heavy, perhaps made of wood, but there seemed to be more things piled on top of it. He moved his head from side to side, wincing at the pain this caused, and caught a glimpse of more pieces of metal and wood. Piles and piles of it, surrounding him. It must be some kind of building collapse – and it was possible Ethan wasn't the only person who was hurt.

"Hello?" called Ethan. His voice was weak, but he could still hear the note of hysteria. He cleared his throat. "Hello? Is anyone there? Can anyone hear me?"

The floor felt so hard: Ethan knew he wasn't lying on a carpet. He moved his hand over it. Although he seemed to be in an enclosed room, the floor felt like concrete. It must be somewhere like a garage, but he and Cal didn't have a garage.

"Cal?" called Ethan hopefully. If any kind of disaster had occurred, it wasn't unlikely that his brother had caused it.

But Cal didn't answer.

And then the mist over Ethan's brain cleared. Cal wasn't there. It was _Alicia_ who'd been with him; Alicia whom he had to find.

The beautiful girl who might actually be the one for him.

"Alicia? _Alicia_! Please answer me!"

She was lying here somewhere. Hurt. Perhaps even…

He had to find her. He needed to make sure he was safe; give her any medical treatment she needed – and then get her out of here.

"I'm coming to find you, Alicia. I'm going to get you out. I promise. You're going to be fine. Just hold on for me. I'm on my way."

Ethan tried to sit up and push away the thing that was holding him down, but the movement jarred his knee and he cried out. And he realised, as tears filled his eyes, that even if he was able somehow to free himself, he probably wouldn't be able to move.

* * *

Lily stood up and looked around. Still no Ethan, but it was possible he was on the other side of the helicopter. There was so much happening; so many people. She knew Charlie wanted to set up a triage area in the pub, but she didn't know if that had happened yet. She wouldn't send anyone over there until she knew. For now, she was offering what treatment, advice and reassurance she could, as well as getting lone patients together so they could keep an eye on each other and ask for help if one spotted a change in the other's condition. Lily knew she'd have hated it if anyone had forced a complete stranger to look after her, but they'd been through a traumatic incident and Lily was scared to leave any of them alone.

She saw Robyn and Louise kneeling beside a pregnant woman. The two nurses appeared to be arguing and Lily angrily went over to them. "Louise. Robyn. Please put your differences aside and take care of your patient."

"I-I can't do it!" stammered Louise. There were tears in her eyes.

"You've got to!" said Robyn. "Either give CPR or take my place. I can't do both!"

"I can't treat pregnant women!" wailed Louise as the first tears fell.

Lily realised this was more than just an argument. Louise looked frozen with fear. She was about to order Louise to step aside, but she knew that wouldn't help Louise. It would only make her more afraid and it wouldn't help anyone if Louise walked away from the patient with a feeling of failure.

Lily knew how that felt. She'd experienced it earlier today.

She needed Louise to continue working. She needed Louise to walk away from the patient, knowing she'd done everything she could.

Lily knelt beside Robyn and quickly took her place. "Louise, I know you can do this. I am instructing you as your team leader to give CPR. If we lose the patient, it is my responsibility. Robyn, please continue examining the casualties. I will stay with Louise."

* * *

Max was shaking. Zoe was so, so still in his arms. Occasional chunks of plaster still fell from the ceiling, but he thought the worst was over.

Except it wasn't, of course. Nothing could be worse than Zoe being hurt. What had happened to Connie and Grace was terrible, but Zoe was his wife.

He loved her.

"Come on, Zoe, open your eyes!" he begged her as he stroked her dust-filled black hair. "Please, Zoe. Don't do this to me! Just open your eyes and tell me you're okay!"

He didn't think she would. He moved a shaky hand to her neck and felt for a pulse, but he couldn't find it.

 _Oh God, Zoe… if I hadn't brought you in here…_

He knew, logically, that whatever had happened – and he suspected it was something to do with the helicopter – had happened outside. If he and Zoe had remained outside, they wouldn't have been safe.

But that didn't change the fact Zoe was in here because of him and that meant whatever had happened to her was his fault.

"Come on, Zoe. Stay with me. I can't lose you again. I love you."

* * *

Rita was running. She didn't know what had happened, but she didn't need to be a nurse to know that a crash that loud and that many screams, full of pain as well as terror, didn't happen if nothing was wrong. She'd flung aside her luggage at some point; she couldn't remember where or when, but she didn't care. It wasn't important.

She looked from side to side as she ran, seeking out the cause of the incident. It was clearly somewhere close to the hospital and that gave her some comfort.

If only she'd taken a taxi instead of walking to clear her head, she'd have been there already, but she couldn't have known this would happen.

At last, she arrived. She stopped, her chest rising and falling as she stared in horror at the hospital she'd known so well.

The incident hadn't happened near the hospital. It was _at_ the hospital.

She saw the helicopter. She saw the mangled bodies, some of them moving, but many of them so still.

A moment later, she was running towards a man who was lying on the ground. "Hi, my name's Rita. I'm a-"

She stopped. Stared. Stared into the eyes she'd come to love; the eyes she'd truly believed had held love for her in return.

"Iain," she whispered.

* * *

Charlie had told Cal to do his job, but his mind felt fuzzy. The world seemed to be spinning and a couple of times, he'd thought he was going to fall, but he kept going. He didn't know many things, but he knew there was something important he needed to do.

He stumbled around the helicopter and scanned the area. He saw several of his colleagues, working busily. He saw Rita kneeling in front of Iain and frowned slightly, convinced there was something wrong with that scenario, but he didn't know what and in any case, it wasn't important. He saw Lily and Louise giving CPR to a patient. He saw Charlie, walking around, taking control and fulfilling the role Cal would have expected Connie to take.

Connie… Cal stopped for a moment and closed his eyes. There was something about Connie. Something he ought to know…

"Cal?" A hand touched his arm. It was Robyn. "Are you okay?"

Cal watched as her concerned face blurred out of focus. He tried to speak. The world seemed to tilt and he grabbed Robyn's shoulder to steady himself.

"Come on, Cal. Sit down." Robyn sat in front of him, looking into his eyes. She lightly touched the side of his head and he hissed with pain but said nothing as she examined the cut.

"Cal, can you speak to me, please?" Robyn's voice was gentle.

Cal's mouth opened. He knew he wouldn't need to say much. Just a few words. But even that seemed beyond him.

"I think you need a doctor," said Robyn. "Is Ethan around?"

Ethan….

All at once, Cal was on his feet. He felt Robyn grasping his hands, urging him to sit down again, but he shook them off and staggered away from her, his anxious gaze sweeping the area.

Ethan wasn't here and he _should_ be here.

Cal didn't know how he knew that, but the one thing he did know was that he needed to find Ethan, fast.

* * *

The filing cabinet lay on the floor, or so it appeared. It was only when you looked more closely that you realised there was something underneath it.

It was impossible to tell what at first. The room was full of dust and not a single piece of furniture was left standing. The shelves lay on the floor, their contents spread out over the floor. Files. Books. So many pieces of paper. One of the bookcases had upended a table, which lay on its back, its legs sticking up in the air in a manner that seemed somehow undignified. The chairs had been pushed over too. At least one of them would be on its way to the rubbish tip eventually – but probably not anytime soon. It was the least of so many worries.

Not all the objects were lying flat. Other items of furniture had prevented them from falling fully. But there was something about the filing cupboard that was different. Only a very large object could have been underneath it. A long object – and an irregular one.

But nobody was there to see it. No-one would walk around the cabinet and see that whatever was pinned underneath it had hair. Curly brown hair.

The owner of the hair lay still.

Perhaps he always would.


	5. Chapter 5

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. It would take a lot for me to kill Ethan, but I'm certainly not ruling it out! Zoe isn't in the best situation either, but at least she and Max have each other.

 **Guest** , I suppose it would be a bit mean of me to kill off Zoe! I can't promise anything, but I've written ahead as far as Chapter 7 and Zoe's still in it. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , I'm really happy you're enjoying all the different stories. Yes, they are a little bit short of medical staff! I've addressed this in a future chapter. I bet they're all wishing Zoe was there! Thank you for your review. I'm so glad you're enjoying it and that the suspense is working.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I've already planned what's going to happen to Cal, but I think there's a chance you won't be disappointed. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Max definitely still loves Zoe. I think I'll be quite disappointed if he ever gets a new long-term girlfriend. Perhaps there's hope for Iain and Rita too, though Iain would have to change his attitude! I saw Cal's first episode recently. He and Ethan really weren't very happy to see each other! Thank you for your review.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're still enjoying this. It might take a while for Cal to get to Ethan and Alicia, but he's not going to give up trying!

 **michelle fanfic** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're enjoying this. I really appreciate your kind words and I've sent you a pm about making a request.

 **Tanith Panic** , all I can tell you is that Lofty isn't in this chapter! I hope some positive things will come from this story, but you'll have to wait and see what they are. This will be quite long, I think. I'm hoping Ethan is motivated by a desire to help and not just by what's in his jeans. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're enjoying it so far. I'm trying to update every day and I have two other chapters already written, so I'll be able to keep posting for two more days at least.

 **InfinityAndOne** , it doesn't look good for Ethan and Alicia - Ethan only managed to get free with Alicia's help in the episode and she's really not at her most helpful just now. I'm glad you liked the last section - the chapter was too short so I needed another scene and I'm so happy and relieved it worked! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **casualty the facts** , **MINNIE4114** , **michelle fanfic** for the follows and favourite._

* * *

Louise looked desperately at Lily, but Lily shook her head. They'd given four rounds of CPR and even if there was still a chance of saving the woman, they were severely limited without a defibrillator and had no way of treating the internal bleeding Lily suspected she'd suffered. The blood pooled around the abdomen told Lily that even if they could have saved the mother, there was little, if any, hope for the baby.

Lily found herself glancing towards where she would have expected the monitor to be. She'd never realised before how dependent on equipment she was, but this was no time to wish for the impossible. As usual, they would do everything in their power – and no more.

"If we're agreed…" she began. Her voice quivered.

"No, we can't stop!" said Louise. "You promised we'd save her!"

"I promised to take responsibility and I do," said Lily. "We have done everything we can. Now I am asking you to stop."

Tears fell from Louise's eyes. "It's my fault. It's always my fault."

Lily caught her by the shoulders. "No, Louise, it is not your fault. You know we can only ever do so much."

Louise was sobbing now. Lily looked at her helplessly. She knew it was like when a fear overwhelmed you and left you frozen, unable to do what you ought to do. It had happened to her today, with Alicia, when they'd treated the patient with acute orbital compartment syndrome. Lily hadn't been able to do it. She'd hardly even been able to look to see if Alicia was doing it correctly.

She could hardly be angry with Louise now.

But knowing how she felt didn't mean she knew what to say.

"No, it is my fault," wept Louise. "If we'd started sooner; if I hadn't frozen…"

"Then there is every possibility the result would have been exactly the same," said Lily. She couldn't know that, of course, but she couldn't let Louise fall apart. Lily had a feeling she was the only doctor working and she had to keep everyone else working.

Connie was seriously injured. Dylan and Elle were involved in her and Grace's treatment. There was no sign of Ethan or Alicia. Cal was in no state to help anyone. There was only Lily.

"We couldn't have stopped the bleeding," said Lily. "We can't even put a line in, though perhaps the paramedics will be able to provide us with the equipment to do that. There is very little we can do. I don't think a few more minutes would make any difference."

Tears streamed down Louise's face.

"You did well, Louise," said Lily. "If you have a phobia or a devastating memory, it is very difficult to do your job. But you did your job and did it well. Many could not have done that. Please leave the patient now. You may take a few minutes, but please get back to work after that. We need you."

* * *

Rita knelt in front of Iain. His eyes were wide and staring and he looked at her without recognition. Rita took a breath and placed her hand gently on his shoulder. "Iain, it's me. It's Rita. Can you tell me what happened?"

She looked anxiously at Iain, desperate for a response, but none came. At first, she thought he was ignoring her and felt hurt, but as she looked into his empty eyes again, she realised he hadn't even heard.

Rita tapped his shoulder. "Iain, can you hear me? There's been an accident, but I'm here and I'm going to look after you."

Her eyes flickered briefly to the helicopter. She had no way of knowing Iain had come from there, but it seemed likely. There would almost certainly have been a paramedic on board. A helmet lay on the ground not far from him and she could tell from his hair that he'd been wearing some kind of headgear.

Something tugged at Rita's heart, but she ignored it. She hit Iain's shoulder with slightly more force but not too much. It was possible he'd injured his shoulder when he was flung from the helicopter – if that was what had happened. He gave no signs of pain but no signs of anything else either.

"Iain!" She caught his head in her hands. "Iain, listen to me."

Something changed in his eyes. They seemed to focus. "Get away from me!" he shouted.

* * *

Cal knew the patients around him were injured and upset and wouldn't know Ethan anyway, but he still asked them. He asked everyone he saw. "Have you seen my brother? He's short with blond hair and glasses and he's wearing stupid jeans." No-one had seen him, but Cal knew that might be because of how shocked they were. He kept asking; kept looking around him. He hadn't seen any other doctor apart from Lily.

He heard someone shouting and his head whipped around. The action made him dizzy, but only for a moment. He realised Iain was the one shouting. Rita was telling him to calm down.

"Have you seen Ethan?" asked Cal. He was trembling hard and the pain in his head was increasing, but it didn't matter. He had to find Ethan. He might have gone into the hospital or he might be treating casualties in the pub, but Cal didn't think so.

Something had happened to Ethan. Whatever it was remained locked in his brain – if he had ever known it - but he knew Ethan had to be found.

If a disaster like this happened, Ethan would always help. If he wasn't helping, then something was preventing him and considering Cal had been caught up in the accident, it wasn't unlikely that Ethan had been too.

"No, sorry: I haven't seen him," said Rita. "He might have gone into the ED. Sit down, Cal, and I'll see to you in a minute."

Cal couldn't smile at idea of Rita 'seeing to him'. He didn't know if he would ever smile again. So many lives had been torn apart today.

He stopped and frowned, wondering who he meant. It seemed likely that everyone who'd been caught up in the accident had had their lives torn apart, but he didn't think he'd meant that.

He felt something tremble in the corner of his mind, but then it was gone.

Cal stumbled on, his disorientated gaze sweeping the area. He couldn't remember who he'd asked now. Those two people sitting down, holding on to each other: had he already spoken to them? He didn't know. He heard someone call his name. Robyn put his arm around him and tried to get him to sit down.

"I've got to find Ethan!" said Cal, but his body felt weak. He half-fell to the ground with Robyn supporting him.

"You need to sit down for a bit, Cal." Robyn looked concerned. "You really don't look good."

"Would you look good if it was Max who was missing?" snapped Cal.

Robyn stared at him, the colour draining from her face as she started to shake. "I haven't seen him. I haven't seen Max! How could I not have…" Her lip trembled, her eyes full of unshed tears.

"We've had a shock," said Cal. "I didn't know Ethan was missing till you said his name. But he is missing and… oh God. Oh, Ethan."

A tear slipped down Robyn's cheek, but she wiped it away and gripped Cal's hand. "We'll find them, Cal. We'll find them. It's difficult to know anything much at the moment. They could be in the pub; in the hospital; on the other side of the helicopter. But we'll find them. We've just got to keep telling ourselves they're okay."

* * *

Zoe could hear his voice. Begging her.

She smiled to herself. She liked it when Max begged and she was very good at making it happen.

But… something was different.

The fact she ached all over meant nothing. She quite often did ache all over after a night with Max.

But she and Max weren't a couple anymore and Max sounded more upset than excited.

 _And aren't we in different countries anyway?_

Zoe dragged her eyes open and looked up into his distraught face.

"Zoe!" he gasped. "Zoe, please tell me you're all right."

Zoe looked at him in concern, about to ask what was wrong, but then she remembered.

The noise. The room shaking. Falling to the floor. And then…

Max took her hands. "Zoe, are you okay?"

"I think I'm a bit bruised," said Zoe. "All over. But…" She sat up slowly, testing her arms and legs, and looked around the room in shock. She wasn't surprised to find herself here – there weren't many rooms in the ED she and Max hadn't spent time in. Another memory flashed into her mind and she looked at Max in horror. "Oh God. It was the helicopter, wasn't it? _Grace's_ helicopter."

"I don't know," said Max. "It could have been any helicopter and it wasn't necessarily the helicopter that crashed…"

Zoe looked at him sadly. "Oh, Max, what else could it have been?" She got to her feet, wincing slightly but not really caring about the pain. Anyone with her taste in footwear had a pretty high tolerance to pain. "I've got to go to Connie. Things were bad enough before, but now…"

She broke off as she saw the door.

Or the very little of the door that was still visible.

Max saw the look on her face and turned. He sighed and put his arm around Zoe's shoulders. It felt natural and right, especially when she leaned against him. "I really can't see us getting through that."

Zoe looked at the pile of rubble and had to agree. "We might be able to clear it away. I'm stronger than I look and you're a porter…"

"We'll try the window," said Max, patting her shoulder.

Zoe nodded and smiled, feeling some of her shock fade at Max's support. "Okay."

They hurried towards it, only for Zoe to gasp and haul Max away as she heard a crack above them. The ceiling creaked and groaned and then shattered and once more, the room was showered with plaster.


	6. Chapter 6

**X-Sammii-X** , I think Louise is very vulnerable, but she does a very good job of hiding it. I think Duffy will be a good influence, but I really wanted to show the best sides of Lily in this story. Rita is lovely and she's the ideal person to help Iain if he'll let her. Max has lost Zoe too many times already. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I can't quite see Lily giving Louise a hug (or Louise accepting a hug from Lily), but I think her strong and forceful way of speaking could be positive and helpful in the right circumstances. Maybe it will give Cal and Robyn some comfort to have someone who understands how they feel.

 **Guest** , I think Zoe is still Max's favourite too! She is a brilliant character and I really miss her - I hope she will come back one day. I really like Elle, but she's not the same as Zoe! Thank you for your review.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , thank you for your review. I love it when Cal puts Ethan first. I think he always did in a way, but often it was only after he'd convinced himself Ethan wanted the same thing as he did! I love Cal though. His flaws make him perfect. Iain has Rita to help him - though whether that's a good thing is open to question!

 **Tanith Panic** , it would be very tragic if Max and Zoe died now - or if Cal lost Ethan, for that matter - but I do like a bit of tragedy. Usually. I'm enjoying writing Lily in a positive way - I really hope she'll get some positive storylines from the real writers too. Lofty is completely squished. Didn't I tell you? Thank you for your review.

 **p3rfectlyn0rmalx** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you're enjoying this. I just felt like making some of the other characters suffer a bit more!

 **20BlueRoses** , I always thought Ethan would look incredible in anything - or nothing - but those jeans didn't suit him at all! Cal was very worried about Ethan in the episode, but I couldn't resist making the situation a bit worse. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **earthling1970** , **Casualtyfan9** and **p3rfectlyn0rmalx** for the follows and favourite._

* * *

Max grabbed Zoe around the waist and pulled her away from the window as plaster and metal continued to fall. There was a spark of electricity and they stood, frozen to the spot. For a moment, Max couldn't even breathe. If the room caught fire, he didn't know what they'd do.

A large chunk of ceiling hit Zoe on the arm. She gasped in pain and Max finally came back to life.

"Into the corner!" he said. They ran to the far corner and stood with their arms around each other. They could hear the noise behind them as the ceiling disintegrated and a part of Max wanted to look, but he kept his face turned away and held Zoe more tightly. They heard another crackle and Max suddenly realised that he and Zoe might not get out of this alive.

This led him to wonder about their friends.

A helicopter crash was always serious and it had obviously hit the ED. Anyone in the waiting room, as well as everyone standing outside awaiting the arrival of the helicopter, would have been in danger.

And Grace, of course. Only ten years old and fighting for her life even before the helicopter had fallen.

Max closed his eyes. Minutes before, he'd only been praying for Zoe to be all right, but now he thought of his other friends. Cal, Ethan, Jez. And Robyn: oh God, his sister. She could be out there too.

Max gripped Zoe more tightly and held his face close to his, speaking to her over the noise. "I love you, Zoe. Whatever happens to us, I love you."

He felt Zoe quiver in his arms and she lifted her face to his. "I love you too, Max."

* * *

"We've been hit!"

Iain gasped as he felt the helicopter tilt. He glanced briefly at the pilot, but then his gaze went back to Grace. She'd done so well to hang on for so long, but he couldn't see her surviving another trauma.

 _Please don't let us crash. Please keep control of the helicopter._

 _I don't care about me, but Grace is just a child and she's been through so much already._

"Iain! Iain!"

He heard her voice in his mind. He'd hoped never to hear her voice again, so why was he thinking of her now when he could be about to die?

"Iain, listen to me," said Rita. "I need you to listen."

Was he dead already? Did God have Rita's voice or was this his own private hell with the woman who (albeit in various ways) had done nothing but drive him crazy?

"Hold on, Grace," said Iain. "Hold on for me. Hold on for your mum."

He felt hands gripping his arms, but that was impossible. There was no-one there to hold them.

The helicopter began its descent.

* * *

What had happened?

He opened his eyes and looked around. Something was lying on him. Something heavy. He breathed in and out once or twice and was relieved to find he still could. He had no idea what had happened, but he had a feeling he was lucky.

Lofty thought back to the last few minutes he could remember. He remembered falling backwards. He remembered something falling towards him: probably a bookcase. There were books all around him, as well as paper, furniture and just about everything else.

But why had it happened?

He couldn't think what could have caused this. A bomb, perhaps? There had been a bomb last year in the main part of the hospital. There had also been explosions following Zoe's wedding, a year ago now. That had begun as a fire.

Lofty breathed in again, but he couldn't smell smoke. Considering he couldn't move, that was a relief. He was uncomfortable and he could feel pain in his head, his back, his arms, his legs… everywhere hurt. All he could do was wait until somebody came and he realised that could be a while.

Only Dylan knew he was here – and he doubted Dylan would have told anyone. Everyone would be busy now, in any case. Dealing with whatever had happened. He hoped that, as the night drew on, Dylan would realise he wasn't there and become concerned, but what if Dylan hadn't gone to the party? What if he had no idea of what had happened?

Lofty felt chills running through his body, but he was used to functioning under stress. He let his professionalism rise to the surface as he pushed away his fears. He tried to move his arms from left to right, but he couldn't. He pushed upwards with them instead, hoping to lift the bookcase, but all that did was hurt his arms. He tried again with his legs – without success.

 _So I am trapped_ , thought Lofty, fighting back panic. _I'm trapped and only one person knows I'm here. Even if he does know about the accident, there's no guarantee he's checked his phone._

He told himself someone would find him eventually. There were worse things than being trapped for hours. As a nurse, he'd treated people every day who'd been through worse.

The thought didn't make him feel better.

* * *

Louise wiped her eyes and looked at Lily. She wasn't sure why the doctor was still there, but Louise found she did feel a bit better.

"You will be okay," said Lily, her voice firm.

"Yeah…" Louise knew that 'okay' was an exaggeration. She didn't see how any of them could be okay for a long time.

Lily spoke gently. "We must continue our work now. The triage area has been set up in the pub."

Louise nodded: she'd heard Charlie telling Lily. He'd also asked Lily to leave Louise and get on with helping people, but Lily hadn't. "I'm okay now. Thanks."

Lily didn't often show emotion, but her relief was plain. "If you are struggling, come and look for me."

She didn't smile, but her eyes met Louise's for a fraction of a second. Then she turned and walked away.

Louise got to her feet and walked over to another casualty. Louise didn't need Lily's help to ascertain that this person was also beyond help. Her injuries were clearly too severe. Louise moved away quickly, moving towards a group of people, lying still, half on top of each other. Louise bent down and extending her hand, preparing herself for the awful moment when no pulse fluttered beneath her fingers.

Then a sound caught her ear.

Louise listened, first in surprise, then in horror. A moment later, she was on her feet and running towards Lily.

Lily heard her coming and turned. "Louise, what is it?"

"Lily." Louise's breathing was laboured: she knew it was partly panic and emotion. "There's a baby."

* * *

Ethan had started to feel scared of calling her name. Every time he stopped and waited and listened, the silence was worse. If Alicia was awake, she would have been able to hear him.

But she wasn't awake. And that meant she needed him even more.

Fear and determination gave Ethan some of the strength he'd lacked before. He shoved hard at the object that had his pinioned, using his arms, shoulders and chest to force it away from him. In the millisecond before it dropped, he panicked that perhaps Alicia was closer than he'd thought and he might be in danger of dropping something on her head, but the sound of it hitting concrete and landing squarely on the ground reassured him.

Ethan's chest hurt, but he hoped he'd got free quickly enough to prevent a serious crush injury. He couldn't sit all the way up, but his arms were free. One was hurting quite a lot and he knew it could be broken, but he'd used it to lift the thing off his chest. He could use it again. Gritting his teeth, he reached for the large piece of wood that was on top of his knee. He pushed and strained, but it refused to move. Ethan hit it in frustration and then cried out in pain as he jarred his knee, but he knew it was no use.

He couldn't move it. He couldn't get to Alicia.

" _Alicia_!" he screamed out in frustration and terror, but there was still no reply and the name got stuck in his throat, making him cough.

Once he'd stopped, he tried to calm himself. He was in a better position than he'd been in before. He could now sit up and had one working arm – two if the situation was desperate. He might be able to see Alicia even if he couldn't reach her. If he could just reassure himself she was alive…

He took of his glasses and wiped the moisture from his eyes, telling himself it was probably caused by dust. He wiped his glasses on his top. It was difficult putting his them back on one-handed, but he'd done it before.

He looked around and his breath caught in his throat as he saw her.

* * *

Cal gratefully grasped hold of the door of the pub and pulled it open, leaning heavily on the doorframe as he looked around. Charlie and Fletch seemed to have taken control. Duffy was helping too. So were several people he didn't recognise.

But there was no Ethan.

Cal reached out for chairs and tables to support him as he made his way towards Charlie. "Charlie, have you seen him?"

Charlie turned to face him. There was strain on his face and it was the few times Cal was aware of Charlie's age. He might not look like a spring chicken, but he had so much energy and vitality, he somehow gave the impression of being a much younger man – yet with the wisdom of one considerably older. "I haven't seen Ethan. Are you okay?"

"No! I've lost my brother!" Cal gripped the edge of a table tightly as his legs threatened to let him down.

"Sit down, Cal." Charlie helped him into a chair and bent to examine his head wound. "You'd better stay here: you need treatment. A couple of my former colleagues arrived together a few minutes ago: they're both doctors. I'm sure you'll forgive me for not introducing you now."

Cal let his head fall into his hands. Charlie patted his shoulder and returned to the patient he was treating, but Cal knew he couldn't stay here. Ethan was still missing – and he wasn't about to let a little thing like being clipped by a propeller get between him and his brother.


	7. Chapter 7

**InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I think Cal is more hurt than he realises - though even if he did realise, I'm not sure it would stop him from looking for Ethan. As you say, Cal is very stubborn! And he loves Ethan. As for Alicia, let's just say Ethan might have to reduce his own dislocation in this reality.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Cal and Ethan are different in some ways, but I think they'd both put other people's welfare above their own

 **Guest** , I'm afraid I do quite like writing cliffhangers, but at least I shouldn't have to keep you waiting more than a day! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , it must be really emotional finding a baby - especially as they might easily not have found it until it was too late. Iain might have trouble accepting Rita's help, but I don't think she'll give up easily. Ethan will be devastated if anything happens to Alicia - or Cal, for that matter. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for all your reviews. Cal is in 'fight or flight' mode - at least this time, he's fighting! I think it's great that your school taught first aid, but it does sound like a frightening way of teaching children. Iain does need to accept Rita's help, but he probably doesn't realise he needs it. I'm so glad you think the story is realistic! I think they'll all be changed by what has happened.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. There are some storylines I like more than others, but I do want to make them all equally important and I'm so glad it seems to be working. Iain is difficult as I've never written him before, but luckily, he doesn't have to be too much in character! I think Lily and Louise are alike in some ways.

 **Tato Potato** , it's great to see you back on the site and I'm glad you're enjoying this story. I think it's likely that at least one of the things you're hoping for will happen - I think some of them should have as happy an ending as possible under the circumstances! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **RejectingReality12** for the follow._

* * *

Lily considered sending Louise away, but she thought she might need her. She could hear the baby now: a thin, bewildered wail that stirred Lily's emotions in a way she wouldn't have expected. "It must be buried under the people."

Together, she and Louise searched through the mound of people (even Lily balked at calling them bodies), supporting their heads as they rolled them aside but not taking the time to check whether they were alive. The baby was their priority.

"It must be under here!" said Louise, as they rolled over the last person, but there was no sign of the baby. "Where it is?"

"Perhaps it became separated from its parents," said Lily. "We will continue to search, but we'll use our ears this time, not our eyes."

Louise nodded. They traced the sound of crying to a small pile of collapsed pieces of scaffolding. Lily's throat ached as she tried not to think about what would have happened if Louise hadn't heard the sound of crying. She and Louise worked together, lifting two large pieces of wood and throwing them aside. They'd fallen in such a way, a tiny den was created for the baby.

Lily knew they were very lucky that was the case.

The baby looked up at Lily, its eyes wide and helpless.

"Is it okay?" Louise asked, anxiously.

Lily lifted her in her arms – she was dressed in pink and wearing a dress, so Lily could be reasonably sure she was a girl. "She's a bit distressed. It's understandable, but there could be an injury too."

A shadow crossed Louise's face. "I'll let you examine her."

Lily considered. It would make more sense, but if Louise helped, perhaps they could turn this into a positive baby experience.

"It's okay," said Lily softly. "We're going to look after you." She tried not to think about the fact that the baby girl might not have her parents anymore. "Louise, please take the baby while I examine the adults: I suspect there is nothing we can do for any of them, but we mustn't assume."

"I can do it." Louise went over to a man lying on the ground and checked his pulse. "Nothing." She tried the others with the same result. Her voice shook as she reported her findings to Louise. "Some I think we really can't help, but maybe one or two…shall I begin CPR?"

"Yes, please," said Lily, her eyes on the baby. She was so beautiful. The crying had calmed to small whimpers and she was looking up at Lily almost trustingly. "It's okay, baby. It's okay. My name is Lily and my friend is called Louise." She wondered what she was doing. The baby would hardly understand. But perhaps the sound of a human voice would help. "We will look after you. Whatever happens, you will be safe."

* * *

Cal managed to get out of the pub without Charlie seeing him, but when he reached the ED, the strength in his legs finally gave out and he collapsed on the ground. His head pulsed violently and the world went dark.

"Cal, there you are!" It was Robyn again. She really seemed to be everywhere. "Are you okay?"

Her face swam into focus. "I'm fine," said Cal.

"Let me examine you," said Robyn.

"Have you seen Ethan?"

Robyn shook her head sadly. "I haven't seen him. I'm sorry. I haven't seen Alicia either. I think they were together."

An image flashed into Cal's mind: Ethan and Alicia standing together. He knew it was a memory from today because Ethan was wearing his jeans. "Yes. They were together." He fought for some more of the memory: perhaps it would give them a clue to Ethan's whereabouts.

But the picture in his mind had gone. Cal felt his body slump forward

"Cal, can I have a look at your head, please?" said Robyn.

Cal shook his head, wincing as the giddiness increased. "There's no time, Robyn. I have to find Ethan."

"But you obviously need a rest, so maybe I could have a look while you're thinking about where he might be?" suggested Robyn.

"Okay." Cal needed to think. He had to try to get that memory back. Actually, any memory would be good. Any memory that might help him find Ethan.

He felt Robyn's gentle hands on his face. "This looks nasty, Cal. Do you remember what happened?"

"I was in the pub with Ethan."

"You don't remember anything after that?" asked Robyn.

"I've already told you I didn't!" shouted Cal. He saw the hurt on Robyn's face which she quickly tried to mask, and felt guilty. "Sorry."

Robyn squeezed his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. We've been through a lot and you must be terrified about Ethan. Believe me, I've had worse than that shouted at me."

Cal looked at her gratefully, though he couldn't muster a smile.

"Do you think maybe Ethan and Alicia went off somewhere together?" suggested Robyn. "Before all this happened?" She waved her hand towards the helicopter but avoided looking at it.

"Doesn't seem like Ethan." Cal couldn't imagine Ethan running off with a girl when Connie and Grace's lives were in danger. But then again, Ethan had done so many things recently that Cal would never have imagined.

Robyn said nothing, but Cal knew she was thinking the same thing. Ethan had changed so much since his diagnosis. Cal wasn't sure it was for the better, but none of that mattered. Ethan was still his little brother and he loved him.

"Do you think they might be inside?" he asked. "Helping with Connie? Getting a bed ready for Grace?"

"They could be," said Robyn doubtfully.

Cal moved her hand gently aside and stood up. "I'll check inside."

"Cal, you can't," said Robyn. She stood up two and put her hands on his arms. "You're hurt. You need to come with me to the pub."

* * *

"Iain!" Rita's voice was strident. She shook him by the shoulders, her heart aching as he flinched away from her.

"Hold on for me," said Iain, his eyes fixed on Rita's knee. "Hold on for your mum." He reached out, his hand closing around Rita's knee.

Rita hated herself for shivering at his touch.

"I'm right here," said Iain, leaning over Rita. "Whatever happens, I'm going to be right there…"

"GRACE!" came a shout from behind Rita, and Jacob rushed forward, trying to get onto the helicopter.

"No, Jacob, don't go in there," said Rita, letting go of Iain.

"But Grace is in there!"

"I know she is, but we need to wait for the helicopter to be made safe," said Rita.

Jacob pushed her aside and pulled himself up into the helicopter. The machine shuddered and sparked, but Jacob somehow hung on.

"Jacob, come down!" said Rita, but he ignored her. He didn't even seem to have realised she shouldn't be here – but who could blame him? thought Rita, her eyes filling. _He loves that little girl and he loves her mother even more._

The sound of running feet drew her attention and she swung round. Iain was moving away from her. His body was hunched over and he ran in a strange, zig-zag pattern. Rita was torn. Jacob was putting himself in danger and if he injured himself – or if he managed to get Grace out safely – he was going to need help.

But Iain needed help toof. He didn't know where he was. He could go anywhere and do anything.

And Rita loved him, as Jacob loved Connie.

* * *

His face was so close to hers – and they could be about to die. Zoe didn't want to waste the moment.

They'd wasted far, far too many moments already.

She looked into his eyes and knew he was having the same thoughts. If these were their last moments, they wanted to make them special.

But then an idea came to her and she knew she couldn't ignore it. Not when the idea could save Max.

Zoe pulled her phone out of her pocket, making a sound of frustration as she saw the smashed screen. She pressed buttons anyway, desperately trying to make it work, but it was no good. She flung it to the floor. "What about your phone, Max?"

Max hastily felt in his pocket. It looked in perfect condition. He and Zoe shared a smile of relief as Max pressed the keys to unlock it, but nothing happened. He tried again. "Maybe it got switched off."

Maybe it had – but Zoe had an awful feeling…

"Or maybe it did get damaged," said Max, but without conviction

Zoe raised her voice. "Or maybe you forgot to charge it _again_!"

"Hey, that's not fair!" said Max. "I'm getting quite good at charging it now."

"But not when it matters, Max." Zoe spat the words angrily at him, but her main emotion was fear. "Not when it matters."

* * *

Ethan listened hard, but he couldn't hear or see any signs that Alicia was breathing. He tried calling her name again, but he knew there would be no response.

He could do nothing from this distance – but he couldn't stand by and watch her die. He couldn't.

He sat up again and grabbed hold of the thing pinning him down. He shouted out in agony as he pushed with his injured arm, and then again as the object pressed into his knee, but something moved. He took a moment to catch his breath, blink some tears away and allow the pain to fade a bit, then he shoved hard again.

He didn't seem to be getting any closer to freeing his leg, but the object and his leg seemed to be moving together. He pushed again and covered a few more inches. "Alicia, I'm coming," he groaned. He felt faint and sick, but he knew he couldn't give up. In between movements, he reached out with his good arm.

At last; at long last, he felt soft, blonde hair under his fingertips. He was nearly sobbing with pain now, but he'd got so close. He couldn't give up now. With one almighty push, he moved again. The scream of agony that emanated from his throat seemed to echo around the room and for a moment, he began to hope that someone might have heard it, but he heard nothing but silence and his own breathing.

"I'm here, Alicia," he whispered, his voice choked with tears. "You're going to be okay."

But he knew it could very easily not be true.


	8. Chapter 8

**CBloom2** , you're not awful at all! I don't care about Alicia either. I'm just using her to make Ethan suffer a little bit more. Now, that really does sound awful! I can't really see myself writing them a happy ending, though stranger things have happened! Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm sure you and Robyn aren't the only people who think Cal needs his head examined! Rita will definitely want to follow Iain, but she might feel Jacob needs her. Ethan is brave. I still can't believe what he did on the Ferris wheel! He's amazing. Alicia doesn't know how lucky she is. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , it must be horrible finding an orphaned baby like that, though it would be even worse if the baby wasn't alive. Ethan is just amazing - his determination to get to Alicia might not be entirely professional, but he does whatever he can to help people. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I love how caring Rita is - she's human and she makes mistakes, but she's very kind. Iain is really lucky and he needs to realise that! I'm glad you think the phone thing is typical of Max. Cal somehow seems to know Ethan needs help - and he's right!

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. They probably are used to being brave and unselfish as part of their jobs, but I feel at the ED, they really do care about each other so they can't switch off and be professional as they can with the patients. It shows the strength of the team, but it's also a vulnerability.

 **Guest** , I was just about to update when I got your review. There are two segments of Ethan and Alicia in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy them - if that's the right word! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Rita moved quickly, feeling guilty for ignoring Jacob but knowing she had to get to Iain. Jacob was going through something terrible, but Iain wasn't himself. He didn't know where he was.

She paused for a moment by the ambulance station. It was a mess. The scaffolding outside it had collapsed and from the look of it, some of the main wall had too.

She shivered. What if Iain had been in there when the helicopter had crashed? What was happening to Iain now was awful, but at least he was alive. Thank God there had been no-one in there. Rita didn't want to think about what might have happened.

Rita kept on walking, her eyes moving left and right. She rounded the side of the hospital and stopped.

Someone was there, crouching by the side of the hospital. Rita couldn't see his face, but she didn't need to.

She would always recognise the man she loved.

She hurried to his sideHe was muttering to himself. Rita couldn't catch what he was saying, but he thought one of the words might have been 'Grace'.

"You did everything you could, sweetheart," said Rita. "You got her into the helicopter and I think Jacob's getting her out now. They'll get her into Resus and do everything they can."

Iain lifted his head sharply. His eyes were bright and feverish, but they looked through Rita, rather than at her. He slowly got to his feet, one hand braced against the wall.

"Iain, can you hear me?" said Rita.

Iain started to run.

* * *

He had to get his knee free. It didn't matter how much it hurt. Alicia needed medical help and he was a doctor.

Ethan shoved at the thing trapping his knee, trying to move his leg to the side at the same time. He knew he was making a terrible noise – groaning and screaming and yelping with pain, but he didn't care. Sweat was pouring down his face, which he suspected was either white or green. His eyes streamed with tears, mingling with the sweat.

He wanted so badly to stop because then the pain would lessen, but every second could be critical for Alicia.

With another almighty push and something between a shriek and a roar, Ethan managed to free himself. For a moment, he stood panting and sobbing, trying to persuade himself he wasn't going to vomit. As soon as his stomach had settled slightly, he started to move. His knee was agony and he knew he should try to reduce the dislocation, but the injury wasn't life-threatening and Alicia had to be his priority.

Ethan propelled himself to Alicia's side, fighting back another wave of nausea. He pushed the hair back from her face, which looked pale and slack. So different from the beautiful girl he'd gone outside to comfort, but his feelings were the same. He wanted to protect her. From everything.

He still didn't trust himself to lean too close, but he felt for the pulse in her neck. It was weak and fluttery, but it was there. Now he was closer, he could hear her rapid, shallow breaths.

"Alicia?" whispered Ethan. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Alicia, can you hear me?"

* * *

Louise blinked away tears as she turned back to Lily and the baby. "I think we've lost them all."

"You did everything you could," said Lily. She was holding the baby in her arms, rocking her gently.

"So, this baby… she's lost her parents?" said Louise, almost unable to bear it. She looked back at the bodies. "I've got to try again. I've _got_ to help them. We'll make a stretcher somehow and take them to the pub. Or send them to St James'. I'll call an ambulance."

Lily hesitated. Just for a moment, Louise saw uncertainty: something she didn't think she'd ever seen on Lily Chao's face before. Then her face became set and determined once more. "No, Louise. There's nothing we can do for them. We need to think of the baby."

Louise looked at the bodies again. Some of them were hopelessly mangled. She knew, as a nurse, that there was no hope of getting them back. But as a human being… "I don't want to let another baby down."

Lily held out the baby. "Then don't let this one down. Look after her. Do everything you can for her."

Louise looked at the baby in panic. She was a beautiful little girl, but it was a task she regarded with terror. "What if I do something wrong?"

"All new parents make mistakes," said Lily. "It's natural for you – even as a trained nurse – to make mistakes too. But I know you will do everything you can to keep the baby safe."

"Of course I will," said Louise. She would have done it anyway, but as she looked at the baby, something stirred in her heart. She was so beautiful and tiny. She'd lost her parents, but that only meant she needed more love and care for Louise. And despite all her fears, Louise found she wanted to do it.

Lily nodded in satisfaction, but there was something else in her eyes too: something close to admiration. "I know you will care for the baby very well. I will look through the bags belonging to the accident victims. Whoever was looking after her probably has nappies and possibly milk formula."

"Should we do that?" said Louise doubtfully. "I mean, this is a crime scene."

"Our job is to preserve life," said Lily.

Louise couldn't argue with that – and there were so many lives they hadn't preserved today. She rocked the baby in her arms. The baby gave a small cry. "It's okay, sweetheart. I'm going to look after you. You're safe with Auntie Louise." She smiled at the baby and tickled her under the chin, amazed to find herself doing such a thing.

Lily bent down and started to search through the bags, but a sound had caught Louise's ear. A sound that worried her.

"Lily? I don't like the sound of her breathing."

* * *

Zoe looked into Max's miserable face. She knew it was unfair to blame him. She didn't doubt that Max had had a very big role to play in organising Charlie's party. He'd probably been working on it for weeks. It wasn't surprising if he forgot things.

She touched his cheek and spoke softly. "I'm sorry, Max."

Max's gentle smile warmed her heart. "Don't be sorry, Zoe. None of this is your fault."

"I mean I'm sorry for having a go at you about your phone," said Zoe.

"Don't be sorry for that either," said Max. "You're right: I should have made sure I charged it last night. I didn't know this was going to happen, but I might have known something would go wrong."

"How could you know that?" asked Zoe, raising her voice slightly as another chunk of ceiling fell. The crack in the ceiling was growing. It wouldn't be long until it reached them, but Zoe felt strangely calm. She didn't want to be in this situation and she especially didn't want Max to be here, but she felt happier and more at peace than she'd done for a long time.

Max's eyes lit with humour. "It's the law of Holby, isn't it? If you're planning anything special, you can be sure it will go wrong. Especially on a Saturday."

Zoe laughed. She didn't know why she was laughing when they could be about to die, but she felt so happy.

* * *

Alicia could tell something was wrong.

She wasn't fully awake, but there were warning signals going off in her brain. She lay for a moment with her eyes closed, trying to assess how she was feeling.

Not good, she realised. She felt as though something – or possibly someone? – was lying on top of her. Her head felt as though it was being attacked with hammers and she felt woozy.

 _Am I ill?_ she wondered, her eyes still closed. _Or am I just hungover?_

"You're going to be okay," said a soft voice. "You're going to be fine. I'm going to do everything I can to get you out of here and then you'll need a little bit of medical attention, but I'm going to look after you."

 _Medical attention?_ thought Alicia. This thought was followed by: _So I'm not at home then?_

She felt mildly curious about where she was, but fear was beginning to creep in now. It sounded like she'd had an accident. Possibly quite a bad one. If she opened her eyes, she would have to face whatever had happened and something in her mind was telling her she didn't want to.

Her eyelids felt heavy too, which was another reason to keep them closed, and she also felt quite spaced-out and dizzy.

"I'm right here and I'm not going to leave you," said the voice, which sounded familiar. "I'll do everything I can for you." The voice wobbled and Alicia heard something like a sob.

 _Ethan…_ she thought. It was Ethan's voice and he was worried about her. She tried to speak, but nothing came out. She wasn't sure if she was even moving her mouth.

"Oh, please be okay." Ethan's voice was trembling hard, and Alicia heard helpless, hopeless sobs. "Please hold on for me, Alicia. I can't lose you too."

* * *

It was difficult to shout with something pressing on your chest. Particularly when the room was full of tiny particles of dust that caught in his throat. But Lofty tried his best.

He felt slightly guilty, not wanting to take anyone else away from their job. The ED must be full to capacity – assuming it hadn't been evacuated.

But once Lofty was out, perhaps he'd be able to help. He could hold a hand and offer words of comfort even if he was too seriously injured to move very much.

"HELP!" he called out again, but the only response was silence.


	9. Chapter 9

**X-Sammii-X** , Louise does have an attitude, but she's also very loyal and protective - those would be good qualities to have if she becomes a mum. Ethan has only been interested in Alicia for a few moments, but nothing strengthens your emotions like a near-death experience! You should update your Zoe fanfic! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the Lily and Louise scenes. Alicia is in a bad way and so is the baby, but they do have a couple of brilliant doctors to look after them - and Louise is a pretty good nurse when she drops the attitude!

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. Rita might have trouble chasing a full-strength Iain, but as it is, she definitely has a good chance of catching him! Alicia is looking slightly more alive than she did a minute ago, so perhaps things will improve. I'm really happy you enjoyed the chapter.

 **Tanith Panic** , Lofty is so lovely - I just know he'd be thinking of everyone else! I was a bit worried about why Zoe and Max weren't making a bit more effort to escape, but then I had the idea that this is probably the happiest they've been for months; the only time things have felt 'right'. I'm so glad it works! I really wanted to give Lily a positive storyline and it's lovely that you (and others) like it. You could be right about Iain... Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you so much! I've read a few great fanfics based on the crash so that really means a lot. I hope you continue to enjoy it. There's no Alicia in this chapter, I'm afraid, but she'll be in the next three at least. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , I love reading your reviews, but I'm so happy you're reading and enjoying the story.. Alicia probably is the least healthy at the moment, but that could change. I'm really glad you like Lofty's storyline - it is quite difficult writing about someone who can't move and has no-one to speak to, but I don't want the readers to forget the poor man too! It's impossible not to worry about Cal and Ethan sometimes! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Louise was right. The baby's breathing didn't sound right at all and lips and earlobes had a slight blue tinge.

"It might be a problem with her airway," said Lily. She looked into another bag and felt close to tears of relief when she realised it clearly belonged to the baby. She took out a pink blanket and laid it on the ground.

Louise gently lowered the baby onto the blanket. Lily noted the care she took over it; the light, comforting touch to the baby's cheek.

"Is it my fault?" said Louise, her voice trembling. "Was I holding her wrong?"

"No. You were holding her correctly." Lily opened the baby's airway. As she mentally went through possible causes of the problem, she realised with shock that she'd neglected to check the baby for injury. She'd assumed the baby was safe from harm because although she'd been buried, she'd had her own little cavity.

But what if Lily was wrong and she had been crushed?

Lily gently touched the baby's chest. Slowly, she ran her fingers along her clavicles, ribs and sternum. There were no obvious fractures, though she couldn't be sure without a scan. She listened to the baby's chest but could hear no crackles. There were no problems with the breathing other than the rapidity and a slight gasping quality. But there could be internal bleeding.

And there was something else odd too... just a whisper in the back of her mind that something wasn't right...

She felt so powerless – but she couldn't dwell on that now. She though instead of other possible causes of hypoxia. There were nothing visible to suggest the airway was blocked and no red puffiness about the face, but again, she couldn't be sure without a scan. The other possibility that came to mind was inhalation of fumes…

"Do you know what kind of fuel is used by helicopters?" asked Lily.

Louise stared at her. "No idea. Why?"

"I'm wondering if she might have inhaled fumes from the helicopter," said Lily.

Louise looked confused. "But the problem wasn't with the engine, was it? It was the missile."

"Yes, but it's possible the engine was damaged on landing," said Lily.

"Shall I google helicopter fuel?"

"Yes, please," said Lily with a nod of approval. "The fuel might contain carbon monoxide – which we obviously wouldn't be able to smell."

Louise typed busily into her phone. "Helicopters use diesel..."

"Carbon monoxide poisoning from diesel is not common, but it does happen," said Lily. "And a baby would be particularly at risk."

"We'd better clear the area," said Louise. "And alert Charlie too."

Lily didn't want to move the baby given the possibility that she might have suffered a crush injury, but Louise was right. Lily carefully lifted the baby, supporting her head and back. "We'll take care of the baby first. Bring the bag, please."

Louise picked up the bag and followed Lily.

"If she was exposed to a high level of carbon monoxide, that would explain the hypoxia and the breathing difficulties," said Lily. "If that's the problem, we need to call for an ambulance and get her to St James'."

Louise glanced uncertainly to the ED. "Or we could take her inside. I know Charlie said to close the ED, but if we just have a couple of patients…"

* * *

It was more difficult trying to assess your injuries when they were your own.

It was also more difficult when you could perform neither a visual nor a physical examination. All Lofty had to go on was the pain.

His chest hurt and the pain increased slightly when he breathed in. A couple of fractured ribs seemed likely, though his breathing appeared even. He didn't think it likely that his ribs had punctured his lungs.

Despite everything, Lofty felt relieved about that. He knew that eventually, his friends would find him and he knew the moment would be distressing. He had a feeling it might even be distressing for Dylan, who either hadn't seen the text or hadn't acted on it.

It would be bad enough for them to find him alive. Lofty didn't want them to find him dead.

Lofty felt his breathing quicken, but he did his best to calm himself down and continue his assessment. His arms felt bruised, but they didn't feel as it had felt when he'd broken his arm as a child. His legs felt the same.

 _I'm not badly hurt_ , he thought, but the relief didn't last.

He wasn't hurt and he was a trained nurse. If the incident was half as bad as he was imagining, they would need all the trained medical professionals they could get.

 _But I can't help_ , thought Lofty as tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. _There must be people out there who need me, but there's nothing I can do. All because I wanted to surprise Dylan._

* * *

The trolley was heavy and the ED seemed strangely airless as Cal helped to push Grace through the deserted corridors. It not only looked different but felt different: silent and still and almost eerie. Cal heard the quiet hum of the wheels as the trolley was moved swiftly towards Resus. Grace lay on the trolley, looking pale and tiny, the injuries to her face rendering her almost unrecognisable.

Even now, his mind was partly on Ethan and as they pushed Grace through the corridors, Cal found he was looking around, hoping for a sight of his brother or even Alicia – but his main focus was on getting Grace safely to Resus.

He wanted to be out there, looking for Ethan, but he knew that all his fears for Ethan were exactly what Connie and Jacob were feeling right now. They were both worried about a member of their family. Cal had to do what he could to help him.

Looking at Jacob, Cal could only admire the way the nurse was holding it together. Even when Cal had saved Ethan's life, he'd needed Connie there to guide him and encourage him and make sure he didn't give up.

And that was another reason why Grace was important. Cal might have performed the lifesaving surgery, but he couldn't have done it without Connie. He owed her to do what he could for her little girl now.

At last, they arrived. Cal let go of the trolley and went to hold the doors open. He stumbled slightly on the way and felt a sudden, sharp pain in his head, but he ignored it. He watched as Grace was taken to a bay and then let the doors swing closed.

Robyn took his arm "Come on, Cal."

"What?" said Cal, trying to brush her off. "I can't leave now!"

"Cal, I don't think you can really help," said Robyn apologetically.

Jacob spoke from his position close to Grace's side. "We need all the help we can get, Robyn."

"Cal has a head injury," said Robyn. "It might be nothing, but he's collapsed at least once. I don't think he's well enough to help in Resus."

"It's not serious," said Cal. "I'll be fine."

"Robyn's right," said Dylan. "We can't take any risks. We'll manage. Though if you happen to know where Ethan is…"

Cal's eyes fell closed as he shook his aching head. _If only_ he knew where Ethan was.

* * *

Rita needed all her nurse's training to keep herself calm. Iain's head moved this way and that as he muttered to himself. Rita had thought at first that in his head, he was still in the helicopter with Grace, but now she wasn't sure. Iain hadn't mentioned Grace's name for some time and he wasn't behaving as though he was caring for a patient.

She stroked his shoulder gently. "Iain. Please listen to me. I need you to listen. You're at the ED. You've just been in a helicopter accident. We need to get you inside and get you checked out. Okay?"

There was no sign that Iain had heard. He didn't seem aware of her presence at all. "I've got to… I've got to… no. Wrong. Other way."

Rita took Iain's face in her hands and looked into his eyes. The feeling of his skin under her fingers made her quiver, but only until she looked into his unfocused eyes. "Iain. Iain, listen to me. It's not real. You're at the ED and I'm with you."

Iain stood up so suddenly, Rita fell backwards. "NO!" he shouted, backing away from her, his hands held in front of him as though to protect himself. "No, no, no!"

* * *

Max was surprised by how calm he felt. He didn't like thinking that Zoe could be about to die, but he realised there was nothing he could do about that. If these were their last moments together, he wanted to make the most of them.

He smiled at Zoe and saw an answering tilt to her lips. "I suppose we could always have our chat now," he said.

"Well, if we don't have it now…" said Zoe.

"Then let's do it," said Max, trying not to think of something else he'd like to do with Zoe. "But there is one rule. We've got to be completely honest."

Zoe glanced over at the carnage behind them. "There doesn't seem much point in being anything else."

"Okay," said Max. "So, how's America?"

Zoe looked at him in disbelief. "That's it? That's what you've been dying to ask me?"

"It seemed like a good place to start," said Max.

"Okay," said Zoe. "America is… good. The same and different. The emergencies are the same; so are the patients. But it's different. Different words. Different protocols. The doctors there are good and I think they're starting to respect what I bring to the table - but it's not the ED. I don't feel like I'm part of a family. I miss that."

 _Family… a husband and wife are a family._

"That's something that's always made the ED special," said Zoe. "Connie's the mum. Charlie's the dad."

It wasn't what Max had hoped she would say, but he smiled anyway. "Now, that is a disturbing image. I'm really not sure Jacob would go for that."

Zoe's face lit up. "So, they have got back together?"

"With Grace's blessing," said Max.

They both smiled.

Until they remembered.


	10. Chapter 10

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I always like seeing Zoe and Max have a civil conversation - they have such a great connection and anything else is really sad! I think I know what will happen to Grace in this story, but it won't necessarily follow what happens in the episodes. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , listening to other people really isn't one of Cal's talents! Especially not now when he thinks Ethan is in danger. It will be difficult for Rita to cope with Iain alone - we'll just have to hope she realises and accepts that, rather than trying to do everything for the man she loves! Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying it! I don't want to give too much away, but think there will be a lot of people wanting to kill me if Max and Zoe don't sort out their differences, so there's probably quite a good chance that will happen.

 **X-Sammii-X** , it's difficult with a character like Louise - in some ways, I really want her to show her kinder side all the time, but I would miss her attitude. It is horrible for Cal and it's a shame he was hardly in the episode. But if it had included everything I wanted to see, it would have been six hours long! I really hope they will explore Iain's PTSD in the show - it would be very interesting, if very emotional to watch. Thank you for your review.

 **michelle fanfic** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you're still enjoying this. It must be awful for a doctor when they know exactly what's wrong with someone and how to treat it, but for some reason they can't, like Ethan. But not knowing anything at all like Cal must be just as terrifying!

 **CBloom2** , you might have a point about Cal... no-one's been able to examine it properly and I don't usually resist the opportunity to make things a bit worse for Cal. I'm glad you like the way I'm weaving everyone's stories together - hopefully I won't end up with someone in two places at once! Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you like the way I write Zoe and Max - I don't find them easy to write and I haven't seen them together for so long! Yes, that would be just like Cal - to find Ethan and then collapse right in front of him, scaring his poor, injured little brother to death!

* * *

Ethan stroked Alicia's hair as he tried to control his sobs. He hated to see her trapped like that, but there was nothing he could do. Given the size of the thing and the fact it had probably fallen quite a way, there was a real risk of crush injury. If he'd got to her within fifteen minutes of the accident occurring, he could have removed the object safely (assuming he was strong enough), but after that, her injuries were likely to have become even more severe, to the extent where the objects that were crushing her were effectively saving her life by preventing shock from developing.

Ethan had no idea how long ago the accident had occurred. He'd been unconscious for a while and he didn't know how long it had taken him to drag himself across the floor. It had been a risk freeing himself, but he knew he couldn't take the same risk with Alicia.

He looked helplessly around what he now recognised as the ambulance station and wondered what he could do. He couldn't get out. Even if he did try to squeeze his way through, there was a risk of dislodging some of the scaffolding and other objects and causing further damage to Alicia.

 _So what can I do?_

 _Comfort her. That is all I can do._

 _I'm a registrar in an Emergency Department, yet I'm as helpless as a child._

Sniffling, Ethan took his glasses off and wiped his eyes "It's going to be okay, Alicia. Someone will notice we're missing and they'll come looking for us. And then they'll take you into the hospital and look after you."

"E… than?"

Ethan blinked away more tears. Alicia's eyes were still closed. "Alicia, was that you?" He didn't know think anyone else was with them, but it was impossible to be sure. Ethan didn't even want to think about the number of people that could be buried under the wreckage.

Alicia's eyelids fluttered. "E… than."

"I'm here, Alicia," said Ethan. "I'm going to look after you. I promise. Um… can you tell me your name?"

"Dr… Alicia… Munroe," she whispered.

"That's right," said Ethan, his eyes filling with tears again. "Do you know what day it is?"

"Saturday," said Alicia, her voice slurred. "Everything… happens on a Saturday."

* * *

Ethan's phone was still switched off. So was Alicia's. Cal knew this might meant they were busy enjoying themselves and didn't want to be interrupted, but Cal thought it unlikely.

Even in his most-Cal moments, Ethan wouldn't drag Alicia off to bed when Connie and Grace were so badly injured.

That was assuming he was even capable of dragging her anywhere.

"Cal?" Robyn's voice sounded loud and Cal had the impression it wasn't the first time she'd tried to get his attention.

"Yes?" said Cal, trying to fight back the absurd hope that she might have seen Ethan running towards them in perfect health.

Robyn touched his shoulder gently. "Will you come with me to the pub? I'd really like a doctor or at least a more senior nurse to have a look at you."

* * *

Louise felt herself beginning to tremble. She looked around in a panic and saw two figures emerging from the hospital. "I'll get Robyn and Cal to help me clear the area. You take the baby inside."

"No. I need you with me," said Lily. She moved towards the ED doors where Cal and Robyn were standing. "Please clear the area. Possible carbon monoxide leak."

Cal and Robyn stared at her. "Are you sure?" said Cal.

"Just do it," said Lily, and Cal and Robyn set off to do her bidding. "We'll go to Resus."

"Mrs Beauchamp and Grace are probably there," said Louise.

"We won't interfere: we will simply do our…" Lily stopped and looked down at the baby. "Louise, pulse check."

Louise froze. She couldn't lose another baby!

"Louise!" said Lily urgently. "You can do this. I know you can."

Louise held two fingers to the baby's neck. "I can't feel anything."

"I'll put her on the floor," said Lily. Louise sat down too, still trembling, but she knew she mustn't let her fears take control.

Louise bent over the baby and put her mouth tightly around her nose and mouth. She gave one rescue breath, then another. Then she placed a finger on the baby's sternum to begin CPR.

"I wonder how old she is," said Lily. If she was more than a year old, they could use a defibrillator, ideally with paediatric pads, though standard would be acceptable. But not if she was under a year old.

"I don't know anything about babies," puffed Louise.

"I'm wondering if it would be safe to defibrillate," said Lily.

"She's very small," panted Louise.

Lily nodded. "You're right. We can't take the risk. We'll continue with CPR."

* * *

"So how is the ED?" said Zoe.

Max sighed. How could he put it into words how different it was without Zoe? She was a great doctor, but she was so much more than that. "It's really not the same without you."

Zoe's eyes seemed to light up slightly when she said that.

"Everyone seems to be leaving. Mac got addicted to painkillers and left. Rita had a run-in with her ex that really pushed her over the edge and left. Elle accused Charlie of stealing medication and let's say that didn't go down very well with the rest of us – and Ethan still thinks he's Cal." He sighed. "The place is falling apart, Zoe."

Zoe looked up at the crack in the ceiling. "I… noticed."

Max loved the way Zoe could joke about something so serious and yet express the deepest sympathy at the same time. "Connie, Elle and Dylan… they're all great doctors. So are Cal, Ethan and Lily. But they're not _you_. They haven't got your warmth; your sense of humour; your bum… the thing is, Zoe, I've missed you. I've tried to move on, but I can't. There was an agency nurse here earlier and I, um, tried my luck with her. I don't think 'crashed and burned' quite captured how spectacularly I failed. But the only reason I asked her out was because she reminded me of you. She's beautiful and feisty. But she's not you. No-one could ever be you but you."

Zoe had started to frown slightly when he'd talked about Amira, but she was smiling again when she finished. "And there was that other girl too. The one you met online. I never knew I had so many doppelgangers."

"They do both look a bit like you," said Max. "And maybe, for five minutes, I can pretend they are you. Not that I actually got to spend as much as five minutes with them. But in a way, I was glad when Amira walked off like that. Because she's not you and she could never measure up to you. No-one can."

* * *

The air seemed thinner. It probably didn't help that there was something pressing on Lofty's chest, but he was starting to feel lightheaded.

He felt himself beginning to panic, but he tried to calm himself down.

There probably wasn't any change in the air at all. He was probably lightheaded from shock or from pain – though the pain barely registered.

He mostly felt worried.

Something had happened and his friends were out there. Dylan, Max, Robyn, Cal, Ethan, Charlie… they were out there and anything might have happened.

Lofty wondered how many of them he wouldn't see again.

* * *

Rita could tell Iain was about to run. She launched herself at his knees and he collapsed to the floor. She threw her arms around his waist and held him tightly, feeling tears rise to her eyes. Iain was always so strong. So confident. He knew exactly what he wanted. He was happy.

This frightened, vulnerable man was so different, but he was still Iain. Rita wondered if he'd always felt like this; if the fear had always been there under the easy confidence and jokey banter. If so, he'd hidden it well.

"Iain, can't you hear me at all?" she said softly. She moved her hands over his back, but there was no response. Rita leaned forwards and pressed her lips to her cheek – she couldn't consider anything else when he was so vulnerable – but he didn't seem to notice that either.

 _I can't help him_ , realised Rita. _He can't see me. He can't hear me. He doesn't know I'm there._

Keeping one arm around Iain, Rita worked her phone from her pocket and started to scroll through, searching for the names of the ED doctors. Alicia and Ash, as far as she was aware, were long gone and it occurred to Rita that she had no idea who was still at the ED. A lot of people had left this year and Rita's departure wasn't necessarily the most recent.

But Cal was still there, she remembered with relief. She'd seen him herself. She clicked on his name and heard his phone ringing.

"Have you seen Ethan?" Cal said without saying hello.

"No, but I need your help," said Rita.

"I'm sorry: I'm really busy here. Can you ask someone else?" With that, Cal ended the call.

Rita slapped her hand against the ground in frustration, but she didn't really blame Cal. When you loved someone and you didn't know they were safe, nothing else mattered. Rita loved Iain. She knew how Cal felt.

Dylan's phone was switched off. So was Elle's, but some of them were probably working. Rita tried Ethan next, just in case Cal hadn't thought of doing something as simple as phoning his brother, but that was switched off too.

Lily, however, answered. "Yes?" she said, her voice clipped, but Rita was grateful to hear a voice at all.

"Lily, I'm worried about Iain. I think he was in the helicopter and he doesn't seem to know where he is. I don't suppose you could come and assess him?"

"I can't," said Lily shortly. "I'm busy. Charlie has triage set up in the pub. Please be careful when approaching the ED as we suspect carbon monoxide poisoning." There was a click.

Rita stayed where she was for several seconds, the phone still pressed to her ear.

Her first thought was that Lily hadn't even registered that Rita was no longer a member of the ED.

Her second was that she had to help Iain alone.


	11. Chapter 11

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. It must be terrible to lose any patient, but I imagine it's always extra sad when it's a child who would have had their whole life ahead of them. I think Robyn does understand best what Cal is going through - everyone else is sympathetic but distracted. Ethan probably is quite happy and relieved!

 **InfinityAndOne** , Alicia might actually be thinking more clearly than Ethan at the moment, which might give them a chance! We already know that Rita can be very determined when it comes to Iain, so I can't see her giving up on him easily this time either. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **Ixaah11** for the follow._

* * *

Cal helped Robyn to get the last few walking wounded over to the pub. Some of the more seriously injured had been taken to St James'. Although Robyn was most concerned with her own friends, she spared a thought for their counterparts at Holby's other hospital. Robyn had been involved in a Black Alert and it had been extremely challenging. Ethan had been so upset by the experience, he'd nearly quit his job.

She hoped the doctors, nurses and other professionals at St James' were coping.

Cal peaking supportively to the attractive young girl he was helping. He had his arm around her, but Robyn could tell he hadn't even noticed she was pretty. He probably hadn't even noticed she was female. His professionalism was carrying him though, but Robyn knew his thoughts were still with Ethan.

Robyn could understand that. Her thoughts were partly with Max.

"Here we are!" she said to the girl, who was looking rather dazed, Robyn had been concerned there was a head injury, but the patient had seemed alert at first and very sure she hadn't been injured. Robyn suspected she was suffering from simple and very understandable emotional shock, but she would be glad to get her to the pub, where she knew some medical equipment had been assembled, along with some of Charlie's doctor friends.

Though if Lily was right about the carbon monoxide leak…

"What do you think?" she asked Charlie when she'd reported Lily's suspicions to him.

Charlie blew out a breath. "Hard to say. No-one else has been showing signs of it, so I'd be inclined to say no, but our Dr Chao wouldn't suspect it without a reason. Are they bringing the baby in here?"

Robyn hesitated, knowing Charlie might be annoyed that Lily hadn't followed his instructions. Neither had that agency nurse, Amira, though she'd barely followed an instruction since she'd come to the hospital. "Lily and Louise took the baby into the ED."

"Does no-one understand the meaning of 'the ED is closed'?" said Charlie, but Robyn could tell he didn't really mind. Perhaps he'd even expected it. He continued: "Is the area cleared now? How about giving us a hand in here?"

"Would you mind if I called Glen quickly?" said Robyn. "If he heard something on the news, he might be worried."

"Of course, but as quick as you can," said Charlie. He looked around. "Where did Cal disappear off to?"

"He's looking for Ethan," said Robyn. Her voice shook slightly as she added: "Ethan, Alicia and Max are all missing – and we're worried about Iain too."

* * *

"Get this off me?" whispered Alicia.

It hurt so much. She was starting to feel claustrophobic too. There didn't seem to be enough oxygen in the air and she was afraid.

"I think you've been trapped for more than fifteen minutes," said Ethan. "I'm sorry. But I'm sure someone will find us eventually."

Alicia's eyes filled with tears. "When, Ethan?" But she already knew the answer.

"I don't know," said Ethan. He put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure it will be soon. They must have noticed we're missing."

"They might think we'd left the party," said Alicia.

Ethan smiled slightly. "Oh goodness me, no: I'm sure they wouldn't think that in a million years! They know you're not that kind of girl. And even if you were, you could do much better than me!" He laughed and changed position slightly. His laugh became a yelp.

"You're hurt," whispered Alicia.

Ethan was very white. It was a moment or two before he could reply. "I think I've dislocated my knee. That's all."

"Reduce it," said Alicia.

"Is there anything I can do for you first?" said Ethan.

Alicia tried to shake her head. Pain shot through it and she closed her eyes. "Nothing."

"Right then." Ethan looked at his knee with some trepidation. "I suppose I'd better get on with it." She heard a hiss of pain. "I'm sorry. I'm really not very good with pain at all. But here goes."

* * *

"Anything?" said Louise desperately, as Lily checked for a pulse.

Lily shook her head. "Let me take over." She moved into position.

"I'm not tired," said Louise - and physically, she wasn't.

Lily pushed her hands away and set to work.

Louise sat back. For a moment, she felt grateful for the respite. Giving resuscitation to a baby wasn't as physically tiring as a full-grown adult, but it was a mental strain. The baby girl looked so small and fragile. With every compression, Louise had felt afraid she would hurt her.

But she soon found that watching and doing nothing was even worse. She felt so helpless. The baby just lay there, so thin and weak. Completely unresponsive. Louise's own heart was hammering and she wished she could pass some of her own strength to the baby.

At every moment, she expected Lily to call it. To give up. To end this baby's life too soon. She'd lost her parents, which was terrible, but she was only at the beginning of her life. There were so many things she could become – and she would find new parents to love her. Who could fail to fall in love with that beautiful little face?

"Come on, sweetheart." Louise heard her own voice, soft but fierce. "You can hang on for us. You've got a whole life to live; a whole world to discover. You can be anything. Do anything. But you've got to hang on for us, yeah? Keep on fighting, little girl. You can do this. I know you can."

* * *

Cal stood by the side of the ED and wondered why it looked different.

There was the helicopter, of course, but it wasn't just that. It looked blurry. Cal blinked hard, wondering if he had tears in his eyes, but it didn't help. He wondered if he needed glasses like Ethan, but why had it come on so suddenly?

He walked around the helicopter, but his legs were shaking and he stopped for a moment, looking across at the ambulance stations.

Cal shook his head in confusion. He was sure there was only one, not two. How could he not have noticed there were two? He went closer and didn't know if he was relieved or frightened when the two merged into one. He was glad he hadn't worked here for two and a half years without realising what his workplace looked like, but why had he thought there were two just now?

 _I've had a shock_ , Cal reminded himself. _And I can't find my brother. It's not surprising if it's getting to me._

His head was throbbing. He pressed a hand to it and stood, staring at the ambulance station, aware it still looked slightly blurry. It bothered him so he closed his eyes, but that only made him feel more disorientated. He wondered if he was still standing up or if he'd fallen. He didn't know.

He heard a sound and his eyes snapped open.

Was that a scream?

Cal looked around, but he saw no-one. He didn't think there was anyone left in the helicopter. Jacob had said all the occupants other than Grace and Iain had been killed.

Or had he really said that? The memory seemed hazy. Perhaps it was a dream.

But that scream…

Cal looked at the ambulance station again. The entrance looked completely blocked. If someone was trapped inside there…

"Ethan!" shouted Cal, running towards it, but he felt himself falling forward and his forehead smacked into the tarmac.

* * *

There was a cracking sound from above them. Zoe looked up and wished she hadn't. A large of segment of ceiling seemed to be coming away from the ceiling. One edge was still attached, but the weight of the rest of it would bring it down sooner rather than later.

Max took her hand and moved her towards the other corner.

 _Is this what it's going to be like?_ thought Zoe as she cuddled close to Max once more. _Is this the rest of my life? Trapped in this room, waiting to see if we die or not?_

 _Because that's really not how I want to spend the rest of my life._

She felt Max stroking her hair. She shivered at his touch and lifted her face to his.

"If we're going to die here, Max, don't you think we should make the most of it?"

Her question hung in the air. A challenge. Max looked at her in surprise, then concern, but his eyes locked with hers and he seemed to realise she was serious. A slow smile spread across his face.

Zoe grasped his head in her hands and planted her lips firmly on his.

And in that moment, there was nowhere else she wanted to be.

* * *

Iain knew what he had to do. He had to get back to his base. That was his duty.

But he was scared.

He'd let his men down. He'd done the one thing he'd sworn he never would. He'd made a mistake. Not assessed the area properly. Now they were all dead and he was the only one left.

And now a little girl had died too.

Iain stopped walking.

What little girl?

There couldn't have been a child. This wasn't the sort of place you'd expect to find a child.

So where had that thought come from? What was wrong with him?

Had this job finally sent him crazy? Was that what had gone wrong? So crazy, he couldn't even see the danger? So crazy, he was imagining little girls?

And the voice… that voice in his head. Sweet and soothing, like an angel.

But it wasn't real. It couldn't be real.

He didn't even know anyone called Rita.

 _Am I crazy?_ thought Iain, and that scared him more than anything else.

 _The girl isn't real. Rita isn't real._

 _Am I not real too?_


	12. Chapter 12

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Cal does love playing the hero, but he's one of the ones who'll need a knight in shining armour this time! I don't think I remember Zoe and Dylan being trapped in Resus. I'd like to see it! I actually prefer to fix my injuries myself, but maybe that's just me! But Ethan's injury is more serious.

 **X-Sammii-X** , it would be really sad if the baby died and it would be really difficult for Louise too. And for Lily - Dr Chao isn't quite her usual professional self, I don't think! I do hate the idea of killing Cal, so maybe that will reassure you a bit? I think Zoe and Max are having lots of fun! I'm glad you liked Iain's scene. Thank you for your review.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , thank you for your review. Maybe Cal is lucky to be unconscious as that fall really would have hurt! But I think he'd rather be conscious and in agony if it means he can tell someone he heard Ethan. Assuming he can remember what he heard. We fanfic writers always hurt the ones we love, don't we?

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. Max's response to Zoe is coming right up in the first section, so I hope it doesn't disappoint you! I'm really glad you're still enjoying this.

 **InfinityAndOne** , my knee partially dislocates itself sometimes, but I so much prefer to reduce it myself. The idea of someone else doing it terrifies me! I like to be in control of the pain. Ethan's looked much more serious though so it would have been much more difficult and painful. Cal really does need help - ideally from lots of people so they can hold him down if necessary! Thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're still enjoying this.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked Cal hearing Ethan scream. It might have been his imagination, but I like to think he did hear Ethan. I needed to get Zoe and Max back together somehow! And yes, there's nothing like a near-death experience to unleash your passions! I'm really happy it feels like the show - that's a massive compliment, thank you!

* * *

"I've missed you, Zoe," said Max between kisses. He knew he was opening himself up to being hurt again, but he didn't care. He just wanted to taste her again. To feel her. To be with her.

"I've missed you too," was Zoe's reply.

Max's arms tightened around her, crushing her close to him. "Don't go back to America, Zoe."

"That's where my life is now," said Zoe, but there was sadness in her voice.

"But where's your heart, Zoe?" asked Max. "Is your heart in America?"

Zoe's lips found his. "You know it's not," she whispered.

"Mine was," said Max. "But now it's right here."

Their kisses became more frenzied. Two tongues tangling. Teeth lightly nipping. Hands everywhere, roaming and seeking. Zoe seized the bottom of Max's shirt and yanked it over his head. Her hands explored his chest as she mumbled words of love and lust into his chest. "Oh, Max, I've missed this. I've missed you."

Max's hands pulled her skirt upwards. He caressed her thighs, then moved slowly around to cup her bottom. His hands slipped inside her panties.

Zoe's hands had moved to the front of his trousers. She undid them and pulled them down over his hips. His pants soon followed and Zoe knelt in front of him, stroking him. Max trembled with want; with need.

"Oh God, Zoe. Just do it."

* * *

Lily was surprised by how emotional she was feeling. For a moment, she could say nothing. Her throat was tight and tears were rising in her eyes.

"Nothing?" Louise could barely say the word.

"No. I mean yes!" said Lily confusedly. She cleared her throat and tried to speak like the calm, professional Dr Chao, but she couldn't. "We have a pulse, Louise!"

Louise held her head in her hands for a moment, clearly overcome. "Thank God, Lily. Thank God." She lifted her head and looked Lily in the eyes. "Thank you for not giving up."

"I couldn't have given up," said Lily. "Thank you for staying with me and helping me to save the baby."

"I saved a baby," said Louise, as though she could hardly believe it. "I've saved a baby!"

Lily couldn't stop herself from smiling. "Yes. You did. I knew you could do it. Perhaps now you will believe in yourself too. You are a good nurse, Louise, and you have done well to fight your fears. I hope one day I will be able to fight mine too."

Louise looked surprised. "I didn't think you were scared of anything, Lily."

"That is what I want everyone to believe," said Lily quietly. "But I have fears like anyone else. Failure. Loneliness. Mrs Beauchamp."

"Those all sound like reasonable fears to me," said Louise.

"But there are others," said Lily. "I hope you will inspire me to fight them and overcome them. But we must not celebrate prematurely. This baby could have suffered carbon monoxide poisoning. We must try to determine whether this is the correct diagnosis and provide whatever treatment she-" Lily stopped.

"Lily? What's wrong?" said Louise anxiously.

Lily looked at the baby again. "I thought something was odd before. Something that wasn't quite right. I've just realised what it was."

"What?" said Louise, after waiting for Lily to continue.

"When I examined the baby, I had no trouble in examining her for possible fractures," said Lily. "I could feel the bones clearly even through her clothes."

Louise stared at her for a moment, then she carefully ran her hands down the baby's sides. "Lily, she's so thin! How can any baby be this thin?"

"That is something else we must determine," said Lily.

* * *

Iain wasn't sure where he was. He'd long ago lost his way. He began to wonder if it was such a bad thing: he obviously had no future as a soldier.

Perhaps he had no future at all.

Perhaps he was dead, if he was hearing angels.

"Iain?" That was that voice again. The angel's voice.

Iain turned towards it and shuddered as he saw what lay in front of him. He must have got turned around somehow. Or perhaps he'd never really left.

His comrades lay on the ground. Dead because of him.

Iain turned and tried to run, but he couldn't feel the ground beneath his feet. Instead, he felt a vibration and heard more shouting. He looked down to see a child: a little girl, clearly fighting for her life.

"Iain! Iain, I need you to listen to me very carefully and do exactly as I say."

If she was an angel, he could do as she said. She would guide him out of here. She would keep him safe.

But what if it was a trick, like everything else? What if she wasn't an angel at all?

* * *

Ethan sat with his head resting against his good knee and tried not to cry. Without anaesthetic, it had been incredibly painful. For a moment, he hadn't been able to do it, but then it had finally snapped back into place and he'd uttered a cry of pain he'd been rather surprised the whole world hadn't heard.

But his colleagues at the ED did not. Only Alicia, who'd flinched at the sound and then gasped at some pain of her own.

He'd had to remove his jeans in order to do the reduction, which meant he was now sitting in his boxers. He had rather hoped that one day, Alicia might have some interest in seeing his boxers, but that had been for the future and a completely different scenario from this.

"Are you okay?" asked Ethan, when he finally felt able to speak. "I mean, you're not feeling worse?"

"Don't know," said Alicia.

"Oh. Well, that's probably a good thing," said Ethan. He looked around the ambulance station again.

"Go for help," said Alicia. Her breathing was shallow and she was clearly using as few words as possible.

Ethan shook his head. "I'm not leaving you."

"Stupid…"

"Yes, I probably am," agreed Ethan humbly. "I know you can't see very much from where you are, Alicia, but we're in the ambulance station. I don't know exactly what happened, but the scaffolding outside fell down and some of the frontage too, I think. They were thrown inside the ambulance station with the force of the helicopter landing – just as we were – and it's caused a terrible mess in here. There's no clear route to the door and even if there was, it would be very dangerous for me to try to get out. I'm not worried about myself so much – if I dislodged anything, I would have a chance of getting out of the way. But if something fell on top of you…"

He saw Alicia's eyes widen in sudden fear and hated himself.

"I'm so sorry," he said miserably. "I didn't mean to scare you." He stroked her hair. "I'm sure someone will find us soon."

Alicia's face was creased with pain. "You don't… know that."

"You're right. I don't," said Ethan sadly.

"Could you… throw something?" said Alicia. "At the door. Make a noise."

Ethan could only admire her for thinking of possible ways out now. "I could try, but throwing anything large would be dangerous and throwing anything small probably wouldn't make much impact. And I should warn you, I don't have very good aim."

"Try," said Alicia, her voice guttural with pain.

"Yes. Yes, of course." Ethan started to get up, but pain shot through his knee and he collapsed with a groan. Once the pain had subsided a little, he reached for something to help him stand.

It came away in his hand.

It took Ethan a moment to realise what would happen, but then, with blinding clarity, he realised what he'd done.

He watched in horror as the avalanche began.

* * *

Robyn wiped away tears as she said goodbye to Glen. He hadn't known about the incident at the ED and Robyn hated herself for worrying him, but at the same time she was happy because Glen loved her.

She couldn't quite believe it was really happening. Couldn't believe someone could really love her.

And she was going to lose him.

She knew Charlie was expecting her to go back into the pub, but she couldn't go yet. She needed a few more moments. She would only worry and upset her patients if she went back now.

She found herself walking back towards the ED. The police and fire service were still there, ensuring that everybody stayed away and giving directions to St James'. They looked up as she approached, concern crossing their faces. Robyn could easily believe she didn't look like a calm, professional ED nurse at the moment. Her face was probably red and blotchy from crying.

Then she saw something ahead of her. A group of people crouching down by someone. It was impossible to tell who it was, but Robyn knew it must be one of her colleagues. She arrived, panting, and gasping out offers of assistance.

The crowd around the casualty parted and Robyn looked down to see Cal. "What happened?"

"He was walking to the ED – not looking very steady on his feet, we have to say – when he suddenly collapsed."

Robyn knelt beside him. "Cal? Cal, can you hear me?" She tapped his shoulders. "Okay, we need to move him. I'll go and get a board and trolley and we can get him onto that. It's probably best if we get him into the ED – it's officially closed, but we are treating a few injured colleagues and children in there."

One of the men nodded. "Did you say his name was Cal?"

"Yes. Cal Knight. Short for Caleb. He's a doctor here. His brother Ethan is a doctor here too, but we haven't been able to find him yet. I'm just telling you that because that might be the first thing he asks." Robyn gave a quick smile. "Okay, I'll be back as quickly as I can. I'll see if I can find a doctor too."


	13. Chapter 13

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I like that you're trying to work out what could be wrong with the baby. It's so sad to think of a little baby (or anyone, for that matter) being abused, but it does happen, so you always have to consider it.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I couldn't kill the baby - it would have been too sad. It would be sad for Cal to lose his brother too. I don't want Cal to leave either. Zax have a real problem with keeping their hands off each other! I have to disagree with one thing you said though - you do know how to spell 'disorientated'!

 **LittleBritishPerson** , I hope the actors wouldn't be offended. You can't have a story without things going wrong and as we're Casualty fans, there's a good chance we're quite interested in hospitals and injuries! Have Cal and Iain suffered too much... well, let's say their suffering isn't at an end yet! Thank you for your review.

 **Glitter girl12** , thank you for your review - as usual, I'm making things very difficult for Cal! He'll wake up in Chapter 15, but I can't guarantee he'll be in a very good state!

 **Guest** , I'm really glad you liked the cliffhanger! I decided I needed a bit more to happen than just sitting there waiting as Alicia's situation is a bit too serious to use the comedy angle that was used in the episode. You'll find out if I've killed them very soon. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad it doesn't seem unrealistic for Lily to forget Rita has left the ED - I thought the shock of what had happened might affect her like that, but even if it wouldn't, Lily wouldn't necessarily be surprised to see another of Charlie's old friends. I'm really happy you like Iain's mental breakdown - it's quite difficult to imagine what he'd be feeling and thinking, but I really wanted to write it. Cal has been doing completely the wrong thing, as usual! At least Lofty isn't going to go around aggravating his injuries. Not yet anyway. Zoe and Max have got their priorities straight... possibly! Thank you for your reviews.

* * *

Ethan cried out in pain as various objects hit him, but he stayed where he was, on his hands and knees with Alicia's head under his stomach. This meant he was putting weight on his injured knee, which meant yet more pain, but he knew he mustn't collapse. He had to protect Alicia.

He realised he was crying again, which was very embarrassing, but Cal had encouraged him to show his vulnerability. And as long as he didn't collapse…

At last, the bombardment stopped. Ethan cautiously looked over his shoulder. His lower legs and feet were buried, but they didn't seem to be hurt – or at the very least, any pain he was feeling didn't rival that in his knee. His back was very painful and he knew a number of objects had caught him on the spine, but he was still able to move.

"Ethan?" said Alicia's shaking voice.

Ethan carefully lifted his hands from the floor and looked down at her, gasping slightly as the pain in his knee intensified. Alicia was sobbing quietly, tears on her cheeks. "Don't cry, sweetheart! I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. It was stupid of me. I might have known what would happen."

"Are you okay?" sniffed Alicia.

"Yes, I'm fine," said Ethan. He moved his back from side to side. His spine was still painful, but he seemed to have full movement.

"Ethan…" Her voice was weak.

Ethan looked at her again. It looked like she was struggling to keep her eyes open and it occurred to him that the greyish look to her skin wasn't necessarily an effect of the poor lighting. "Are you okay?" _Of all the stupid questions..._

"Don't know…" whispered Alicia. "Feel… funny."

Ethan looked down at her. He felt for the pulse in her neck. It was weak and fast. "I'm so sorry: do you mind if I touch your face?"

He should have done it before. Her skin was so cold.

"Do you feel sick?" said Ethan. "Dizzy? Thirsty?"

"Yes…" murmured Alicia.

Ethan closed his eyes. He knew what was happening. He was a doctor. Alicia was going into shock, either because of external bleeding he hadn't discovered because he could only see her head and chest, or internal bleeding. "Alicia, don't go to sleep! You've got to stay with me, okay? Can you open your eyes for me, sweetheart?"

Alicia opened her eyes. "I'm… dying."

"No, you're not!" said Ethan with tears in his eyes. He took off his jacket and laid it across Alicia's chest. "You're not going to die, Alicia. There's too much you've got to do. You've got to complete your placement and pass your MCEM and be a registrar. And… and you've got to have all kinds of other fun too. Like… I could take you out to dinner. If you'll let me. Would you like that?"

"Cal…" whispered Alicia. "I like Cal…"

The pain inside Ethan's heart worsened, but he told himself it was good Alicia was thinking about what she wanted. "Then you can go out to dinner with Cal. I'm sure he'd love to go out with you. He'll go out with anyone."

Alicia's eyes opened. "What... is that... supposed to mean?" she asked, her voice slightly stronger now.

Ethan frowned, unsure what he'd said at first. "Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant he'll go out with anyone so obviously he'd be delighted go out with someone as amazing as you." He stroked her hair. "But keep being angry with me, Alicia. Anger makes you stronger and you've got to fight this. For Cal. He hasn't has a girlfriend for so long. He hasn't had a decent girlfriend since… well, I'm not sure he ever has. But you could make him happy. I know you could." Ethan's tears were falling now. "Hold on, Alicia. Hold on for Cal."

* * *

Louise looked at Lily with tears in her eyes. "Do you think she was abused? Then I'm glad her parents were killed. They don't deserve a beautiful baby like her."

"We mustn't jump to conclusions, Louise," said Lily. "It is a possibility, of course. But it is also possible she is suffering from an illness that has caused her to lose weight – it seems more than likely that she is unwell in some way considering she was presumably being taken to the ED. And it is possible only one parent came with her. There might be another waiting at home or at work."

"But how can we find out who she is?" said Louise.

Lily reached for the bag they'd brought with them. "Perhaps there's something here. Something with her name on. Personalised items for babies are very popular."

Louise turned back to the baby as Lily continued to search, continuing to monitor her vital signs. "She's still breathing and her pulse is weak but still going. Are you sure we shouldn't take her straight to Resus?" She paused, waiting for an answer, but none came. "Lily?"

Lily was staring at something she'd pulled out of the bag. She turned to the baby and stared at her too.

"Lily?" Louise's anxiety was showing in her voice now. "What is it?"

Lily silently handed Louise the object she was holding.

* * *

 _I've got to get out… I've got to get out of the helicopter._

The angel, Rita, was still speaking and Iain wanted to go to her, but he had to get out first. He had to find the door and get out. He couldn't see anything, but he knew the door was there. He reached out for the wall and felt along it.

 _It's here. It's somewhere here. I know it is._

"Iain, it's okay," said Rita. "It's going to be okay. You just need to listen to me."

And then something hit the helicopter. It hit again and again and Iain felt himself being thrown in the air. He crashed to the floor, but then the helicopter moved again, twisting and turning in the air.

And there were explosions. Sparks and flames.

And he still couldn't find the door.

 _I'm going to die_ , realised Iain as the walls closed in. _That's why I can hear an angel. Because I'm dying._

* * *

Zoe's dress fell to the floor. Max held onto her while she stepped out of her panties, her shoes still on her feet. Max was already naked.

She let her gaze travel upwards to his face and they grabbed one another tightly, kissing each other so hard, it almost hurt.

She felt his hands on her shoulders and they both fell to their knees, their lips still pressed together in feverish kisses.

"I love you, Zoe," Max whispered as his lips travelled from her lips to her neck and lower.

"I love you too," said Zoe.

This was what she wanted. What she needed. And all the problems it would cause wouldn't matter if they were about to die.

She hadn't looked up at the ceiling again. Neither of them had. The ceiling didn't matter. All that mattered was Zoe and Max and the heat of their bodies and the yearning for each other that had never gone away.

Max was sitting on the floor now. Zoe climbed onto his lap and wrapped her legs around his waist. Their frenzied kissing continued, but Zoe wanted more. She climbed off his lap and straddled him, pushing him backwards onto the floor and smiling as she heard him moan her name.

She lowered herself onto him, taking her time to torture him. She was torturing herself too, but she enjoyed every moment of it.

It felt so natural; so right. Then Zoe didn't think in words anymore; at least, no words other than Max's name. At first, she moved slowly, savouring each moment, but subtly increasing the rhythm.

"Oh, Zoe!" moaned Max as his hands gripped her thighs. "Zoe…"

"Max…" she replied, her nails digging into his shoulders as she moved faster.

The force of her orgasm seemed to shatter her. She felt as though she was suspended in space. No. Not suspended. Flying. And Max was there with her.

But when they hit the ground, it didn't hurt. They clung together, panting each other's names and words of love.

And Zoe hoped she'd never have to let him go.

* * *

It was horrible, battling to save the daughter of someone you really respected (and even really liked, if Dylan was honest), but perhaps watching and waiting and not being able to do anything was even worse.

He realised, as he waited, that he didn't even know if any of his other colleagues had been hurt. He knew the ED had closed, though he'd had the vague impression of people moving about, so any injured colleagues would have been taken to St James', but Dylan realised that other than the people caring for Connie and Grace, he hadn't seen anyone but Cal and Robyn – and Cal hadn't looked good.

Dylan reached into his pocket and took out his phone. He had two messages.

One from his network provider. He deleted this without reading. It would only be some ridiculous offer about having free texts after his first 200 in a month. Dylan wasn't sure he sent 200 texts in a whole year.

The other text was from Lofty. He almost deleted this one without reading too. He usually did. Texts from Lofty were too painful. They'd actually been friends - he'd accepted Dylan as he was and had even seemed to like him - but then he'd left just when Dylan had grown to trust him.

This time, Dylan opened Lofty's message. Perhaps he felt nothing else could hurt him now. Perhaps he was at a stage where any kind of friendly message would have been a comfort. Perhaps it was just something to do.

 _Hi Dylan, I'm in a taxi, just left Holby Station. Hope to see you at the party._

Dylan's hand started to shake. He nearly dropped the phone.

He called Lofty back, but there was no answer.

"Ben, it's Dylan. Where are you? Whenever you get this message, please phone me back. I need to…" Dylan paused aware the other occupants of the room were listening, but then he decided he didn't care. "I need to know you're all right."


	14. Chapter 14

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Alicia's s probably not thinking clearly and she might not have the energy to be tactful, but poor Ethan! Iain does need to accept Rita's help, but she'll need to convince him she's real first! Yes, Zoe and Max only have one thing on their minds. And your suspicions about the baby could be right...

 **LittleBritishPerson** , it probably did hurt Ethan to tell Alicia to be strong for Cal instead of for him, but he does put others first and he's always really kind to his patients. If Alicia had told him she loved Taylor, Ethan would probably have told her to be strong for Taylor and worried about the rest later! Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for all your reviews. I'm glad you think Ethan is amazing! I think Zoe and Max will get back together if Zoe comes back - they're so popular. But they will have to persuade Zoe to come back. Unfortunately, listening isn't one of Cal's top skills! I think quite a lot of people would be unhappy if I killed Cal, but he's not in a good way... I'm looking forward to finding out if your suspicions are correct.

 **Tanith Panic** , Zoe and Max are certainly making the most of what could be their last moments! Yes, someone finally knows Lofty is there! But Lofty has been quite quiet lately, so maybe Dylan is too late... I'm happy you see Ethan as a hero. He's scared and upset, but I think that makes him more heroic. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. Alicia might have saved Ethan some heartache - it would have been worse if she'd promised to go out with him and got his hopes up. If she gets through this, perhaps she'll realise how amazing Ethan is. Though Cal is lovely too. Even if Lofty is okay, Dylan will probably wish he'd got him out sooner.

* * *

Rita watched in helpless fear as Iain slapped his hands against his head. She knew it was a gesture of despair than violence, but it was enough to reopen the wound, causing blood to drip down his face.

He was muttering to himself about 'men'. Rita could only assume he meant the men from the helicopter who'd died, but that didn't quite make sense somehow.

"It's okay, Iain. It's okay," Rita kept saying, even though it hadn't done any good before.

"I let them down," said Iain, an expression of anguish on his face.

Rita was about to try to soothe him again, but instead she asked: "Who have you let down, Iain?"

"The men," said Iain.

Rita felt like crying with relief. She'd made contact. She'd got an answer. It didn't matter that she wasn't sure what he was talking about. She'd managed to break through to him. He'd heard her and responded.

She realised her attempts to reassure and comfort him had probably been meaningless to Iain. In his mind, that something was very wrong and it probably hadn't made any sense at all to have a voice that kept telling him everything was going to be okay. How could he believe that when all his senses were telling him the opposite?

Maybe this was the way to get him back to reality – not, Rita had to admit, that reality was the nicest place to be either, but that was where Iain needed to be. So she would go into his world first and lead him out.

And then, maybe then, he would let her help him.

* * *

David had never seen Dylan like this before. He was usually unsettled whenever his father visited the department, but this was different. Dylan was white and shaky, his eyes full of panic. He looked at David but without recognition.

David was upset to see Dylan this way, but not shocked. They were all going through a terrible ordeal. Not as bad as that being suffered by Connie and Grace – or Jacob, who loved them both – but it was going to be horribly difficult for those treating them too.

David placed his hand on Dylan's arm and felt the consultant jump in response. "Dylan."

"I have to get to Ben!" burst out Dylan.

"He's probably gone home," said David. He'd thought only ED workers, past or present, had been invited to Charlie's party. He wouldn't have expected Ben Harding to attend – but he could quite understand why Dylan wanted to see him. David would have liked to talk to him too. A few calming words. A reminder of his coping methods. "Could you call him?"

"He's not answering and he's not gone home!" said Dylan impatiently. "He was in a taxi. He was nearly here. That was ages ago! If he isn't here, he must have been caught up in an accident. If he is here… " Dylan's voice became soft. "…he must have been caught up in _this_ accident…"

There was a lot David did understand, but he could see Dylan was frightened and unhappy. He also knew that Dylan wouldn't accept a hug. He might secretly want one, but the stress it would cause him would outweigh the benefits. "Could he be in the pub with the others?" he asked gently.

"Then why isn't he answering his phone?" Dylan's voice was shaking now.

David wished Dylan was ready to accept a hug. If only Zoe was here… "Call Charlie. He'll tell you."

Dylan looked as though it was taking him a little bit of time to process David's words. David gave him the time. It wouldn't help if he kept on making the same point in different ways. Dylan needed to take things slowly. He'd had a shock.

At last, Dylan nodded and drew his phone out of his pocket. His hand moved slowly, clumsily, as he found Charlie's number. He waited a moment, then spoke. "Charlie. Is Ben in the pub?" He paused, listening. "No. Ben Chiltern."

It took David a moment, but he got there. Robyn had a friend called Lofty Chiltern who'd left the ED. He knew Robyn had invited Lofty and had been disappointed when he'd said he wasn't sure he'd be able to make it.

"He's not there?" said Dylan, looking even more worried. "No. No, it's okay. I'll find him." He ended the call and looked at David. "But I don't know how..."

* * *

Zoe couldn't hear the ceiling cracking. She couldn't hear anything falling. All she heard were her own gasps and Max's voice as he said her name over and over again. She closed her eyes and cried out again, feeling not only desire, excitement, happiness and relief.

She'd thought this would never happen again. Not with Max. She'd been gone for so long and she'd been so sure there would be other women. Younger women. Better-behaved woman. All Zoe would ever do was hurt him.

But he wasn't hurting now. His face almost seemed to glow as he looked down at her. His face was contorted with lust, but still the most handsome, loving face she had ever known. At a time when she should have felt her life was in danger, she felt utterly safe.

Max was here. Nothing could go wrong if she had Max.

It was all Zoe could do to hold back; to prolong her release for as long as she could. She wanted to keep going forever, but Max was far too good at this. He knew how to drive her wild. He knew the pressures and rhythms that got to her the most and he was doing it now.

At last, with a scream, Zoe reached completion. Max was right there with her and they clung to one another as the feelings of ecstasy filled them and then faded, leaving them content in each other's arms.

"Again?" whispered Zoe.

Max smiled. "Again," he agreed.

He'd always had so much energy and that suited Zoe because so did she, but Max took it slowly this time. Languorously. No hot, quick passion this time. Slow and sensual. Zoe's skin seemed to flutter in response to his touch. She felt him enter again and his movement was slow. It was beautiful.

Zoe didn't care when she heard the crack. It wasn't important. It was part of a different world.

Max turned his head, looking up at the ceiling. "Zoe, um, you don't think maybe it's time to get out of here? Or at least try to?"

"Don't you even think about getting out!" said Zoe.

* * *

Robyn raced in the ED, her eyes roaming this way and that as she searched for someone who could help her. She saw the agency nurse, Amira, with a young boy – she had no idea what he was doing in here, but he looked like he needed the services of a nurse. Robyn kept going, hoping she hadn't made a mistake by coming in here. Perhaps Lily had already left.

But then Robyn saw her. She was sitting on the floor with Louise, bending over something very small. As Robyn moved closer, she realised it was Lily, Louise and a baby. The baby was babbling softly, but Lily and Louise looked emotionally and physically exhausted.

"Hey," said Robyn as she came up to them. "I'm really sorry, but we need your help outside."

Lily's head came up sharply. "Have you not cleared the area?"

"Yes, we have, though Charlie has seen no signs of carbon monoxide poisoning in anyone else," said Robyn.

"Then what has happened?" said Lily, an impatient edge to her voice.

Robyn closed her eyes for a moment. It was all so difficult. Everywhere she turned, there was more bad news. Another person she could end up losing.

"Robyn, just breathe, yeah?" said Louise. "Take a minute and then tell us."

"No. There's no time," said Robyn. She knew the longer she left it, the worse Cal's prognosis would be, but it was all so hard. All she wanted was to sink to the floor and cry for the unfairness of life – but she couldn't. "It's Cal."

"Has he collapsed?" said Lily instantly.

Robyn nodded.

"That is hardly surprising," said Lily. "He has looked on the point of it ever since the helicopter crashed."

"I tried to make him go for treatment," said Robyn, "but…" She pressed her hands to the side of her head. She was wasting time. "Someone saw him walking towards the ED, then he collapsed. We need a trolley, and if you could come too, Lily?"

She saw panic pass over Louise's face, but she said nothing.

"Yes. Of course," said Lily at once. "Louise, please take the baby to a cubicle and monitor her condition. If she deteriorates, please take her to Resus, but we won't disturb Mrs Beauchamp and Grace unless we have to." Her voice softened as, to Robyn's amazement, she reached out and took Louise's hand. "You can do this, Louise. I know you can."

Louise glanced at the baby, then back at Lily. "But…"

"We can't be sure of anything," said Lily quietly. "But you know I'll do my best."

* * *

She'd stopped speaking. Her eyes were closing. Ethan had done everything he could to rouse her, but he knew she was losing consciousness – and that meant he was losing her.

"Alicia, please keep your eyes open for me," he sobbed.

He felt so useless. He was a doctor, yet he could do nothing - and he couldn't help feeling it was his fault. If he hadn't gone out there to speak to her, she might have come back inside before the helicopter had crashed. Then she'd be safe.

"Keep them open for Cal?" begged Ethan, but without hope. "I'm sure he's noticed how beautiful you are. How could he not? I'm sure he'd have made a move ages ago if he hadn't seen that I liked you and decided to be kind to me. He'll be so gutted that he missed his chance with you; missed his chance to be happy. I want him to be happy too and I know he'd be happy with you. Try to hang on for him if you can't for me. Please, Alicia. Don't leave him."


	15. Chapter 15

**InifnityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I didn't know how Rita was going to get through to Iain, so I'm glad I've managed to think of something that doesn't sound too impossible! There really doesn't seem to be much Ethan can do for Alicia - but please keep on hoping because he's not giving up yet.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think encouragement is really important for Louise. She's really not that confident about a lot of things, but she's also very defensive, so she won't always accept encouragement. But Lily knows quite a lot about lacking confidence and being defensive! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm sure Rita will give Iain lots of hugs and comfort, if he's ready to receive it. She loves Iain and she's very understanding and both those things will help her. Lily seems to be everywhere at the moment, but she's the only available doctor! Cal is safe for the next few chapters anyway. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , I think Zoe has accepted there's nothing useful she can do, so she might as well have some fun! It's better than sitting around feeling scared anyway. I hope your suspicions are right because I don't want you to be disappointed! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I have to say I feel quite sorry for my non-favourite too! They don't deserve what's happening to them now. Alicia is so lucky Ethan likes her - it just shows you can't help who you _don'_ t fall in love with. I thought Dylan would appreciate David's support as there won't be any mindless chatter from David!

 _Thank you to **spacegirl1995** and **Rosalee Blyth** e for the follows._

* * *

Cal awoke to find his face in the gravel.

He didn't know where he was or what had happened, but it was safe to assume he'd been drinking again.

That surprised him. Since Ethan's diagnosis and subsequent descent into regular drinking, Cal had often found himself holding back so he could look out for his brother.

"Ethan?" he mumbled, groping with his hand to see if Ethan was lying passed out beside him.

"Ethan is not here," said a voice he knew instantly. "This is Lily. Can you tell me where it hurts, Cal?"

"Everywhere!" groaned Cal. "My face. My chest. My knees." He lifted his head slightly. He realised he was at the ED... but something was wrong. There was a great big helicopter in the middle of it. "What happened?"

"That is what I'd like to determine," said Lily. "We're going to roll you onto a board, Cal, and then we'll lift you onto a trolley."

Cal tried not to feel scared. "Where's Ethan?" he demanded, telling himself he was asking out of concern for his brother rather than a need for comfort.

"Let's think about you now," said Lily.

Cal felt himself being rolled onto his back. He answered Lily's questions and she seemed satisfied with the answers, but he remained convinced that something was wrong.

"What is the last thing you remember, Cal?" said Lily.

"Ethan's jeans," said Cal. He smiled, but not for long. "Wait. There was a helicopter, wasn't there? Was there a helicopter flying round?" His eyes went to the mangled vehicle in front of the ED. "Was it that helicopter?"

Lily hesitated before replying. "The helicopter crashed into the hospital."

And then he saw it. Flying towards him. He tried to duck.

"Did it hit me? Is that why I'm here?"

"You remember the helicopter?" said Lily.

Cal was shaking. "I remember it coming for me. It was coming towards me. I wanted to get out of the way, but the hospital was there. I couldn't get out of the way!"

* * *

Iain was in the helicopter again – but no, that couldn't be right. He must always have been in the helicopter. He couldn't be switching back and forth between two places. It was impossible.

It was just flashbacks. Flashbacks to the terrible day when he'd let his men down. Perhaps it was natural to be thinking of that when his life was in danger again, but he couldn't allow the feeling to take control. He had to save Grace.

"Iain?" said a female voice. The angel's voice. "Iain, what's happening?"

"Okay. I need to you stay calm," said Iain. "I know that's a stupid thing to say and I know you might not be able to manage it, but I need you to try for me, okay?"

"I'm okay," said Rita. "I'm calm. I'm going to stay calm."

Iain frowned. Rita? It couldn't be Rita. She'd gone. She'd finally done the decent thing and left them all alone. He couldn't be hearing her voice now. And how could she be his angel? His devil, more like.

"What's happening?" said Rita again.

"We've been hit," said Iain. "It looks like we're going down. If you have a seatbelt, you need to fasten it. If not, I need you to lie down on the floor and hold on to something that's fixed down securely."

"Okay. I'm lying down," said Rita, sounding calm and businesslike. "Are you lying down?"

Iain bit his lip. He had to stay near Grace, of course, but he didn't want to tell Rita about Grace.

No. That made no sense. If Rita was here, she must know about Grace.

But why would she be here?

"I… I'm with Grace," he said at last. "I have to make sure she's okay."

"That's fine," said Rita in a reassuring voice. "Iain, I'm going to come a bit closer to you. Two people keeping an eye on Grace will be better than one. I'm holding my hand out to you. Can you see my hand, Iain?"

Iain could see nothing. Just the helicopter. He couldn't see any sign that Rita was there at all.

But then a hand touched his. A hand he knew.

Iain wrapped his fingers around it and held on tightly.

* * *

Ethan watched as Alicia's eyes closed. He could tell she was still breathing, but only just. He had to do something.

He looked around desperately and his gaze fell on the ambulance. There might be medical supplies in there. If he could find some saline and get a line in… it wouldn't do much, of course. She needed a transfusion to have any hope. But if it could just buy her some time…

 _But not enough…_

Even if he did manage to prolong Alicia's life, the same problem remained. They were trapped in here. Alicia would bleed out if no-one got to them soon - and the others might not have realised they were missing.

Or perhaps they were already dead…

 _No, I can't give in!_ Ethan thought desperately. There must be something I can do.

He looked at the ambulance again.

"I could drive out of here," he told Alicia. "I'll drive the ambulance through everything and crash through the doors… no. No, that wouldn't work. That would be too dangerous. I'd cause another accident and I wouldn't be able to protect you if I was in the ambulance. There must be another way… another way of attracting their…" He stopped. He looked down at Alicia in sudden hope. "I know, Alicia! I know what I can do!"

* * *

Lily didn't know how she was feeling as they wheeled Cal towards the ED. She was relieved, of course, that he was speaking and able to recognise her. His injuries from the fall seemed superficial, though they would know more once they'd given him a scan.

But there were gaps in his memory, which concerned Lily not so much because of their existence – it was common after a head injury and although always worrying, it didn't always mean the injury was serious – but because she wasn't sure how many of the gaps to fill in.

Cal's brother was missing. Should she tell him because he had the right to know? Or keep quiet because he'd had enough shocks already?

"We are nearly there now, Cal," she said awkwardly as they approached the doors. "Everything will be all right." She let go of the trolley so she could prop the doors open, but before she could, they opened.

Dylan and David stood there. They both looked deeply shocked.

Lily stopped where she was. It was bad news. They must have bad news about Connie or Grace. She felt tears rising to her eyes.

Dylan rushed forward. "Lily, have you seen Ben? Lofty?"

The question was such a surprise, Lily couldn't answer it. She stared at Dylan and felt him grasp her arms he asked the question again.

"No, I haven't," she said at last. "I hadn't realised Lofty was here."

"He came for the party," said Dylan, his voice shaking. "He texted to say he was nearly here, but I didn't read the text. Not until now. And no-one has seen him."

David came over and gently removed Dylan's hands from Lily's arm. "Dylan, we need to let Lily help Cal, but we'll keep looking."

"Lofty's here?" said Cal.

"We're not sure," said David.

Lily thought quickly. "I need to get Cal into cubicles. Have you searched the ED properly?"

"Not yet," answered David, while Dylan looked desperately around, running over to one body lying on the ground, than another.

"Dylan, he's not there," said Lily. "The bodies have all been examined by members of staff who knew Lofty. Charlie has set up triage in the pub: that is the first place to check."

"He's not there," said Dylan.

"Okay, then you must contact St James'," said Lily. "Our patients were transferred there. It's possible Lofty was transferred also or perhaps he went to assist. If he is not there, you must conduct a proper search of the ED." She looked at David, realising he was thinking the more clearly of the two. "But if any areas of the ED are not safe, you must not approach. Instead, arrange for them to be made safe. We have far too many casualties already."

* * *

Louise lifted the baby carefully in her arms and carried her into a cubicle. "We need to test her carboxyhaemoglobin levels."

"But if Charlie said no-one else is showing signs of carbon monoxide poisoning..." said Robyn.

"She was cyanotic and she stopped breathing," said Louise. "Something has to be wrong."

"Maybe she was a bit suffocated," said Robyn. "Didn't you say she was trapped under something? Even if she wasn't crushed, there probably wasn't much air. And she seems much better now."

The baby made a small gurgling noise and kicked her legs.

"Yeah, but do you want to take any chances with a baby?" said Louise. "Because I don't."

She looked pleadingly at Robyn. She would have liked to be the frightening Louise who had been the terror of reception and had a particularly nice line in dealing with time-wasters now she was a nurse, but she didn't feel like that Louise now. She felt like someone who was in danger of having something immeasurably precious snatched away from her.

"Please, Robyn?"

Robyn's face softened. She touched Louise's arm. "I'll take some bloods."

* * *

Zoe lay in Max's arms. There had been at least two falls from the roof since they'd finished, but she couldn't bring herself to mind.

She didn't feel afraid. She'd never felt safer.

"Zoe," said Max softly.

She smiled, feeling his voice rumble in his chest. "Yes, Max?"

"Do you think maybe we should at least try to get out of here?"

Zoe sighed. She really didn't want to move. "We've already looked, Max. It isn't safe."

"But I don't think the roof is falling in anymore," said Max. "So maybe we could get out of the window."

Zoe frowned. "Do you want to move or something?"

Max considered her question. "Well, I wouldn't quite say I _wanted_ to move. I don't think I've been this happy for a long time."

Zoe smiled. "Neither have I."

"But I think I'd stop being happy pretty quickly if the ceiling came down and killed you," said Max.


	16. Chapter 16

**X-Sammii-X** , yes, Cal is awake! But I'm afraid I can't tell you if he's going to be okay, though he does have an important role to play in the story after this one. I think Rita is a bit of a devil in some ways! As well as an angel. Ethan is very brave - Alicia probably couldn't do better! But she can't help not loving him. Thank you for your review.

 **michelle fanfic** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you're enjoying this so far - I hope you like this chapter too.

 **Tanith Panic** , you don't want Zoe and Max to die in each other's arms? But their story would make such a brilliant opera! It is horrible to think of a baby going through such a traumatic experience, but that's true that she won't be able to remember it. No Lofty in this chapter, I'm afraid! Thank you for your review.

 **InifnityAndOne** , thank you for your review. Cal is finally getting some help, but he might not be the easiest patient! Though how many doctors are? I'm glad you like the way Rita is helping Iain - there probably isn't any one right way, but this one seemed to make sense. You'll find out if Ethan's plan works soon!

 **Howling2theMoon** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you're enjoying this story.

 **20BlueRoses** , yes, that's definitely going to be a potential problem where Cal is concerned! It is likely he will find out about Ethan one way or another, so be prepared for Cal acting first and thinking later! Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your review. There is a bit more Cal and a bit more Iain in this chapter, so you'll find out how they're both doing. I suppose in some ways those two are the biggest worries because they're the least likely to sit still and let themselves be treated!

 _Thank you to **Howling2theMoon** for the follow._

* * *

Lofty wasn't at St James'. Dylan had somehow known he wouldn't be.

The guilt he felt was almost overpowering. He knew, of course, that he'd been too busy to check his phone and that his priority had been Connie and Grace. But if he had checked his phone, he could have asked for the search earlier and Lofty would have been found long ago.

But Dylan hadn't checked.

He went outside, looking for someone or other who seemed to have some authority, and eventually found a police officer who didn't look like he'd only been out of school for five minutes. "We have a staff member unaccounted for."

"We were under the impression there were three people unaccounted for," said the policeman. "A Dr Hardy, a Dr Munroe and a Mr Walker."

Dylan didn't think he'd heard of Dr Munroe, and he wasn't sure who Mr Walker was, though there was a certain familiarity about the name. Could he be the healthcare assistant who'd stolen painkillers and then driven off on a motorbike? Mac something. Macdonald Walker? Something like that. He might have come back for Charlie's party.

But Dylan did feel a pang of concern about Ethan, who was a good doctor, despite all his idiotic behaviour recently.

"You can add one more to the list: Nurse Ben Chiltern." Dylan explained about the text message. "St James' have no record of him and he isn't in our temporary triage area. I've noticed that a section of the hospital appears badly-damaged. I think it's likely the missing people are in there."

* * *

 _Something important. I was supposed to be doing something important._

The words ran back and forth in Cal's head. He had no idea what he was doing, or about to do. He couldn't remember anything after the helicopter coming towards him.

Lily came back into the cubicle. "Cal, I'm afraid you won't be able to have a scan just yet, but I'll get it organised as soon as I can."

Helicopter… scan… another thought came into his mind and Cal he sat up, suddenly scared. "Are Connie and Grace okay?"

"Caleb, please lie back down at once," said Lily.

"Just tell me!"

"I'll tell you when you're lying down," said Lily.

Cal wanted to argue, but he had a feeling it was too important. He lay down and looked imploringly at Lily.

"Mrs Beauchamp has not allowed herself to be examined fully, so we haven't discovered the full extent of her injuries," said Lily. "However, she is awake and speaking. Grace is in a critical condition and we are very concerned."

"That's terrible," said Cal, and he meant it. "Poor kid. Poor both of them. Poor Jacob." He frowned. He was glad they were both alive at least, but he was sure there was something he was even more worried about. "Lily, where's Ethan?"

"I can't be expected to keep tabs on all the other doctors," said Lily. "Some are working in Resus. Some are in the pub. Perhaps some have travelled to St James' in order to help."

"You haven't kept tabs on them?" said Cal disbelievingly. "They're our colleagues. They could be seriously hurt. And you haven't even bothered to find out if they're okay?"

Lily looked hurt, then angry. "I was busy saving a baby's life, Dr Knight. A baby who…" She stopped. "I'm sorry. It has been an emotional time."

Cal felt his own anger draining away too. Lily was right. The patients were the priority and although Charlie probably knew where everyone was, there was no need for everyone to know. "Is it okay if I call Ethan?"

"Yes, but please don't worry if he doesn't answer," said Lily. "We are all very busy."

* * *

Robyn rushed into the cubicle with the results. She didn't even stop to catch her breath. "She's okay, Louise! They rushed it through for me. Her carboxyhaemoglobin levels are normal. Shall I give Charlie a call to let him know?"

"Yeah, good idea," said Louise. "Thanks, Robyn." She looked down at the baby. "Isn't that good news, darling?" A small hand curled around hers and Louise smiled soppily, her face transformed. "We do need to find out what's wrong with her though. She drank the milk I gave her happily enough."

"We will find out what's wrong," said Robyn. "It could be she's fine. Some babies are naturally skinny and there's nothing wrong with them."

"But she stopped breathing, Robyn," said Louise. "Her heart stopped. And she was being brought to the ED, or at least to the hospital."

Robyn glanced at the paper she'd brought with her. "I got them to run a few tests, but nothing's showing up."

"Is it possible…" Louise stopped. "I probably don't know what I'm talking about."

Robyn was surprised by Louise's lack of confidence, but she tried not to show it. She knew the incident with the baby had upset her. "Even if you think it's unlikely, anything is worth mentioning."

"I hope I'm wrong – I really hope I'm wrong – but I'm wondering about congenital heart disease," said Louise. "It could explain the cardiac arrest and the cyanosis."

"And maybe her weight too ," said Robyn. "I think babies with congenital heart disease need more calories. So if she's been given the normal amount of calories, she'd probably be thin."

"But shouldn't someone have picked up on it?" asked Louise doubtfully.

"Not all conditions are picked up at birth," said Robyn.

Louise stroked the baby's hand. "Okay, I suppose we'd better run an ECG. We'll see if we can get someone from paediatrics… or would they have been evacuated too?"

"Only one way to find out," said Robyn with a lightness she definitely didn't feel.

* * *

Ethan leaned heavily on the long piece of wood as he slowly stood up. He used it as a crutch as he took a few steps away from the ambulance, then he lifted it in the air, his weight slightly on his good knee.

What he really didn't need to do was overbalance. He could probably get up again, but it wouldn't be quick and Alicia needed him now.

She needed a whole lot more than just Ethan.

He brought the object back a little way then drove it forward, smashing it through the window. Another whack made a slightly bigger hole and Ethan stuck the object through it.

Not for the first time in his life, he wished he was slightly taller. He couldn't actually see through the window, so he had no idea if he was in the right place.

But he didn't give up. He kept jabbing at the dashboard, wincing at every little click and crack that could indicate he'd broken something, but finally, it worked.

Ethan jumped back in shock at the noise, dropping the object on his toe and almost screaming loudly enough to drown out the siren.

But he didn't care about his toe. He'd done itt!

Now, if he could get into the back of the ambulance and raid the supplies…

* * *

"Rita, are you okay?" said Iain.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," said Rita. They were both lying on the ground after the 'crash'. "A bit bruised, but I'll live." She bit her lip, realising the tactlessness of her words, but it was too late now. She took Iain's hand. "Come on, Iain. The door's this way."

"What about Grace?" said Iain, looking unseeingly at the wall of the hospital.

"Jacob is outside," said Rita. "He and his team are on standby and they'll take over Grace's care. You can come with me and I'll have a look at your head for you." Rita stood up and felt around in the empty air. "Okay, I'm opening the door now. There you are, Iain. We're at the side of the hospital. Can you jump for me?"

Iain jumped. He landed on his shoulder and rolled over. In any other circumstances, Rita would have admired the move.

Rita jumped too. "Well done, Iain." She spoke to the air beside them. "Jacob, can you see to Grace? Thank you."

"Thanks, Jacob," said Iain.

Rita found she felt genuinely grateful to Jacob. He had helped, even though he didn't know it. "Okay, Iain. We'll go round to the front of the ED and in through the doors."

She wasn't sure how she'd explain it if Iain noticed the real helicopter, but she'd have to deal with that when it happened.

She gripped Iain's hand and helped him to his feet. "Come on then. We need to get you treated as soon as possible, then we might be able to get you straight back out on the shop floor. We know what you heroes are like!"

"And I know what you nurses are like." Iain's voice was slow and his eyes were dull, but the words were so like Iain, Rita almost started crying.

"Yes, you do-" she began, only to find her voice drowned out by a noise.

A siren.

Iain clutched at his head and fell to the floor.

* * *

As the sound of the siren filled the hospital, Lily dropped her torch. She didn't know why. After all, sirens were a common sound when you worked in an ED, though there shouldn't be any sirens this close now.

Cal was sitting up again, his eyes wide. "Ethan!" he said. "It's Ethan!"

"I very much doubt it," said Lily. "I know he has a history of stealing ambulances, but this is hardly the time or the place."

"No, Ethan was in the ambulance bay!" said Cal. His pulse rate increased. "I heard him scream!"

Lily pushed him back down onto the bed. "I think you should lie still and let me examine you." But she was aware of the noise outside and pushed the cubicle curtain aside in time to see several of the emergency service personnel running towards the sound. "Jez, what's happening?"

"We don't know, but we think someone must be in the ambulance bay," said Jez. "Unless another ambulance has arrived on site."

"I'll come with you," said Lily. "You might need a doctor."

She heard footsteps, then Dylan's voice. "Where are you all going? He might be trapped!"

"Someone is clearly trapped in the ambulance bay," said Lily. "That might be the person you're looking for."

"What would Ben be doing in the ambulance bay?" demanded Dylan.

Lily had no idea why Dylan was asking such irrelevant questions.

But then she realised she did know. It was because he was very worried about Lofty. Not just worried. Frightened.

That was how she felt too when she thought about Ethan. She'd been trying not to think about it because she had to work and that included keeping Ethan's brother calm, but that didn't mean she wasn't scared.

She was terrified.

"He might have gone to look for Iain," she said, realising as she spoke that she hadn't heard anything about Iain or Rita for ages. She hoped Rita had got him safely to St James'. "But if Lofty isn't there, I will make sure they come back and continue the search."


	17. Chapter 17

**X-Sammii-X** , I'm so glad you still like it. Cal is getting treatment at the moment, but Lily's gone... can we trust him to behave himself? Dylan really feels responsible for whatever might have happened to Lofty, but maybe he'll get to him in time. Rita and Iain belong together! Everyone knows that except Iain. Thank you for your review.

 **Glittergirl12** , thank you for your review. I'm sure Lily would say Cal needs to stay exactly where he was and let the uninjured doctors take care of Ethan, but Cal won't necessarily agree with that! Actually, if he decides not to go and look for Ethan, that will prove he has a head injury!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , you're right about Iain - it's difficult to write about as the condition is different for everyone and I haven't seen the episodes where it's mentioned, but it is supposed to be PTSD, with flashbacks to the helicopter as well as to his time in the army. Thank you for your review.

 **Howling2theMoon** , thank you for your review - I really am pleased you're enjoying this. I hope you'll keep reading.

 **Tanith Panic** , you should probably keep worrying about Lofty... and I haven't forgotten the baby, though she's not in this chapter. Dylan ought to know who Mr Walker is considering Zoe managed him, but we'll let him off. I think Crushed at Holby should be your next fanfiction! Would I kill Ethan...? Thank you for your review.

* * *

Dylan was sure Lofty wouldn't be in wouldn't be in the ambulance bay. He was quite friendly with Iain, but it seemed far more likely he'd go into the ED and seek out Max or Robyn first.

 _Or perhaps me?_ Dylan couldn't help thinking. _He did text me…_

In any case, Iain had been out on a call. Even if Lofty had gone there first, he would have come out again and gone into the hospital.

"Are you okay, Dylan?" asked Robyn very softly.

Dylan waved a hand towards the ambulance bay. "He's not in there."

Robyn didn't ask how he knew. "But someone obviously is and there aren't enough of us to search everywhere at once. Let's find whoever's trapped in here first, then we can get back to searching for Lofty."

"But he's not in there!" Dylan's voice was louder than he'd expected and several heads turned to look at him. "He's in the ED, Robyn. I know he is. And if he is in there, he must be trapped or he would have come out to help."

"But what can we do?" said Robyn. "It's not safe for us to search without help."

Dylan looked at her incredulously. "Does our safety really matter when someone we care about is in danger?"

Robyn's eyes were wide. "You do care about Lofty then?"

"Not in the way I'm almost sure you're thinking," said Dylan, who had seen that look in Robyn's eyes before.

"No. Of course not," said Robyn quickly. "That's probably for the best really as Lofty's not… and I'm sure you're not… I would like you both to be happy though."

"Then perhaps you could make me happy by helping me to look for our friend?" suggested Dylan. He paused. "It doesn't seem unlikely that Max is with him."

* * *

Rita knelt beside Iain. "It's okay. It's a siren. I expect an ambulance is going by."

Iain had his eyes closed and his hands pressed to his ears. Rita didn't know what to do. If there was one sound Iain was familiar with, it was the sound of an ambulance.

"Come on, Iain. "We need to get into the ED, okay?" said Rita. "Don't worry about the siren. If anyone needs help, they're being looked after."

Iain slowly lowered his hands and looked at Rita. "They're dead, Rita."

"Who's dead?" asked Rita quietly. If she knew, it would be easier for her to avoid saying the wrong thing.

"The pilot," said Iain. "In the helicopter."

"That's so sad," said Rita. She meant it. "But Jacob and the others can deal with it. Come on. Let's go inside. We'll be in Jacob's way out here."

Iain nodded. Rita extended her hand and Iain took it. Together, they walked around the corner.

Iain stopped walking. He stared at the helicopter. Then he looked behind him. "No. It can't be there. It was _there_!"

"Don't worry about that now," said Rita. "We must have gone round in circles a little bit, but we've found the right entrance now. Let's go and get you treated."

* * *

Ethan's ears were hurting from the siren (how did paramedics do it? They really were incredible), but for the first time for ages he felt a small amount of hope.

Now, all he had to go was to get into the ambulance and find some medical equipment.

Ethan stood on tiptoes and reached through the window, hissing in pain as his wrist caught on the jagged edge. He groped around inside the door, searching for the handle that opened it, but he couldn't find it.

He was too short.

Ethan gripped the edge of the window and tried to pull himself up, crying out in pain this time as the glass cut into his hands. He managed to lift himself up a short way from the ground and pushed harder on the broken glass, whimpering as the jagged edges dug in further. If he could get up just a little bit higher, he could go in headfirst. He'd probably hurt himself, but that would be nothing in comparison with how much Alicia was suffering.

Then he heard a noise.

Someone was trying to get in.

It was great news – it meant Alicia had a chance – but it also put her in danger. Their rescuers would probably push their way in and could send more debris tumbling down on top of her. Ethan would warn them to be careful, of course, but he'd have to stay close to Alicia and protect her if necessary.

Ethan lowered himself back to the ground, jarring his knee and making himself cry out again. Both his hands were bleeding, as well as his wrist, and the cuts stung, but there was nothing he could do about that. He momentarily considered stopping the siren so they'd be able to hear better, but he decided there wasn't time. Ethan dropped to his hands and knees, gasping every time a hand or his injured knee touched the floor, but he didn't stop. He couldn't afford to. He heard more crashes and thought he might have heard shouting and knew at any moment, Alicia could become buried.

He couldn't allow that to happen.

He almost cried with relief when he was back at Alicia's side. She looked white and unconscious, but she still had a pulse. Cal had told him once that as long as a woman still had a pulse, the date couldn't be too much of a disaster. Ethan had thought that attitude explained why Cal had such a high opinion of his success with women – but right now, discovering Alicia had a pulse was the most incredible feeling in the world.

"Can you hear that?" said Ethan as he removed his shirt. "I put the siren on. And some people heard it and they're trying to fight their way through to us." Ethan tried to tear the sleeves off his shirt, but he wasn't strong enough, so he wrapped the sleeves around the cuts on his hands and wrists and tried to put pressure on the worst ones. "It might not be very much fun, but I'll do everything I can to keep you safe. You're going to be okay, Alicia. You're going to go on your date with Cal and have a wonderful time. And so will he."

* * *

Cal waited until he was sure Lily wasn't coming back, then he slowly got to his feet.

It wasn't an easy task. His head was still pounding and his vision had gone blurry again.

He knew that what he was doing wasn't sensible. He clearly did have some sort of head injury: there was all sorts of evidence for that.

But his little brother was injured and Cal was almost sure he was in the ambulance bay.

He was also sure the little flashes of memory he kept getting of Ethan talking to Alicia near the ambulance bay were recent. Alicia had only returned today and Ethan's jeans were new.

Cal thought it would take a lot more than a head injury to forget how Ethan looked in those.

Cal felt himself stumble slightly and staggered quickly over to the wall, leaning on it as he made his way out of the ED. When he got outside, the light seemed almost blinding, but that was probably because of the darkness inside the ED. Squinting, he looked over at the ambulance bay. He saw a crowd of people standing around it. Forgetting his own health issues, he let go of the wall and ran towards him. "Ethan?"

"Cal?" came a little voice from inside.

"Ethan, we're coming!" called Cal. "Hang on in there, okay?"

Lily marched up to him. "Dr Knight, please return to your cubicle immediately."

"Not without my brother," said Cal.

Lily's glare intensified, but she seemed to realise Cal wasn't going to back down. "I need to go in there and treat Alicia. Ethan says she's going into shock. We need to get some fluids into her before we think about moving her."

"I'll go," said Cal. "You go and find Alicia's file and organise a transfusion. Sorry to pull rank, but I'm the more experienced doctor here and I'll have Ethan to help me."

"But you have a head injury!" said Lily. "You're not fit to treat anyone. Besides, Dylan is-" She stopped and looked around. "Where is he?"

"It doesn't matter," said Cal. "Alicia's our main priority – followed by Ethan. Please do as I say, Dr Chao."

Lily hesitated, then handed him the bag she was holding.

"Thank you, Lily," said Cal, and touched her on the arm before running over to the entrance. "I'm Dr Knight. Have we got a clear way through to the casualties?"

"We're working on it, doctor."

Cal thought they were probably working quickly, but it seemed to take forever. He felt another wave of dizziness and the world seemed to turn grey around him, but he fought the feeling. Ethan needed help – and he would be devastated if anything happened to Alicia.

Cal had to stay conscious and do his job,

"Okay, Dr Knight. We've found them. Can you get through that gap?"

It would have been easier for Lily, but Cal liked to think he had considerable experience of squeezing body parts into tight places. "Ethan, it's Cal. I'm on my way," he said as he crawled along the tiny path. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine," said Ethan unsteadily. "But Alicia needs help."

"I'm coming," said Cal, just as he saw them. Alicia was lying on the ground. She really didn't look like she was alive. Ethan was sitting in front of her. He was wearing nothing but his boxers for some reason, but Cal didn't care about that now. Ethan's face was dirty and tearstained, though he'd somehow managed not to lose his glasses.

"Are you okay?" asked Ethan.

Cal decided this would have to be one of the many occasions when he lied to Ethan. "I'm okay now I've found you." He frowned slightly. He hadn't meant to say something that soppy, but never mind. He had more important things to worry about. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm so glad you're here," said Ethan. "Please help Alicia."

Cal pushed through the last of the tunnel that had been created for him and hauled his bag from his shoulder. "I need to get a line in."

"We can't actually get to her arms," said Ethan.

Cal got what he needed out of his bag. "What kind of doctor would I be if I couldn't perform external jugular vein cannulation? Don't worry, Ethan. I'm going to help her."


	18. Chapter 18

**CBloom2** , thank you for your review. Yes, Cal is definitely running on adrenaline and he can't keep going indefinitely, so he's definitely going to start having problems pretty soon! I don't think sitting still when Ethan is in danger is one of Cal's biggest talents.

 **X-Sammii-X** , if you're having Cal, then I want Ethan so Alicia will have to go without! A lot of people like Dylan's friendship with Lofty, so I had to include that as Lofty was coming back. I can imagine Rita being really good in this situation as she's so gentle yet forceful. I miss her! Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid Zoe and Max aren't in this chapter because the other stories are overlapping and everything has to happen in a certain order (and we know exactly what they're doing!), but they'll be taking a more active role in Chapter 19. I'm really glad you're still reading and enjoying this.

 **westlife4ever80** , Cal is pretty amazing! It's a silly thing to do, but I think he's motivated by his need to check on Ethan rather than a desire to show off. I think caring is more important than listening, but there might be times when Ethan would rather Cal just listened! Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , I can only agree with you - it's not Cal's wisest idea at all! It might not be his stupidest idea as there are a lot of contenders for that title, but it's not good. Ethan really doesn't need Cal collapsing on him now... I love it when the team pulls together too. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. Seeing another helicopter must be confusing for Iain, but he does know he's confused, so maybe he'll be happy to accept Rita's word for what's happened. Cal does need treatment, but I really couldn't see it happening with Ethan in danger. Lily should have tied him to the bed!

 **totti10** , thank you for your review. It is very easy to miss things on here! I just had to bring Rita back - she never should have gone and I felt Zoe and Lofty also had unfinished business. I'm glad you like Iain's PTSD coming back - it seemed a likely trigger. I thought Connie's storyline in the episode was brilliant, which is why I've left it alone or I would be just typing up the script, but it would have been great to see more drama for all the characters. I'm so glad you like this story.

 _Thank you to **totti10** for the follow._

* * *

Robyn had never seen Dylan show so much emotion. He wasn't saying much or doing anything, but she could feel it coming off him in waves.

"Do you think he'll still be alive?" asked Dylan, his words barely audible.

"Dylan, you know I can't answer that," said Robyn gently. "He doesn't seem to have heard us calling, but that might mean he can't hear for some reason or he might be unconscious."

"He wouldn't be unconscious unless there was something wrong!" said Dylan.

Robyn looked at him in concern. She still wasn't sure if they'd done the right thing. Lily was still out there, but she might need the help of a more senior doctor.

On the other hand, Robyn couldn't see Dylan being much help to anyone, and if Ethan was able to shout for help and (presumably) set the siren off, he would probably be able to help Lily treat Alicia.

"He might just have fainted," said Robyn. "If he was tired or scared or hungry or something."

It sounded stupid to her ears and probably not that reassuring, but Dylan just nodded and said: "Perhaps."

The damaged part of the ED looked dark and dirty. One of the walls had collapsed inwards and there was rubble all over the corridor.

"It's quite spooky, isn't it?" said Robyn, forgetting for a moment that she was with Dylan.

As soon as she did remember, she felt embarrassed, but Dylan didn't seem to have heard.

They stopped beside what had once been a doorway and looked inside. Tears stung Robyn's eyes: it was all so different from the clean, bright, tidy ED she usually worked in.

Dylan strode into the room with little thought for his own safety. Robyn hurried to help him lift a bookcase that had fallen, but Lofty wasn't underneath it and Dylan let it drop to the floor again.

"I don't want to lose him," said Dylan in a low voice.

Robyn turned to him in surprise and sympathy. She touched his arm. "Of course you don't. I don't want to lose him either."

"It's bad enough just losing Connie!" said Dylan. "And now I might lose Ben too… I had no idea he was here, Robyn."

"It's okay," said Robyn. "You were working. You were much too busy to check your phone. Loft… Ben would understand that."

"I never even hugged him," whispered Dylan. "Not even when he said goodbye."

Robyn thought about hugging Dylan herself, but she knew she wasn't the person he wanted to hug. "How about you hug him when he says hello?"

* * *

Iain couldn't understand it. He was sure the helicopter was behind him, so why was it now in front of him? And if it was round at the side of the hospital, how could it be at the front?

Rita was speaking to him, her voice soothing as she guided him past the helicopter and into the hospital. "It's okay, Iain. You were in the helicopter, but you got out, didn't you? And now Grace is out too. She went into the hospital with Jacob, remember?"

Iain shook his head. Something definitely wasn't right. Jacob and Grace had been behind them and it would have taken a while to get Grace out. There was no way they could have got into the hospital before him and Rita.

Iain screwed his eyes shut as he tried to remember. He definitely remembered seeing Grace. He remembered jumping out of the helicopter. But he couldn't actually remember seeing Jacob.

And what was Rita doing in the helicopter anyway? Only Iain, Grace and the air ambulance crew had been in the helicopter.

Rita hadn't been there. And why would she be? They wouldn't have requested the presence of a nurse.

There was only one explanation.

Rita was lying to him.

She wasn't an angel.

She was trying to hurt him. Manipulate him. Twist everything.

The more Iain thought it, the more it seemed right.

That was the kind of person Rita was.

* * *

Ethan watched as Alicia was carried out of the ambulance bay. He and Cal had managed to get a line in and then they'd given what treatment they could as Alicia had been freed. Ethan had done most of the work in the end: Cal's hands were shaking and his eyes had seemed unfocused, but Cal hadn't left him and Ethan was grateful. He knew he could never have managed alone.

Alicia was responding to the treatment as well as could be expected. She had open double fractures to the right leg and arm - the leg in particular was bleeding heavily. There were also a few fractured ribs - judging from her breathing, they hadn't caused serious internal injury, but she'd lost a lot of blood. Ethan knew she would have a better chance than most in her position because she was already at the ED, but he was still worried.

He was so worried...

"Ethan?" Jez's voice was gentle. "Can you relax your hands for me, please?"

Ethan looked down and realised his fists were clenched. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Don't worry." Jez finished cleaning up Ethan's wrist and hands for him. Ethan hadn't wanted to leave Alicia, but he knew he wouldn't have been able to help carry her, and Cal had been worried about the possibility of glass in Ethan's wounds.

Cal broke away from the stretcher-bearers and went over to Ethan. "She's still fighting, Ethan. We'll know more once she's in the- Ethan?"

Ethan saw the concern in his brother's face. At first, he didn't know why Cal was looking so worried about him, but then he realised he was crying uncontrollably.

"Ethan, come here." Cal wrapped his arms tightly around him. "It's okay, Nibbles. You're safe now and Alicia's on her way to Resus."

"Ethan should probably get an x-ray," said Jez. "I've taken out all the glass I can see, but there could be more."

Ethan clung tightly to Cal. "Please, Cal… go with Alicia. Please."

Cal stroked his hair. "They're going to bleep Dylan – he should be somewhere around. They really need a consultant, not a registrar."

"No, you don't understand." Ethan pulled free of Cal, sniffling. "You've got to go with Alicia and make sure you're there when she wakes up."

Cal looked at him in confusion. "You don't think she'd rather have you there?"

"No, she likes _you_ ," said Ethan. "She told me. When she was losing consciousness. She told me she likes you and I told her to hang on for you and you'd take her on a date."

"No way!" said Cal. "I'm not taking the girl my little brother likes on a date."

Ethan sniffed. "It's not like it would be the first time. Please, Cal. All I want is for her to be happy. And after everything she's been through… if you really don't like her, I don't want to force you, but how could you not want to take her on a date?"

"I'm not sure I think much of a girl who tells the guy who's into her she prefers his brother," said Cal.

"No, don't worry about that!" said Ethan. "She thought she was dying. Every word was an effort. She wouldn't have wanted to waste the little strength she had on lies. Please don't be angry about anything she said. Just go and be there for her. Please?"

* * *

Dylan was so angry when his pager went off, he wanted to throw it across the room. Either that or stamp on it. All he wanted was to find Lofty. If there was something wrong with Ethan, Alicia or Max, then Cal or Lily would have to deal with it.

Finding Lofty was important. Any delay could be fatal and it would be Dylan's fault.

"Maybe you should go," said Robyn tentatively when Dylan was bleeped for a second time. "I can keep searching."

"Not on your own," said Dylan shortly. Much as he wanted Lofty to be found, the area was dangerous.

Soon afterwards, they heard running footsteps. "Dr Keogh, are you here?" It sounded like Lily. "We need you."

Dylan didn't answer. He and Robyn had found another room. The door was blocked, but he thought it would be possible to clear the rubble away from the door.

"Dylan, hadn't you better-" Robyn began, but she stopped as Dylan held up a hand for silence. She lowered her eyes, clearly unhappy with his decision to ignore Lily, but she said nothing.

Dylan listened again. No, he hadn't been mistaken. "He's in there!" he told Robyn.

Robyn gasped. "How do you know?"

"I heard him groaning," said Dylan. He started to work faster, helped by Robyn. The door was almost clear when Lily spoke from behind them.

"Dr Keogh. I told you I required your assistance outside," she said severely.

"Lily, he's in there," said Dylan.

"And Dr Munroe is in Resus," said Lily. "She is suffering from severe hypovolemia; an open double fracture to the right leg; open double fracture to the right arm; head injury and possible internal injuries. Dr Knight and I are the only available doctors. I lack the experience and Dr Knight has a head injury. We need you, Dr Keogh."

Dylan looked at her blankly, then half-gestured towards the door. "Didn't you hear me? I said Ben was in there."

Lily's determination didn't waver. "Dr Keogh. If Dr Munroe's life is to be saved, you must go to Resus immediately. Dr Gardner and Miss Naylor are monitoring Mrs Beauchamp and Grace. Alicia needs a senior doctor."

"But what about Ben?" said Dylan. "You don't understand, Lily. He told me he was here. If I don't find him and he dies, it will be my fault."

"And I have told you Alicia needs your help," said Lily, emotion creeping into her voice now. "If you don't go to Alicia and she dies..."

Dylan bowed his head. He knew she was right. His priority had to be the patient they knew to be fighting for her life.

"Please, Dylan," said Lily. "If you do not require my assistance in Resus, I can help Robyn to look for Lofty, but you must go to Alicia now."

Dylan cast another agonised glance towards the door. Then he nodded. "I'll go to Resus. Cal can assist me. Lily – please stay here and help Ben."

"Of course I will," said Lily.


	19. Chapter 19

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I love Dylan and Lofty's friendship, so I'm enjoying making Dylan realise how much he cares about Lofty! I can't promise he'll be okay, but there probably is a limit to the number of people I'm going to kill off.

 **totti10** , I loved the way Rita always tried to hard to connect with her patients and usually succeeded brilliantly. It was so sad that she left in the way she did - she made a big mistake, but the ED has still lost a phenomenal nurse. It's really difficult for Rita dealing with Iain, but she's not giving up yet! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Cal used to love stealing Ethan's prospective girlfriends, but not anymore! I wonder if he's still affected by Taylor, or if Emilie and Matilda have taught him to value his family more, or if he's secretly planning his move! I only know about Iain's PTSD from fanfictions, but I would love to see an episode about it.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. Here is the next chapter - I really hope it lives up to your expectations. If you're the guest who likes Zoe and Max, they're in the last section and you'll get to see quite a lot of them.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for both your reviews. I know what you mean about 'enjoy'... it seems a funny word to use sometimes! But if you did find something to enjoy in the midst of all the pain, I can only be happy. I decided at the start of the story what would happen to Alicia, but now I'm wavering... one of the hazards of writing a long story! I'm really pleased that a Lofty fan supports Dylan's decision to treat her over Lofty.

 **westlife4ever80** , Dylan doesn't often show emotion, so I feel on the rare occasions when he does, that must mean the emotion is really overpowering - much too strong for him to control. Not that I want him to suffer, but I do love his emotional moments on TV! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **DrOswald12** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Cal tried to take in what Ethan was saying as they followed Alicia's trolley into Resus. Now Ethan was safe, the shock of what had happened was beginning to hit Cal. The pain in his head was intensified and he felt woozy and sick. He knew he wasn't in any state to work, but he could still be there for Alicia. Ethan had asked him to do it. Begged him.

For once in his life, Cal wouldn't let Ethan down.

But it was so difficult when Resus seemed to be swaying. There were bumps in the hospital floor that Cal had never noticed before. With every step, his legs trembled violently and threatened to collapse beneath him. He was glad he'd put a supportive arm around his brother because Cal wasn't sure he could have stayed upright without him.

"Cal?" Ethan was looking anxiously up at his brother. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah… fine…" said Cal, but his voice sounded slow and slurred even to his own ears.

"Caleb!" said Ethan.

"Ethan…" said Cal, reaching out a hand towards his brother. He couldn't see him anymore. He couldn't see anything but darkness. "Help me…"

The last thing he felt was Ethan catching him.

His safety net.

* * *

Lily knew that what she and Robyn were doing wasn't sensible. This part of the ED hadn't been made safe. They needed to wait for that to happen before they resumed their search.

But she'd seen the desperation in Dylan's eyes and that had touched her because she'd never seen him look like that before. Lofty was important to him and he didn't want to be responsible for Lofty's death.

Lily was aware that in itself wasn't a good reason for doing this, but there were other reasons too. Since the helicopter had crashed, she'd seen how precious life could be. It seemed strange for a doctor in emergency medicine to think like that, but it had always been a scientific process to Lily. It excited her (in an intellectual way) to determine what was wrong with someone's body and to fix it. She didn't care particularly about the patients as people.

But something had changed. She and Louise had worked together to bring the baby back to life. The baby had become important to both of them – and now she had seen that Lofty was important to Dylan. Lofty was depending on Dylan in the way that the baby had depended on Lily and Louise.

Lily tried to think how she'd have felt if she and Louise had been too late to help the baby. The thought was devastating. Dylan had known Lofty for much longer than Lily and Louise had known the baby.

And wasn't Lily's job to save lives?

Therefore she would do everything she could to save Lofty's.

The door was clear. Robyn's anxious eyes met Lily's. "Shall we open it?"

On another day, Lily might have pointed out that there didn't seem a lot of point in standing here and not opening it. Today, she just nodded and reached out a hand towards the handle, hoping Robyn wouldn't notice the shaking that seemed only too obvious.

They could both hear it now: sounds from within the room. Groans. Moans. And was that a scream?

Lily's heart was pounding, but she refused to be beaten by fear. She pushed the door open.

It hit something hard, only opening a few inches, but it was enough for Lily to peer through the gap.

What she saw left her speechless with horror.

* * *

Lofty watched as the room seemed to grow darker. He could feel his eyes starting to close. He fought to keep them open, but he'd been lying here for so long and he'd heard nothing.

No sign of anyone at all.

He'd thought, once or twice, that he might have heard Dylan's voice, but he hadn't been sure if it was real or not. It probably wasn't. It was a sign of a tired, pain-filled mind. A mind that could fight no longer.

He felt so tired. If he slept, the pain and worry would be gone.

Lofty's eyes closed.

He forced them open.

No! He wouldn't sleep. He couldn't be sure exactly what was wrong with him, but sleep could be dangerous.

But he was so, so tired.

Lofty closed his eyes again.

* * *

Rita knew she'd lost him.

She'd known it even before he bolted. His eyes had filled with panic and he'd slowly started to back away from her. When she'd tried to soothe him, he'd screamed: "Go away! All you ever do is lie!" In the moment of frozen shock that had followed, he'd fled.

Now, he was somewhere inside the ED and Rita could only hope he hadn't got into Resus. In his current mental state, anything could happen.

She couldn't blame Iain for his anger. He was right. She'd lied to him about Mark and she'd lied to him just now. She hadn't thought of it as lying: it was more a kind of role play, if not the kind they'd usually indulged in. Iain, in his mind, was clearly in a different place and time from Rita, so she'd entered that place and time as a way to bring him back to the present.

But now he was in the present, he knew that what she said hadn't been true. And now he could no longer trust her.

Rita stopped outside Resus and looked inside. There seemed to be three patients in there, along with Dylan, Ethan, Elle, David and a few other nurses. One of the patients was Cal. She couldn't see much of the other two. There was no sign of Robyn or Louise, but perhaps they were elsewhere.

 _Or injured_ , thought Rita, as she allowed the smallest sliver of fear to enter her heart. _Or…_

She'd left without saying goodbye to them. At that time, she'd have been happy never to see them again. Although their anger towards her was understandable, that didn't make it any easier to bear and Rita hadn't wanted to see that look in their eyes ever again.

Now, Rita would have given anything to see the derision and contempt in their eyes once more. At least then she would know they were alive.

* * *

Robyn saw Lily freeze as she stood in the doorway. Slowly, the doctor withdrew from the door and turned to face Robyn, her eyes wide, her face twisted into an expression of shock.

Robyn was terrified. "What is it, Lily?" she asked softly.

"I don't think you want to look," said Lily.

Robyn wasn't at all sure she wanted to either. She heard a loud sound coming from the room and found herself clutching at Lily's hand in fear. "What is it? Oh, he must be so hurt! We've got to go in, Lily! No matter how bad it is."

"I'm not sure they are hurt," said Lily.

"They?" echoed Robyn. "Is Max in there too? Lily, you've got to let me see!" She put her hands on Lily's shoulders and moved her roughly aside. Robyn closed her eyes for a moment and thought to herself: _Please don't let this be too terrible._

She looked through the gap just as a scream rent the air.

"Max?" said Robyn, shocked. Then she recognised the woman straddling him. " _Zoe?_ "

"I told you that you would perhaps prefer not to see," said Lily.

Robyn knew it was weird and disturbing, but her eyes were riveted. She was glad Max seemed physically okay – though she couldn't vouch for the state of his heart when Zoe went back to America – but she hadn't expected to see _this_.

Zoe climbed off Max, displaying much more than Robyn had ever wanted to see (though probably no more than she'd already accidentally seen) and turned round, presumably with the intention of sitting beside Max.

Instead her eyes met Robyn's. "Robyn!" she gasped in relief. "I'm so glad-" Then she remembered her nudity and tried to put one arm in front of her breasts, the other lower down. "Sorry. We… didn't expect to be disturbed."

Max had grabbed something from the floor – which looked like a dress to Robyn – and covered himself with it as he stood protectively in front of Zoe. "Hey. Um… Zoe's back."

"I noticed," said Robyn.

"I'm glad you found us," said Zoe from behind Max. "I know we weren't exactly making much effort to get out, but there's a big crack in the ceiling and we didn't think we'd get out of here alive."

Robyn tried not to think about another kind of crack she'd just seen. "Are you hurt?"

"Just a bit bruised," said Max. "And to be honest, most of that was probably caused by… actually, as you're my sister, I don't think I'm going to finish that sentence."

"That sounds like a good idea," said Robyn.

She heard Lily's voice from behind her. "Is Lofty with you?"

"No way!" said Max. "I like to think I'm open-minded, but I really prefer to keep Zoe to myself."

Robyn decided not to remind Max how difficult that could be.

"Hold on," said Zoe. "Did you say _Lofty's_ here? And he's missing too?"

"He texted Dr Keogh a while ago, but he only just saw the text," said Lily. "We began searching, but Alicia has been seriously injured and taken to Resus. Dr Knight has a head injury and Dr Hardy was trapped with Dr Munroe, so Dr Keogh had to treat her. We're very short of doctors."

"Not anymore, you're not," said Zoe. "Max, where's my dress?"

Max looked down at the garment he was holding. "I don't think I can give it to you quite yet."

"Lily and Robyn, please get on with looking for Lofty," said Zoe. "Max and I will make ourselves presentable, then Max will help you and I'll head to Resus to see what I can do."

Robyn felt almost like crying. It was so good to have someone take charge and think rationally. Even if the person in question did happen to be naked. "Really, Zoe? You're sure you're not too badly hurt?"

"Honestly, Robyn - and I promise you I'm not being inappropriate - I haven't felt this good for a _long_ time," said Zoe.


	20. Chapter 20

**westlife4ever80** , I think catching Max and Zoe would be pretty embarrassing, but I expect a lot of people have caught them, considering they've never been that fussy about time and place! You'll find out how Cal is in this chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **totti10** , thank you for your review - and for mentioning the other storylines! I'm really happy you liked the Max and Robyn interaction - I find Max in particular very difficult to write. I've always thought Lily had a heart in there somewhere. And as for Rita and Iain, I'm afraid you won't find out anything... until the end of the chapter!

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm glad you enjoyed the awkward moment when Max and Zoe were discovered - there hasn't been much to smile about in this story! Iain needs to realise two things that are obvious to us: firstly that Rita loves him and secondly that he loves Rita! There's a bit more Cal in this chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. With all the problems Cal was having, it was obvious he was going to collapse sooner or later, but I'm glad it wasn't obvious that the 'groans' Lily and Robyn heard weren't coming from Lofty. I'm not sure Lily and Robyn saw the humour, but I'm really glad you did!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm not completely sure I'd like to see anyone's stepbrother being straddled by his wife, estranged or otherwise! Just slightly awkward! Yes, I think that's going to be one of those images that stays with Robyn forever. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. Zoe and Max are a great couple and I love it when Zoe takes charge - I don't think we saw it enough in Series 30, though I loved it when she put Mercedes in her place: "I know he's not a paedophile because he's my husband!" I do miss Zoe.

 **Howling2theMoon** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're still enjoying this.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you found the chapter interesting.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think the 'safety net' feeling is mutual, but I somehow doubt they've discussed it! I'm so glad you liked the twist with Zoe and Max. I was expecting everyone to guess it was them - I'm so happy I managed to surprise at least some of you! It's not looking good for Lofty, I'm afraid. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , there's Casualty for you - as soon as one person is saved, another collapses! Ethan seems fine physically (unless there's another collapse in store), but he won't react well if he loses Cal or Alicia. The search for Lofty continues in this chapter, so maybe he'll be found at last. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Louise stroked the baby's hair and smiled as the small fist curled around hers. "Not long now, sweetheart. We've got a nice lady coming down from paediatrics to have a look at you and it might be a bit uncomfortable for a bit, but then it should be okay after that."

She knew it wasn't going to be okay. Whether Louise was correct about the congenital heart disease or not, there were likely to be further tests. Further proddings about which a small baby couldn't understand.

Not forgetting that she had probably been orphaned. Louise's heart ached. Now she'd thought of heart disease, her fears of abuse had considerably lessened and she could only feel sad for the baby. She would forget her parents soon, but it was always tragic to think of a little baby alone in the world.

 _No, you're not alone!_ Louise thought fiercely. _There are people who love you. You will be cared for._

The little baby looked up at Louise trustingly as though she'd heard and understood.

 _Oh, please…_ thought Louise as she gazed at her. _Please let me be part of this beautiful little girl's life…_

* * *

"He… he needs a CT scan," said Ethan, trying desperately to keep his tears back as he examined Cal. "Why did no-one send him for one before?"

David spoke softly, his hand on Ethan's shoulder. "Grace needed a scan. She was the priority. She hasn't gone up yet, so perhaps she doesn't need one. I'll look in and ask – if it seems like a good time."

Ethan smiled weakly. "Thank you. Wait: did Lily take any bloods?"

"I'm not sure," said David. "I'll check with the lab and if not, I'll take some now."

"FBCs, um, U&Es… I… um…" _I can't lose Cal and Alicia... I can't lose them both… poor Jacob: he must be feeling exactly the same as me only worse! I can't believe how incredibly brave he's being. Unlike me._

David grasped his hand. "Ethan. You can do this."

Ethan took a few breaths. "Yes. Sorry. I'm okay now." He ran through the tests without hesitation.

When David had gone, Ethan checked on his brother again, then glanced over at Alicia. Dylan and Elle were working on her, whilst monitoring Connie. Jac was with Grace and had been joined by a consultant friend of Charlie's who'd come across from the pub. Ethan hadn't been introduced to him, but he looked assured and competent. Unlike Ethan.

"Ethan?"

The word was some way between a whisper and a croak, but Ethan heard it. His head whipped round and he saw Cal, his eyelids flickering as he looked uncertainly from side to side.

"Cal, it's okay," said Ethan. "I'm here. You're in Resus. Do you remember what happened?"

Cal's eyes closed and he was silent.

"Cal?" said Ethan anxiously.

"Alicia," said Cal. "We're going on a date."

"Yes, that's right!" said Ethan, trying not to think how long it could be before Alicia was well enough to go on a date. "Do you know how it happened?"

"Helicopter," said Cal.

"That's good. Well done," said Ethan as encouragingly as he could. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Cal started to shake his head and winced as a moan of pain escaped his lips. "Hurts, Ethan."

"I know," said Ethan softly. "I'll give you some pain relief." He looked up as David returned. "What did they say?"

"Grace hasn't had her scan: they decided she was too unstable to be moved."

Ethan closed his eyes for a moment. _Poor Grace. Poor Connie._

He felt David's hand on his arm. "Cal can come up for a scan now, but if there's any change in Grace's condition and she needs a scan urgently, she will be the priority."

"Yes, of course," said Ethan. "David, Cal needs pain relief. I think it'll have to be paracetamol. I don't want to give morphine. I know the head injury doesn't seem severe, but I can't take any chances. Not with my brother. We won't know if his mental state is being altered by the morphine or the injury and if it increases the intracranial pressure…"

"What if it's titrated very carefully?" said David.

"No! No, we can't! I'm a doctor, David. I know what I'm doing."

"I know you do, Ethan," said David. "But you need to think as a doctor. Not as Cal's brother."

* * *

Lily hoped that Max would be dressed and ready to join her and Robyn soon. It wasn't that they were in any way physically inferior, but it was a job for three people rather than two, and Lily wasn't used to lifting and carrying.

"Lofty? Can you hear me?" Robyn called out at regular intervals, a hopeful look on her face that Lily tried not to let affect her because she was working.

She told herself she also wasn't affected when the hope faded, to be replaced by acute disappointment.

"We will find him soon," Lily found herself saying, even though she knew they couldn't be sure of that at all.

"We'll have to," said Robyn, his voice beginning to shake. "If he's been trapped for that long and he can't answer us…" She picked up a big lump of plaster and threw it rather carelessly in Lily's direction.

"Robyn, be careful!" said Lily sharply.

"Why didn't Dylan just look at his phone?" Robyn was crying now. "I mean, how much trouble is it to look at your phone?"

"Robyn, Dylan was very-"

"Isn't it bad enough that I'm going to lose my boyfriend without losing my best friend too?" Robyn's voice rose hysterically. "How is that fair, Lily? How is that… ow, my eye! My eye!"

Lily moved quickly to her side. "Show me, Robyn. Look at me."

Robyn ignored her, holding her hand over her eye and screaming.

Lily gently but firmly prised her hand away. Robyn's eyes were screwed shut with pain. "Open your eyes, Robyn. Open your eyes, please."

With an effort, Robyn obeyed, more tears streaming down her face.

Lily shivered slightly. "I think… this light isn't good enough for me to work in. Come on, Robyn. "We'll go to cubicles and I'll have a proper look."

She was expecting an argument, but Robyn offered none. Lily put her arm around her and guided her to the cubicle where Louise and the baby were. The curtain was open and Louise was smiling down at the baby, without a care in the world.

"Louise, I… I may require your assistance," said Lily in a trembling voice. "I believe Robyn has a hyphema."

* * *

Zoe looked over at the door, frowning. She didn't like to think that she'd been irresponsible, but it was a description that had been applied to her far too often. She knew her failings. She was lucky that so many people loved her anyway.

"Zoe, you okay?" said Max, pausing in the act of pulling his shirt over his head.

Zoe sighed. It was time to be responsible. She turned to face her husband. "Max, I'm sorry."

Max closed his eyes. "Please don't tell me you regret this, Zoe."

"No… I wasn't going to say that." Zoe waited till he'd opened his eyes again. "I just mean I think we could have got through that door. We should have tried at least."

"I don't know." Max was smiling now, if cautiously. "I did quite enjoy what we did instead."

" _Quite_?" said Zoe, but she wasn't really angry. She knew it was a lot more than quite. At times, she knew Max's feelings better than she understood her own.

"Okay. I _really_ enjoyed it," said Max. "And maybe we could have got out that door, but maybe we couldn't. Anyway, the way we dealt with it worked out fine. We passed the time in a satisfactory manner and now we can go out and help."

"Satisfactory?" said Zoe, but her smile spoiled her pretended anger this time.

Max gave her a naughty look. "Well, I was satisfied. Weren't you?"

"For now, perhaps," said Zoe.

* * *

Rita was trembling as she rounded another corner. She didn't know what she was going to find.

The only thing she knew with any certainty was that Iain was suffering and she loved him

It almost didn't matter if he welcomed her as his angel or pushed her away again. He would be hurting, both physically and mentally as he relived the tortures of his present and past.

She froze as she heard shouting.

It was Jacob, she realised after a moment or two, feeling both relief and deep sympathy – and then guilt for thinking of her own situation. It was so much worse for other people. At least Iain was alive. Jacob could lose Connie and Grace. If anyone was entitled to shout and scream now, it was Jacob.

She hesitated for a moment, wondering if Jacob was alone right now, in which case he might need her more than Iain. But then Rita heard another voice which she recognised instantly as Charlie's. She knew Charlie would deal with this. Charlie could deal with anything.

Thirty years… it seemed impossible that Charlie could keep going for another thirty years, yet Rita knew she wouldn't be surprised if it happened.

"What are you… quick, get out of the way!"

A body slammed into Rita, hard. She cried out in alarm as the weight pushed her into the wall.

"It's okay," said Iain's voice in her ear. "I'm not going to hurt you, but you shouldn't be out in the open like that. What are you doing here anyway? It's not safe."

Rita felt her heart pounding in her ribs. _Where are you now, Iain?_ "Where are we?"

"In the middle of a battlefield!" said Iain. "I'm Corporal Iain Dean. And I don't know what you're doing here, Blondie, but…" He stopped.

The tension in Iain's body prevented Rita from objecting to the use of the nickname. "What is it?" she whispered, frightened despite herself. It felt so real.

Iain groaned, sagging against her. "Oh God, no. Please God, no."

Rita didn't know what he'd seen or heard, but she knew it was hurting him. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around his waist. "It's okay, Iain. It's okay."

Some of the strength seemed to return to Iain's body. He pulled away from her embrace, his face pale but set. "Wait here. Don't move. I'll be back." He ran off down the corridor.

Rita followed him.


	21. Chapter 21

**Howling2themoon** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you like it so far.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I thought Louise needed a change! She has a lot of good qualities and I do actually like her, but they don't include her attitude. I think I'd be too scared to kill Cal off - you'll never forgive me! I hope you'll be able to update your Zax fanfic soon. Iain doesn't know how lucky he is that Rita loves him. Thank you for your review/

 **Tanith Panic** , things can always get worse in the ED! I'm so glad you liked the plotting. I actually did more work on that than I usually do as I planned almost every scene before I started writing. Things aren't great for Lofty at the moment as no-one is looking for him - Dylan won't be happy! Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. Ethan might struggle more with treating Cal because he was involved in the accident too and he's also worried about Alicia, but like Cal, I don't think he wants anyone else treating his brother! Louise is certainly falling in love with the baby... it is different for Rita, and she's emotionally-involved too!

 **westlife4ever80** , it probably is impossible at times to tell where one condition ends and another begins - it could be either of both with Iain. Cal won't get the results for a couple of chapters, but it could go either way. He seems alert, which is positive, but he does keep collapsing!

 **InfinityAndOne** , I think David is a good person to have around when you're scared. He doesn't make a big fuss of you - he's just there and there's something so reassuring about him. Or so it seems when I'm watching! I'm planning to go into more detail about Iain's flashbacks at some point. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Lily could hardly look at it.

The hyphema covered most of the iris and pupil. It pooled there, red and thick, obscuring Robyn's vision. Tremors ran through Lily. The hand holding the pen-light trembled. "It is a Grade 3 hyphema. We… we need to call for an ophthalmologist."

"They'll have closed the department by now," said Louise. "There should be someone on call, but you can do it, can't you?"

"Yes," said Lily through gritted teeth as she looked over Robyn's shoulder. "I can do it."

Robyn was crying. "Please, Lily. Help me! I can't see!"

"Lily, do you need me to get someone else?" said Louise.

Lily shook her head. "The other doctors are all busy. I have to do this. But…"

"But…?" said Louise. Her voice was unusually gentle.

"This is it," said Lily. "My fear. Yours is working with babies. Mine is working with eyeballs."

Louise's face filled with sympathy. "I might be able to get someone else. Or there might be an ophthalmologist on call. Or we could send Robyn to St James'."

"No, please do itnow!" begged Robyn. "I can't go blind. Glen needs me to take care of him."

Louise took Lily's hand. "I know it's hard, Lily. But I'm sure you can do this. I'll be right here."

Lily breathed deeply. "Robyn, have you ever had symptoms of coagulopathy, such as bleeding when you brush your teeth; blood when you blow your nose?"

"No," wept Robyn.

"And you haven't been taking aspirin?"

"No."

"Okay," said Lily, half to herself. "I must now check the intraocular pressure."

Louise held out the transpalpebral tonometer.

Lily took it in a shaking hand.

She removed the cap and checked the tip supports, moving them into the correct position. _Focus on the tips. Not the eyeballs. The tips._

Lily took her time. She wanted to delay. If she delayed enough, perhaps another doctor would arrive and she could ask them to do it.

But then she switched on the tonometer and she could delay no longer.

She had to do it. She had to touch Robyn's upper eyelid.

She shouldn't actually touch the eyeball, but her hand would be so close…

"You can do it, Lily," said Louise.

"Please, Lily. Please help me!" begged Robyn.

Lily touched Robyn's eyelid. A shudder went through her. She wasn't pressing on it – she wasn't supposed to press on it – but she could feel Robyn's eyeball. Every time she blinked, it fluttered against Lily's finger.

Lily wanted to scream.

She placed the tip on the cartilaginous part of the eyelid and told herself it would be over soon.

* * *

Alicia was stable, but she hadn't regained consciousness. Her circulatory system hadn't failed completely; she hadn't arrested.

But that didn't mean she was going to be okay.

"So, um, Cal has gone for a scan," Ethan told her. "He wanted to be here and he's really looking forward to taking you out when you're better, but it's probably a good idea for him to get his head read before he goes out with you. Oh, not that I'm implying that any man who wants to go out with you _needs_ to get his head read! Not at all! No! I think wanting to go out with you is more a sign of a sound mind than anything else. I mean, you're beautiful. Intelligent. Kind. Amusing. Brave. Everything really."

Alicia made no signs of having heard.

Ethan decided that was for the best considering the rubbish he was coming out with. "So, um, you'll need to start thinking about where you'd like to go. I'm sure Cal has lots of ideas, but after everything you've been through, it really should be your choice – and it's always a good idea not to let Cal have everything his own way. Though I'm sure you don't need my advice. I'm sure you have considerable experience when it comes to men."

There was a smothered laugh from one of the nurses.

"Oh gosh: did that sound insulting? I'm so sorry," said Ethan, blushing. "I only meant that you're intelligent and intuitive. I didn't mean to say that you… that you're a… that you have considerably more than average experience of dating. I'm sure you have had your fair share of boyfriends because you're so beautiful. Oh, not that I'm implying going out with Cal would mean you'd had more than your fair share! What I mean is… um, I'd like to tell you what I mean, but I'm all confused now and if I try to explain, I know it's going to come out wrong and insulting, so maybe it's best if I just keep quiet?"

* * *

The walls were closing in.

"Ethan?" he called out in a panic.

Cal knew his brother had been with him, but he couldn't see him now. He couldn't see anything. Just the walls, so close to his face.

"No, no, no…" mumbled Cal. He didn't want to panic. He was a Knight in Shining Armour and he was the one who rescued people, not the one who panicked.

"Cal, are you okay?"

The voice came from nowhere. Cal could see no-one and yet the voice was close to him. It wasn't Ethan's voice; it wasn't any voice he knew.

"Cal?"

"Where am I? What's going on? Where are you?"

"You're in the scanner, Cal. You have a head injury and you need a CT scan. I'm in the booth, speaking to you over the microphone."

Head injury… helicopter…

"Eth- aaargh!" Cal cried out as his head hit the wall. He must have tried to sit up. "Ethan? Where's Ethan? He's trapped!"

"Ethan's fine, Cal. You rescued him."

 _Yes… yes, I did…_

"Cal, your heartrate's a little bit high. Can you breathe slowly and deeply for me?"

All Cal wanted was to get out. He had to see for himself that Ethan was still okay.

* * *

As Lily had expected, Robyn's intraoccular pressure was high.

"I… I will need to perform a gonioscopy," said Lily. She could feel herself beginning to tremble, but she tried to ignore it. _This is not a horror film. An eyeball cannot hurt me._

Louise gave her a look of sympathy. She passed Lily the gonioscope. "It's all prepared. I used a methylcellulose solution."

Lily bit her lip and carefully lifted Robyn's upper lid, shuddering as she felt the shape of the eyeball beneath it. Reluctantly, she looked into the gonioscope at Robyn's magnified eye. It looked so big and… Lily tried to concentrate. Carefully, she rotated the gonioscope.

"There's something running down my face!" said Robyn.

"It is the methylcellulose solution," said Lily. "It is not harmful." She finished rotating the gonioscope. She tried to pull the gonioscope away, but as she'd feared, it was suctioned to the eyeball. "Robyn, I am going to… to push my finger against your eyeball to remove the gonioscope." Lily's breathing was erratic and her stomach churning. Her finger shook. As she brought it closer to Robyn's eyeball, her finger jerked.

Robyn screamed as Lily's finger brushed the eyeball. Lily cried out and shuddered as she felt the jelly-like substance.

"Do you want me to do it?" said Louise.

Lily wanted that very much. But she also wanted to get over this. She swallowed, returned her finger to Robyn's eyeball and gently pushed. She was shaking and every muscle in her body seemed to have tensed, but at last, the seal was broken and the gonioscope came away in her hand.

Lily clamped a hand to her mouth.

"Here." Louise was holding a bowl for her. "It's okay. It's over now. You did it."

The nausea gradually receded. Lily lifted her head. "I'm sorry."

"No, you were really brave, Lily," said Louise sincerely. "You were amazing."

* * *

Zoe and Max stepped out into the corridor. Max's eyes widened: it looked so different. So dark and dirty. Broken and wrong. So far from being a place of safety and comfort where patients were made better.

He looked around for Lily and Robyn, but there was no sign of them. "Where do you think they are? They can't have gone into any of the rooms."

"Maybe they were asked to help someone else," said Zoe.

Max could feel her trembling. He knew that as soon as she was with her patient, she would be the calm, competent and controlled Dr Hanna, but for now, she was just Zoe: a beautiful and courageous woman who'd come close to death and was now fearing for her closest friends. "It's going to be okay, Zoe. You can do this."

Zoe nodded, but without conviction. "We need to split up, Max."

He stared at her in shock. He didn't know why he was surprised. Zoe had a job in America and he was here. She hadn't wanted him to go with her before, so why would now be any different?

"Sorry, Max. I mean I need to get to Resus," said Zoe. "You need to do your job too – there might be people needing wheelchairs of trolleys." She smiled. "But we'll catch up later, Max. I promise."

* * *

Iain swung round to see the blonde. "I told you not to follow me!"

There was a slight hesitation. "My name's Rita and I'm a nurse."

Iain laughed humourlessly. "I think it's a bit late for a nurse, Rita." Sadness came into his eyes. "Much too late for my men. I should have been there. I should have warned them; protected him. But I didn't and now they're gone."

"Iain, you're not in a battlefield. You're in a hospital," said Rita. "The things you think you're seeing happened a long time ago."

"Have you hit your head at all, Rita?" said Iain.

Rita stepped closer to him. "No, but you have, Iain." She took his hand and moved it towards one of the trees. "Can you feel this?"

Iain frowned. He was touching something flat. Almost smooth. Nothing like tree bark.

"Bend down and touch the ground, Iain," said Rita.

Mesmerised by her quiet authority as well as confused by the tree, Iain bent down.

He didn't feel earth, twigs and vegetation. He felt cold, hard floor.

He looked up at Rita again. "I don't understand!"

"It's okay, Iain." Rita's voice was soothing. "I know it's horrible, but you've been through this before and you got over it. You can get over it again. Would you mind coming with me? We'll get you into a cubicle, then I'll get a doctor to come and look at you. I know it's a lot to take in, but you will be okay."


	22. Chapter 22

**NettieTheCarrot** , thank you for your review. Ethan does want to be the one to take Alicia out, but he also wants her to be happy. Neither Cal nor Alicia are in great shape though, so the date could easily not happen. It was really difficult for Lily and I'm glad I managed to convey that.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it must be bad enough living through everything Iain's suffered for the first time - I doubt it ever gets easier and it must be horrible knowing he could relive it. Lily did do well - though she might not recognises that. She's tougher on herself than anyone else. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Ethan is struggling - it's horrible for him seeing Cal and Alicia hurt and he's been through a horrible ordeal too. I'm sorry, but I did enjoy writing Zoe's "We need to split up" line! I'm so glad you like Iain's storyline - I hope Casualty does a PTSD story soon.

 **Howling2themoon** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

 **Guest** , Zoe won't be getting any more Max action now they've 'split up', but she will have plenty to do in the coming chapters. Thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're enjoying it.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. I'm sorry for making you cringe! I hope it wasn't too horrible. I wanted to show what Lily was reacting to, but it's difficult sometimes to know how much is too much. I'm sure Cal will feel a bit better once he's with Ethan. That's where we like them to be - together!

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Iain is on his way back for the moment. It was a bad choice of words from Zoe - poor Max! I hope the eyeballs weren't too gruesome - that procedure would usually be delayed, but I wanted Lily to be brave. Yes, Lofty has perished. Dylan will be devastated. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm so glad you like the way I write Ethan - he is such an adorable character and it's really good to know I'm getting him 'right'. Cal isn't well - I haven't decided yet what the scan will reveal, but you know I like to make the brothers suffer! Well, kind of. It will be difficult to help Iain. Thank you for your review.

* * *

The baby seemed surprisingly happy considering her recent ordeal. Her wide eyes were fixed on Louise. There was a strange feeling inside Louise's chest: a sort of opening out. As though her heart was filling and swelling with love.

Lily said a few more consoling words to Robyn and came over to Louise. "How is she?"

"She's doing really well," said Louise, feeling almost proud.

"You are a natural," said Lily. "I hope you will have children of your own, Louise. You will be a good mother."

Louise looked at the baby, partly because she wanted to and partly to hide her emotion. She'd always wanted to be a mother, but she'd begun to fear it would never happen. Most men seemed afraid of her. Louise couldn't blame him for that. The attentions of men made her feel so vulnerable so she sought to reinforce the protective shell she'd built around her. This only pushed the men further away.

"Any word from paediatrics?" said Lily.

"They are supposed to be sending someone down," said Louise.

Lily nodded. "I'll chase it up for you. Will you remain here?"

Louise nodded, almost smiling. Nothing could have made her leave the baby now. "Do you think we should tell Cal?"

There was a pause while Lily considered the question. "The first thing we need to do is to find out whether she is Cal's Matilda. There is a very good chance she's not. We don't even know that this baby was adopted."

There was a small gasp from Robyn. "You think the baby is _Matilda_?"

"She looks like Matilda," said Louise.

Lily nodded. "We can't make any decisions based on that alone, but it should not be difficult to find out. Matilda was admitted to the ED, I believe with meningitis, on Ethan's birthday. As the adoption was done through the official channels, it should be in her medical records."

"But how will that prove who this baby is?" said Robyn.

Lily was about to show Robyn the card she'd found in Matilda's bag, but she realised Robyn would struggle to read it with one eye. "This baby's name, birthdate and blood group are all correct. That is all we know at present – and it's not enough to be sure. We need to find out the names of Matilda's adoptive parents – and discover whether they are among the casualties outside."

* * *

Zoe glanced through the Resus doors and saw immediately that something was wrong. Ethan was standing beside a trolley occupied by an unconscious blonde girl.

Zoe had almost recognised the girl when an urgent beeping from the third bay caught her attention. Dylan was bending anxiously over Connie.

Zoe rushed to his side. "What's happening, Dylan?"

"Pulse rate is increasing and BP is dropping," said Dylan.

"She could be going into shock," said Zoe. "What was her symptoms?"

There was a hint of exasperation in Dylan's eyes that didn't hide the deep concern. "Connie refused to allow us to make a secondary survey. She wanted to be with Grace."

"That's understandable, but we need to examine her now," said Zoe. "She was in her car, wasn't she?" She barely contained a shiver at the thought of the car plunging over the cliff.

"Yes, and she was ejected from the vehicle," said Dylan. "We don't know much more due to her refusal to be examined, but her head and neck have been cleared."

"How could it have happened?" said Zoe as she began a head-to-toe examination. "Connie does drive a bit fast at times, but not with Grace in the car."

Dylan hesitated. "We don't need to worry about that now."

"If I'm going to assist in her treatment, I'll need to know everything you know," said Zoe.

The reluctance on Dylan's face was unlike him and therefore all the more worrying. "We believe that someone ran her off the road."

Zoe gasped. Resus seemed to tilt.

"Zoe?" Dylan moved closer to her, but Zoe was back in control.

"And she wouldn't allow herself to be examined? Well, isn't that just typical of Connie? You know, in some ways, that's a relief. It's typical behaviour, Dylan. She's still our Connie. And that can only ever be a good thing. "

* * *

Rita didn't know whether to be relieved or not when Iain went with her quietly. The quicker she got him to a cubicle, the quicker he could be evaluated by a doctor, but this new, docile Iain frightened her.

His hand was in hers as he looked around the hospital with bewildered eyes. Rita had seen it in patients before and knew it was partly because of the hospital's unfamiliarity, but it shouldn't be unfamiliar to Iain. There were parts of the hospital – even parts of the ED – he'd probably never visited, but it was still unquestionably part of the ED he'd worked at for nearly three years.T"

They approached cubicles and discovered several of the beds were already occupied. A woman Rita didn't know was speaking gently to a young boy. Rita pressed lightly on Iain's hand. "Stop a minute, Iain. Hi, my name's Rita and I used to be clinical nursing manager here. Are you being helped?"

"Yeah, I'm a nurse," said the woman. "Amira. This young man's had an asthma attack and a bit of a shock, but I've got it under control."

"Okay, let me know if you need any help, Amira," said Rita. She turned to Iain and her voice gentled. "Come on, Iain. This way. It's okay."

A bit further on, she found Lily and Louise gazing with startling sentimentality at a baby while Robyn sat on the next-door bed with a nasty-looking eye injury.

"Lily, glad I found you," said Rita. "I'm very concerned about Iain. As well as a head injury, he's been having flashbacks – both to the crash and to something that happened when he was in the army. I'm wondering about PTSD."

Lily turned away from the baby and pushed back the curtains of the next-door cubicle. "Right: if you come here, Iain, I'll examine you and see what I can do."

Iain looked blankly at Rita.

"Iain, this is Lily," said Rita. "Dr Chao. She's one of the doctors here."

"Pretty," said Iain, looking at Lily.

Rita remembered when he'd said that – and more – to her. She tried to fight back her jealousy and sadness. "Yes, she's very pretty, isn't she?"

Lily looked almost pleased by the compliment.

* * *

Max didn't want to leave Zoe. She'd told him not to enter Resus and he had no intention of disobeying just yet, but he was worried about her. She was back at the ED after a long absence; back in a place that was now as full of bad memories as it was good ones.

He stood at the doors of Resus, listening to the faint sound of her voice and not wanting to leave in case she needed him.

With great reluctance, he decided he had to go. Zoe was his wife, but Robyn was his sister and Lofty was his best mate. There must be a reason why Robyn had stopped looking for Lofty.

Giving Zoe one last look, he went to cubicles and found Robyn. The sight of her filled him with fear and he rushed to her side. "Robyn, what's happened?"

"It was my fault," said Robyn, trying to smile. "I was clearing a way to one of the doors and I got a bit angry with Dylan and stopped paying attention to what I was doing." She indicated her eye. "This was the result. Aren't I going to look great when Owen takes me out tomorrow?"

Max gave her a hug. "Are you sure you shouldn't be in Resus?"

"No, I'm okay really," said Robyn, trying to smile. "The only concern is the increased pressure in my eye, but Lily has given me some meds to help reduce it. Apart from that, it's just relax and wait for the blood to clear and keep monitoring, but Lily says I should be able to go home."

Max hugged Robyn more tightly. He could tell she was shaken - and who wouldn't be? "What's happening about Lofty?"

"I don't know," said Robyn. "I was hoping Lily would go back and look for him – I'm not allowed – but Rita brought Iain in and he doesn't look good."

"Rita?!" said Max, confused. "Tell me if I'm going crazy, but hasn't she left?"

Shock came to Robyn's face – or rather to part of her face. Her injured eye didn't really show emotion. "Of course she has! I didn't even realise!"

Max smiled. "Don't worry. It's been a funny sort of day and Charlie's old mates are all over the place."

Rita overheard. "Oi, you. Less of the 'old', please."

"Only old people get sensitive about their age!" said Max teasingly. He became serious. "But it's good to see you back, Rita."

When he saw Rita's grateful smile, he was very glad he'd said it.

"But we've got to do something about Lofty," said Robyn. "The fire brigade were helping, but they got distracted by Ethan and Alicia. We've got to find him, Max. Dylan was so worried. We all are!"

"Ethan and Alicia are in Resus now," said Max. "Alicia doesn't look good and Ethan looks ready to fall over, but at least he's standing up."

"Oh, Max, it's so terrible!" Robyn's uninjured eye was full of tears.

"I know," said Max. "But we're all here and we're going to get through this, yeah? We're Holby ED and we always do."

* * *

Cal was still breathing hard as he was wheeled back to Resus. As the doors were held open, he heard running footsteps and Ethan was there. "Are you okay, Cal?"

"I don't know," said Cal. He was trembling. "It was… the walls were closing in, Ethan." He heard his voice wobble, but he didn't feel embarrassed. He needed Ethan.

Ethan took Cal's hand. "I know. Those scanners are horrible, aren't they? They terrify me."

Cal gave Ethan a grateful smile. "I'm okay, but…"

"I know," said Ethan gently. He squeezed Cal's hand. "I've been telling Alicia about your date."

"Got it all planned out, have you?" said Cal with a weak attempt at a laugh.

"No, but I told her to think about where she'd like to go," said Ethan. "I do rather hope she can't hear me though. I tried to say that she... that she probably has a lot of admirers because she's so beautiful, but I actually implied that she was... that she was extremely receptive to her many admirers."

Cal's laugh was genuine this time. It hurt his head, but he was so glad to be back with his brother. "Oh, Nibbles."

"I know," sighed Ethan. "I'm hopeless! No wonder she prefers you."


	23. Chapter 23

_I'm sorry if the medical information is wrong. It was difficult finding information on Alicia's condition so I'm not very confident about it._

 **X-Sammii-X** , there hasn't been enough Robyn and Max recently - I'd love to see Max supporting her and getting to know Glen. Zoe and Rita both need to come back! I'd like them both to stay in this story, but I'll have to see how the story progresses and what feels right. I definitely agree about Ethan being lovely! Thank you for your review.

 **totti10** , it was sad the way the whole ED banded together against Rita when she'd been so brilliant as a colleague and a friend. I was especially disappointed with Max, Ethan and David, who are usually so lovely! And of course Iain, who couldn't see how lucky he was. I'm glad you liked Rita's emotions. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , thank you for your reviews. I don't mind eyeballs, but it's very easy to see why other people are freaked out by them. Did you think the baby was Rihanna? I'm really happy it wasn't too obvious. Refusing to be treated is a worry medically, but her stubbornness seems very much Connie!

 **Tanith Panic** , even if it is Matilda, I can't promise a happy ending - the baby has a heart condition and unless this one does turn out to be Cal's, he has no rights. Scans are horrible - I hate the ones that make shrill noises! Yes, you can be first to comfort Dylan if you're prepared to fight Zoe for the honour! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Cal will be shocked if it's Matilda! He does seem to have forgotten Matilda in the episodes, but how could you forget a little baby girl you really loved? There is a good chance the baby has lost at least one adoptive parent. I'm glad you liked the Cal and Ethan scene.

* * *

Max led the way to the part of the ED where he and Zoe had been not exactly unhappily imprisoned. "We don't know for sure Lofty's here, but he doesn't seem to be anywhere else. I really think we need to mount a-" He stopped, blushing slightly. He really didn't need to think about 'mounting' at the moment.

The policeman nodded. "I think you're right, Mr Walker. It is possible Mr Chiltern changed his mind at the last minute and went home, but we can't take the risk."

"Thank you," said Max gratefully – mostly because of Lofty, but he did like the 'Mr Walker' too. "I don't think he'd have changed his mind at the last minute. And even if he did, he'd have let Dylan know."

"If he's that good a mate, I wonder why he didn't call you."

"He probably wanted to surprise us," said Max. "He just told Dylan because Dylan doesn't like surprises. Zoe – that's my wife… well, ex-wife… though technically still wife… and possibly not ex anymore – Zoe says Dylan gets enough surprises in his job so he really likes to know what's going on the rest of the time. You can understand it really."

* * *

Lily bent over Iain and shone her torch into his eyes. He flinched away.

"Please keep your head still," said Lily.

Iain seemed to recognise this as an order. His head was motionless as Lily finished her examination, checking his nose and ears for cerebrospinal fluid and blood.

"Do you have a headache at all, Iain? Do you feel sick? Dizzy?"

Iain gave a very firm negative to every question and correctly identified the number of fingers Lily was holding up. When she asked him to walk up and down the length of the cubicles, she could discern no problems with balance or walking generally.

"Do you remember what happened to you?" asked Lily.

It took Iain a moment or two to answer, but any confusion was unsurprising in the circumstances. "I was in the helicopter with Grace. I think Jacob got her out. But then Rita told me I was back in the helicopter and I had to get out of it again. But then I saw the other helicopter and it was the first helicopter and the other one wasn't real."

Lily looked questioningly at Rita.

"He was obviously stuck in his memory of the scene of the crash," said Rita. "I thought perhaps if I treated it as being real, I could get him out of the imagined situation and back into the real world. It seemed to work at first, but then he realised it wasn't real and thought I was lying to him."

"You were lying to him," said Lily. She saw the hurt on Rita's face and found herself adding: "But it was a good idea."

Rita's look of gratitude made Lily glad she'd said it.

"Okay, there are no signs of a more serious head injury as yet, other than the flashbacks, but with your history of PTSD, they don't necessarily indicate injury," said Lily. "Your GCS also suggests the head injury is minor. But I will send you for a CT scan to make sure and you will need to be kept under observation for 24 hours. Do you live alone?"

"I can stay with him," said Rita.

Lily eyed her doubtfully. While she felt the gossip about Rita and her behaviour towards Iain was probably much exaggerated, she was concerned it could be an ordeal for Rita as well as for Iain. "It might be best for him to remain in hospital, considering the psychological issues."

"I don't have psychological issues!" said Iain.

Rita sat on the bed beside him. "Iain, you thought you were back in the army."

Iain looked at her through narrowed eyes. Lily guessed he couldn't be sure who he could trust at the moment. Not Rita – and not himself.

"We will wait for the result of the scan before considering a psych referral," decided Lily. "Rita, I also have to look after Matilda and Robyn and I was also treating Cal until he disappeared, so perhaps you could stay with Iain and watch out for any deterioration in his condition or recurrence of the flashbacks."

"Matilda?!" said Rita. "Do you mean…" She glanced towards the baby.

Lily nodded. "The baby's name is Matilda. It is a very common name. We don't know any more than that at present."

* * *

Zoe had forgotten what it was like when a colleague was the patient.

No, that wasn't quite true. You never forgot. Not completely. But the latest news about Connie was almost more than she could bear.

The scan had revealed liver damage and Connie was now having surgery. They didn't know if she'd survive.

Zoe rubbed her hands over her face. A part of her wished she'd stayed in America.

At the same time, there was nowhere she wanted to be but here.

"Zoe. I understand you're upset." Dylan was standing in front of her. "But we have other patients. We need to make a decision about Alicia and I hardly think Dr Hardy is fit to treat his brother, even if it wasn't unethical."

"I just… seeing Connie like that," said Zoe.

"Yes, it's very difficult, but there's nothing you can do for Connie, so the best thing you can do is focus on our other patients," said Dylan.

"And Grace…" Zoe always hated to see a child who was critically ill, but it was different when she knew the child. She thought of all the trouble Grace had caused on the occasions when Connie had brought her to work with her. All Zoe could do was hope that one day soon, Grace would be causing havoc and getting under her feet again.

"Look, I know exactly how you feel," said Dylan. "You might not think it, but I do. I have no idea what's happened to Ben. All we know is he texted me some time ago to say he was almost at the ED. Nobody has seen him – therefore he must be trapped somewhere. Perhaps seriously injured. Perhaps... _dead_."

His voice filled with emotion. Zoe touched his shoulder. "It's not your fault, Dylan. You had Connie and Grace to consider. You had no opportunity to check your phone. Lofty would understand that. If he was here, he wouldn't have checked his phone either."

A muscle worked in Dylan's jaw. "I still blame myself, Zoe. And all I want is to be out there now, looking for him. But I'm needed here and so are you."

Zoe knew he was right. She also knew she couldn't afford to fall apart – especially not when Dylan was struggling tooe. She nodded and turned back to Alicia – just as the machines monitoring her went crazy. "She's in severe respiratory distress. Dyspnoeic and tachypnoeic. Oxygen levels and blood pressure dropping."

"Alicia!" Ethan seemed about to run to her side, but Cal caught hold of his arm.

"No, Ethan. Let Zoe and Dylan handle it. You're too involved."

Ethan looked distraught. "She's going to be your girlfriend!"

"Then stay here and support me," said Cal. "Zoe and Dylan can handle it. Okay?"

Dylan looked almost panicky. "Any ideas?"

"It could be classic transfusion-related acute lung injury," said Zoe. "Okay: she needs high-flow oxygen and we also get a chest x-ray and check blood gases, please."

" _Alicia_!" Ethan managed to pull away from Cal.

Cal jumped up from the bed and grabbed him around the waist. "No, Ethan. They can handle this. They're doing everything they can."

Ethan struggled to break free. "Let me help!"

"Out, both of you, please," said Dylan. "Go to cubicles."

"Yeah: let's go to cubicles," said Cal. He swayed slightly, though he didn't let go of Ethan. "Come on, Ethan. You can't help here because you're too close to Alicia, but maybe there'll be something you can do in cubicles. Come on."

"We'll check the central venous pressure and normal pulmonary capillary wedge pressure," said Zoe. "If they're normal, we can rule out transfusion-associated circulatory overload and cardiogenic edema." She looked at the monitor again and shook her head. "It's not looking good, Dylan. We'll intubate with lung-protective ventilation. Haemodynamic support on standby – and alert haematology." She paused. "And then we need to arrange a transfer to ICU."

* * *

Louise looked up in relief as the doctor appeared. "Hi, are you from paediatrics? I'm Louise: I'm one of the nurses. This is Matilda." She looked at Lily, who was rechecking Robyn's intraocular pressure. Louise didn't doubt it was difficult for her, but her hand looked steady. "Dr Chao, the doctor's here from paediatrics."

Lily said a few more words to Robyn, then came to meet the doctor. She introduced herself and explained the history of Matilda's involvement with them.

"Oh, and this was with her," said Louise, handing the doctor the medical information they'd found. "Nothing about a heart condition, but… well… we're not completely sure, but we think the baby was adopted, in which case she was born in… uncertain circumstances. She might not have got the usual health checks."

"But there's no need to worry about that now," Lily cut in swiftly. "If you could take the baby up to paediatrics and give any necessary examinations? Thank you."

"Just a minute." Louise took Matilda's hand in hers and bent close to her. "It's going to be okay, Matilda. You've just got to go with this nice lady and she'll look after you. I wish I could go with you, but Dr Chao needs me to help her. But I'll come and see you as soon as I can." She turned to the doctor. "And if you don't need to keep her in, please bring her back here to me. I'm taking care of her."

She saw a slight frown on Lily's face at this pronouncement – and she could understand it. No official arrangements about Matilda had been made.

But Lily said nothing – or not to Louise. "I'll see you later, Matilda. Be a good girl."

* * *

Again, the tube wouldn't be inserted. Zoe shook her head. "It's no use."

"Let me try," said Dylan, but Zoe shook her head.

"We can't make any further attempts. We need to do a cricothyroidotomy." Zoe located the membrane.

As this was their Plan B, the kit was already waiting. Dylan offered it to Zoe. "Are you okay to do this?"

Zoe nodded. "I think so."

"'Think so' isn't good enough, Zoe," said Dylan. "We need the best people – and Alicia _is_ a colleague."

"She's not _my_ colleague," said Zoe firmly. She looked him in the eye. "I can do this, Dylan."


	24. Chapter 24

**X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Iain's injury is one of the reasons why I had to bring Rita back - she's the best person to look after him. Dylan really would be devastated to lose Lofty - he was upset enough when Lofty left the ED! Cal isn't the type to settle down, but I'm not sure Alicia is either, though I haven't seen yesterday's episode yet. Zoe probably remembers Alicia, but it was a long time ago and I don't think they had much interaction - all Zoe seemed to do was follow Max around!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Louise is so fond of Matilda herself, she might have mixed feelings about telling Cal - and she's no longer in his care so there's no reason to tell him. But I don't think there's much chance of Cal not finding out one way or another! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , it's probably quite difficult to make a balanced judgement on medical staff as we usually only see them when we're ill and in pain and often all we're aware of is that they haven't made us better yet! But there probably are lots of doctors who could cope in Zoe and Dylan's situation and that's awe-inspiring. Zoe's already survived explosions, near-drowning and a partly-collapsed building, so she probably is quite tough! Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , when I was wondering which former characters to bring back, I had to include Matilda as she's another character who should never have left! Maybe they should make sure Cal's lying down before telling him. I'm glad Alicia's treatment sounded realistic! Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. That's true about Lofty... they are getting closer, but they might not be close enough! It would have hurt Ethan to be removed from Resus, but he was far too emotional to be any help and he might have made things worse - though he did manage brilliantly when she was trapped.

* * *

The hospital seemed to be swaying in front of Cal's eyes, but he didn't let go of Ethan. He was a bit surprised Dylan had allowed him to leave in his current condition, but he was grateful to him. Ethan needed to leave and Alicia needed every capable medic they could find. Neither Cal nor Ethan qualified now.

"No, I have to go back!" cried Ethan. He tried to twist away from Cal's hold and the action pulled Cal off-balance. He let go of Ethan with one hand and grabbed hold of a wall to stop him from falling, but in his current physical state, he had no chance of containing Ethan with one arm.

Ethan pulled away and started to run. Cal called out for him to stop, but he knew it would be useless. He tried to run towards his brother, but his legs felt wobbly and he knew he wouldn't be able to catch Ethan.

Then Ethan stopped. He stood still for a moment and then it was as though his bones had collapsed. He flopped down onto the floor, landing heavily and probably doing his knee no good at all, but he was seemingly unaware of physical pain. He lifted his face to the ceiling and made a sound Cal could only describe as a howl.

Cal finally reached him and sank down beside him, pulling Ethan close. "I know, Ethan. It's awful, but Zoe and Dylan are great doctors. They're doing their best for Alicia. And if Zoe's right about TRALI, Alicia has got a chance. A good chance."

Ethan continued to cry, his sobs deep and guttural and almost groans.

"I'm sure Alicia will get better," said Cal, even though he'd never have said such a thing to anyone else's relative. "She'll get better and she'll go out on a date with me… and she'll realise I'm really not all that great. And I'll tell her about you and how amazing you are and how crazy she was to prefer me to you. She might not believe me at first – I mean: I'm the Knight, aren't I? – but then she'll look at you again and she'll realise. She'll realise how great you are and then she'll want to be with you." Cal stroked Ethan's hair. "Because you're great, you are, Ethan. A great doctor; a great brother. And I'm sure you'll be a great boyfriend too."

* * *

Max watched as the rubble was cleared away from the last door. He honestly didn't know what to hope for. If Lofty was in there, then they'd have found him and he'd be able to go and have whatever treatment he needed.

But if Lofty _was_ in there, he wasn't in good shape. The emergency services guys (policemen, fire brigade and Max didn't know what else… probably coastguard and mountain rescue for all he knew) hadn't exactly been quiet. If Lofty was awake, he would have them. They'd shouted his name and banged on the walls, hoping for a response, but there had been none.

But if Lofty wasn't in there, then where was he?

Max's mind went back to Lofty's text message. He hadn't actually seen it, but it had said he was nearly at the ED. But what did 'nearly' mean anyway? Could it have meant he was still on the train?

Max didn't think so. Lofty had sent his text to Dylan. When you talked to Dylan, it was better to be as accurate as possible when you said things. Max knew Dylan genuinely liked Lofty, but it didn't stop him from nitpicking. Lofty wouldn't tell Dylan he was nearly at the ED unless he was almost in sight of it.

Max's gaze went back to the door. Lofty had to be in there then.

Unless he'd gone running upstairs or something and slipped over and banged his head. That was possible. But Max didn't think he'd want to go running upstairs. He'd walk around the ED and surprise his friends.

 _I almost feel like I'm being clever_ , thought Max. _It must be the sex. Zoe always says sex makes her think better._

He decided not to think about how she must have coped in the USA.

"We're through!"

Max looked at the door and realised it was clear. Another few seconds and he would know if his friend was dead or alive.

* * *

"Hi," said Zoe, as she looked around the door at Grace.

"Out," said Jac.

"I was just wondering if you needed any-"

"Okay, I'll just stop saving this child's life while I explain what we're doing, shall I?" snapped Jac.

It felt weird. This felt like Zoe's ED and yet it wasn't. She'd worked here for eight years; she'd been clinical lead here – but Jac, who'd only been drafted in to help, had more rights than Zoe.

Elle gave Zoe an apologetic smile. "Thanks, but we're good here."

"See: that's all it took," said Zoe, as she turned to leave. "Five polite words and I'm gone."

"Not quickly enough!" said Jac.

Zoe closed the door behind her. So much for trying to help.

She wanted to go and find Max. She _needed_ to go and find Max – but that would have to wait. Dylan had gone to see how things were going with Lofty. Zoe needed to track down Cal and Ethan.

It had been a risk sending them out like that. Alicia's sudden deterioration had meant they hadn't looked at Cal's scans. The last thing he should be doing was wandering around the ED, trying to take charge of his distraught brother – who could have a head injury himself for all Zoe knew. But someone had needed to take care of Ethan. In that state, he could have done anythinge.

Zoe hurried out towards cubicles but without any hope of finding them. You couldn't expect Cal to do as he was told at the best of times.

And once more, he hadn't.

They were sitting on the floor. David was kneeling beside them, an arm around each of them. Cal's arms were around a quietly-sobbing Ethan as though he was trying to support him, but they seemed to be holding each other up. Cal's face was pale and he looked as though he was in pain.

"Oh good: you've found them," Zoe said to David. "Okay: if I take Ethan, can you look after Cal for me? We might as well get them back to Resus. It's clear now. Connie's out of surgery and she's been moved to her own room; Alicia's having treatment in… in the main part of the hospital. We can have a look at Cal's scans and Ethan…" She looked at Ethan and sighed. "Ethan's probably best off with his brother now."

* * *

Iain didn't know where he was. He was sure he ought to know where he was because Lily had said he worked here, but perhaps Lily couldn't be trusted either

"Okay: here's where you're going to have your scan," said Rita. "It's going to be fine. You just have to go in there for a little while and we'll have a look at your brain. Make sure you've got one."

Iain looked at her suspiciously. It sounded like a joke, but he already knew he couldn't trust her. Lily had said he could trust Rita and everything would be fine, but Iain knew Rita told lies.

"Iain, it's okay," said Rita's calming voice. "You're getting a bit breathless and that's completely understandable, but you need to calm down."

"I am calm!" shouted Iain. He pointed at Rita. "You needn't think I don't know what you're doing because I do."

"I'm trying to get you into the scanner so we can have a proper look at you," said Rita.

"No. You're going to tell more lies, aren't you?" said Iain. "You're going to tell lies about what it says on the scan and then you're going to get me locked up!"

Rita flinched. "No," she said in a low voice. "I would never do that, Iain. I can't lie about the scans anyway because Lily will want to see them for herself. I know I lied before and I'm really sorry, Iain. I won't do it again."

"But how do I know I can trust you?" said Iain. "What single thing have you done that proves I can trust you?"

"Well… I helped you get to Lily, didn't I?" said Rita. "Lily was the one who decided you needed the scan, not me."

"Lily…" Iain had liked Lily at first. She was not only pretty but very calm and competent. Not the sort to get carried away like Rita. Even though he had a feeling he rather liked it when Rita got carried away.

"Yes. Lily," said Rita. "She's a good doctor."

Iain wasn't so sure. "She was coming on to me," he said.

"Of course she wasn't!" said Rita, startled. "Lily's always very professional."

"She touched my face and she looked into my eyes," said Iain.

Rita nodded. "Yes, she's got to do that. She was concerned you might have a facial fracture and when someone has a head injury, you need to look at their eyes."

"She held my hand too!" said Iain.

"She was assessing the strength of your grip," said Rita. "Lily told you that was what she was doing: remember?"

"She can say anything," said Iain. "But that doesn't make it true."

Rita half-held her hand out towards him, but Iain snatched his hand away.

"Don't you start now!" he said.

"I'm sorry. It was just a reflex," said Rita. "When a patient is upset, I would usually give them some physical comfort, but I can see it's not needed in this case."

Iain could feel something. A tightening sensation over his heart. "What have you done to me?"

"I haven't done anything to you, Iain," said Rita. "It's okay. Come on. Go in the scanner."

"You really think I'd take my eyes off you?" said Iain.

Something like pain passed across Rita's face. "I'll be behind the screen here, Iain. I won't be anywhere near you. And I'll keep talking to you: then you know I'm still next to the microphone and nowhere near you. I won't go in with you. I'll let the scanner-operator do that."

"Who's the scanner-operator?" said Iain, his gaze swinging sharply around. He saw a young man and relaxed slightly. "Is it you? Okay. You're not going to let her near me, right?"

"I won't let her near you, Iain. You'll be fine. It shouldn't take too long and you'll be back in the ED soon."

Iain's eyes travelled slowly around, making sure no-one else was there in hiding. "Okay. Do it. But if she comes near me…"

Rita's eyes were shining with tears and her voice was unsteady as she replied: "I won't, Iain. I promise."


	25. Chapter 25

**InfinityAndOne** , it is difficult with head injuries - there are some problems that can't be detected by a CT scan, so even if it's clear, I could still kill him off! Another doctor might have said Cal had to stay in Resus and Ethan has to go, but Zoe cares about how they're feeling too. She was a great character! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it must be horrible for Cal and Rita seeing Ethan and Iain, whom they love, in that state. At least Ethan is accepting Cal's support - it must be really confusing and upsetting for Iain when he calls her an angel one minute, then pushes her away the next. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Luckily, the damaged part of the ED is relatively small, so it won't take days to find Lofty, but it probably feels like days to Dylan! Jac is brilliant, but I'd prefer a doctor with Zoe's compassion. Cal is being unusually unselfish, but he has just been hit on the head! No, he's lovely really.

 **Tanith Panic** , I don't think Rita deserves the way Iain is treating her, especially not now when she's being her nurse rather than trying to be his girlfriend. But he is so confused at the moment. I'm not feeling very happy with Alicia either. Most people make a full recovery from TRALI - but not everyone! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **Starlight Inspirit** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Lily let Louise do the computer work. She liked to think she was reasonably competent in that regard, but Louise used to work on reception and was very familiar with the computer system, so she probably would work slightly more quickly and more efficiently than Lily.

Louise made a search for the baby under her current name. "Here she is. Matilda Kelly." The mouse clicked as Louise went into the medical record. "The birthdate matches the one on the card. So does the blood group. Previous admissions to the ED… just one. When did you say Ethan's birthday was?"

Lily told her.

"That was the date of her only previous admission to the ED," said Louise in an odd voice. "And she-" Her words disappeared into a gasp.

"What is it?" said Lily urgently.

Louise had a few more tries at speaking, then she pointed to the screen.

"Brought to the hospital by Dr Caleb Knight following the discovery of a rash," said Lily. She hadn't expected to see Cal's name on there, but whoever had written up the notes had clearly wanted to explain why Matilda had bypassed triage, despite not arriving by ambulance. There was clearly no need for a triage assessment when she'd already been examined by a doctor. "That could hardly be more conclusive."

"She's Cal's daughter then," said Louise in an odd voice.

"No, she's not Cal's daughter," said Lily, who liked to be accurate, particularly in medical matters. "She is the daughter of Cal's ex-girlfriend. Cal cared for her as a daughter and loved her as a daughter, but there is no biological relationship."

Louise's voice was flat. "But she's the baby he took care of and believed was his daughter."

"Yes, I believe she must be," said Lily.

* * *

The waiting seemed unbearable. Dylan knew he had to wait until the way to Lofty was cleared, but he wasn't sure if he could do it. He'd only been allowed the smallest glimpse of Lofty, but the pallor of his face was not a good sign.

"Can I go through now, please? I need to assess him," said Dylan, unable to contain himself any longer.

"Not just yet, Dr Keogh. We're still making the area safe."

Max looked surprised by Dylan's outburst, then sympathetic. "Zoe says they're always like this. It's like they care for the doctors' health more than the patients'."

"No: it's their own health they're most concerned about," said Dylan. "If anything happens to Ben, it's nothing to do with them. If anything happens to me, they're culpable."

"Yeah, I see what you mean," said Max. He tried to see into the room, but they couldn't see so much as a curl. "But if you say you're willing to risk your life…"

"…that still doesn't mean they're willing to risk their jobs," said Dylan.

"Dr Keogh?" A voice came from inside the room. "You're good to come in now."

"Is there anything I can do?" said Max. "Like, could I get some more doctors, nurses, a board, a trolley?"

"If you could wait while I examine him, I can tell you exactly what I need," said Dylan.

* * *

Cal could tell everyone was worried about him, but he was honestly more worried about Ethan. Ethan was sitting sobbing on a trolley as David examined him. Cal wanted to take Ethan in his arms again and hold him tightly, but he knew that wouldn't take Ethan's fears and unhappiness away. Only the news of Alicia's recovery could comfort him.

Zoe was standing a short distance away, frowning over a tablet that Cal guessed contained his scan results. The look on her face would have normally worried him, but he was more worried about Ethan now.

"Good news, Cal," said Zoe, as she brought the tablet over to him. "There's no sign of haemorrhage or skull fracture, or evidence of herniation. We could send you for an MRI scan, but I honestly don't think there's any need." She smiled. "Although reckless behaviour is usually a cause for concern, it's only what I'd expect from you when Ethan's in danger."

Cal knew the comment wasn't unfair. Running around with a head injury hadn't been sensible. Insisting on being the one to rescue Ethan and Alicia hadn't been sensible. But Zoe would probably have been more concerned if Cal had sit quietly and let everyone else do the work.

"I would say you have a concussion, which would explain the loss of consciousness and the vision and memory problems," said Zoe. "We'll keep you in for observation just to make sure, but I imagine there will be no further problems as long as you don't do anything else silly." She squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

Cal knew that, if the circumstances had been different, he would have been sent home in Ethan's care, but that was clearly not a possibility now.

Zoe looked over at Ethan and David. "How's he doing, David?"

David turned his concerned face to Zoe. "I think he has a distal radial fracture. There's swelling and deformity. But he says he isn't feeling very much pain."

"Ethan, why didn't you say something!" gasped Cal.

* * *

Iain looked like he was in a dream. He stumbled towards Rita and she automatically went to catch him in her arms. As soon as she'd done it, she braced herself for the inevitable rejection, but it didn't come.

She didn't know if that was a good thing or not. It was likely to mean Iain was trapped in his past again, which wasn't good, but at least this time, he didn't seem too unhappy or frightened.

"Come on, Iain," said Rita, settling her arms more firmly around him. "Let's get you into bed."

A smile from the scanner operator made her realise what she'd said, but Rita's warning glare ensured that he made no comment. Apart from the fact it was slightly embarrassing, she didn't want anything to happen that might worry Iain.

"Are you an angel?" asked Iain woozily as they made their way along the corridors.

Rita felt warmth flow through her at his words, but she knew she couldn't take them seriously. She also knew they were a worrying sign. "I'm afraid I'm anything but an angel. But I'll do what I can to help you, Iain."

* * *

Louise looked upset. She turned quickly away from the computer, her eyes brimming with tears.

Lily looked at her in confusion. "Isn't that good news? Matilda has probably lost her adoptive parents, which is tragic, but she still has Cal."

"Yes," said Louise, very unconvincingly. "It is good news." She was silent for a moment, then she said with slight hope: "But Cal did give Matilda up for adoption. He might not want her back."

"I think Cal regrets giving up Matilda very much," said Lily.

Louise gave her a wary look. "How can you know that? Has he told you? Or has Ethan?"

"Not exactly," said Lily hesitantly.

"Then you can't know that," said Louise. "No offence, Lily, but you're not the best at knowing what people are thinking."

Lily was tempted to respond: _And you are?_ But she called the words back. It would not be professional and it would not help the situation in any way.

Besides, she believed she understood not only Cal's feelings but Louise's. Louise loved Matilda and wanted to care for her. If Cal adopted Matilda, Louise couldn't. They were hardly what you might call good friends.

"Louise, we need to contact Matilda's next of kin," said Lily quietly. "Would you do that for me, please?"

" _You're_ Matilda's doctor," said Louise.

Lily frowned, but decided not to reprimand Louise on her attitude. She had a point in any case: a lot of people did prefer to speak to a doctor and Lily wasn't convinced Louise was sufficiently calm.

Louise found the name and number for Lily, but there was no answer on the landline. Lily left a message, then tried the mobile. It rang before going to voicemail. She left another message. "We must try to find someone else. Can we look at the next of kin's record, please?"

Matilda's next of kin named her husband as her own next of kin. The phone number was identical. The mobile went to voicemail. Lily left another message.

"What now?" said Louise.

"We go through the official channels," said Lily. "We notify social services."

Louise looked as though she was in pain. "But if there are people willing to care for her…"

"It still needs to be done officially," said Lily. Hesitantly, she touched Louise's arm. "I'm sorry, Louise. But you know this is the only way. I don't want you and Cal to get into any trouble. If either of you wants to adopt a baby, you don't want a blemished record."

"Who says I want to adopt Matilda?" said Louise defensively.

"The look in your eyes," replied Lily.

Louise didn't deny it.

* * *

Dylan made his way carefully through the route that had been cleared for him and knelt down beside Lofty. He heard a sound behind him and turned to see Max.

"I thought I could help," said Max.

"Right: if you could support Ben's head for me. Do you know how to do that?"

Max nodded and knelt with his knees pointing towards Lofty's head. Carefully, he took Lofty's head in his hands.

"That's good," said Dylan. "Ben, can you hear me? Lofty?" After establishing that there was no response, Dylan opened his airway and felt for Lofty's carotid pulse. It was regular, if rather weak. "Max, do you know if Zoe still has the same phone number?"

Max looked slightly embarrassed. "We didn't quite get to the stage of exchanging phone numbers."

Dylan could tell from the look on his face exactly which stage they had reached.

* * *

"Cal, stay on the trolley, please," said Zoe firmly, grasping hold of him.

"I fainted in your arms and everything!" continued Cal as Zoe prevented him from standing up. "You should have said something. You might have hurt yourself even more! Why didn't you say, Ethan?"

"I forgot," sobbed Ethan.

"How can you _forget_ you broke your wrist?" said Cal.

"Probably the same way you forgot you'd hit your head!" said Zoe. "I know it's worrying, Cal, but in some ways, you and Ethan are pretty similar. When it matters most, you put each other first."

David rubbed Ethan's uninjured arm. "It's all right, Ethan. You had other things on your mind. The important thing is we know now."

"You'd better get him an x-ray," said Cal. "And a CT scan too if he's not feeling pain."

"Okay: continue with your examination, please, David, and we'll check there are no more problems," said Zoe. She turned back to Cal. "Cal, I know it's worrying, but you're living proof that sometimes your anxieties about someone you care about can outweigh physical pain."

Cal looked over at his brother again. "Can I sit with Ethan? He needs me."

"Sure-" began Zoe, but she stopped as her phone rang. She looked like she was going to ignore it, but then she pulled it out of her pocket and glanced at the screen. She answered immediately. "Dylan? Have you found him?"


	26. Chapter 26

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I hope Cal does regret giving Matilda up - she hasn't been mentioned for so long, but it seems impossible that he could have forgotten her when they loved each other so much. You're almost certainly right about Lofty. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm sure everyone who's ever met Matilda loves her - she even melted Louise's heart! I think Zoe knows all her colleagues very well. Connie knows what they're like instinctively, but Zoe takes the trouble to get to know them and I love that. I hope Iain accepts Rita's help too. They belong together! Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're enjoying this. Zoe and Max have a scene together in this chapter - it's not the time or the place for anything passionate, but I've tried to put in some little moments. I hope you enjoy them.

 **Tanith Panic** , so, Matilda overshadowed Lofty? That's not something that happens every day! I'm so glad you like the Matilda storyline. I have to keep the hope alive for Lofty - that way, it'll hurt more when I kill him. I think Ethan is a sweet man too! Alicia doesn't deserve him. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked Jac - I've never written her before, so I'm glad I got her right. She's a brilliant character. There will definitely be at least one shock coming Cal's way! As if I haven't tortured him enough already.

* * *

As they walked, Rita looked around desperately for someone who might help her. She was concerned by the slight slurred quality of Iain's voice as well as his inability to recognise her. While PTSD could cause flashbacks, she'd never heard of it causing a flashback to a happy event. Iain seemed almost happy now and that worried her.

"Rita," said Iain. He was leaning on her heavily now.

"I'm here, Iain," said Rita. "I'm right here." To her relief, Lily and Louise were sitting on reception. She didn't know why they were doing that when there were so many patients needing their attention, but the important thing was that they were available to help Iain now. "Could I have some help here, please? He's a bit woozy."

"Yes, of course," said Lily, hurrying to assist her. "Has he had the scan?"

"Yes: we just need to wait for the results."

"That's good. I probably shouldn't give him anything for the pain till we've had the results of the scan, but I'll re-assess him to see if there are any changes," said Lily. She examined him carefully. "He is showing signs of reduced consciousness. We'd better get him to Resus."

Rita couldn't speak for a moment but managed to nod her agreement. She felt devastated to have her fears confirmed. She'd been so hoping she was wrong.

"We'd better sit him in the waiting room until we can get a trolley." Lily looked around. "Louise, I know we are waiting for the next of kin to call, but we need a trolley, please."

Louise was showing signs of reduced consciousness herself. She seemed stunned as she got to her feet and walked unseeingly out of reception.

"Is she okay?" asked Rita, concerned.

"We've now confirmed the baby we are treating is Matilda," said Lily. "She's up in paediatrics now. We fear she has congenital heart disease."

"Oh, that's so sad. Poor little girl!" Rita helped Lily to ease Iain down into one of the chairs. "It would be tragic to see it happen to any child, but when it's someone we know... Have you told Cal?"

"We would prefer not to tell him anything yet," said Lily. "I think we should get the heart disease confirmed and diagnosed first. It will be a shock for him, but it will spare him the agony of waiting."

"But she's his daughter," said Rita, with another glance at Iain. He was leaning heavily against her shoulder with his eyes closed. "Iain, can you open your eyes for me, darling?"

Iain opened his eyes for a moment.

"How are you feeling?" asked Rita.

"Tired."

Rita patted his hand. "That's understandable after everything that's happened, but try to stay awake for me, okay?"

"Actually, there is no relationship between the Cal and Matilda," said Lily. "And as Cal gave her up for adoption, he has no right to know anything about her."

Rita shook her head in disbelief. "Are you really that cold, Lily?"

She saw shock and hurt on Lily's face.

"No. I'm sorry. That wasn't fair," said Rita at once, touching Lily's arm gently. "I'm sorry, Lily."

"Considering my past behaviour, perhaps it is fair," said Lily sadly. She bent over Iain. "Iain, can you open your eyes, please? Good. How many fingers am I holding up?"

Iain was able to give the correct answer, but he was squinting.

"That's good, Iain," said Lily. "Well done. Rita, I want to reunite Cal and Matilda. She was very good for him and he was a good father to her. But I am also a doctor and if I am going to break the rules by informing Cal of Matilda's presence in the hospital, I will need to be very careful how I do it. For Cal's sake as well as mine."

Rita reached across Iain to touch Lily's hand. "I think you're right. I'm sorry for what I said and you will have my support from now on."

"Thank you," said Lily, as Louise and Amira appeared with a trolley. "And you will have mine, Rita. I know what it's like to be the pariah of the ED. I should have given you more support when it happened to you."

"Perhaps I didn't deserve the support," said Rita.

"We all work so hard to see what is wrong with our patients, mentally as well as physically," said Lily. "I think we sometimes forget to give the same care to each other." She paused. "I know _I_ do."

* * *

Dylan heard Zoe's voice before he saw her.

"No, I'll be perfectly comfortable in these shoes, thank you. I've saved lives in these shoes. Or if not in these, I've saved lives in much higher ones. Please can I see the patient now? My colleague gave me the impression that a delay was inadvisable."

Dylan saw a slight smile cross Max's face and felt almost amused himself.

A moment later, Zoe appeared. She gave Max a warm smile which he instantly returned. A moment later, she was professional again, kneeling down beside Lofty and saying: "Okay, Dylan. What have we got?"

"He's unconscious," said Dylan. "Resps 16. Carotid pulse is around 100, but it's weaker than I'd like. He's rather pale as you can see, though not cyanotic, and his skin is clammy."

Zoe looked at Lofty. "I don't suppose you've been able to ascertain whether there's a pulse in the arms and legs?"

"I tried, but I wasn't able to reach," admitted Dylan.

"Okay: we have possible signs of hypovolaemia, which could increase when the trapped limbs are freed," said Zoe. "Does Lofty have any cardiac or renal problems you're aware of?"

"No… I have no idea," admitted Dylan. "I don't think we've ever discussed Ben's kidneys."

"Max?"

"He's never said anything to me about it," said Max. He looked upset.

Zoe looked at him reassuringly. "It's fine. I wouldn't expect you to. And I know it sounds scary, but Dylan and I can deal with this." She smiled at the gratitude on Max's face and reached inside her bag. "Okay, I'll give him 1500 ml of saline and high-concentration oxygen." She called to the emergency services personnel. "Excuse me! We're going to need to get him out of here as soon as he's freed, so if you could clear more of a path so we can carry the stretcher more easily, please?"

"We'll do our best, doctor."

"Thank you."

Zoe set to work briskly, putting a line in for the saline and attaching a non-rebreather mask to Lofty's face.

Dylan felt fear rippling through his body at the sight. When he'd been the only doctor and Lofty had only looked as though he was asleep, it had been all right. Now the mask was on, the cannula was inserted and Zoe was in charge, Lofty was indisputably unwell and injured.

He was actually grateful when Max said (although probably not to Dylan): "It's going to be okay. We can do this."

"Dylan?" Zoe was looking up at him, concern on her face. "Can you get another line in, please?"

Dylan could tell from the tone of her voice that this wasn't the first time she'd asked.

Zoe's voice softened. "Should I get another doctor?"

"No. No, I'm fine," said Dylan, and set to work.

"He has a very good chance," said Zoe, as she tried to reach Lofty's wrists. "It's when they've been trapped for four hours that it becomes really dangerous."

"Even fifteen minutes is a cause for concern," Dylan reminded her as he prepared to insert a large-bore cannula. He knew it was unlikely the bookcase could have caused that much damage, but they couldn't take the chance. "But I can handle it, Zoe."

* * *

David put the phone down and turned to Cal and Ethan. Ethan felt his heartbeat speed up and he felt glad Cal was hugging him. He reached for Cal's other hand and held on tightly.

"Any news?" said Cal. His tone was casual, as though he didn't much care.

Ethan wasn't fooled. He heard the very slight tremor in Cal's voice and felt his hand gripping his shoulder more tightly.

"Alicia is stable," said David. "She's still in ICU, of course, but she's being carefully-monitored. Her prognosis is fair."

Ethan put his hands over his face and started to cry again. "I'm so sorry! I'm just so relieved."

Cal held Ethan's head against his shoulder. "It's okay, buddy. You cry if you want to. I'm here."

"David, Cal wants to go and see Alicia," said Ethan tearfully.

"I'm sure I can go and see her later," said Cal soothingly.

"Can he go, David?" sniffed Ethan. "He has to go. He was going to ask her on a date."

David gave Ethan a tissue. "I'm afraid Cal needs to rest, but you could go and see her if your scan results come back clear, Ethan."

Ethan wasn't sure why he'd even had a scan, but he accepted he probably wasn't himself at the moment. "Yes, I'd like to go and see her if Cal can't."

"We'll arrange that for you," promised David.

Ethan took his glasses off so he could wipe his eyes. "Can I tell her, Cal? That you're going to take her out on a date?"

"I… um… I'm not sure," said Cal slowly. "You obviously like her a lot, Ethan. If you just wanted to get her in the sack, it wouldn't be a problem. But it seems like you really care about her."

"No, I don't," said Ethan, trying to control his tears. "And if I do, it doesn't matter. You're the one she likes."

Cal moved his head closer to Ethan's. "But you're the one she deserves, Ethan."

* * *

The phone didn't ring. Louise didn't expect it to. She couldn't have said how she knew, but she was certain Matilda's parents wouldn't phone her back.

If they were among the people outside, they would find out soon enough. Anyone who would provide ID and medical details for their baby daughter was very likely to be without any form of identification themselves. From that, a tentative identification could be made. Louise had a feeling someone who knew Matilda's parents would have to make the official identification and she couldn't help hoping it would be a friend rather than a family member.

A family member might feel obliged to look after Matilda and in any other circumstances, Louise would have felt this was the only correct course of action. But a friend could quite easily decided they weren't in any position to care for a baby. Especially not one with congenital heart disease.

Matilda would need someone to look after her who understood her condition and would be ready and willing to do whatever was necessary to keep her safe and healthy. And who would be better-suited to that than a nurse?

But there was an answer to that question and it weighed heavily on Louise's mind.

A doctor would probably be better-suited than Louise to taking care of Matilda. And although Cal wasn't a cardiologist, he was undeniably a doctor.


	27. Chapter 27

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm sure Cal must miss Matilda even if he never mentions her - he kept the picture and her toy. I really wish Iain and Rita had had a proper goodbye scene. I think one of the last things he said to her was: "Do the decent thing and resign!", which I thought was so sad. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the Zax bits and Zoe's comments about her shoes - I was imagining Zoe picking her way through the rubble and I thought: only Zoe (and possibly me) would do that in heels! Even Connie has worn trainers on occasion, but not Zoe! I do love her. Though Max loves her more!

 **Tanith Panic** , yes, debilitating injury as another possibility for Lofty, though I don't really like to joke about that. It would be sad if Cal rejected Matilda for a second time, but I do write sad stories sometimes. Lily's painful honesty can be a shock, but she's nearly always making a good point. Thank you for your review and the Kleenex bill!

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. One thing I really wanted to happen in this story was for Lily to form bonds with other characters and to be appreciated as more than a competent doctor. I'm so happy you liked her scene with Rita. Tilly belongs with Cal and Iain belongs with Rita! Everyone knows that - but I can't promise anything.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you liked the Lily and Rita scene. They're also both very sensitive underneath a strong exterior, so they could be a good support for each other, as well as complementing each other as a team. Cal has been a wonderful support for Ethan - but Cal might need Ethan too!

* * *

Lily approached Robyn with her head held high and her face impassive. Robyn would once have found her expression cold and unsympathetic and struggled to understand it, but this time, she looked at Lily in admiration. She couldn't get over how brave Lily was being. She didn't say anything about it because she'd found out about Lily's phobia from Louise rather than Lily herself – and for once, Louise had been expressing admiration rather than derision - but Robyn thought it was incredible to be able to work in a place where you might have to deal with your fear at any moment.

If only she had half Lily's courage, maybe she would be better able to bear what was coming her way and Glen's.

"Are you okay?" asked Robyn, looking at Lily through her one good eye.

"In comparison with everyone else, I have nothing to complain about," said Lily.

Robyn looked sympathetic. "That doesn't mean it's easy for you though. Or for any of us. I know you're really good at staying detached, but if you need support, I'm here, okay?"

"I… thank you," said Lily, looking surprised but not annoyed. "I would like to re-check your intraocular pressure, please."

Robyn nodded and sat still while Lily leaned close to her eye. Somehow, Lily kept her hand steady.

"The pressure has reduced slightly. That is a good sign," she told Robyn "How are you feeling now?"

"A bit weird but okay," said Robyn, and smiled at her.

"Please tell me if you experience any changes," said Lily.

"Of course I will." Robyn touched her arm. "Thanks, Lily."

* * *

Cal looked at Ethan's scan, checking it over even more carefully than he would have done with anyone else's scan. This was his little brother and he didn't want to miss a thing - but eventually, he nodded and handed the tablet to Ethan. "It all looks clear, Ethan. You're fine to go and see Alicia."

Ethan looked at him sadly without even glancing at the tablet. "I wish you were coming with me."

"You'll be fine on your own," said Cal.

"But Alicia would prefer it if you were there. You're the one she wants to see." Ethan got to his feet. He was almost at the door when he turned back and looked at Cal. "I can tell her, can't I? That you're going to take her on a date?"

Cal wanted to say no. He didn't want to take Alicia on a date. She wasn't really his type and for once, the idea of stealing a girl from right under Ethan's nose was not appealing.

He could have lost Ethan today. If he hadn't been able to get free and set off the ambulance siren, Ethan could still be in there now. And he'd been lucky: he could so easily have been much more seriously hurt than a dislocated knee.

It could be _Ethan_ , rather than Alicia, lying upstairs in ICU.

Cal didn't want to say no to anything Ethan asked for. If Ethan told him to ask Charlie out, he would probably do it. After he'd rechecked Ethan's CT scan, that was.

But it was different when what Ethan was asking would break Ethan's heart.

Ethan's face fell. "You haven't changed your mind about Alicia, have you?"

"Of course I haven't," said Cal at once. "Of course I'll take Alicia on a date if that's what you want."

After all, one date didn't mean she was lost to Ethan forever.

* * *

Iain was trembling, his arms wrapped around himself. His forehead shone with perspiration.

His breathing had settled since his arrival in Resus, but Rita was still concerned.

"Grace…" he said hoarsely, a look of fear in his eyes.

"Grace is being treated," said Rita. "You got her here safely. You did really well, Iain. You did everything you needed to do."

"But if she dies?" moaned Iain.

"There's no reason to assume she will, but if she does, it won't be your fault," said Rita. She'd said it before, but she knew she'd say it a million times if that was what it took. "Your job was to ensure that Grace was still alive when she entered the hospital. Thanks to you, she was. But then Jacob took over and Grace was his responsibility. Then he got her into Resus and it was... probably Elle's responsibility. We all have a part to play, Iain, and you played yours brilliantly."

"I can feel it," said Iain. "I can see it sometimes. But it keeps getting mixed up in my head and then I'm somewhere else."

Rita tentatively stroked his arm. "You've been through a very upsetting experience, Iain, and you have a head injury. It's okay to be upset and it's not surprising you're getting a bit mixed up. But I'm here and the doctors are here and we're going to help you."

"I always let people down when they need me most," said Iain. "That's why I left the army." His voice became almost inaudible. "That's why I'm going to stop being a paramedic too."

* * *

Alicia knew she was in the hospital.

She was alone, lost and afraid. She was sure someone was looking for her and she wanted to call out, but she didn't know who it was.

"Help me?" she whispered, but no-one replied

The hospital corridors stretched ahead of her. There were more behind her. Bright and white and endless, twisting and turning like a maze. All Alicia wanted was to get back to safety, but she wasn't sure of the way.

She turned his way and that, but all the corridors looked identical. Soon, she'd lost her bearings and had no idea which way she'd come from. She knew she must have come from one of them or how else would she have got here?

 _But I don't remember getting here_ , she realised, as her panic increased. _I don't know where I came from. I don't even know which hospital this is!_

But someone was looking for her. She was sure of that.

If she waited for long enough, he would find her.

* * *

Louise looked up at the sound of footsteps. Relief filled her as she recognised the doctor from paediatrics. She was holding Matilda in her arms and smiling down at her – Louise didn't think anyone could fail to love Matilda.

She and Lily, after all, weren't known for their maternal instincts, but they'd both fallen for the little girl.

Louise smiled and reached across the counter, taking the baby in her arms. "Hey, beautiful! How are you? Did you have a good time?"

Matilda babbled and looked up at her, her eyes fixed on Louise.

"Oh, that's good, Matilda!" said Louise. She kissed Matilda's forehead and turned to the doctor. "Hi, just let me call Dr Chao. She'll want to hear this too." She shouted across reception. "Lily?"

Lily was talking to Iain. She got up and walked slowly towards reception. She looked exhausted – though they probably all did, thought Louise.

"Matilda's back," said Louise.

Lily managed a tired smile as she reached out to squeeze Matilda's hand. "Hello, Matilda." She looked at the doctor. "How is she?"

"We don't have a full staff at this time of night, but we were able to perform an echocardiogram, ECG, chest x-ray and pulse oximetry. We would also like to perform cardiac catheterisation, but this can't take place until the morning. But our results so far do suggest you're right, Nurse Tyler. We think Matilda has aortic stenosis."

* * *

Zoe watched as Dylan applied an arterial tourniquet. His hands were steady, but Zoe had a feeling that was a miracle. She'd seen the look in his eyes. She knew it had been a risk, allowing Dylan to remain here. Elle would have been ideal, as she didn't know Lofty, or perhaps Lily, who wasn't that close to him.

But she'd also seen that arguing with Dylan would be a waste of time – and they couldn't be sure how much time Lofty had.

She glanced at Max, who was still supporting Lofty's head. She knew Max was terrified. She could see it, even behind the steady hands and the calm, kind eyes. Max wasn't stupid. He had enough understanding of what they were doing to know Lofty's condition could be very serious.

But he remained so calm. He even smiled at her: a smile full of reassurance and love.

It could have made Zoe feel worse. If Max was expecting what might amount to a miracle, that would only make the situation more stressful.

But the look in his eyes said: _It's okay, Zoe. I know you're doing your best. I know you'll carry on doing your best. I'm not asking any more._

Slightly comforted, Zoe got out her phone and called Resus. "David, it's Dr Hanna. We're getting ready to extricate Lofty. As soon as we get him in to Resus, he'll need a central venous line to help maintain fluid balance and a catheter so we can monitor urine output. We'll also need to get some bloods sent off as soon as possible and run an ECG. Entonox on standby, please, in case he wakes up, and calcium chloride in case of hyperkalaemia. Can you organise that?"

"Yes, Dr Hanna," said David. He was calm and reassuring, just like Max - but there the similarities ended.

"If Ethan's feeling calmer, we'll be glad of his help, but if not, it's best to keep him away," said Zoe.

"Ethan's gone up to see Alicia," said David, "but Cal's still here."

"Better send him to cubicles if there have been no further worrying signs," said Zoe. "It sounds like Lily's doing a very efficient job there. She'll monitor him for us. Thanks, David."


	28. Chapter 28

**Tanith Panic** , Alicia's scene was supposed to be a sort of dream she has while she's unconscious - I'm sorry that wasn't clear. It would be better for her to fall in love with Ethan as Cal isn't interested, but I might just kill her off and save Lofty after all. Babbling babies are adorable! I wanted to give Max more of a role partly so we could have Zax moments and partly because he is actually very good in a crisis. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I wish Lily and Robyn could be friends on the show as I think Lily is lacking in confidence and Robyn could be a big support and help her a lot if she realised the true situation. But Lily hides her real feelings so well (and Robyn has other things on her mind now). Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Iain is a great paramedic - he was always good at his job (if not so much with dealing with authority), but he's become even better since Dixie left. Even if I do make him quit, I imagine it would be temporary. Cal's putting Ethan first for once, but it isn't easy! Cal and Tilly will definitely meet. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. Cal is in a horrible position as he really doesn't want to do is hurt Ethan - but Ethan is giving him no choice! I was going to kill Alicia because I don't really like her, but I adore her when she's vulnerable as I think that's the real Alicia. And she's vulnerable in this story... Although terrible things have happened, I do want positive endings for some characters. I think it can make a story sadder if good things happen but you can't be completely happy.

 **InfinityAndOne** , that's the danger with what Cal is doing. He wants to make Ethan happy, but he's not likely to be able to go along with a fake relationship forever: he'd be ignoring his own feelings and technically playing with Alicia's. Iain might need a break, especially if he's injured, but he's an incredible paramedic and it's such an important part of who he is, so I agree that giving it up could be really harmful. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid there can't be much Zax at the moment as Zoe is trying to save Lofty's life, but I've put in some lingering glances across Lofty's unconscious body and some inner thoughts to keep it all ticking over!

 _Thank you to **Smith111** for the follow and favourite._

* * *

Rita looked down at Iain and thought again how young and fragile he looked. Jez wouldn't be calling him 'old man' if he could see him now. She reached out a hand to stroke his hair but quickly drew it back. Not only would he be unlikely to welcome it, it was a risk when he might have suffered a head injury.

"Iain?" she said softly.

He didn't respond. Rita tried again, a little louder, but again there was nothing.

She wanted to ask him why he didn't want to be a paramedic anymore, but she knew now wasn't the time. Iain had retreated into himself. She was concerned about the thoughts that must be whirling around in his brain and a part of her wanted to shake him till he responded, just so she could be sure he wasn't beating himself up inside his poor tortured mind, but she knew it could be a technique to distance himself from his memories and that attempting to force him out of it could make him feel worse.

Undecided, Rita checked the monitor. His blood pressure and pulse rate were still higher than she'd have liked, but there had been a definite improvement in the last few minutes.

So perhaps Iain's trance was a good thing. A sort of wakeful sleeping that allowed his mind to rest as he was letting his body rest.

He did need to face his problems, of course, but he didn't have to face them all at once. He'd faced so much today already. He was entitled to give himself a break every now and then.

Rita only wished she had that option - but she was coping. They all were.

* * *

Louise didn't think she'd moved since the doctor had gone. All she could do was gaze down at the little baby in her arms and think how unfair it was.

She felt Lily's hand on her arm and heard the registrar speaking in an unusually gentle voice. "I know it's sad. But it is better that we know. We can ensure that she has the best care."

Louise nodded. She knew Matilda had been very lucky. She'd been with a doctor and a nurse in a hospital at the time of her cardiac arrest. Because of this, she'd had every possible chance. That could so easily not have been the case. "I just…"

"I know," said Lily again.

"She's so sweet and so beautiful," said Louise, trying not to cry. "I know that doesn't really matter. Even if she was an ugly little baby who screamed all the time, it would be just as sad because she would still be a tiny baby who should have a full and healthy life ahead of her."

"I think perhaps everyone you have come to care for becomes beautiful for you," said Lily. "When I first met Cal and Ethan, I felt Cal was the good-looking, charming brother. But now I know their personalities, I've found my opinions of them have reversed."

Yesterday, Louise would have been amused to learn that Lily liked Ethan. She would have sniggered about it and made sure to tell Robyn, which was by far the best way of ensuring everyone knew within the hour. Ethan had once said it was like a round-robin letter. He'd been quite pleased with his pun until Louise had pointed out that could be seen as a comment on Robyn's weight. Poor Ethan had been mortified.

Louise could definitely understand why Lily might consider Ethan to be the charming brother, but Cal had his good qualities too, as he'd shown when he'd first known Matilda. (And when he'd stripped off for charity, but that wasn't relevant now.)

 _Cal… Oh God._

Louise hugged Matilda closer to her. The baby's warmth comforted her and made her sad all at once. "How are we going to tell Cal?"

Lily looked uncertain. "I'm still not sure about that. Cal has no rights over Matilda anymore. If the parents are dead – and we don't know that yet – we have to do this through the proper channels. That is Cal's best chance of getting Matilda back – if that is what he wants."

Louise looked down at the little baby again and her heart squeezed as two bright eyes met hers. "How could he not want her back?"

"If he sees her, it is very likely that he will," said Lily.

"Then we'll have to make sure he sees her," said Louise.

Lily was thinking hard. "I think… I wonder."

"What?" said Louise, turning to her eagerly.

"I might have an idea," said Lily.

* * *

David, Amira and several other nurses were preparing a Resus bay for Lofty. When asked to help, Rita reluctantly left Iain's side. Cal offered to help too, but Rita had told him to stay where he was. He'd obeyed her instantly. Rita didn't think Cal had once questioned her presence here. Almost nobody had. She wasn't sure if they'd (rightly) decided there were more important things to worry about than the unexpected presence of an ostracised but nevertheless very competent nurse, but perhaps they genuinely hadn't realised.

Even though everything was terrible and Rita feared for the lives of so many of her friends, she felt glad to be back. This was where she belonged. Despite her absence, she seemed to have slipped back seamlessly into the life of the hospital. Filling a place that had somehow been kept for her.

But she was dreaming. Not only was that very unlikely to happen, there was still a long way to go. So many lives to be saved. If Rita returned to the hospital, she wanted to be working alongside Jacob, Robyn and perhaps Lofty (she wasn't sure if he was working at the ED again or just visiting). She didn't want to take over a job because Robyn or Lofty could no longer perform it. Or a job Jacob couldn't do because Connie and Grace needed him more than the ED did.

Rita wanted to be back here with _all_ of them.

"Sorry, David, can I go and check on my patient?" said Amira. "I'll come back, but I'm looking after a very scared little boy. I don't want to leave him for too long. The red-haired nurse, um…"

"Robyn."

"Yeah, Robyn: she's got an eye injury, so it's just me, the scary nurse and the scary doctor in cubicles."

"Louise and Dr Chao?"

"Yeah, that's it."

David nodded. "Perhaps Robyn could look after the little boy. She's good with children. As long as she doesn't have to chase him around cubicles..."

"He's had an asthma attack so he needs to rest too," said Amira. "Sounds like a good idea! I'm on it."

"Thank you, Amira."

Amira winked at him. "No problem, handsome."

"Um... David."

"David. See you later." Amira left Resus with perhaps a little more bottom-sway than was strictly necessarily.

Rita wanted to disapprove, but the blush on David's face was very sweet and the crestfallen look on Cal's face was hilarious. He hadn't actually made a move on Amira, but his eyes had followed her around Resus and his pride was definitely hurt knowing Amira seemed to prefer David to him.

On the whole, Rita was impressed with Amira. She was professional, hardworking and a very competent nurse _. I'd have her on my team any day_ , thought Rita, before remembering it wasn't her team anymore.

"Amira, wait a moment, please – would you mind taking Cal with you?" said Rita. Not that she had any interest in matchmaking at the moment, but neither she nor David wanted Cal trying to involve himself in Lofty's treatment. "It's going to be really difficult for you, Cal, watching Lofty being treated and not being able to do anything, and you don't want Zoe to be cross with David because you haven't gone."

A smile appeared on Cal's face and he carefully got to his feet.

"Come on then," said Amira. "I haven't got all night."

Cal walked towards her. At the door, he stopped and turned. "Welcome back, Sister Freeman," he said. "We've missed you."

Rita watched him go with tears of gratitude in her eyes.

* * *

It was almost like clockwork. As soon as they arrived in Resus, a nurse inserted a central line while another prepared to run an ECG. David attached the catheter, while a fourth nurse was ready to take bloods.

"Okay, we need FBCs, U&Es including potassium, LFTS, arterial blood gasses, creatinine, calcium, phosphate, creatine kinase and uric acid, please," said Zoe. "Dylan, can you… Dylan?"

Dylan was leaning over Lofty. "Ben, can you hear me? Open your eyes."

Lofty's eyes opened. He looked at Dylan and moaned softly.

"You're in pain?" Dylan looked around. "Entonox, please. Ben, can you tell me where the pain is?"

Zoe couldn't understand Lofty's tiny gasp, but Dylan clearly heard it.

"He has pain in his legs," Dylan told Zoe. His voice was calm, but she saw the hint of panic in his eyes.

"Right: we'll get you in for an x-ray as soon as we can, Lofty," said Zoe. "Glad you're back with us." She was even glad in a way that Lofty had pain in his legs. At least it meant he could still feel them.

She caught Max's eye. He was standing by the doors, not interfering in any way but still very much there. He was partly there for Lofty, of course.

But could he perhaps be there for Zoe too?

Max gave her an encouraging smile. "Anything I can do?"

"You could let us get on with our jobs," suggested Dylan, without pausing in his work.

 _Sorry_ , mouthed Zoe to Max.

Max's smile told her it didn't matter at all. _See you later!_ he mouthed back.

Zoe really hoped he would.

They shared another millisecond of eye contact – and then Zoe was back in the moment; back in Resus.

A nurse signalled to her and she went to check Lofty's ECG, looking for signs of hyperkalaemia. There were no peaked T waves, which was usually the earliest sign. No flattening and widening of the P waves or lengthening of the PR segment. They would keep monitoring, of course, but this was a good sign. Zoe knew that a crush injury would have been unlikely, but this was the first time she allowed herself to feel anything close to hope.

And not just for Lofty. Perhaps for her marriage too.


	29. Chapter 29

**Gillian Kearney Fan** , I don't think this story will go much beyond the end of the episode, so there might not be time for Amira to become a permanent character, but I really like her. I haven't seen Dylan and Zoe's 'stop waggling' scene, but it sounds great! A Zax reunion is a definite possibility. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying the Zax moments! I'm afraid they don't have any scenes together in this chapter, but they do both feature and it's probably fair to say one of them is in the other's thoughts, at least some of the time.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Even though we saw a different side to Amira in this part of the episode, I still wanted to show her spirit. Cal and Matilda will finally meet in Chapter 31, I think. I think a few people would cry if Lofty died, including Dylan! Rita definitely needs to come back - the ED needs her and so does Iain!

 **InfinityAndOne** , Lily's idea isn't that exciting, so please don't get your hopes up too much! The way Rita was treated before she left made me so sad, so I really wanted to show the others appreciating her. Thank you for your review - I'm really happy you're still reading and enjoying this, even though the episode was two months ago!

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. The fact he can feel pain lessens the chance of disability, but maybe you shouldn't rule it out completely. I would hate for you to hope for the best and then be devastated later. There might be a few volunteers to take care of Matilda! I'm glad you like my Amira - it's not every girl who ignores Cal!

 **20BlueRoses** , the idea won't be that exciting, but Cal is definitely in for a shock! Lofty isn't out of the woods yet, but so far, all the signs have been encouraging - though this is Casualty, so encouraging signs might actually be a sign things are about to go wrong. I'm glad you liked Dylan's bluntness to Max. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan entered the room slowly. He tried to smile and say hello, but his throat closed up at the sight of her and his eyes filled with tears. All he wanted was to throw himself onto the bed and weep, but he knew he had to stay strong for Alicia. And for Cal.

Ethan took his glasses off and rubbed the tears away. It was horrible seeing Alicia like this, but his sufferings were nothing in comparison with hers. He had so nearly… no, _Cal_ had so nearly lost her. She must have been in so much pain and it would only continue once she woke up… if she woke up. She'd only come back to Holby for the day (though she had since agreed to stay and complete her placement) and she hadn't wanted to be here at all.

 _If only she hadn't been_ , thought Ethan. _If only another locum had been assigned to Holby ED_. It would mean that Ethan… no, that _Cal_ wouldn't have seen her again and realised how beautiful she was, but that was a small price to pay if it meant Alicia would remain alive and healthy.

Ethan swallowed and made his way to the side of the bed. Very gently, he took Alicia's hand in his. "Hey, Alicia." He had to stop and clear his throat. "It's Ethan. Cal is really sorry he couldn't be here. He's suffered a slight head injury and although he's probably okay – he's been running round saving lives and generally being a hero – we want to make completely sure he's all right so we're getting tough with him and ensuring he takes the proper precautions."

He looked at Alicia. Her face looked so white and still, but so exquisite. As though she was made of porcelain. She looked so fragile and at any moment, she really could break and leave them forever.

Ethan knew it wasn't that likely. Most people made a full recovery from TRALI, but 'most' didn't mean everyone. He couldn't assume she would be all right because he didn't know.

"Cal asked me to give you a message," said Ethan. "He really wants to take you out to dinner and as soon as you're better, he's going to do just that. If it takes you a while to feel ready, that's okay. I really think Cal would wait for you forever. But when you are ready, he's going to take you out and you'll have the most wonderful time. He'll pick you up in a limousine and help you into the car. You'll ride there together, your hand in his. And Cal will look at you and think how beautiful you are and wonder how he ever got to be so lucky; what he could possibly have done to deserve you. He'll talk to you all the way to the restaurant: he'll tell you how lovely you are and if you're nervous about going on your first date since the accident, he'll reassure you that he'll look after you. He won't be expecting any problems because of course you'll be better by then. If you do have problems, it will probably just be lightheadedness caused by nerves or hunger or maybe even Cal's presence. He says he has that effect on girls. But you'll be okay because you'll have Cal there and he's not only very protective and actually very kind if you happen not to be his little brother, he's also a doctor in emergency medicine, so you really couldn't be safer with him."

He smiled and then a tiny gasp escaped his lips.

Had Alicia just moved? Did her finger press against his for just one moment? Or was that his imagination?

* * *

Dylan stayed close to Lofty. "How are you feeling?"

"Feel sick," mumbled Lofty.

David was there instantly with a bowl, which he held for him as Dylan helped Lofty to sit up.

"Sorry," said Lofty, wiping his mouth with a tissue David had handed him.

"Don't apologise," said Dylan. "Just…" He looked at Lofty again and realised how close he'd come to losing him. It probably wasn't his fault he'd missed Lofty's text today, but if he hadn't ignored all the other texts, maybe Lofty would have told him ages ago that he was coming and this would have been avoided. "Just get better, please."

"I'll do my-" began Lofty, but he broke off in shock as Dylan's arms took on a life of their own. He was careful not to squeeze Lofty too tightly, knowing internal injury was still possible, but he wanted to leave Lofty in no doubt of his feelings of friendship, respect and perhaps even, in a way, love.

After the first moment of surprise, Lofty lifted his arms and hugged Dylan back.

"Careful, Dylan," said Zoe warningly.

Dylan held Lofty for another moment – an amazing, special moment while he thought how lucky he was that Lofty was still his friend – then he helped Lofty to lie back down. "I will be careful," he said, but he wasn't just talking about now.

Lofty was his friend. You always had to be careful with your friends.

You never knew when they might leave you.

* * *

Iain didn't know where he was. He didn't know where he'd been.

But there was one thing in his mind. _I'm not a paramedic anymore._

He turned to look at Rita. He had a feeling she shouldn't be there and he knew he couldn't trust her, though the reasons for that were hazy, like everything else in his mind.

"Rita, where am I?" he asked.

Rita's hand moved towards his. Just before their skin touched, it stopped abruptly. Her hand was seized by trembling and she quickly snatched it away. "You're in the hospital, Iain. You were in a helicopter and it crashed. You've had a scan and I'm keeping you under observation for now, but we don't think you're seriously injured."

Iain couldn't take his eyes of her hand. He wanted to hold it. He needed something to hold on to.

His own hand shot out and took it, then glanced at her face to see if she minded. Her eyes were slight and there was a sad but relieved smile on her face.

"Rita, I can't be a paramedic anymore. I can't."

"I believe you can," said Rita, her voice and eyes steady. "You're a good paramedic, Iain. A very good paramedic and I'm sure you were a good soldier too."

"You wouldn't say that if you knew," said Iain.

"Then why don't you tell me?" said Rita.

* * *

Lily didn't know why she was crying.

Or rather, she could think of several reasons why she might cry, but she didn't understand why it was happening now.

She sniffed and blinked hard, trying to focus her attention on securing Matilda's nappy. She'd been fine until about halfway through the task. She was tired and emotional, but probably less so than most.

But she worked in a hospital. She was used to treating people with injuries. She was even used to treating her colleagues: they were all rather on the accident-prone side. To distract herself from her emotions (and from the horrific smells this sweet little baby was somehow capable of producing), she made a mental list of all staff members who had, to her knowledge, required medical treatment since she'd been working here. Connie, Dylan, Zoe, Ash, Ethan, Cal, Alicia, Charlie, Jacob, Tess, Lofty, Robyn, Iain, Big Mac, Noel and Honey (if you counted shop staff) had all received treatment by ED staff. Most of those who hadn't were either recent arrivals or they hadn't left very long after Lily's arrival.

Yes, she was used to treating her colleagues and she knew she could do it.

But the tears were still falling.

Lily wiped her nose on her sleeve and tried again with the nappy pin.

"Lily?" Louise was looking at her in concern. "Would you like me to take over?"

"No," said Lily shortly. "Thank you."

Finally, the pin slotted into place. Lily flicked the safety catch.

Lily looked at the sink and decided that while the staff room floor was a good place for changing a baby, the staff room sink, particularly when full of crockery, was not the ideal place to wash her hands. She could also do with some time alone to compose herself. "Louise, would you look after the baby, please?"

"Of course," said Louise. She still looked concerned. "We'll wait here."

Lily found a sink with anti-bacteriological handwash. She cleaned her hands and dried her tears. She knew she should probably go and find Cal now and put her plan into operation, but she still felt exhausted and overwrought and not in any state of mind to deal with Cal's many possibly reactions.

She returned to the staff room, telling herself firmly that she needed to calm down. However she was feeling, it was exactly the same for all of them.

"Are you okay?" asked Louise gently as she jogged Matilda gently, making the baby giggle.

The floodgates opened again. "Louise, I am so sorry," wept Lily. "I don't know why this is happening."

"It's natural," said Louise. "I cried too earlier. I'm sure a lot of people have. Is there anything I can do?"

"Would you…" Lily couldn't believe she was asking this. She wasn't sure she'd ever asked for it, but she needed so badly to know that she wasn't alone. "Would you please give me a hug?"

* * *

Max wasn't sure what to do with himself. He wanted to go into Resus and help Zoe, but Dylan was right: there was nothing he could do. Besides, while he might be able to cope with holding Lofty's head, he wasn't so sure about potentially watching Lofty die.

He hoped it wouldn't come to that, but he knew Zoe was worried. He sometimes felt he knew her better than he knew herself. He could usually predict what Zoe was going to do, sometimes before she even thought of it, but Max had long ago given up on making sense of his own thoughts.

The only thing he knew with any certainty was that he loved Zoe and she loved him. When they'd thought they were about to die, the only thought in their mind had been to reaffirm that love (and to see Zoe naked again, but that really was a secondary thought).

This time, only one thing would stop Max from getting on the plane to the USA: Zoe deciding to stay here.

He loved her. It was that simple. Yes, she'd cheated on their hen night, but Max didn't think there had been anyone since then. No-one but him.

He wished he could say there had been no-one but her.

Though in some ways, there hadn't been. However many women he'd slept with, his heart had always remained in Zoe's possession.

Max believed it always would.


	30. Chapter 30

**Tanith Panic** , Zoe and Max couldn't really have had a happy ending unless Max was written out of the show and they probably didn't want to lose two popular characters at once. But if Zoe ever comes back, it could happen! I'm so glad you liked the Dyfty hug. I feel very affected when Lily shows emotion too - the fact she can't fight them back shows how powerful and deep her feelings are. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Lily is usually very practical and efficient, so I thought it would be interesting to see her really struggling with Matilda's nappy - but not giving up. Dylan and Lofty did have a lovely friendship and I miss Lofty! We definitely all need a hug sometimes - even Lily. I think even for a doctor who works in an ED full of accident-prone colleagues, it never becomes easy to see them like that. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you liked the Zax moments in the last chapter. I'm sorry for nearly making you cry. I'm afraid Zoe and Max aren't together in this chapter, but Zoe is very much in Max's thoughts - and vice-versa, I'm sure!

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I agree with you that Ethan is describing his own perfect date. I think Cal and Alicia are a good couple because they're so alike, though whether it will progress beyond the fun stage is another matter! A hug from Dylan will always be special - he really likes Lofty, but he kept him at a slight distance before. I think letting someone in is a pretty big step for Dylan. Lily and the nappy could have been funny, but I'm really glad it wasn't.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I think Ethan really needs a bit of hope at the moment! He must feel completely helpless and as he was the one who was with Alicia at the accident, he might feel some level of responsibility too. I'm so glad you liked the hug - that was something I wanted to include right from the start, so I'm really happy it's been well-received! It is sad Lily had to ask for the hug, but I'm not sure I'd dare hug Louise without permission!

 _Thank you to **Snowdrop2018** for the follow._

* * *

"I just want everyone to be okay," whispered Lily, as Louise held her.

"I know you do," said Louise gently. "Maybe you need a break, Lily. You've been brilliant, but we can manage for a bit. We've got an amazing team." She paused, then spoke in a small, slightly ashamed voice. "I actually forgot what an amazing nurse Rita is after everything that happened, but she's rone of the best."

"It is easy to notice the negatives and forget the positives," said Lily. "Rita was very unhappy and in some ways unwell. Her ex-husband had visited recently. Iain had treated her badly. When people are under that much strain, they can't think properly. They can't see what's in front of them. If you are not really seeing what is there, it is very difficult to behave appropriately. You're living minute-by-minute and it's hard to look into the future and see the potential consequences. I think that happened with Rita."

Louise was silent for a moment. "Did something happen to you too, Lily? When you b- I mean, when you weren't getting on with Alicia?"

"My father died," said Lily.

Louise stared at her, then tightened her arms around Lily. "I'm sorry, babe. I didn't know."

"All I wanted was for him to tell me he was proud of me," said Lily, as more tears fell. "It's the only thing he ever asked of me when I became a doctor – to make him proud. When I became a registrar, I thought he might tell me he was proud. But he did not. And then he died."

"Oh, Lily." Louise sounded emotional. "And Alicia has such a good relationship with her dad. I don't think she flaunted it, but we all knew."

Lily wiped her eyes. "He wrote me an email but never sent it. In it, he said he was proud of me. My mother found it in his drafts. I was sad he had never sent the email. Sad I didn't know until after he had died. But more than that… after I received the email, everything started to fall into place. But not just the present and the future. The past too. I saw what I had done to Alicia. And it was too late."

"No, it's not too late!" said Louise. " You can tell her you're sorry. You can tell her what you told me."

"Louise, she might die!" burst out Lily. "And even if she doesn't… she has told me we will never be friends. It is too late."

* * *

Ethan waited, but Alicia's hand was still.

 _It must have been my imagination._

Disappointed, he returned his mind to the date he'd planned for Cal and Alicia.

"When you arrive at the restaurant, the driver will stop the limousine outside the door so you won't have far to walk. Cal will help you out of the limo and give you his arm as you walk into the restaurant. Cal will help you off with your coat and gasp in admiration when he sees how beautiful you are. Everyone will stop eating and stare because they've never seen anyone as beautiful and radiant as you. Cal will probably think they're staring at him and you'll probably think the same because you're so modest, but you'll both be wrong. The waiter will lead you to your table and try to pull your chair out for you, but Cal will get there first. He'll take your hands in his and gaze into your eyes. I don't imagine you as being much of a drinker, but Cal will choose the most delicious champagne on the menu because it will be a celebration for him: to be taking the girl he loves out on a date at last."

He smiled as he imagined the moment. He could almost see Alicia sitting opposite him… no, opposite Cal.

"The waiter will pour the champagne and it will sparkle by the light of the chandeliers. You'll lift your glasses and clink them together and your fingers will brush and your eyes will meet and…"

He stopped. He hoped he wasn't getting too racy.

He looked at her again and saw not the ravishing lady of his dreams but the desperately unwell girl in the bed.

"Oh, Alicia," said Ethan, as his eyes filled with tears. "Please get better. If Cal had only one wish in the world, I'm sure that's what it would be."

* * *

Robyn just wanted to know he was okay.

She knew her colleagues were busy. There were other people – including Lofty – who needed them more than she did. It would be selfish to demand updates. The one thing she could be sure of was that everyone was doing their best.

But he was her best friend.

When Amira appeared with a little boy at her side, Robyn had the presence of mind to cover her eye, but she couldn't prevent the words from bursting out. "Is he okay?"

Amira looked faintly surprised, then said: "Kai had an asthma attack and he needs someone to sit with him. The cute nurse who doesn't talk much suggested you."

Robyn managed to smile at the little boy. "Hey, Kai. I'm Robyn."

He was a child and he seemed to be all alone. Robyn didn't know why he was here when the ED was closed, but he was here and he needed support.

All she could do was forget about Lofty and try to help someone who actually needed her.

Amira touched Kai's shoulder. "I need to go, sweetheart, but you'll be okay with Robyn. I'll come and check on you later."

"Thanks for helping me," said Kai, meeting her eyes for a moment. When she was gone, he asked Robyn fearfully: "What happened to your eye?"

Robyn smiled. "I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing and a bit of rubble or something flew into it. It does look pretty scary, but it's really not too bad."

"Rubble?" said Kai faintly. "From the crash?"

"Yeah: that stuff gets everywhere," said Robyn.

Kai's eyes were fixed on Robyn's face. "Can I see?"

"Yeah, okay. If you're sure," said Robyn. Slowly, she took her hand away.

Kai cried out as though in pain.

Robyn hastened to reassure him. "It's okay, sweetheart. It's really not as bad as it looks. That's often the way in hospitals. It's the patients who look normal who you really need to worry about. But it was totally my fault. Dr Keogh had told me to pay attention at least once, but did I listen?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" said Kai.

Robyn reached for his hand. "Hey, it's not your fault."

"Yes, it is," said Kai, his face hopeless. "All of it. It's all my fault."

"How can it be your fault?" asked Robyn gently.

Kai said nothing. He simply looked at her with that mixture of guilt and horror.

"You can tell me anything you need to," Robyn told Kai. "It's totally fine. Everyone tells me their secrets."

She left out the part where she always told them to everyone else. She had a feeling this secret would have to be the exception.

* * *

"Hey… it's Max, isn't it?"

Max turned to see the nurse he'd spoken to earlier. "Hey, um…"

"Amira," she said, smiling at him. "I heard you helped out with rescuing Dr Keogh's friend."

"I helped a bit," said Max. "Dr Hanna and Dr Keogh did most of it."

Amira touched his arm and held it a moment longer than she needed to. "I think I might have been a bit hasty before. If you wanted to meet for a drink later, I'm up for it."

"Um…" Max gave an awkward smile. "Look. I'm really flattered and everything and I'm not saying you're not gorgeous, but… well… I'm actually married. To Dr Hanna."

The smile froze on Amira's face for an instant. Then, slowly but surely, it twisted into a sneer. "I always knew you were an idiot."

"Yeah," said Max. "I am. But it's time to stop being an idiot. It's time to fight for my marriage. And my wife."

* * *

Rita could see the pain on Iain's face. She held his hand tightly. "Tell me, Iain. There's no hurry – take as much time as you need – but you can tell me anything."

Iain looked up at her and some of the pain was replaced by confusion. "I forget where I am."

"Don't worry about that," said Rita. "You've had a really challenging day and experienced a lot of flashbacks, as well as former colleagues appearing out of nowhere. It's natural to be confused."

Iain nodded as though he agreed with that, but then he frowned. "What was I going to tell you?"

Rita's heart trembled, but her voice was calm. "You were going to tell me about why you think you're a bad soldier."

She wished she hadn't said it when the pain returned to Iain's face. His whole body tensed as he flinched away from her words.

"It's okay," said Rita quickly. "You don't have to tell me."

"No, I do," said Iain. "I left my men. I deserted them."

Rita could hear the shame and guilt in his voice. She stroked his hand. "Can you remember why you left them?"

"I thought I heard something," said Iain. "I had a feeling something was wrong. It felt as though I'd been given an order and I had to go, but there was no order. I was the one in charge. We'd lost our commanding officer.: I was the highest-ranked soldier left."

"When you're in charge, you have to make decisions," said Rita. "You can't always get it right."

"I shouldn't have gone," said Iain. "Some of my men told me not to go and they were right. A part of me knew they were right, but I was angry with them for questioning me. I told them to wait there. So they waited."

Rita waited for him to continue, but he didn't. "Did you find anything?"

Iain shook his head. "There was nothing there, Rita. Nothing. It was like being in a different world. I could feel the cold air on my cheeks, but I heard nothing at all. Everything was silent and still. I turned this way and that, trying to decide."

"And then?" whispered Rita.

"And then I heard the sounds of gunfire," said Iain. "I ran back to them, Rita. I ran as quickly as I could. I was ready to protect them; defend them. Even die for them. But I was too late, Rita." He wasn't looking at Rita anymore. He seemed to be looking at somewhere far in the distance. "Too late. They'd all died because they were waiting for me."


	31. Chapter 31

_I've already uploaded this once, but I deleted it after I got a review that gave me a brilliant idea! I just had to include it in the story and as that meant rewriting a whole section of this chapter, I had to delete it. So here is the new, improved chapter. If you've already read this, the only section that's changed is Robyn's._

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Iain confiding in Rita could potentially be good for both of them, but no promises! I think Amira misjudged the situation slightly - all she knows is that Max is a married man who asks other women on dates. I'm glad you enjoyed Ethan's romantic fantasy. It does sound nice! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it might be difficult to comfort Iain, but no-one is better at comforting than Rita. I saw Lily's first episode recently and Louise really liked her, so I'm even more glad they're becoming friends in this. I hope Alicia wakes up soon too - I'm running out of things for Ethan to tell her! Thank you for your review.

 **TheBeautifulNerd** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're reading and enjoying this. I'm afraid this update took a while, but I've written most of the next two chapters, so it shouldn't be as long next time. I'm sorry there's no Ethan and Lily in this.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. There is a bit of Zax in this chapter, but it's probably not quite what you're hoping for! I haven't forgotten them though and I have plans for them.

 **X-Sammiii-X** , I'm glad you like Lily and Louise's friendship - I think they are alike in lots of ways. The only thing Amira knows about Max is that he's a married man who asked her out, so I can't blame her entirely for thinking badly of him. I'm glad you still like Iain and Rita as a couple - so do I. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm so happy you thought the Iain and Rita scene was well-written - it was a difficult one to write as I don't know much about being in the army. Sadly, even if Rita does know how to help him, it's likely to take time, with lots of ups and downs. Alicia doesn't know how lucky she is Ethan likes her! Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm sorry it took me so long to update this! I was actually able to update four stories a day at one time, but now, I don't even manage one on some days! There is some Zax in this chapter.

* * *

Dylan came closer to Zoe and spoke in a low voice. "Zoe, do you need to have a break?"

Zoe was tempted to say yes, but she shook her head and smiled. "No. I'm fine." She touched his arm lightly. "But thanks, Dylan."

A break would have been nice, but it seemed selfish for Zoe to take a break when so many of her colleagues couldn't. Dylan, Cal, Ethan, Lily, Elle, Charlie, David, Louise and Iain had been working for most of the day. Connie, Alicia and Lofty had nearly died. Although Zoe's life had been in danger too, she hadn't been injured and she'd actually enjoyed herself with Max. What right had she to a break?

"It really is all right," said Dylan. He paused, an unaccustomed look of embarrassment coming to his face. "I'd actually like to talk to Ben."

Despite her battered emotions, the smile that came to Zoe's face was genuine. There was so much unhappiness, stress and disaster today, but seeing Dylan hug Lofty for what she guessed was for the first time had given her a welcome feeling of warmth. "You know what? Maybe I do need a break." She squeezed Dylan's arm; said a few words to Lofty; checked on Iain and Grace - and left Resus in search of Max.

Of course she was looking for Max. Who else would she want to be with now?

Especially when the news about Grace was so worrying. So horrifying. Zoe couldn't imagine what it would be like for Connie, waking up to news like that.

She turned a corner and saw him, but her steps faltered when she realised he wasn't alone.

He was talking to Amira.

* * *

Iain waited for Rita's face to change. For the sympathy and understanding to change to derision. For the beautiful woman to push him away, as he'd pushed her away.

Rita's eyes grew large. Tears filled them and Iain reached out a hand, wanting to comfort her, but when she didn't take it immediately, he snatched it away.

A moment later, Rita's arms were tightly around him. "Oh, Iain," she said, her voice thick with emotion, but her embrace was firm.

Perhaps even affectionate.

"I know I did a bad thing." He sounded defensive; aggressive even. He didn't mean to. But that was how he always spoke when he was afraid. He'd been a sodlier; now he was a paramedic. To admit to his fears felt wrong and he always felt worse in the short-term for having done so.

But if he wanted to get through this, he would have to talk.

He could feel Rita shaking her head. "You didn't do a bad thing, Iain. You misjudged the situation, but you were actually doing the right thing. You were doing everything you could to protect your men. That was exactly what you should have been doing. And if you had been there, you might not have been able to change anything. You might have died alongside them."

"At least there would be some honour in that," said Iain.

"There was honour in what you were trying to do," said Rita. "You were trying to protect others whilst putting your own life in danger. I know it probably won't help to know what I'm about to tell you, but that doesn't make it any less true. You did it with the best of intentions, Iain. The very best. And that's what you always do."

* * *

The burning empathy inside Louise shocked her. Poor Lily had been through so much – and alone. If she was honest, Louise knew how that felt. She had never been short of friends, but she'd always wondered, secretly, if they spent time with her because they genuinely liked her or because they were afraid of her sharp tongue.

"Alicia didn't mean it," said Louise. "What you did… I mean, what she went through was really hard for her. But she said she'd stay and complete her rotation and that means you've got time to show her you've changed."

"But have I changed?" said Lily. "I feel like I'm still the same person. And Alicia is a much better person than me."

Louise considered this. She knew from her own experience that the confident Louise everyone saw every day was a very different girl from the frightened Louise she often felt she was inside. "She's not better than you, Lily. You're her equal as a human being. Alicia's lovely and I can't see her bearing a grudge like I would. Just give her a bit of time and be yourself. And try not to be so hard on her? She is a good doctor, but it doesn't mean _you're_ not a good doctor too. You're really great." She paused. "I actually tell myself that a lot. There are so many great nurses here."

"Yes, and you are one of them," said Lily. "You are very good with Matilda and I have liked working with you, even though it has been sad."

Louise smiled. "I like working with you too, Lily. Today has been awful, but I got to know you better and I'll never regret that."

* * *

Robyn could feel her chest rising and falling as her breath quickened. Each lungful of air was almost painful. Her eyes were stinging and she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

All this carnage had been caused by one boy's foolish actions?

"And… and then Nurse Zafar brought me into the hospital," said Kai. "She calmed me down and I… I told her."

The world came back into focus. Robyn saw the fear in his face and for a moment, she could understand it.

Then she remembered the fear she'd felt; that she still felt at every moment.

"My brother, my friend and my sister-in-law were trapped because of you. They could have died because of you! My best friend still could die! All I know is that he went into Resus and nobody's told me anything." Her voice rose. "He could be dead right now for all I know and if he is, it will be your fault."

Cal swung his legs from the bed and came to her side. "Robyn. I know what's happened is terrible, but he's just a kid."

"I don't care!" shouted Robyn. "He was the one with the stupid drone! He was the one who crashed it into our helicopter! He was the one who could cause people I love to die. I'm already going to lose Glen: isn't that enough?"

* * *

"I've been really stupid, you know," said Ethan. "It's a long story. I don't know if I want to bore you with all of it. It's not something I've spoken about before." Ethan thought of saying the words he'd denied for so long. The words he'd tried so hard not to believe. The words that had remained imprisoned within him ever since he'd found out. And then he thought… why not?

He wasn't going to get another opportunity like this. If he became angry or upset, it wouldn't matter. Alicia probably wouldn't remember any of it. He could back away as though the words had never been spoken.

"I found out about six months ago that I was adopted," said Ethan. "So was Cal. It came as a complete shock. That part of the story I won't tell for now. We found out accidentally, as a result of something else that's really Cal's story to tell. But our biological mother had Huntington's. We knew there was a good chance one of us would have inherited it. We had the tests done. That's quite a long story as well, but we got the results and opened them on the beach with our biological mum. Cal opened his and said he didn't have the gene. I opened mine and said I didn't have it either. Mum died a few minutes later, so happy she hadn't passed so much pain and suffering on to one of her sons."

He paused; looked at Alicia. She remained still and pale. But for some reason, nothing could have encouraged Ethan more.

"But I was lying," said Ethan. "I did have the gene, and once Mum was gone, I handed my letter to Cal. He was distraught. I completely went to pieces. All I wanted was to be Cal: the son who hadn't got it." He sighed sadly. "So that's what I decided to do. I decided to be like Cal. I've been doing it for months and some of it hasn't been too bad. I do quite enjoy the occasional drunken night out, much as I hate the hangover. And I really love salsa dancing. I'm actually not that bad at it. And even though I've been told I should never wear it in public again, I must admit I do rather like my hat."

He did wear it sometimes. Practising salsa alone in his room. Often drunk. Because that made it easier.

"I thought it was a good thing," said Ethan. "I thought the fact I was going out and doing things I'd never done meant I'd turned a negative into a positive. I thought I was facing my diagnosis and not giving in. But of course, I wasn't. I was running away, as surely as Cal ever did." Hurriedly, he added: "Um, not that Cal runs away nearly as much as he used to. He's been great these past few months and he'll be an excellent boyfriend. But _I_ was running away. I do love dancing. I like being closer to my colleagues and I secretly love my hat. But the jeans were a mistake. I'm actually rather glad I've ruined them by bleeding all over them. At least they won't have to lie in my chest of drawers reproaching me for the next ten years because I never wore them again."

He felt a tremor of fear.

"But who knows where I'll be in the next ten years? Who knows _who_ I'll be? Will I be able to put a pair of jeans on myself even if I want to? That's the thing, Alicia. I don't know how much time I have left!"

He stopped for a moment, trying to control his breathing.

"My basic idea was right. I do need to throw myself into life. Savour new experiences. Try some of the things I was always too scared to try before. But I mustn't forget who I am. I'm a boring little geek – and there's nothing wrong with that. The question I need to be asking myself – the question I should have asked myself a long time ago – is this. What would I regret most when I'm sitting in my wheelchair, unable to do anything for myself? The fact I never learned any other dances because I was too busy striving to become a consultant? Or the fact I never became a consultant because I was too busy getting drunk and learning to dance?"


	32. Chapter 32

**Tanith Panic** , the conversation with Amira was in the previous chapter, but as I hadn't updated this for ages, it happened weeks ago! Amira told Max she might like to go out with him after all; Max said he was married; Amira was disgusted. I have rewritten Robyn's scene now so she reacts in a completely different way - I hope you like it. No, you should never relax about Lofty! I'm glad you liked Ethan's monologue, especially as there's more of it to come! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. It really must be awful for Iain thinking about what happened and even worse when he relives it.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm not sure how much Iain will open up - I think there's more he hasn't said and talking about it once probably isn't enough, but it's a start. I'm so glad you liked Ethan's monologue - perhaps now he's said it once and he knows it's possible to talk about it, he'll feel able to tell an awake person. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think you're right about Rita being aware that Iain could hate her - and she's already lost him once. I'm so glad you liked Robyn's scene as it was completely different when I first posted it. I think sometimes being OOC can be effective - I'm glad this is! I'm glad you liked Ethan and Alicia's scene. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Dylan hadn't believed he'd ever see Lofty again.

Not just today, when he'd feared for Lofty's life. Before that, when he'd received another text and spent half the night staring at his phone and wishing knew how to reply to the man who'd become one of the best friends he'd ever had.

"What are you thinking?" Lofty's voice was faint; his blue eyes were questioning. They also contained a hint of worry. For Dylan. After all this time. After all the ignored texts and rejected hugs, Lofty still cared about him.

"You can tell me," said Lofty.

"I just… I just wish…"

"Yes?" said Lofty softly, encouraging Dylan but showing no impatience.

Dylan remembered being frustrated by Lofty's gentleness in the past. Being kind to the patients probably did have his place, but Lofty encouraged them to walk all over them.

But now, Dylan was grateful for Lofty's kindness. It gave him the confidence to believe that perhaps he could be forgiven.

* * *

Iain looked up at Rita, utter disbelief on his face. "You don't think I'm a bad soldier?"

"Of course I don't!" said Rita.

"And Grace, if she dies…"

Rita felt tears gathering in her eyes. "That wouldn't be your fault, Iain. You did everything you could. It's the person controlling the drone who's to blame. We might never know if they were being malicious or simply stupid, but that is the person we should be blaming, Iain. Not you." She held his hands more tightly. "Iain Dean, you are a good soldier, a good paramedic and a good man. And I'm proud to be working with… that I had the chance to work with someone like you."

Their eyes locked. For a long time, they simply stared at one another, but then Iain seemed to realise what he was doing and looked away.

Rita's own gaze dropped. She looked at their joined hands.

"Cal was right, you know," said Iain. "You are a good nurse."

"I think perhaps I am," said Rita sadly. "But that's not enough if I can't be a good person too."

Iain sighed. "Why did you do it, Rita?"

* * *

"I… want… Nurse Zafar!" said Kai between gasps for breath as tears began to pour down his face.

Cal put his arm around him. "It's okay, mate. I think Nurse Zafar's in Resus, so I'll take you there now. My name's Cal and I'm a doctor, though right now, I'm a patient just like you. What's your name?"

"Kai."

"Okay, Kai," said Cal soothingly. "Can you try to breathe with me? That's good. You're doing really well."

Robyn stared at him in disbelief. "Cal, how can you be so nice to him? He could have killed your brother!"

"But he didn't," said Cal. "Ethan's fine and so's Max." He decided not to mention Lofty and Alicia. "It was an accident, Robyn. A terrible and tragic accident, but an accident."

"But what about Lofty?" cried Robyn. "I don't know if he's even alive."

"I know and it's _terrifying_ ," said Cal. "I've had to go through that with Ethan not just once but twice. But that's no reason to take it out on a little kid. He's already got to live with what he did and you've just made it a hundred times worse!"

Robyn felt a stab of guilt, but then it was gone.

Cal turned Kai to face him. "Sometimes our actions have horrible consequences. It's how we deal with them that matters. I don't deal with things well at all. I run away and pretend it didn't happen. But you, Kai, you came to the hospital to see what was wrong and you told us what you did. And I have massive respect for you for that."

* * *

Alicia felt the pain first. A blinding pain in her head; an ache in her chest. A dull throbbing throughout her body.

She opened her eyes.

" _Alicia?_ "

He was sitting by her bed, his glasses off; his eyes red. "Ethan?"

"I… um… yes, that's me," he said, not looking entirely sure about it. "Oh gosh. What do I do now? I'm sure I should know. Oh, yes. I remember." He raised his voice just slightly and asked in a very polite tone: "Could I possibly have some help over here, please? Thank you so much."

The next few minutes were confusing. Painful. Terrifying. So many questions Alicia couldn't answer and pain so sharp, it made her cry. Ethan gently wiped her tears away with a tissue, requesting politely that the medical staff stuck to closed questions and asking Alicia to squeeze his hand once for yes and twice for no.

His hand was warm and comforting. Alicia was glad he was there. She didn't know what had happened and she didn't want to be alone when she found out.

At last, everyone but Ethan moved away. Alicia lay still and cried, listening to Ethan's voice and feeling the occasional brush of his hand on her skin as he dabbed her tears. "It's okay, Alicia. You're going to be okay. You're safe now and I'm here. And soon Cal will be here too."

* * *

Max hesitated over entering Resus. Amira was there and he couldn't help feeling he'd deserved her sharp words, in their second encounter if not their first.

But he had to find Zoe.

He went in, braved the look of contempt on Amira's face and after checking on Lofty, he asked Rita quietly if she knew where Zoe was.

"A million miles from you if she's got any sense," said Amira.

Rita gave her a reproving look.

"Don't look at me like that!" said Amira. "The guy's a married man and he asked me out. I don't have any patience with men like that."

"Zoe and I were separated," said Max, before Rita could speak. "When I asked you out, I hadn't seen or heard from Zoe for a few months. I didn't see her today until after I'd asked you out, but I realised as soon as I saw her that nothing had changed. I'm sorry, Amira, but I love Zoe and all I want is to be with her."

Amira looked at him for a moment and then nodded. "Fair enough. Zoe went to see Connie. If you go up now, she'll probably still be there."

"Amira. I really don't recommend calling her 'Connie' to her face," said Dylan, who was standing beside Lofty. "It's 'Mrs Beauchamp'."

"Yeah, whatever," said Amira. "Go find Connie and you'll find Zoe. I don't know where Connie is though."

David quietly came over and told Max.

"Thanks, David," said Max. "Thanks, Amira. And I'm sorry for… you know."

Amira nodded. "I know. I'm sorry too, Max."

* * *

Cal pushed open the doors of Resus and looked around for their newest nurse. She was seriously hot and Cal really hoped she would stay around, but… oh God, he was supposed to be taking Alicia out. She was quite hot too, of course, but she hadn't been very nice to his little brother and that put Cal right off.

He was almost afraid to look at the bay where he'd last seen Lofty, lifeless on a trolley, but he was now sitting up and talking to Dylan and for a few moments, Cal was glad no-one had noticed him yet because the relief hit him so powerfully, it was all he could do not to cry.

He wanted to run to Lofty, but Kai needed him more and Cal remained by his side.

"Do you need help, Cal?" asked David.

"I-I'd like a word with Amira if I could, Dave."

"David," said the nurse quietly. He approached Amira rather hesitantly and said her name in a nervous voice that immediately attracted Cal's attention.

David and Amira? Well, why the hell not? It wasn't as though Cal was available.

"What's happened?" Amira looked anxiously at Cal.

"Robyn's very upset at the moment," said Cal. "Her brother, sister-in-law and best mate were all trapped in the hospital following the helicopter crash. She's having trouble… sympathising with Kai. I was wondering if you could take care of him now. I'm very happy to help out in here – I feel fine."

Amira kept hold of Kai. "Well, I'm not sure about _that_ , Dr Knight. I think you should go back and lie down like the doctors told you. But thank you for bringing him to me. We aren't so busy in here now." She held Kai away from her and bent to his level. "Kai, I'm so sorry I left you. I don't know Robyn and I had no idea she was going to upset you."

"It's not your fault," said Kai softly. "You don't know her."

Cal nodded and left Amira to comfort Kai, finally allowing himself to rush to Lofty's side. "I'm so glad you're awake."

Lofty was pale, but his eyes shone with warmth. "Me too. I'm fine, Cal."

"Thank God!" Even after what she'd said to Kai, Cal found he was relieved for Robyn, as well as for himself and Lofty. "I can't quite say I'm glad you came back. If you'd stayed away, you wouldn't have got hurt. But it's always good to see you, mate."

Lofty smiled and said simply: "And you, Cal. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

Dylan wasn't smiling. "Cal., Ben needs to rest."

"Sure. Of course." Cal considered patting Lofty on the shoulder, but the poor guy probably had bruises everywhere. "I'll come and speak to you again soon." He looked around Resus again as something struck him. "Aren't Lily and Louise here?"

"They haven't been in here at all," said David.

"Thanks, Dave," said Cal, but he was worried. "If you're going to be okay with Nurse Zafar, Kai, I'm going to go and look for two of my colleagues. Louise skiving… yeah, I can see that. But Lily?"

"They might be with Grace," said Dylan, but when Cal checked, neither of them were there and Elle said she hadn't seen them. Very worried now, Cal searched the ED.

He was almost at the staff room when a sound came to his ears. A sound he knew; a sound he'd believed he'd never hear again. The world seemed to spin, but this time, it wasn't his injury.

Cal broke into a run. He burst through the door of the staff room and saw Lily and Louise sitting together, but it was Louise he looked at more particularly; Louise who had the baby in her arms.

"Matilda!" he gasped and flung himself on his knees in front of her, his eyes roaming lovingly over her beautiful face (and yes: she still looked like a toad) as his arms reached out to hold her. "Matilda!"


	33. Chapter 33

_I'd forgotten how many reviews I had for the last chapter of this - it was so lovely to read them all again. Thank you._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , that's a really interesting point - legally and biologically, Matilda is not Cal's child and it might be better not to allow him to hold her. I think I'd always feel comforted if Ethan was with me! Rita won't find it easy to explain to Iain - she might not fully know the reason herself. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm so glad you liked the ending - I was worried it was really predictable, so I'm glad I surprised someone! I imagine any child playing with a drone is supposed to have adult supervision, but I think anything that could cause a helicopter to crash is too dangerous to be sold as a toy. There will be quite a few more chapters - I think probably 3-4, but don't be surprised if it's 9-10. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest,** thank you for your review. I'm sorry it took so long for me to update this, but I hope the chapter is worth waiting for. I also hope I might be able to update more regularly now as this story is currently one of the easiest to write for some reason.

 **totti10** , thank you for your review. I'm so happy you're still reading. I was very upset that Rita was given no support during the episodes - she'd been through so much and all anyone saw was one lie she'd told when Louise refused to take a hint (and which, as you say, might have been based on a real incident). They just forgot everything else. But that is something I'm trying to try to put right in this story - not completely because it will take time, but setting things in motion.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I'm so glad you liked the moment when Cal and Matilda met again. They will be together for at least the next couple of chapters, so I hope you'll enjoy them. Cal does have a mature side and maybe being a dad has made him different with children - I could be wrong, but it seemed like he used to be really matey with kids and now he's more of a reassuring adult, though it might depend on the child. It will be hard for Ethan. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , don't worry - I've missed chapters on here too. I intend to flag all the email alerts for stories I haven't reviewed, but I don't always remember to do it. I'm glad you liked Ethan rambling on. I am actually quite disappointed Ethan didn't have a moment in the show where he thought about what was really important to him. No, Cal definitely hasn't got over giving Matilda up - I would never let him do that! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **20BlueRoses** for the follow._

* * *

Cal was shaking, but as Louise held out the baby, Cal knew he'd never drop her. "It's me, Toad. It's Daddy. Do you remember me?"

Matilda babbled excitedly and stretched her hands towards him. She grabbed his ear and pulled it hard.

"Ow! Is that a yes, Matilda?" said Cal. He knew it was impossible Matilda really remembered him, but she seemed to know she was safe with him. Cal pulled her into his chest, holding her tightly but not too tightly, and kissed her. "What's she doing here? Where did you find her? Oh God, was she in the accident?"

"Yes, she was," said Louise. She sounded emotional too. "She's not hurt, but she's… a bit shocked. This is actually the most animated we've seen her – she's been quite still and quiet, except when she's crying. She's got her daddy's lungs, that one."

Cal didn't remind her he wasn't biologically Matilda's dad. "Oh, Toad!" he cried, kissing her forehead. "Daddy's here now, Toad. You're safe. It's all over now and I'm going to look after you."

He sat her on his lap and was both proud and sad to see she could sit up by herself, though her ordeal had left her weak and floppy. "Oh, look at you, Matilda! You're such a big girl! How old are you now? Eleven months? You're probably old enough to be standing now, aren't you? Or maybe even walking? Crawling anyway."

He wished he'd been there the first time she'd reached every milestone.

"Can you crawl, Matilda? Can you crawl for Daddy?" Cal laid her gently on her stomach, but she just looked up at him and whimpered. He decided crawling was a bit much for her at present and quickly gathered her close again.

Then something else occurred to him.

"Where are her… the people who were looking after her?" Cal found himself unable to say 'parents'. _He_ was Matilda's parent. "You couldn't have been all alone, Toad."

"They died," said Lily bluntly. "We don't at this stage know the identities of the people who died so we cannot say if Matilda was with a parent, grandparent, childminder or someone else. We have left messages with Matilda's next of kin."

"So what's going to happen?" asked Cal. "Can I take care of her?" He looked down into his daughter's eyes. "Would you like that, Toad? Would you like to come back to Daddy and Uncle Nibbles?"

Matilda babbled and seemed to be trying to burrow her way into his chest.

Though in a way, she was there already. She'd been in Cal's heart since the first moment he'd seen her.

"Were you going to tell me?" said Cal suddenly.

"Yes, but we wanted to do it in a way that would be acceptable to the authorities," said Lily. "If you do wish to become Matilda's father again, everything will need to appear to be above board. It would not be permissible for us to tell you your daughter was here, but it is always permissible for me to ask the advice and opinion of a senior doctor. I intended to ask you - and hoped you would know her."

"And you did," said Louise softly. "You knew her before you saw her. She's a lovely baby, Cal. You must be so proud."

Cal sniffed and kissed Matilda again. "I am proud of you, Toad. So proud. And I'm so glad I've found you again. Giving you up is the stupidest thing I've ever done… and I've done a lot of stupid things. I'll do anything to ensure you're never taken from me again."

"But… but there is…" Louise voice wobbled.

To Cal's amazement, Lily put her arm around Louise. "There is something we need to tell you, Cal. About Matilda."

* * *

Rita looked into Iain's eyes. They were confused but there was a softness in them. "I don't know why I did it. I was just so scared. So mixed up. Someone slashed my tyres and trashed my flat… though I'm so mixed up inside my head, I'm not even sure if that happened. You just don't know what it's like to remember things and not know if it's even real."

"Yes, I do," said Iain softly.

Rita put her hand over her eyes. "Oh God. I'm so sorry, Iain. Of course you do. I don't know what I was-"

"And it's tough," said Iain. "It's really tough and at times, it's more terrifying than being out there on the front line. Take it from someone who's done both." He leaned closer to her. "But you _can_ get help for it, Rita. I did and I think I'll have to again. The therapy helps, but they did warn me that it might come back, especially if I went through another ordeal." He looked at her steadily for a moment or two. "Maybe you could try therapy too?"

Rita shook her head. "Iain, you can't compare what I went through with what happened to you."

"Rita, your ex was in this hospital," said Iain. "A convicted paedophile. And you had to treat and support the girl he'd once… if anything's going to mess with your head, Rita, it's that."

"It did mess with my head," admitted Rita. "I was so scared. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone. And I was so ashamed. So ashamed I'd loved him."

"You didn't know what he was like, Rita," said Iain. "Some men are good at hiding their worst points, even from their wives. You shouldn't blame yourself for that." He sighed. "But that wasn't all that happened to you. The way I treated you was _awful_. I hope it was nowhere near the level of a convicted paedophile, but it was unforgiveable all the same. I just didn't know what to do. I liked you, but the idea of commitment… it scared me. I was committed to my men - not in a romantic way, but you form close bonds in the army. They trusted me - and I let them down. I promised myself I'd never let anyone rely on me to that extent again. I can save people's lives in my job, but I knew I mustn't let myself care about anyone; that I mustn't let anyone care about me. So I convinced myself it wasn't serious between us: just a bit of fun with a pretty nurse."

Rita tried not to let her hurt show on her face.

Iain squeezed her hand more tightly. "But it wasn't just a bit of fun, Rita. I just didn't want to admit it to myself because if I did… if I'd actually told you I loved you… then I'd be committed to you and you'd be relying on me and I just couldn't deal with that. What if I let you down too?" He sighed. "Of course, that was exactly what I ended up doing. I abandoned you. I let you down."

"You… you l…" Rita's hurt was gone now, to be replaced by the aching sadness that even if Iain had loved her once, he couldn't love her now.

Then the door of Resus opened and Amira entered. "Rita, I've got Mr Dean's scan results."

* * *

"I wish I'd replied to your texts," said Dylan.

Lofty smiled. "It doesn't matter, Dylan. I didn't text you in order to get a reply. I texted you so you'd know I hadn't forgotten you."

"I have been told I am rather difficult to forget," said Dylan.

"Dylan, you helped me so much," said Lofty. "You taught me so much. You were there for me when… when it happened. I'll always remember you and I'll always regret leaving."

"Then stay here, get your job back and become an even better nurse," said Dylan.

A haunted look came to Lofty's eyes. "I've already applied to train as a bereavement counsellor."

"Why?" said Dylan simply. "Why would you want to retrain as a bereavement counsellor when you're such an excellent nurse? I know I pushed you too hard and I regret that, but while my judgement might have failed me in that regard, I still maintain you were ready for the promotion and until I intervened, you were doing a good job."

Lofty's eyes were troubled. "Maybe at first. But then…"

Dylan sighed. "Ben. If you really want to be a bereavement counsellor, then by all means, become one. I'm sure you'll be excellent at that too. But if you're doing that because you feel you owe the world something for not checking that silly little nurse was doing her job properly, then stop that right now and move back to Holby."

* * *

At last, Alicia's tears stopped. She managed to move her head enough to get a good view of Ethan. "You have Huntington's."

She had no idea why those were her first words and feared immediately that she might upset him, but Ethan just nodded. "I have."

"You pretended to be someone you weren't to make it go away," whispered Alicia.

"Yes, that's right," said Ethan. "Silly of me, wasn't it? I don't even know why I told you. I suppose I don't have many interesting things to talk about."

Alicia took a careful breath in. "I'm glad you told me," she murmured.

"Oh. Really?" Ethan looked so surprised and pleased. "Then I'm glad too."

Speaking was difficult. It took so much effort, but Alicia knew she had to get the words out. Now, before she woke up properly. Once her barriers went up, she wouldn't be able to say it again. "I'm running away from who I am too."

* * *

There was no-one at reception, but one of the computers was still on and Max had spent enough time hanging around the reception desk to know how to use it. Connie's record told him she'd had surgery on her liver. Max sat there for a moment, staring at the screen. He'd never been close to Connie and he wondered sometimes if he even liked her, but the thought of her actually dying made him caused a sharp pain inside him. Connie was terrifying and not always kind, but she'd become so much a part of Zoe's life – and that meant she was part of Max's life too.

When he'd joined the ED, Zoe had been the one in charge and of course, she was still the most important person in Max's life. But Connie _was_ the ED, almost as much so as Charlie, and Max couldn't imagine how it could carry on without her.

Yet that might be exactly what had to happen. Even if Connie made a full physical recovery, she might not be able to do her job because she might have a very sick little girl to look after. Max had heard enough whispered words and seen enough worried faces to know Grace's situation was very serious. Even keeping her alive would be a miracle now.

So many people were thrown from their car and didn't make it. And then there was the helicopter crash...

But thinking about how precious life was could send Max's thoughts to only one person. The person whose life mattered to him the most. He had to find her now and let her know that he still loved her and he always would. He couldn't let her fly away from him again.


	34. Chapter 34

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm so glad you liked Cal and Matilda together! I could be wrong, but I think a lot of people would like to see them reunited. I think telling Alicia when she was unconscious reassured Ethan that he could talk about it - so now he needs to talk to Cal too. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I agree that Zoe and Max should be together. I love Cal, Ethan, Lily, Dylan and Sebastian more, but I find it really odd seeing Max without Zoe. Odd and sad. How do you know Lofty will have to make that decision? He might just have a relapse. That's a good question about where Cal and Matilda go from here - they've found each other, but it's not that simple. I'm not fond of Alicia either, but I have to let the story go where it wants to. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Cal finds out about Matilda in this chapter - I hope it's not too sad. It would be amazing if Rita came back with Iain's baby. I really hope she does. Her exit was disappointing and she's such a great character. I hate what Alicia has done to Cal and Ethan. It's so sad. I love brotherly love. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I don't think I could write a story where Cal didn't love Matilda! They were so lovely together. I hope he still has her toy and the photo of her. I'm really glad you like the way I've written Iain's story. I wasn't sure it would be convincing, so I'm really happy you like it.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I wasn't going to include Connie and Grace as their storyline was so amazing, but I've probably gone further than the end of the episode now and I think Zoe's presence would change things. So I will definitely think about including them. Thank you for the idea. Zax scene coming up.

 **totti10** , thank you for your review. I'm so happy you liked Rita and Iain's scene so much... I think you wrote more than I did! But it makes me so happy. I wish I could accept your challenge and make every scene that emotional, but I'm not sure I can. I'm really glad you like the way I explained Iain's behaviour. I had so much trouble thinking of a reason and I finally thought of this the day I posted it - I'm so happy and so relieved it works! I wish they'd started Chloe's exit story earlier or kept her in for a little bit longer as she and Rita deserved better, but at least they didn't kill her in the anniversary crash. That would have been awful.

 _Thank you to **MonaLisaScotland** for the follow._

* * *

Iain watched tensely as Rita's eyes moved across the scan. Tears filled her eyes and he couldn't be sure if they came from sadness or relief.

"You're okay," said Rita, hardly able to get the words out. "Your scan was clear. Well, I suppose I should really say 'inconclusive', but… oh, Iain."

"Then the problems I've been having are probably due to PTSD," said Iain.

Rita nodded, her smile fading. "I'm sorry, Iain."

"It's something I had already," said Iain. "Something I always knew was likely to come back at some point." He paused and spoke forcefully. "Something I know I can recover from."

"Yes," said Rita softly. Her eyes were full of sympathy.

Iain sighed and let his bravado crumble away. "At least… I hope I can."

"I'm sure you can," said Rita, her voice stronger now. She took his hand in hers. It was soft yet firm. "I know you can, Iain. But you don't have to go through this alone. I know I have no right to ask for anything, but I hope-" Her voice broke and she swallowed before continuing. "I hope I can still be your friend, Iain."

Iain held her hand more tightly and waited until her eyes had met his. "I don't want to be your friend, Rita."

Her eyes dropped and with them her face. "No. I understand. Of course not. Why would you?"

"Rita. I want to be so much more than just your friend."

He felt her jump in surprise and she looked up at him again, disbelief written on her features.

"I know it's not going to be easy. We both have things we need to work through. It might not work out. But I love you, Rita. Please give me another chance."

* * *

Cal was shaking. He stared at Lily and Louise and tried to speak. "Aortic… stenosis?"

Louise had tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Cal."

Lily's eyes might have been slightly misty too.

"Maybe that's why she didn't crawl for me," said Cal brokenly. "Everything she does might be delayed." He lifted Matilda so their eyes were level. "But that doesn't matter, Matilda. You're the most wonderful baby in the world and I'm going to take care of you."

To his surprise, Louise sat on the floor beside him and rubbed his back, though her eyes were on Matilda. "It is good that we discovered it. It means we can help her. And we will help her – and you too."

Cal looked at Louise in surprise. He'd never seen her look so tenderly at anyone. He realised Louise had fallen in love with Matilda too – and who could blame her?

There was a possibility the diagnosis was incorrect. It couldn't be officially made until cardiac catheterisation could be performed. As a dad, Cal wanted desperately to hold on to the hope Matilda was okay. As a doctor, he knew that the hope was small. His eyes filled with tears again. "You're the most special little girl in the world, Matilda. I have never loved anyone more than I love you. And I promise you, I am going to do everything I can to make sure I get to see you grow up." His tears began to fall. "I just hope you will grow up, Matilda. I don't know what I'd do if you didn't."

* * *

Zoe closed the door of Connie's room behind her and finally let her tears fall. She'd wanted to cry when she'd seen Max and Amira together, but how could she cry over that when she had no-one to blame but herself? She was the one who'd cheated on Max and then left him just when things were finally getting back on track.

Amira was so pretty. And she was about the right age too. Zoe was both too old for Max and too immature – a fatal combination if ever there was one.

Seeing Grace fighting for her life and then seeing Connie and knowing she could be losing her little girl right at that moment had made Zoe wanted to cry again, but she'd held the tears back, just in case Connie should awake.

But now Zoe was out of the room and all alone, the need to cry overwhelmed her.

So much was wrong and even though she was an experienced and more than competent consultant, there was nothing she could do to put any of it right. She couldn't save Grace. Connie could lose her little girl; she could already have lost her. And Zoe could do nothing.

Zoe sensed rather than heard someone coming closer and quickly turned away, but then she heard her name and two arms she knew so well were gently wrapping themselves around her and holding her close.

"I'm here, Zoe," said Max. "I'm here."

 _And I'm here_ , thought Zoe as she cried. _And this time, I don't want to leave you._

 _But you've already moved on. So I have no choice but to let you go._

"I'm really sorry about Connie and Grace," said Max.

"It's so unfair," sobbed Zoe. "What did they do to deserve that?"

"They didn't deserve it," said Max. "Sometimes bad things happen to good people." He held her gently away from him. "And sometimes good people do bad things. But that doesn't mean they're not good people."

Zoe pulled away from him and wiped the tears from her face.

"Zoe, what's happened to Connie and Grace and everyone is so terrible and I wish so much it hadn't happened and if I had the chance, I would stop this from happening every time."

"I know," said Zoe, wondering where he was going with this.

"But bad things can sometimes lead to good things because they can make you realise what's really important," continued Max. "And now I know the most important thing in my life is you."

"What?" whispered Zoe.

"I love you, Zoe," said Max, his gaze intense but also warm. "I never stopped. The only thing I regret is that I didn't get on that plane with you."

"But… but… what about Amira?" stuttered Zoe.

Max looked startled, then guilty. "Zoe, I'm so sorry. I was still in love with you, but I hadn't heard from you for months. I'd been waiting for the feelings to go away and they hadn't and I thought maybe if I had a bit of fun with another girl, I would start to get over you. But Amira turned me down and I'm so glad she did because a couple of hours later, I saw you and I knew I could never love anyone else."

Zoe looked at him in confusion. "But you were with Amira just now."

A smile came to Max's face. "That was a different conversation. That was Amira realising I'm not as idiotic as she thought and me telling her I'm not interested because I love my wife."

* * *

Ethan had thought she seemed different when she'd come back to the ED. He'd wondered if that was only because he hadn't really seen her until now; too heartbroken over Honey to notice another girl. But Alicia seemed harder now. More brittle.

When they'd treated the child patient together and played with their gloves, she'd seemed like the gentle, sweet Alicia she always had been. And he'd realised he had noticed her even then, though his heart had been too bruised for love.

She'd been abrasive in the pub, though admittedly, his attempts to talk to her had been clumsy and rather unfortunately-phrased. He'd seen a hint more of the old Alicia when she'd confided her fears about someone in the accident, only to turn snappy again when he'd mistakenly thought she'd meant Connie rather than Grace.

But it wasn't up to Ethan to make guesses. He'd told Alicia far more than he'd ever meant to and now it was his turn to listen. "Would you like to tell me why you're running away?"

Alicia was silent, but he knew she was thinking and not ignoring him. "When I left here, Ethan, I felt so low. It was the most horrible day of my life. I couldn't take Lily's bullying anymore. I didn't want anyone ever to treat me like that again."

"Alicia, I'm not in any way excusing Lily's behaviour, but she was fragile and hurting," said Ethan. "Your feelings are understandable, but Lily wasn't herself then. I'm sure you'll work together more easily now. Friendship is something else and I'm not going to presume to suggest it, but I'm sure she won't treat you like that again. She might be a bit cool and distant – that's the way Lily likes to work. But she's not a bully. Not now." He paused, looking into her eyes. "But I interrupted you. I'm sorry. Please, continue."

Alicia had tensed when he'd first started speaking, but as he continued, her expression had softened. "I thought I needed to toughen up. Fake it till you make it. I thought I was quite good at it. I stood up for myself and no-one walked all over me. I never let anyone see what I felt like inside." She paused, her mouth twisting with pain. "But I never made it, Ethan. I'm still faking it even now. In the pub, I thought you were making fun of me and I couldn't let that happen. But I know now you weren't. I know you're not like that. You're a good man, Ethan. A kind man. A brave man. I'm so sorry for the things I said to you."

"You said nothing wrong," said Ethan firmly. "I was the one who got in a complete muddle and said the wrong thing. Your response was natural. But in the pub, that wasn't me and it wasn't you. I think we haven't been ourselves for a long time and although it seemed like the only thing we could do, there does eventually come a time when you need to stop - and for me, the time is here." He thought for a moment. "I've never realised it before, but I think sometimes being yourself can take more courage than faking it." He took her and in his and squeezed it gently. "So now I'm going to be myself. I'm Dr Ethan Hardy and I have Huntington's and I'm so scared of wasting my life, I've ended up doing things I've never wanted to do."

"I'm Dr Alicia Munroe and I was bullied out of my ED rotation and I'm so scared of being bullied again, I've been pretending I was someone else and I don't even know if I can remember how to be me."


	35. Chapter 35

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm sorry if the ending of the Ethan and Alicia was confusing. They are still in the hospital, but they've decided to support each other and I could imagine Ethan awkwardly coming out with something that made it sound like he was at a support group! It is devastating for Cal - he's already had to go through something similar with both his mums and his brother. It won't get easier, but he's getting better at dealing with it. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm sorry Cal and Matilda's scene upset you so much. He needed to find out and it couldn't be a happy scene. Zax and Riain were both great couples - I'm still not used to seeing Max and Iain without their girls! I think there's a good chance at least one of them will have a happy ending. I think Ethan and Alicia are the worst couple ever, but I can't control what happens. Not even in my own stories sometimes.

 **totti10** , I'm so glad you liked Iain's words to Rita. I was a bit worried it was too short, but I couldn't imagine Iain doing a big, passionate speech! I think he'd rather show his feelings than talk about them as a rule. I really liked what you said about hoping Rita can see she deserves to be loved. I think that's something she really struggles to believe. Mark must have made her feel worthless and Iain (while not in Mark's league) always kept her guessing. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review and the 10! It is never a good idea to relax about any character in any kind of hospital story and I should probably kill someone. As I've decided to give Alicia her old personality back (she was so much nicer then and much more Ethan's type), Lofty is the obvious candidate. Matilda won't die in this story because I can't let a baby die, but her story will end sadly if she doesn't go back to Cal. I'm glad you liked Ethan standing up for Lily.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I think Iain has realised he and Rita are more alike than he thought they were, but even so, he would need to have a lot of trust. Ethan is very lovely and I've often wished he wasn't fictional! I'm not sure Alicia would have confessed if she hadn't heard Ethan's confession first and even then, she might have held back if she'd been feeling stronger. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , I think the new Alicia is a good character, much as I dislike her, but it would have made more sense to write a new character rather than give an existing character a complete personality transplant. At least this way there's a chance of the old one coming back! The old Alicia is so much nicer. She was better-suited to Ethan too and would have hated to cause friction between the brothers. I'm glad you like the couple reunions! Thank you for your review.

* * *

All Zoe wanted was to throw herself into Max's arms. To kiss him and tell him she loved him too and she wouldn't go back to America. She'd stay here in Holby and live with her husband at last.

They'd been married for a year now, she realised, and they'd never lived together as husband and wife.

It was time to put that right.

But she couldn't.

"Max, I can't," she said, turning away to hide the tears in her eyes.

There was a shocked silence. Then Max spoke in a choking voice. "Why not?"

"Because… because I've got a new life now," said Zoe sadly. "I can't just abandon it and come back here."

Max caught her arms and turned her to face him. "Then I'll come to America with you, Zoe. It's not a problem. I don't mind where we live. As long as I'm with you, then-" He broke off suddenly. A terrible suspicion filled his face. "Is there someone else, Zoe? Someone in America?"

"Max-"

He let go of her and backed away. "I thought you cared about me, Zoe. I thought that – what happened downstairs – I thought it meant something to you."

"Max, it did. I'm not saying-"

"Then what did it mean?" said Max furiously. "You wanted a last quickie before you died and I was the only guy available?"

Zoe moved towards him, her hands outstretched. "Please, Max. Listen to me."

"Maybe I've already spent far too much of my life listening to you!" spat Max.

Zoe reached for his hand, but he pushed her roughly away and ran off down the corridor. She started to follow him, but then she heard a sound.

Connie's monitor.

* * *

Ethan shook his head. "I think you remember better than you think, Alicia. You can't hide who you really are. I saw it when we were working together; I saw it when you cared about Grace; I can see it now. It might be difficult at first, but I know you're still in there and I know you can become fully yourself again."

Alicia looked unsure that was what she wanted. Ethan could understand that. If Alicia really was happier now and felt safer…

"I know you can become yourself again too," offered Alicia.

She was changing the subject, but Ethan decided to let her for now. Perhaps Alicia didn't have the courage to be herself alone – but she wasn't alone. She had Ethan.

And Cal, of course.

"I hope I can be myself again," said Ethan. "It won't be easy, facing everything, but I miss myself and if I don't become myself again, I'm going to have so many regrets."

"Then you should do it," said Alicia.

Ethan smiled. "Then I will. And the first thing I'm going to do is burn those jeans. Or perhaps not burn them: that might not be very environmentally friendly. But I'll get rid of them, certainly. Then I need to cancel my salsa classes; go back to mostly soft drinks and make certain that this time, I pass my FCEM and become a consultant as I've always wanted. But I'm keeping the hat."

Alicia stared at him, sympathy in her eyes. "I still can't imagine you doing salsa."

Ethan nodded, shamefaced. "I do actually like salsa. It is quite fun and because of my classes, I'm not such a terrible dancer as I used to be, which is always a help in social situations. And I need all the help in social situations I can get! But there are so many things I'd rather do; so many things I _need_ to do before the disease takes hold. But I haven't tried to do any of them. I don't know what I was thinking."

"I did all kinds of things I wouldn't normally do too," said Alicia. "Anything to prove I wasn't that person anymore: the person who could be bullied out of her dream job. I got rid of almost everything I owned that was pink. I drank way too much. I…" Shame crept into her voice. "I slept around. With anyone and everyone."

"I got drunk too," offered Ethan. "Very drunk. And I can't remember quite a lot of what I did, so it's entirely possible I slept around too."

Alicia laughed then winced as the movement hurt her. "I'm sure you didn't."

"You need to rest," said Ethan. A wave of sadness washed over him. "Cal will be coming to see you later and he'll be angry with me if he sees I've tired you out."

Panic came to Alicia's face. "Ethan, please don't leave me."

"Of course I won't leave you."

* * *

"Robyn, have you got a minute?"

Robyn quickly covered her eye and looked over at Noel. He had two people with him: a man and a woman. With a sinking feeling, Robyn guessed who they must be. Kai's parents.

She stalled for a moment, unsure if she was angrier with Kai or with herself. Whatever her personal feelings of what Kai had done, she shouldn't have shouted at a patient. Particularly not a child.

She looked around, but nobody was there. Lily and Louise hadn't returned. Neither had Cal.

She turned back to Noel. "I'm actually a patient at the moment, Noel, but I'll help as much as I can."

Noel smiled at her gratefully and came over. "Robyn, this is Mr and Mrs Swift. Their son Kai had an asthma attack and was treated by a Nurse Zafar. I don't suppose you know where he is?"

"He's in Resus at the moment," said Robyn unthinkingly, and saw horror fill both the faces of Kai's parents. "Oh, no, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that. Physically, he's fine, but as you probably noticed, we did have a bit of excitement with a helicopter crash, so he's quite upset. He has a strong bond with Nurse Zafar, so one of the doctors took him to see her in Resus."

"Thank you for the reassurance, Nurse," said Mrs Swift. "Would it be possible to see him now?"

Robyn smiled at Noel. "Would you mind taking Mr and Mrs Swift along to Resus, Noel? I can do it if you prefer, but I'm not really supposed to get out of bed."

"Sure. No problem," said Noel at once. "Thanks for your help, Robyn. Hope you're okay."

* * *

Rita looked trapped. She looked around her as though she thought an escape route might be there, but there was none. Lofty's conversation with Dylan was clearly intense, but Lofty seemed physically fine. David and Amira were talking quietly to Kai. From the little Iain had overheard, it sounded like a difficult conversation awaited them, but that wasn't Iain's concern. Cal hadn't returned from his quest to find the errant Lily and Louise – which could be another concern, but again, it wasn't Iain's.

All that mattered to Iain was what the beautiful, sweet, kind, loving, supportive woman in front of him was going to say.

"Rita?" said Iain, not wanting to push for an answer, but her name had crept out unbidden. It was a name he wanted to say often; a name he'd missed saying.

"I don't know, Iain," said Rita at last.

It hurt. It actually felt almost as though she'd shot him, and Iain knew just how that felt. The moment's impact. The shock. And then the pain, as though something had burrowed deep into his chest, causing havoc with his skin, muscles, blood vessels and everything else that got in its way before finally lodging itself in his heart.

He knew 'I don't know' wasn't the same as 'no'. He knew her indecision meant she could go either way; that even if she did say 'no' now, that 'yes' could come in the future.

But the fact remained he'd hurt her and he couldn't claim to have been under any kind of mental strain at the time. He didn't have any exes who'd committed horrendous crimes. He hadn't been forced to help the young victim of it – which couldn't have been easy: Iain doubted the girl could have been glad to see Rita, the woman she probably blamed for the imprisonment of the man she was desperate to believe she loved.

Iain had deliberately and cruelly hurt someone who was already suffering. Why on earth would she take him back when he'd done that to her? Why would anyone?

* * *

"Do you think we should take Kai to cubicles?" Amira asked David, thinking how handsome the quiet nurse was. It was actually an extraordinarily good-looking hospital (even that bossy nurse Charlie was all right for an old guy) though Iain clearly only had eyes for Rita and Cal loved himself much more than Amira ever could. Lofty (whatever kind of name that was) seemed like a nice man, though Amira wanted to make sure he wasn't gay before she considered making any kind of move on him. He was certainly very fond of Dr Keogh, but perhaps that was just a bromance.

Max had turned out to be a nice guy, but he was married, so Amira wasn't going to go there.

David glanced over at Dylan and Lofty, then he nodded. "We should find a cubicle away from the others. Kai will need peace and quiet."

Amira knew immediately that David was thinking of keeping Kai away from Robyn. David hadn't been told what Kai had done and he'd been told very little about Robyn's reaction, but Amira wouldn't have been at all surprised if he'd guessed. David was the kind of person who could look at you and see everything.

Though not in a mentally-undressing sort of way.

Amira heard voices and automatically looked towards the doors. The only person she recognised was that annoying guy who worked on reception: the one that equally irritating nurse Louise liked so much.

Then she heard a soft gasp from Kai and felt him shrinking behind her. "It's my parents."

"We'll help you explain if you need us to," said Amira. She wished she could say more; she wished she could rescue Kai from this situation, but she knew there was nothing she could do. Kai had to stay and face it, but he wouldn't be there alone and Amira would make sure her parents know what complete idiots they'd been if it was the last thing she did (and if she wasn't careful, it really might be the last thing she did in this hospital).

David seemed to know what she was thinking. He put his arm around Kai and spoke quietly but firmly. "We'll be here, Kai."

"You don't know what I've done," whispered Kai.

"Was it your drone?" asked David. His words were direct, but his voice was gentle.

Kai paled, then nodded.

David didn't let go of Kai. "As I said. We're here. We'll help you."


	36. Chapter 36

**Guest** , thank you for your review. I can't tell you if Zoe and Max will get their happy ending, but I think the story will end on a positive note for most of the characters at least. So there's a good chance! They do belong together and they have a scene together in this chapter. Thank you for your review. I'm so glad you're enjoying this fanfic.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think Zoe is certainly tempted to change her mind about does have to put her health first and she probably can't see well enough to work. I can't remember if we've seen David with a child (apart from his son), but I think he'd be good with children. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you think it's human for Amira to be checking out the talent. Ethan and Alicia were both much nicer (and better-suited to each other) when they had their old personalities and I don't feel it's too early or too unrealistic for them to change back at this point. I think Zax are meant to be and it seems so wrong to see them or think of them with other people! Thank you for your review.

 **totti10** , thank you for your review. I love reading your thoughts about Rita and Iain - it's so lovely that you think so deeply and see so much and I'm really relieved the description of emotions being like physical pain worked and wasn't too much of a cliché. A relationship between them probably wouldn't be easy after everything that's happened, but they're so tied up with each other emotionally, it's even harder to see them with someone else.

 **20BlueRoses** , it's certainly possible Max has jumped to conclusions! Zoe certainly didn't say directly that there was someone else. I think Ethan and Alicia could be good friends. When they're being themselves, they're more likeable and actually quite similar in lots of ways. I'm glad you liked the part about Iain's emotions being like physical pain. Lots of people have compared emotional pain to gunshots, but I wanted to do something a bit different with the idea. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , I love David too. He is gentle and very lovely and I'd be more than happy with a nurse like him! I really like that all the nurses are so different, but there is something extra special about David. I wish he'd been given more storylines as he's so interesting. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this update, but it's here at least and there is some Zax, so it's definitely not all over for them yet! I hope you enjoy the scene.

* * *

"I do want to come back," said Lofty in a low voice.

"Then do it," said Dylan.

Lofty lifted helpless eyes to his face. "I don't know if I can."

"Of course you can!"

"But… the mistake I made."

"It's not likely to happen again," said Dylan. "Of all the people who could be using the defibrillator, you'd actually be one of the ones I trusted most."

Lofty looked confused. "Why?"

"Because if anyone makes a mistake like that, the last thing they want is for it to happen again," said Dylan. "No-one will be more careful than you, Ben."

"But it still happened once," said Lofty.

"Ben. It was an accident that could have happened to any of us," said Dylan. "You could say it happened because you didn't check everyone was clear. You could say it happened because the nurse didn't take responsibility for her safety." He paused. "Or you could say it happened because I made the stupid decision to allow a nurse I knew to have question marks over her competence to help transport a critically-ill patient. I could have demanded the presence of another nurse; I didn't. If you carry any responsibility at all for what happened that day, Ben, you're most certainly not the only one."

Shock filled Lofty's eyes. "Dylan, are you saying you blame yourself for what happened?"

* * *

Zoe ran into Connie's room. A moment later, she was joined by two other doctors and a nurse. "Sats are dropping," she informed them. "So's her blood pressure. I'm Dr Hanna from the ED."

"Thank you, doctor: we'll take it from here," said one of the doctors, and started giving orders.

Zoe knew she wasn't wanted or needed, but she didn't want to leave Connie.

"Please, Dr Hanna," said the doctor, gesturing towards the door.

Zoe knew he wouldn't force her to leave. They were all needed to save Connie and it wasn't as though she was causing any trouble. But as she lights flashed on the monitors, the noises increased and the calm voices of the team started to betray agitation, Zoe could bear it no more. She turned and fled from the room, only to find herself caught firmly in someone's arms.

"It's okay."

"Okay?!" said Zoe. "Connie could be about to die: how is it okay? My husband hates me: how is _anything_ okay?"

"Your husband doesn't hate you," said the voice.

Zoe suddenly recognised the arms that were holding her. "Max? What are you…"

"I promised myself I'd never walk away from you again," said Max. "I love you, Zoe. And that means when you need someone, I'm always going to be here. If friends is all that's on offer, then I'll take it."

Zoe held him tightly. "I can't do this now, Max! Connie could be dying."

Max's voice was soft. "I'm just letting you know I'm here."

Zoe held him tightly, straining her ears for something; anything from Connie's room. "Max, if anything happens to her…"

"Then you'll have my support," said Max. "Always. But Mrs Beauchamp is the strongest person I know, bar one. She's healthy and determined and she's no quitter. Someone like her will always have a chance."

* * *

Cal held Matilda close to him and kissed her again before looking up at Lily and Louise. "So, what's the plan?"

He knew what he wanted the plan to be. But Louise and Lily were right: even though Matilda was his in every way that mattered, he had no right to take her home with him.

"We need to wait until she's able to receive cardiac catheterisation," said Lily. "Once that has been done, she will probably be free to go home. If we have not heard from her family by then, the correct thing to do is to inform social services."

"However, when Dr Chao asked Dr Knight for his opinion as a more senior doctor," said Louise, "he recognised Matilda and she seemed instantly comfortable with him. She is only a baby and she's been through a terrible ordeal. It seems sensible for her to stay with someone she knows."

"The fact Dr Knight is also a qualified doctor and experienced in dealing with emergency situations is another reason for allowing a child with a heart condition to remain with him," said Lily. She frowned. "But it would make sense for a woman to be there too. Louise, would you like to go home with Cal and share the caregiving duties?"

Cal looked at Louise rather doubtfully, but her face had lit up.

"I would love to help look after Matilda," she said. "I know it sounds silly, but we have been through so much together. I feel connected to Matilda now."

Cal smiled. "I know that feeling very well."

"Then that is settled," said Lily, a look of satisfaction on her face. "All I ask is that I am permitted to visit."

"Yes, of course," said Cal, really quite bewildered now. Neither Lily nor Louise had showed any particular interest in Matilda before, yet there was no doubt they loved his little girl. And that made him even more proud.

* * *

Alicia lay, half-dozing, warmed by the feel of Ethan's hand in hers. He'd been so kind. So supportive. So understanding. They had more in common than ever she'd realised. He understood what she'd done and why.

She could hardly believe she'd even told him, but it seemed natural after what he'd said to her.

He was a very special man.

Something twisted inside her and the pain caused her to gasp aloud.

"Alicia, are you okay?" Ethan's voice was anxious.

"Yes, I'm fine," replied Alicia, her voice catching. She couldn't tell him what she was thinking. He wanted her to be with Cal and he'd be angry on his brother's behalf that she'd changed her mind.

Ethan's voice sounded closer now. "Are you sure?"

Alicia opened her eyes to find his face close to hers. Despite the sadness inside her, she found herself smiling.

Ethan smiled back.

"You're still here," whispered Alicia, not knowing what else to say.

"I promised, didn't I?" said Ethan gently. "And I'm sure Cal will be here soon. He's probably caught up in something and he can't look at his phone. Or perhaps he's put it down somewhere and forgotten about it. That would be like Cal. Oh, not that he's always forgetful. He never forgets to take his girlfriends out on dates."

Alicia closed her eyes again. The worst of it was, Ethan had liked her. Despite his shyness, he'd liked her enough to try to talk to her in the pub. He'd cared enough to go after her and offer support when she was upset about Grace. He'd tried to comfort her when she was hurt. When she'd said she preferred Cal, he'd told her Cal would like her too.

 _What have I done?_

She'd pushed him away, again and again. She'd hurt his feelings. And now he was happy for her to be with Cal because he didn't want her anymore.

"Please don't cry." Ethan's voice was tremulous. His finger brushed across Alicia's cheek.

"I'm sorry, Ethan," said Alicia, looking up at him. "I'm so sorry."

"What for?" said Ethan kindly. "You've done nothing you need to apologise for, Alicia."

"But I rejected you," said Alicia. "I told you I wanted Cal."

Ethan used a tissue to wipe her tears this time. She was sad. She loved the gentleness of his fingers.

"Alicia, you can't help preferring Cal to me. You can't help your feelings and almost every girl does prefer Cal! You had every reason to be rude after what I said to you and when you were hurt, you didn't know if we would ever escape. You didn't want to waste your time on lies."

Alicia felt more tears falling. "I don't want to waste any time on lies now either. Ethan…"

"Yes?"

"I've made a terrible mistake."

* * *

The doors of Resus swung back and forth, affording Rita glimpses of Iain walking away.

He didn't look back. But why would he?

 _It's not you, Iain! It's me!_ she mentally screamed after him.

It was a cliché, but it was true. There was nothing wrong with Iain. Nothing that time and therapy wouldn't help him to fix.

Whereas Rita…

…but was she really so different? Iain hadn't seemed to think so. He thought she'd been through something terrible too.

Rita glanced at Dylan and Lofty. She had a feeling they wouldn't even notice if she left. She waited for a moment, torn between the feeling she ought to be here in case Lofty needed help and her need to go after Iain and explain properly.

She came to a decision.

* * *

Robyn didn't know how much longer she could bear it. The waiting. The not knowing. She longed to talk to Glen and knew he wouldn't be jealous of Lofty – on the contrary, he'd said he wanted to meet him. But she couldn't bother him in the middle of the night. When Glen was asleep and dreaming, he was well. Much as Robyn wanted him to take advantage of every waking hour, she didn't want to disturb the times when he felt all right.

She looked up as she heard voices and turned away guiltily when she saw the group of people coming towards them. Noel, Amira, David, Kai and his parents. Kai's dad had his arm around Kai's shoulders and his mum was holding his hand tightly.

"We've got to remember what's important," Kai's dad was saying. "We need to think about the good things in our lives and not waste any more time hating each other. Our son is the person who matters most."

"I agree," said Kai's mum, much to Robyn's relief. "Whatever we think of each other, we need to do our best for him."

Kai turned and looked at Robyn and she quickly turned away, overwhelmed with pain and guilt. "Can I tell Nurse Miller now?"

"Of course," said David's quiet voice.

Robyn heard running feet, then she had no choice but to look at him.

"Is your friend called Lofty?"

Robyn nodded. "Yes. Yes, he is."

"I talked to him," said Kai. "He said he was fine and he doesn't want you to worry. He isn't badly hurt, but he has to stay in Resus just in case."

Robyn stared at him in disbelief. She'd been so cruel to him. She'd frightened him. She'd made him hate himself even more. And now he was telling her what she most wanted to know?

"I think he'd like to see you," added Amira.

Robyn gave Kai a big hug. "Thank you, Kai. I hope you'll be okay. You're a bigger, better, braver person than me and you deserve to get through this. Thank you for coming to tell me."


	37. Chapter 37

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I really miss Lofty - he's such a great character and a genuinely nice person and so many people would have benefited from his support, though he would have needed support too. Cal isn't that into Alicia, but his pride will definitely be hurt! My Ethan would never want to hurt Cal. Thank you for your review.

 **totti10** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you were happy with the scene, I was worried it might be disappointing as it was so short. Rita will be in every chapter from now on, except possibly if a chapter ends up being too long and I have to cut it in half. Rita and Iain belong together, but my stories don't always turn out how I want!

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you liked the twist to Kai's story. I wasn't going to include him so much, but then he got involved in Robyn's story and then he was everywhere! I'm glad you like the Zax conversation - I'm keeping the fans guessing! There are a few things I could do with Cal and Matilda. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your reviews. It should be possible to review old chapters, but maybe it depends on the device you're using. But the important thing is I know you enjoyed both chapters, so thank you! I hate Alicia, but I've tried to make her nice again in this. Iain's a very lucky guy if you and Rita both love him! I'm really happy you like the way I write Dylan and Lofty's bromance. They were so good together. Lily and Louise aren't obviously maternal, but Matilda's a special little girl.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I think Cal is really glad of Lily and Louise's support - and I don't think he's flirted either of them once! Alicia's situation is complicated, but she's nice in this story, so she won't want to hurt either of them. You might find out Rita's decision in this chapter or maybe she's wavering...

* * *

Cal rocked Matilda in his arms. He couldn't stop smiling. He knew the nightmare wasn't over yet. He could lose Matilda all over again and he didn't know how he would cope with that. And if Matilda's diagnosis was confirmed, even though he knew it was more than likely, it would devastate him all over again.

But for now, Matilda was back in his life and he wanted to savour every moment. To give her all the love in his heart. To let her know she was a special, precious little girl and it wasn't her fault everyone kept leaving her.

"She actually looks a bit like you," said Louise.

"She's not my blood relation," said Cal. "And don't you think she looks a bit like a toad?"

Louise looked shocked, but then, to Cal's surprise, she laughed. "No more than you do. She's not green, her eyes don't bulge and she's only slimy when I change her nappy."

"Toads are not slimy," said Lily.

Cal had to laugh. It was so typical of Lily to point out something like that, but he wasn't annoyed. He actually wanted to hug her. Lily had cared for his little girl. She'd saved her life. She could say anything she liked as far as Cal was concerned.

"Why don't we take her to see Ethan?" suggested Louise. "What do you think, Matilda? Would you like to go and see Uncle Ethan?"

Cal didn't think he'd ever forget how Ethan had cried when he'd said goodbye to Matilda. That had been the worst thing of all: that he was hurting Ethan. He just hadn't believed there was another way. Taylor had deceived him again. He'd felt he had to let Matilda go.

He'd been wrong, of course. It was top of a very long list of The Most Stupid Things Caleb Knight Has Ever Done.

"I think he would like to see her," said Cal, standing up. Even though Matilda had grown, standing up with her in his arms was easy. As though she was meant to be there. Then he hesitated. "But what if we lose her and Ethan has to say goodbye again?"

"What are you suggesting?" said Lily. "That you hide your baby in your room and hope Ethan doesn't notice?"

"Um… well…"

"How many times have you succeeded in hiding anything from Ethan?" asked Louise.

Again, Cal found himself laughing. He could do a whole lot worse than spend the next few days with Matilda, Louise and Lily. "Really not that many times."

"My suggestion is that you do not even attempt it," said Lily. "What do you think, Matilda?"

"Dadadadadadada!" babbled Matilda.

Cal gasped. "Did you hear that?" He knew she was babbling and it probably meant nothing, but hearing the sound from his baby girl was still special.

"She is…" Lily stopped. "She is learning very quickly."

Cal lifted Matilda so her nose brushed against his. "That's my girl. That's my precious baby girl."

* * *

Dylan wanted to deny it. He hadn't ever wanted anyone to know how he felt. Then they would pity him and try to help him and he knew there was nothing they could do. Lofty would still be gone from the ED because he'd made a stupid mistake.

Lofty's eyes were still on him. Dylan found himself unable to look away.

And unable to lie to him. "Yes," he said.

Lofty held out his hand. It hung there for a moment, the movement clearly an effort for him. Dylan took it in his own.

"It's not your fault," said Lofty clearly.

"But I was the one who told her to come with us!"

"It was an emergency," said Lofty. "You needed two nurses. We were the only two. We didn't see anyone else on the way. You had no other choice, Dylan."

Dylan had tried telling himself this before, but it had never worked. It was different when Lofty said it. "Really?"

Lofty nodded. "Really. The nurses aren't your responsibility. They were the responsibility of the senior nurse – and I was the nurse taking charge that day. My job was to send Diane home; I didn't do it. So it's my fault."

"But if I hadn't pushed you to take control that day; if I'd let Jacob carry on; let you ease into the job gently-"

Lofty said nothing for a moment, but Dylan could see several emotions passing through eyes. "Do you know something, Dylan?"

Dylan waited. Lofty could be about to say that it was all Dylan's fault; that he was the only person to blame. But he didn't think so.

"I think we've both been blaming ourselves for far too long," said Lofty. "We need to move on. It was a terrible tragedy, but we can't do anything more for Diane. But every day, there are more patients who need us. We need to make sure we do what's right for _them_."

Dylan stared at him. " _We?_ "

Lofty nodded, an almost shy smile coming to his face. "I'd like to go back to nursing, Dylan. You were right. Becoming a bereavement counsellor was a way of atoning for what I'd done. Nursing is what I want to do – and I don't think I'm a bad nurse."

"You're an excellent nurse!" said Dylan. "Ben, I'm so… you won't regret this. I'm sure you won't. Will you come back here?"

"If Rita… well, I suppose I mean Jacob will let me."

Dylan looked around, certain Rita had been with them moments before, but she was gone. He believed Lofty wasn't the only person who should be returning to the ED, and Jacob had enough to consider at the moment, when he'd nearly lost Connie and Grace and could still lose them both. "I'll speak to Jacob. I'm sure he'll want you back."

But Lofty was shaking his head. He was lying on a hospital bed, hooked up to monitors and probably wasn't feeling nearly as well as he was pretending, but there was a strength about him. A determination. "Thank you, Dylan, but I'll speak to him. And I'll be happy to go back to being a staff nurse if that's all that's on offer. Jacob needs to know he can trust me and I'll do whatever it takes to persuade him he can."

* * *

Rita skidded to a halt in cubicles and looked around. "Robyn! David! Have you seen Iain?"

"He went outside," said Robyn, who was being helped into a wheelchair by David. "Amira might have seen him. She went outside with Kai and his parents."

"What did you let him go outside for?" almost shrieked Rita.

Robyn flinched. "I'm sorry. I did tell him not to, but he ignored me and I was told to stay in bed…"

David turned silently and looked at Rita. There was no censure in his gaze, only understanding. But it calmed Rita instantly.

"No. You did the right thing, Robyn. I'm sorry." Despite her hurry, Rita went to Robyn's side and patted her shoulder. "I didn't mean to shout. I'm just concerned about Iain. His scan came back fine, but he's been through a terrible experience."

"Of course you are," said Robyn. "You love him. And if you love someone… you shouldn't ever let them go. Every minute is precious, Rita. Every minute could be the minute you lose them."

"But so much has gone wrong between us," said Rita.

"That doesn't mean you can't put it right," said Robyn. "Glen lied to me, you know. He told me his wife had died of cancer. But there was no wife. I thought it was a line he used to pick up vulnerable women and he'd come to the mortality café expecting to find someone like me. But it was his way of talking about illness and mortality; his way of getting himself closer to facing the truth. I don't know exactly why you lied, Rita. But sometimes lies aren't about hiding the truth but helping you towards it."

Rita looked at her for a moment, processing her words. "I wanted to tell him that maybe we could be friends and see how it goes."

"And I'm sure he'll take that," said Robyn. "And if that's what you really want, that's what you should do. But don't forget what happened today, Rita. You think you and Iain have time, but all it takes is one moment like today; one accident and your chance could be gone."

* * *

Ethan's mouth was dry. Perhaps he simply hadn't drunk anything for a long time. He tried to speak, but his voice was raspy. "A mistake?"

Alicia's eyes filled with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I…" Ethan turned away from her and cleared his throat. "I'm fine." He actually felt rather shaky, but at least he could speak now. "What mistake, Alicia? I'm sure you haven't made any mistakes."

"No, I have," said Alicia, looking up at him. "I thought Cal would be the right man for me because… well, because he's the kind of man I've been… spending time with recently. I tried to be careful. I tried to choose men who would give me what I thought I wanted but not hurt me."

"Alicia!" exclaimed Ethan in sudden, desperate concern. "None of those men did hurt you, did they?"

Alicia shook her head. "They didn't. I was lucky. And I knew Cal wouldn't hurt me either. I know he'd be a gentleman in his way." She looked up at Ethan. "But he's not the kind of gentleman I want. I don't want to be that person anymore!"

"And you're not," said Ethan soothingly, stroking her hand. "You're not that person, Alicia. You never were. It's okay. And Cal… he hasn't really been like that for a while. Not since Taylor, really. There have been some women, but not many. After caring for Matilda and then Emilie – she's our biological mother: oh gosh, Cal will have so much to tell you – I think he's matured. Even before that, he was thinking of something more permanent with Taylor. I really do think he'll be a very good boyfriend to you, Alicia. And if he isn't, he'll have me to answer to! But I do think that might be what he wants now."

"But what about I want?" asked Alicia, her eyes filling with tears.

Ethan held her hand more tightly. "Alicia, what you want is very important. It's the most important thing of all. Don't cry, sweetheart. It's okay. I'm here and whatever you want, all you need to do is tell me and I'll do everything I can to sort it out. If you don't want Cal, that's fine. I'm not going to force you to go out with him. I couldn't if I tried! But I would never try to force you into anything. I want you to be happy, Alicia." He leaned closer. "So please. Won't you tell me what you do want?"

"I want _you_ , Ethan," whispered Alicia.


	38. Chapter 38

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you thought Cal and Matilda were cute - I adore him as a daddy, which is why Matilda is in so many of my stories! I love Ethan's protective side so I'm happy you enjoyed reading about it.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. There is a Zax scene, but I'm afraid it's quite short - this chapter ended up being twice as long as it needed to be, so I had to cut the Zax scene in half and save the rest for Chapter 39, but they should be in every chapter till the end now. I'm so happy you're enjoying this.

 **totti10** , I think you're right about Robyn never being there for Rita - I remember when Rita was first promoted, she made a few mistakes and apologised and Robyn was supportive, but that's all I can think of. I think Rita might find it quite difficult to ask for help. You won't have to wait long to see Iain again! Thank you for your review. I really do love how you see so much in the Rita sections.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I've missed Lofty for lots of reasons, but one of the main reasons is his friendship with Dylan - I can think of a few occasions when Dylan would have found Lofty's support really helpful. The wait for Ethan's reaction to Alicia's statement is now officially over! I hope it won't disappoint you. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I think Ethan has convinced himself Cal likes Alicia, but that didn't stop him in the episodes... I agree that life - and Casualty - would be a lot less interesting if things were simple. I can imagine Cal trying to hide all sorts of things, only for Ethan to guess straight away - though it's the things he succeeds in hiding for a while that end up hurting Ethan the most.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Cal definitely wants to keep Matilda, but it's not really his choice now he's giving up his rights, so I could yet split them up! I'm cruel. It would be good if Rita and Robyn become friends - I think they're quite similar and they both need support at the moment. I think if Alicia can successfully go back to her old personality, she and Ethan might suit each other.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you reviewed this one first because I wanted to update it! I'm glad Cal's explanation of letting Matilda go worked - there wasn't time to go into detail, so I really had to cram it into a few words! I'm glad you're happy for Lofty to go back to staff nurse, but he is still in Resus, so it's better not to assume anything! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan stared at Alicia in disbelief. "Oh, goodness me. I think I must have… " Ethan let go of her hand, placing it gently down on the bed, and felt in his pocket for his torch. The torch wasn't there. Nor, for that matter, was his pocket. He'd forgotten he wasn't in his working clothes. "Oh dear. Perhaps I ought to call someone. I'm a bit concerned…" Ethan looked around. He knew there was a procedure for dealing with this situation and he was fairly sure he ought to know it, but it seemed to have gone out of his head completely. "I, um, please don't worry, Alicia, but I'm concerned about your head injury. I'm just going to-"

Alicia burst into laughter.

He stared at her. He didn't think he'd said anything funny this time. "Alicia, it's okay. You're going to be fine. I'm sorry if I worried you. I'm just trying to be cautious."

"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed." Alicia reached out his hand to him and he captured it in his own without thinking. "Ethan, _this_ is why I want you."

"I… um… yes," said Ethan, still staring at her. "You're really not well, Alicia, and you're exhibiting… symptoms, which I'm sure are nothing to worry about, but in view of the fact we have been involved in a rather serious um…"

He stopped, losing his train of thought completely as Alicia stroked his fingers. There was a smile on her face as she gazed at him. He had to admit she didn't look very unwell. Her eyes were sparkling and her grip of his hand seemed firm. If anything, Ethan was the one who was feeling ill. He felt rather dizzy and he was struggling to breathe.

"No other guy has ever reacted like you when I've thrown myself at him," said Alicia. "Most of them aren't even surprised. But you… you're so modest and sweet, you just think I need my head examined!"

"Oh, um…" Ethan stared at her in alarm. When she put it like that, it really wasn't terribly complimentary. "I didn't mean… I'm so sorry… it's not you, it's me… no, I didn't just say that! Please tell me I didn't say that _again_. I'm terribly sorry. I mean... what do I mean? Can you just give me a minute? I'm not used to this. Um… excuse me."

Alicia's hand clung to his for a moment, but then she nodded, though her smile had faded slightly now and her eyes looked wide and sad as she released his hand.

"Alicia, I'm not saying… oh gosh: I'm actually not sure quite what I'm saying… but I just… the thing is… Cal… oh gosh." Ethan turned away. His forehead felt hot and he rested it against the wall, closing his eyes and trying to breathe deeply and calmly. There was no need to panic just because a girl had told him she liked him. It did happen very occasionally, after all. Only once or twice a year and only if he was very lucky and they were desperate enough, but it did happen.

He knew he was lucky. Alicia _liked_ him. She actually liked him and he liked her and it should have been the happiest moment of his life, but there were two very good reasons why he couldn't allow himself to feel happy at all.

* * *

Dylan thought the lump in his throat might be emotion.

He very much hoped it wasn't, but it was good seeing Lofty and Robyn reunited. Not that he had the remotest interest in the romantic lives of his colleagues, but he was aware that Robyn was in a tragic situation and there was no doubt that Lofty would support her better than anyone else.

"I'm so glad you're okay," said Robyn tearfully. "If I'd never seen you again…"

"But you did," said Lofty. "And I'm not going anywhere."

Robyn glanced at his monitor fearfully, but what she saw seemed to reassure her.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere in that sense either, but I meant I'm _literally_ not going anywhere," said Lofty. He paused for a moment. "I've decided I'd like to come back to Holby. I might have to wait till there's a job available, but this is where I want to work."

Robyn gasped in delight "You're coming back! Lofty, that's the best news ever! Are you coming back as a bereavement counsellor?"

"No: as a nurse," said Lofty. "That's what I want to do, Robyn. What I've always want to do." He looked over at Dylan and smiled.

 _Oh, no. It really is emotion_ , realised Dylan in horror.

He turned away and pretended to be very interested in… surely there must be something he could be interested in. It wasn't even as though Lofty's news was a surprise, but for some reason, hearing him say it to another person made it seem even more likely to happen.

Dylan found a tablet and picked it up. He found himself looking at Iain's CT scan. There was no reason to look it and there were clearly no abnormalities, but if it could keep Dylan focused and stop him feeling so uncomfortably happy…

It didn't.

* * *

"I strongly recommend that you go and see him," said Lily. "He was extremely worried about you and he will be anxious for news."

"Not very anxious," said Cal. "He's too busy with Alicia to think about his brother."

"Cal, don't pout," said Lily severely.

"Yeah, whoever told you it was sexy – and I bet it was you – it's not," said Louise.

Cal kissed Matilda, who chattered to him and held him more tightly. "At least you love me, Toad."

"Our feelings for you are not important," said Lily. "You need to see Ethan. You know how much he dislikes it when you keep secrets from him."

She had a point actually. If Ethan got home exhausted and found Louise changing a nappy, it would be quite a shock for him and Cal had no trouble working out who would get the blame.

"And if there's anything… _wrong_ with Alicia," said Louise, a slight note of fear creeping into her voice, "don't you think he'd like to have his big brother there?"

Cal wasn't quite so sure about _that_ , but the thought of Ethan being alone and afraid wasn't a thought he liked. He put on a big show of reluctance. "Okay. Fine. I'll go and see him."

"Oh, you men!" said Louise in exasperation. "Why do you always have to pretend you don't care? It's pathetic. There's nothing wrong with loving your family."

"I'm not saying there is!" said Cal defensively. "I love Matilda, don't I? She's family."

Louise's eyes met Lily's and they both shook their heads.

If Cal hadn't known better, he would have thought Lily was smiling.

* * *

Zoe was trembling. She felt Max's arms encircling her shoulder and waist and pressed closer to him. "Is… Connie…" She could manage no more.

"She's stable," said the doctor. "Thank you for calling us when you did, Dr... Hanna, wasn't it?. It made our job easier."

Zoe knew what that meant. Without her help, their job might not even have been possible - and she could so easily not have been there.

Zoe shuddered at the thought. "Can I see her?" Her legs were shaking, but Max was holding her tightly and she knew he wouldn't let her fall.

"She's asleep now," said the doctor. "If you'd like to wait in the waiting room, I can take you along there now, or if you need to get back to the ED, we can give you a call when she's ready for visitors."

Zoe's eyes met Max's. "Waiting room?" She couldn't help remembering that at one time, the question 'waiting room' would have been a suggested venue for sex, not a place to wait for what could be bad news.

Max nodded. His arms around her were firm and reassuring. "Fine with me."

* * *

David watched until the family was out of sight.

No. Not a family. They'd been torn apart by the arguments of the parents and although Kai had briefly united them in some respects, he knew they would never live asa family again.

He jumped as Amira touched his arm. "Are you okay?"

"I…" David wasn't sure. He'd hoped he'd feel better when Kai and his parents were gone, but the fear inside him remained.

This time, it had been the Swift family, but next time…

"David?" Amira sounded concerned. "What is it? Tell me."

"You… you were going to go home," said David.

"Not while there's still work to be done," said Amira. "And supporting my colleagues is part of the job. Out with it."

David looked at her in bemusement. When she'd first arrived at the ED, that hadn't been her attitude at all.

But in one respect, she hadn't changed. She was as aggressively determined as ever and David didn't think he'd be able to say no.

* * *

It was strange how familiar a person could become.

All Iain could hear was the sound of running feet, but he knew.

He turned to face her. For a moment, he thought she was going to run into his arms, but she skidded to a stop in front of him, almost losing her balance.

Iain caught Rita's arms and she gasped and jerked away.

"Sorry," said Iain at once.

"No, I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting… I'd forgotten…" Rita stopped. "Iain, we've both been through so much. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Maybe I don't know who you are either."

Iain shook his head. He half-lifted his hands to reach for hers, but then he caught himself. She was like a frightened animal. He'd slapped her (metaphorically of course) too many times for a caress to be welcome. "I'm the same guy I've always been, Rita. Maybe a little bit more battered and bruised, physically and emotionally, but in some ways, I'm more myself than I've ever been because I'm being honest now. With myself and with you. I love you, Rita."

"I-I think I love you too," said Rita. "No. I know I love you. But what if I can't do it, Iain? What if I can't be normal anymore?"

"You are normal," said Iain. "You've had a normal reaction to something terrible. But this time, it's going to be different. This time, I won't push you away. I'll help you. In any way I can." He held out his hand. She jumped slightly, but didn't move away. Slowly, she moved her hand towards his.

All Iain wanted was to grab her hand, but he knew he had to wait. They'd do this at Rita's pace. If he messed this up, she could run away again and then he'd lose her forever.

He kept his hand still.

At last, he felt Rita's palm flutter against his.

Iain waited till it was still, then he slowly closed his fingers over her hand. He kept his grip light so Rita could pull away, but she didn't.


	39. Chapter 39

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm glad Iain was there to comfort Rita too. If only he'd been properly there for her in Casualty! It is difficult for Ethan. All his wishes are coming true, but that's not enough to ensure his happiness. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I love flustered Ethan too and his modesty is one of my favourite things about him. It would be horrible if there were misunderstandings over Alicia - the brothers need each other at the moment. I'm relieved you felt the Dylan scene was in character. I think it's quite likely _Cal_ doesn't remember running around the hospital in a panic about Ethan! He's very good at forgetting inconvenient facts.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. Here is the update you requested - I hope you like it.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm not crazy about Alicia either and I never intended for the story to go in this direction, but I couldn't stop it! She does appreciate Ethan though, which is good as there's a lot to appreciate when he's being himself. The Dyfty bromance is definitely back on! Dylan isn't concerned about Iain's scan - I'm sorry that wasn't clear. Thank you for your review.

 **totti10** , maybe it's a good thing the Iain and Rita sections have been relatively short if you're holding your breath throughout! That's true that Iain has had two jobs where his instincts are very important. But his instincts have already failed him at least once and he can't detach emotionally where Rita is concerned, so he hasn't felt able to trust his instincts and he probably finds that quite frightening. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Cal has got his Toad back and I doubt we're the only ones who don't want him to let her go! I do love Connie and Zoe's friendship - they hated each other at first, but they couldn't help respecting each other and I think that grew into genuine affection. Iain and Rita are the best!

 **InfinityAndOne** , maybe it is a bit out of character for Alicia to be so honest with everyone! But the old Alicia was very caring. I'm glad you liked Louise seeing right through Cal - and I think she'd really enjoy saying so! It's good to know you thought I paced Iain and Rita's scene about right too. Thank you for your review.

* * *

"I love you," said Zoe. "I really, really do, Max."The doctor showed Zoe and Max to the nearby waiting room, then he left them alone. Perhaps he simply had to get back to work, but perhaps knew there was talking to be done.

A lot of talking and hoping and… Zoe sighed sadly.

There was no point in hoping. She knew that. All she could do was talk to him and hope he understood why she could never come back to Holby. Not permanently.

Max's eyes were unwavering. "I love you too."

Hearing the words made her heart beat faster, but it also made it ache with sadness. They loved each other, but she knew what Max was dreaming of couldn't happen. Not now. She had Edward to think of now. She'd made a promise and she couldn't break it.

She didn't want to break it.

"You're my wife," said Max simply. "I love you. I want to be with you. Nothing else matters. Stay with me, Zoe. Please."

"I can't," said Zoe sadly.

* * *

David told himself it wouldn't matter. He'd never see Amira again after today. He could say the words, just this once. "I thought they could have been _my_ family."

Amira couldn't quite keep the surprise from her face. It hurt David, but he knew he wasn't the sort of man people expected to have a family.

"I have a wife and son," said David. "I don't live with them. Things… went wrong. I did things I shouldn't have done. I haven't seen my son for a long time."

"You must miss him," said Amira.

David nodded. "I do miss him. And that family. They make me think…" He stopped.

"You can tell me, David."

"I thought when I was away from my wife and son, it was better," said David. "Because then I couldn't hurt him."

"And now?" Amira's voice was sympathetic.

"Kai's dad went away," said David. "But something still happened. It's going to be difficult – maybe impossible - to put things right, but it was only when they were all together that there was any hope of making things better. Like they gave each other strength."

"Families can do that," said Amira. "Not all families, of course. But if you miss your son, David, you should tell him that. Kai knew his dad wasn't perfect, but he missed him. That's partly why it went wrong: because his dad wasn't there and he didn't know why. But now he is there…"

"It makes a difference for all of them," said David.

* * *

Ethan's breathing finally slowed. He turned to face Alicia, his heart turning over when he saw the slight trembling of her lips. "Alicia, I like you. I've liked you from the first moment I saw you for the second time. No. That doesn't make sense. I'm sorry. I'll start again. I like you."

Her tentative smile calmed him slightly. "It's okay, Ethan," she whispered. "Take your time."

"I like you, but we can't be together," said Ethan sadly. "You've been through something terrible and that can affect your emotions. I don't want anything to happen until you're absolutely sure it's what you want. Though even then…" Ethan looked at her sadly.

"What?" whispered Alicia.

"I'm so sorry, Alicia. I told Cal you wanted to be with him and he agreed to take you on a date. I don't think he likes you that much, but…" Ethan gasped. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to say that. I'm sure he likes you very much and I'm sure he's very happy he's going on a date with you, but what I meant to say was he's only just met you - except he has met you before, obviously, but that was different – so he might not be in love with you yet and he might not mind at all if you tell him you've changed your mind. But he's still my brother and even though he's got into the most terrible messes and caused me all sorts of trouble, I love him and he's saved my life twice now and I don't ever want to hurt him, so I can't be with you at this time and I'm so sorry." Ethan blinked hard.

Alicia looked teary-eyed too, but she hadn't let go of his hand. "It's okay, Ethan. I don't want to hurt Cal either and if anyone's worth waiting for, it's you. You're putting my health and your brother before your happiness. Not many guys would do that."

"Oh, I'm sure that's not true: I'm sure lots of guys would do that, especially if it's you they want to do it for," babbled Ethan. "But um… I hope we can be friends. I'm really not special at all and I'm sure you'll discover that very quickly and it will be so much easier for you just to decide not to go out with me after all than it would be to break up with me. I mean, if you ever did break up with me, I promise you I'd understand completely and I wouldn't put any pressure on you and I'd respect your decision and behave professionally at all times and-"

"Ethan," broke in Alicia softly, "of course we can be friends."

* * *

Robyn gave a squeal (that very effectively turned Dylan's attention from his emotions to his chances of going deaf) and threw her arms around Lofty.

"Careful: you have both been in an accident," said Dylan.

Lofty smiled at him reassuringly. "I'm okay."

Robyn turned to Dylan. "Isn't it the best news ever?"

Dylan was rather disturbed to realise she was expecting an answer. "Oh. Well. There's certainly been a lot of news that's been considerably worse…"

Robyn laughed and held out her arm. "Oh, come here."

"Er… what for?" said Dylan in alarm, but Lofty was holding out his hand too and Dylan's feet were showing a most disturbing habit of walking towards Robyn and Lofty.

It was probably Dylan's first ever group hug.

He didn't hate it.

* * *

"I'm going to quit my job, Rita," said Iain.

Rita gasped. "What? Do you mean… oh, Iain, is it that bad?"

"Very bad!" said Iain. "I've never had it so bad in all my life."

"Oh, Iain," whispered Rita, her eyes filling with tears.

"Rita?" Iain's grip did tighten then. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry it's so bad for you," said Rita shakily. "But I will support you, Iain."

Iain stared at her, then his tired brain caught her meaning. "I didn't mean that, Rita. I'm going to keep working. I _need_." He let his gaze travel towards the debris-strewn ambulance station. "But not here. I don't know where you live now, but that's where I want to be. With you."

Rita's face broke into a smile. "Then don't quit your job, Iain."

"No?" said Iain uncertainly.

"The only place I want to work is here," said Rita. "I've missed it, Iain." She looked up at him almost shyly. "Nearly as much as I've missed you."

"You're coming back?" Iain wanted to sweep her off her feet, but he didn't want to frighten her.

"I'd like to," said Rita. "I'd like to more than anything." She looked at him helplessly. "But I'm scared, Iain. What I did was so wrong. What if they don't want me back?"

* * *

Cal often liked to take stairs two at a time, but it wasn't an option now. Not when he was carrying someone so precious. It was only now, with his daughter in his arms, that he realised how far it was to the bottom.

He told himself not to be silly. If he let everything that could hurt Matilda get to him like this, he'd never be a good dad.

And that was what he wanted. More than anything.

Finally, he reached the top of the stairs and carried Matilda towards ICU. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if tiny babies were even allowed in ICU, but he remembered Matilda wasn't a tiny baby anymore. She was probably less vulnerable than most of the patients here.

Including Alicia…

Cal sucked in his breath and held Matilda closer to him. She couldn't have had any idea what she was thinking, but she pressed closer to him and reached out a chubby hand to pat his face. "Dadadadadada!"

"Thanks, Toad," he whispered, kissing her forehead. "I'm so glad you're here."

He hoped Alicia was okay. He couldn't imagine what it would do to Ethan if he wasn't. He doubted Ethan truly loved Alicia; he'd never showed her the slightest interest the last time she'd been here. But Ethan was so caught up in the idea of her, he probably believed he was in love, and the shattering of an illusion could hurt just as much as the real thing.

And if Alicia was okay… well, she was going on a date with Ethan's brother.

Cal tried not to grimace at the thought. Alicia was hot, but he hadn't been interested before all this had happened and he was even less so now. He had a sick child to look after; he couldn't be running around going on dates. Not unless it was someone really special; someone who could be Matilda's mother. He couldn't see Alicia as a mother. She was too young.

He pushed open the door and carried Matilda inside. Ethan and Alicia were talking, but Alicia's eyes widened when he entered.

"Cal?" she said nervously. She stared at the baby before turning to Ethan in confusion. "I thought you said Matilda…"

Ethan was staring at Matilda now. "Is that… is that really…"

"It's my little Toad," said Cal, smiling proudly. "She's come back to us and… Ethan! Ethan, be careful: you'll hurt her!"

But he should have known his brother better. Ethan held her gently. "Matilda, I don't know how you're back or why you're back and I'm quite frankly terrified of the answer considering my brother is involved, but I've missed you."

Cal stayed close to his brother in case Matilda was afraid, but she seemed to remember Uncle Nibbles too.

Cal reluctantly walked towards the bed. "Hey, Alicia. You look… great. So… how are you?"


	40. Chapter 40

_There's just one more chapter to go after this._

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm afraid there will only be two more chapters of this, so not quite thirty-nine! I hope you'll enjoy them. It won't be easy for Rita to go back, but I think she needs the ED and the ED needs her. With Rita and Lofty coming back, there might not be a permanent job for Amira, but she's got a lot more involved in this version of the story so it might not be easy to walk away from these people and never see them again. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. Zoe is going to tell Max all about Edward in the first section of this chapter and you'll get to see Max's reaction too. So you'll know very soon if there's a reason to worry or not!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , for all Zoe's faults, she's a good doctor. Any hospital would be lucky to have her. This story takes place on Alicia's first day back at the ED - Cal is a fast mover, but not even he's had time to get her pregnant! I'm not sure Cal would cope if he lost Matilda again. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , the staff have had the chance to see Rita at her best over the past few hour - that can only help her. Things could get very awkward for Cal and Alicia. They'll both be unhappy and so will Ethan - hardly a match made in heaven! Ethan really loved Matilda. Thank you for your review.

 **totti10** , thank you for your review. The ED did fail Rita, which is really sad as they have been so amazing in the past when one of them has needed support. They gave her no personal support and were also very unprofessional - I hated that scene when she was trying to do her job and everyone ignored her.

* * *

"Who is he?" asked Max. His voice trembled, but he tried to stay calm.

"He's my clinical lead," said Zoe.

Max said nothing. He was sure he was a whole lot more than that.

"It's not what you're thinking," said Zoe. "He's much older than me – well over sixty. He's much more a father figure than anything. But I admire him so much."

Max remained silent.

"I've been a mess all my life," said Zoe. "Luckily, I've never messed up my career too badly, but I knew I hadn't reached my full potential. I arrived at my new job and Edward was waiting to welcome me and the things he said … no, it wasn't unit. They welcomed me and helped me... I felt alive in a way I hadn't felt for years – at least not when I was working. Working for him was incredible. I've never felt so challenged. even that. It was the way he said it. He told me about the hospital and his plans for the future. Straight away, I wanted to be part of it and I love being part of it. But then, last month, Edward called me into his office and said he wanted to retire in five years' time. He wanted to spend part of that time ensuring the hospital was left in good hands. He wants me to be the next clinical lead."

Max stared at her for a moment, then he pulled Zoe into a tight hug. "That's brilliant! I'm so proud of you. Are you going to accept?"

Zoe nodded. "I want to do it for him; to keep the hospital at the very best it can be. But also for myself. I feel so different when I'm there, Max."

"I understand," said Max softly. "I would never want to stand in the way of your career."

"I know you wouldn't," said Zoe. "And that's just one reason why I love you. When I got back here and saw you again, I did think about staying. But within a few minutes, I could feel myself turning back into the old Zoe. All my doubts and insecurities came rushing back. All my reckless behaviours. I'm so sorry, Max, but I don't want to work here anymore."

"Then you mustn't," said Max, still holding her.

Zoe moved away just enough to look into his eyes. "There's only one way we can be together, Max. And that's if you come with me."

* * *

"So, when are you coming back?" asked Robyn eagerly. "Are you staying for good now?"

Lofty smiled. "I'll have to go back to pick up my stuff – and obviously find a place to live."

Dylan cleared his throat. "You could-"

"You can have my old room!" said Robyn. "I've moved in with Glen. It'll be you, Max and Jez. You'll have a great time! Though I wouldn't like to see the state of the house after you lot have been living t3here for a month!"

"That sounds really good," said Lofty, smiling at her. "Though I would like to check with Max and Jez first – and obviously my dad. He might already have someone lined up."

"Who else would want to live there?" said Robyn. "Well, Alicia might, I suppose, but she must have a place to live if she's locumming in the area. And that's even more reason for you to move in: she used to be really sweet, but she's been a bit funny today."

Lofty spoke gently. "It must have been really difficult for Alicia, coming back here. She had such a terrible experience last time. She and Lily really weren't a good fit and Lily had just lost her father. Grief is such a powerful, overwhelming emotion."

Robyn looked guilty. "You're right. I shouldn't judge either of them."

"It's better not to judge anyone," said Lofty, "but it's almost impossible not to sometimes. Don't worry."

Dylan decided to try again. "It sounds like you have a home already, Ben, but if it doesn't work out, I have a spare room. My sister Rihanna sleeps there occasionally, but I can always move the cot into my room."

"Thanks for the offer, Dylan," said Lofty, his face lighting up. "It's really good to have two options. And I can't wait to meet Rihanna. If you'd like me to meet her, I mean."

Dylan felt slightly surprised, then proud. "I'll introduce you to her soon. I'm sure she'd like to meet you too."

* * *

Iain took Rita's hands in his. "I'm sure they'll want you back, Rita. You've done well today and everyone appreciated your work – and considering what's happened to Connie and Grace, Jacob might not be able to take up his new position for a while. You'd be the perfect choice."

Rita couldn't stop smiling at Iain's words. She knew he wouldn't have said it unless he meant it. "I don't want to take advantage of what's happened to Connie and Grace."

"It'll be more like the hospital's taking advantage of you!" said Iain. He spoke gently. "But it is Jacob's job now, Rita. You're a hundred times better than he could ever be, but it's his job."

Rita nodded in agreement. It was sad to think the job she'd once done well was no longer hers, but she agreed with what Iain was saying. The hospital board – and Rita – had to be fair to Jacob. He'd got the post on merit and didn't deserve to lose it. "I'd really like to help if I can. It would be easier to give the interim job to someone who already knows the hospital and the personnel."

"And I'm sure they'll be happy to give the interim job to you," said Iain. His voice softened. "I'm not saying it will be easy, Rita. You will need to adjust. But you don't have to go through this alone. I'll be there. And you're going to have a very difficult job getting rid of me."

* * *

"Text him," said Amira.

David ducked his head uncertainly.

"I'm serious," said Amira. "Just text him. He'll be glad to hear from you. "

David said nothing.

Amira's voice was gentle. "David, I know it's scary. It's like jumping into a big hole and not knowing what's at the bottom. But some things are just so important."

David couldn't argue with that. Today had reminded him of that.

Amira smiled. "So phone him. Seize the moment. Follow your heart. Or I will keep spouting clichés at you."

To his surprise, David smiled. He took his phone out of his pocket and dialled the number he'd never forgotten. It went to voicemail. "Oliver, it's Dad. I know it's been a long time, but I've spent so much of that time thinking of you. I love you and I want to be part of your life. I know I messed up, but you're too important for me to let you go. Please call me."

* * *

Alicia didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want to hurt anyone. Not even Lily. Not now.

But she didn't want to date him. He was too loud; too flirtatious; too aware of his own good looks. She didn't want to be with someone like that. She wanted to be with someone who was gentle and kind; someone who didn't even know he was gorgeous. Someone who would always take care of her – and would allow her to take care of him.

"I'm okay," she told Cal. "How are you?"

"Yeah, I'm good," said Cal. "So. I hear we're going on a date."

Alicia tried not to flinch. "Cal."

"Yeah?" said Cal, his eyes on Matilda again.

"About our date," said Alicia.

Cal lifted his head and regarded her warily. "What about it?"

"I'm so sorry," said Alicia. "I don't want to hurt you. But I've had so much to deal with lately. My parents are fighting; being a locum hasn't always been easy; working with Lily again… it's going to be tough. And now I'm a patient in ICU. I don't think I'll be here for long, but I don't think I can cope with a relationship too."

Cal closed his eyes and let out a small sigh. It could have been relief, but that didn't seem likely. "Alicia, I think that's a good idea. I'm going through a lot of changes too. I've got my daughter back and it's going to be tough for me too. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship either."

Alicia's eyes moved involuntarily to Ethan. His face was calm, but his eyes seemed to sparkle. Alicia knew she'd probably imagined it, but it gave her hope she wasn't doing the wrong thing.

"I'd still really like to be friends though," said Alicia.

"Of course we can be friends," said Cal. "I'd like that."

* * *

Connie didn't know what had happened. All she knew was that her chest hurt; her arms hurt; her legs hurt… her whole body seemed to be a mass of bruises and pain.

She listened to the beep of the monitor and tried to remember what had happened.

Grace's friend had been brought into the ED. Then they were driving. Then nothing.

Jacob took her hand and use his other hand to stroke her hair. "How are you doing?"

"How do you think?" snapped Connie. "Where's Grace?"

"She's, um, not in this part of the hospital," said Jacob awkwardly. "But she's in very good hands."

Connie's hand tightened on Jacob. "What's that supposed to mean? You can't keep me away from her! You can't!"

"Connie, you've been in an accident," said Jacob. "You need to take it easy."

"But what about Grace?" moaned Connie. She longed to get out of bed; to find Grace; to know she was completely and utterly in control of everything.

But she couldn't control what had happened to her daughter. "I have to see her!"

"I'm so sorry, Connie," said Jacob. "But we can't take the risk now. What would you say to a patient in your situation?"

Connie hesitated. She knew what she would have replied once. "I would say I understood perfectly and they should do whatever they need in order to feel they were doing as much as they could for their child. I want to see Grace, Jacob. I want to see her now."

The fire disappeared from Jacob's eyes. He nodded once and went to the other side of the bed to disconnect Connie from her machines. Connie was relieved and grateful, but she also felt slightly guilty. She didn't want to get Jacob into trouble, but as a mother, what other choice did she have?

Jacob was helping her up from the bed when the doctor arrived. Jacob apologised and attempted to ease Connie back down onto the bed, but Connie was having none of it.

"I'm going to see my daughter," she said firmly.

The doctor must have noticed that the monitor was no longer showing Connie's heartbeat, but he said nothing. He came closer to the bed. "Mrs Beauchamp. I have news about Grace."


	41. Chapter 41

_This was going to be the last chapter of Fractured - I wanted it all to take place on the day of the accident, but I am wondering about writing an extra chapter set a little way in the future where we find out if any of the characters have got the jobs and relationships they wanted. Would you like one more chapter? If not, thank you so much for reading, reviewing and enjoying this story and I hope you like this chapter._

 **bronny9** , thank you for your pm review. I'm really happy you enjoyed the last update - I hope you'll like this one too.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , you won't have to wait for long to find out the news about Grace! Lofty would be brilliant with Rihanna and I doubt he'd be as squeamish as Max, so he'll help Dylan a lot. I didn't want any messy love triangles in this story - I want the brothers to love each other! Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the Zax. You'll find out in this chapter whether they'll get their happy ending or not. (I'm sorry for teasing you, but I don't want to give anything away!)

 **totti10** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you've enjoyed this and that you were happy when Rita and Iain reunited at last. I'm actually planning a story set about ten years in the future - it won't feature every character in depth, but Rita and Iain will be two of the major characters. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I don't think Cal was that bothered about Alicia, luckily. He only agreed to the date to keep Ethan happy. He might have a bit of hurt pride, but as you say, he has other things to think about! I think Dylan is very happy his friend is back. Imagine all the bromantic hugs! It could happen! Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm glad you liked Amira. I don't think she was very popular, but I liked her story and I wanted one of the regulars to appreciate her as a person, as well as a nurse. I think Ethan definitely does have a chance and this Alicia might even deserve him! I'm glad you liked the way I wrote Connie's emotions - she's always difficult to write. Thank you for your review.

* * *

"Yes!" said Max without hesitation. "Of course I will, Zoe. Yes."

Zoe hugged him tightly. "I love you, Max. I love you. And I promise, I will never hurt you again."

They parted when they heard a light cough.

"You asked us to let you know if there was any news about Mrs Beauchamp."

* * *

"I've spoken to social services," said Lily. "Considering Matilda's health concerns and the fact she's comfortable with us, they're happy for the three of us to look after her. I'm assuming you'll move in with Cal, Louise."

Louise had to laugh. "Sorry. I just never thought that was something I'd consider doing. But yeah." She smiled down at Matilda. "Your daddy's actually not nearly so much of an idiot as I thought he was."

Matilda giggled as though she knew exactly what Louise meant.

"Perhaps I should have said 'moving in with Matilda'," said Lily, and there was a definite twitch about hr lips. "We'll wait here until Matilda's been to cardiology. Then we'll leave as soon as Cal is ready."

"That could take a while," said Louise.

Lily did smile that time. "Then we'll have to wait to see what social services say."

"It seems wrong to hope we'll get to keep her," said Louise. "But…"

Lily considered. "Perhaps you are hoping you won't have to say goodbye."

* * *

"I feel fine now," said Lofty. "I'd like to help. I'm sure I don't need to be in Resus."

Dylan looked unconvinced. "If you really think you're fit to work, Ben, I'm booking you in for an MRI scan."

"Lofty, you've been through a lot," said Robyn.

Lofty looked helplessly at Dylan. "But you've all been through a lot All I've done is get between a bookcase and a floor."

"Well, all I've done is get between a piece of flying debris and the opposite wall," offered Robyn.

"You're a patient," said Dylan. "And not a particularly good one. So do as your told, don't make a fuss and I _might_ discharge you later today."

"I just feel like I should do something," said Lofty.

"There will be a lot you can do," said Dylan. "We've all been through something very difficult and I should think most people will need support. I can't think of anyone who'd be a better support than you."

* * *

"Sorry, Ethan. I should probably take Matilda back to Lily and Louise," said Cal, as he took his daughter from Ethan.

Ethan didn't know what to do. He didn't want to leave Alicia when she'd been through so much, but he could guess how emotional Cal was feeling. He'd got his little girl back against the odds – but as things stood, he had no right to keep her.

"You'll see her when you get home," said Cal.

The tugging on Ethan's heartstrings became a wrench.

He felt Alicia touching his arm. "You go with them, Ethan. My dad's on his way. He should be here soon."

"I'll wait with you till he arrives," said Ethan firmly, taking her hand in his.

He glanced rather guiltily at Cal, but Cal was smiling. "No, I definitely don't think you should leave Alicia on her own after what she's been through, Nibbles. But don't worry. Matilda has to go back to cardiology as soon as they open properly, so we'll be here for a while. You just give me a call when Alicia's dad gets here and I'll let you know where we are."

"Okay," agreed Ethan, feeling slightly better.

"We'll see you later." Cal patted Ethan's arm. "Say goodbye to Uncle Nibbles, Toad."

Alicia made a face. "Why does he call you 'Nibbles'? And why does he call Matilda 'Toad'?"

"Matilda looks a bit like a toad," said Cal.

Alicia gasped. "She doesn't! She's beautiful!"

"A beautiful toad," amended Cal. "And Ethan is called Nibbles because he used to take really tiny bites of food when he was little. He still does, actually."

Ethan gaped at him. "But you told me it was when I used to play Hospitals with my toys and I decided Sally Strawberry had-" He broke off, blushing.

Cal looked uncomfortable. "Maybe I wasn't _completely_ telling you the truth about that."

* * *

Rita held tightly to Iain as he kissed her. "I love you, Iain," she whispered when their lips finally parted.

"I love you too, Rita," said Iain. "And I'm going to help you through this. I promise."

"A-and I'll help you too," stammered Rita. "It's much worse for you than-"

She stopped as Iain placed a finger on her lips. "I know it's difficult not to compare, Rita. I've known other soldiers with PTSD. Some of them had limbs missing; some had seen their comrades die in agony. And then there was me."

"Iain, you can't compare-" Rita said without thinking.

Iain smiled. "Exactly. We can't compare. It's not easy - I still have days when I compare myself to the others. But the truth is we both need and deserve help. And we'll both get it."

Rita nodded. "Together."

"Together."

* * *

David and Amira both jumped when the text arrived. David felt as though he couldn't move.

He managed to turn his head enough to meet Amira's gaze.

"Go on," she said.

"Do you think…" David couldn't finish the sentence.

"Probably not at this time in the morning," said Amira gently. "But you won't know unless you look."

David nodded and slowly pulled his phone from his pocket. He started to laugh.

Amira looked startled. It was fair to say David didn't laugh in the way people expected him to. But then she smiled and started laughing too. "It's not Oliver then?"

"No, it's Charlie," said David. "One of the senior nurses. He probably hasn't been mistaken for a ten-year-old boy for nearly sixty years."

"I met him," said Amira. "I thought he was a moany old fogey. But he's all right."

"He's more than all right," said David. "And he wants to meet us in reception."

"Then let's go," said Amira.

* * *

Zoe and Connie hadn't done a lot of hugging when they'd worked together. but Zoe put her arms around Connie without thinking about it.

Connie didn't hesitate about hugging her back. "It's good to see you, Zoe. It really is."

"How Is Grace?" asked Zoe, when Connie released.

"She's alive," said Connie, "and even that is a miracle considering everything she's been through. But it's going to be a long, hard road for her, Zoe."

Jacob nodded sadly and put his arm around Connie.

"If there's anything I can do…" said Zoe inadequately.

Connie looked almost pleading. "Please… stay for a few more days? I know we didn't always get on, but apart from Jacob, you're the closest thing I have to a friend."

"I think you're selling yourself short there, Connie," said Zoe. "There are a lot of people downstairs who are genuinely worried about you. But I'm here for a week and I might be able to manage another week, considering what's happened."

"I would appreciate even one week," said Connie. "Grace…" Her voice cracked.

Zoe took her hand.

"She's in a coma," said Jacob. "We're waiting for the test results. Her injuries are very severe."

Connie spoke almost in a whisper. "Even if she does wake up, we don't know… if she'll still be Grace."

"She will always be Grace," said Zoe firmly. "She'll always be your little girl."

* * *

Charlie walked through the doors of the ED with Josh and Duffy. In thirty years, he must have walked through those doors thousands of times. He knew he'd do it a thousand more times if his body let him.

He found his colleagues gathered around reception. They looked tired, dishevelled and upset, but Charlie knew they hadn't given up yet. They couldn't give up – any more than he could.

Zoe gave them the news about Connie and Grace as clearly and calmly as she could. "I'm going to stay and support Connie for the next week or so."

She said no more, but Charlie hadn't missed the way she was holding tightly to Max's hand.

He hadn't missed the fact Rita and Iain were holding hands too.

But it wasn't just romantic relationships that had been renewed today. Dylan was gripping the handles of Lofty's wheelchair. If asked, he'd probably say he had to put his hands somewhere, but Charlie knew there was more to it than that.

And perhaps there was more romance to come. Ethan was blushing as he gave them the latest news about Alicia. "Her dad's with her now, but I'm sure she'd like to see you all. She'll probably be moved out of ICU today, though she'll be in hospital for a few days."

Cal looked positively emotional as he introduced the baby he was holding in his arms and explained her presence in the hospital. "She's going to stay with me for now. Louise and Lily have offered to help me care for her. I don't know if I'll be allowed to keep her, but I love her and I'll do everything I can to make her happy."

Charlie looked round at the others. "Look, I know this has been… well. what can I say? I just hope you don't have too many days like this again in the future in your careers. But this is far from over and we can't run away from that fact." He indicated Duffy and Josh. "So we – the old guard – are going to stop on until it's done and our lot are all safe. Now, if you need to go home, you have to consider that to be your absolute right to do that. And believe me, thirty years in this place, and the only thing that hasn't changed is the amount of work that the staff put in. Nobody appreciates that more than I do. But Grace, Connie, Alicia and Matilda depend on us from now on. Lofty, Robyn, Cal and Iain will be needing us for a while too – we'll all be depending on each other. So whether it's tonight or when you come back in tomorrow-"

"Charlie," said Elle. "I'm going to stay. Until we know."

Ethan nodded. "Yeah. I-I'd like to stay. I know I won't be much use with my arm, but I'd like to stay."

"Definitely," said Cal. "Matilda needs us, but we can care for her just as well in a hospital as we can at home – and she won't need us every minute."

Lily nodded. "I'll stay. I imagine the hospital is much more sanitary than Cal's bedroom. Not that we were all planning to go in Cal's bedroom."

"He'd be lucky!" said Louise. She faced Charlie. "I'm staying too."

Rita spoke hesitantly. "I'd like to stay and help if you'd let me."

"You're one of us, Rita," said Charlie, and watched in relief as everyone turned to reassure her of that.

"There's loads of food over in the pub if all you lot haven't eaten it," said Robyn. "We could bring it over."

Lofty smiled. "You can wheel me over and I'll carry it back on my lap."

Dylan frowned. "What did I tell you two about resting and looking after yourselves? I'll get the food. You can help us eat it."

"There's also, alcohol, if people need," said Max.

Charlie looked around at the others. They were all nodding; all agreeing to stay. "Okay: we'll get the food into the staff room and recharge our batteries. Then we'll do everything we can for each other." He paused. "I've always thought the ED was like a family. Now, I realise that isn't true. We're not just _like_ a family. We _are_ a family and I couldn't be more proud to be part of it."


	42. Chapter 42

_Thank you for saying you'd like another chapter! I tried to write one, but it was twice the length it needed to be, so I'm afraid it's going to be two new chapters. But after I've posted both chapters, it really will be properly over._

 _So this is the Epilogue Part 1. All the scenes are set a few months after the helicopter crash._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. You said you wanted another chapter, so I hope you won't mind that I've written two! I'm glad you enjoyed the last (even though it wasn't actually the last!) chapter.

 **Casualtyfan** , thank you for your review. I have written a scene for Ethan and Alicia in this chapter and they're in the other chapter too. I hope you like it. I wasn't planning on getting Ethan and Alicia together (I'm afraid I don't like them as a couple), but sometimes the characters have their own ideas about what should happen!

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid there's no Zax in this chapter as there wasn't room for everyone, but I hope you'll like the next chapter. I could only ever have ended this story with Zax getting back together. Anything else would just be wrong!

 **Tanith Panic** , I wondered too about leaving you all to imagine what you wanted to happen next, but a lot of the storylines were slightly up in the air with a lot of unanswered questions like whether or not Cal could be able to keep Matilda, so I felt like I should try to resolve some of them. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I really was in two minds about writing another chapter - or actually three minds, as I also considered posting it as a short sequel! I really hope I've made the right choice and that the ending isn't too sentimental. I'm really happy you like the way I've developed the characters.

 **totti10** , thank you for your review. That's exactly how I imagined Iain and Rita's hand-holding too. I'm so glad you were happy with Rita and Iain's ending, even though it's not quite the ending! I really hope you'll like the scene I've written for them in this chapter. Thank you for following me - I hope to start the new story fairly soon.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I wasn't overly keen on the Nibbles explanation - it wasn't quite convincing for me and it didn't seem like the sort of thing Ethan would tell a girl he really liked. But the idea of him playing Hospitals was so adorable! I'm so happy you felt the togetherness of the staff as I really did want to show that. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I love (and really miss) the friendship between Zoe and Connie. It's sweet when people become instant friends, but I've loved watching firstly the respect and then the affection slowly growing between them. I think Cal's nickname for Matilda is cute, but I can see why Alicia was confused! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **totti10** for the favourite._

* * *

Cal shook his head in disbelief as he, Louise and Lily walked towards the restaurant. "I can't believe this is really happening."

"Well, don't get used to it," said Louise. "The only reason Lily and I are going out with you is to give Ethan some space."

"If you think this is a threesome date, Caleb," said Lily, sounding not unlike a certain clinical lead he knew, "perhaps you will allow me to correct you. It's not."

Cal couldn't blame Louise and Lily for jumping to that conclusion. They'd known him for nearly three years; they knew what he was like.

Or what he used to be like.

"Don't flatter yourselves!" he said, laughing. "I know you're only doing this for Ethan and I know this isn't a date. I meant I can't believe I'm taking my little Matilda to her first restaurant!" He looked down adoringly at the little girl in his arms.

 _His_ little girl.

Cal still sometimes woke up and thought it was a dream. He'd had no right to look after Matilda, after all, and her adoptive family did have some living relatives, if distant ones. Even when they'd made it clear there was no room in their lives for an unwell baby girl, Cal had known his chances were small with so many people on the waiting list for adoption.

But Matilda's obvious attachment to Cal, as well as his medical qualifications and surprisingly unblemished record had swung it in his favour.

Now he was Matilda's dad again - and he always would be.

"Dada!" said Matilda. "Dada!"

He didn't think he'd ever get used to how wonderful that sounded.

"We're going to have the best time, Toad," he said emotionally. "Everyone in the restaurant is going to look at you and feel jealous I've got such a beautiful daughter. I'm so proud of you, Matilda. And I know your grannies would be really proud too."

* * *

Ethan handed Alicia a drink and sat beside her, wondering why he was still so shy after all the time they'd spent together. "Are you sure you're comfortable? Please don't suffer out of politeness. If you need more cushions or if you'd like to try a different chair…" Alicia had been out of hospital for a while now and would be going back to work on reduced shifts soon, but he knew she still sometimes got headaches and backache.

Alicia smiled at him and Ethan's heart metaphorically flipped. "I'm fine, thanks, Ethan. I'm very comfortable here. Really."

Ethan smiled back, probably too widely, but he couldn't help himself. "I'm so glad you came."

"Me too," said Alicia. "Thank you for inviting me."

"You're welcome," said Ethan. He was still smiling, but then came the frustration. "No. This is wrong. This is all wrong!"

Alicia's smile vanished and her face filled with hurt. She quickly smiled again to hide it. "It's okay, Ethan. I can go." Her voice trembled. "It's fine."

"No… oh gosh…. I didn't mean…" Ethan was horrified he'd upset her. It was the very last thing he wanted. "Alicia, I'm so sorry. I just meant that I was being so formal and that's ridiculous when we're such good friends. I'm just so nervous because I wanted to tell you… oh, Alicia, you know what I want to tell you, don't you? I'm in love with you and I always have been and getting to know you over the past couple of months has only made me love you even more. The way you smile; the way you laugh; the way you make me feel I can get through even the toughest days when you're there beside me… please say you feel the same way, Alicia. Unless you don't, in which case, please just tell me because I honestly am so lucky just to be your friend."

Alicia's eyes filled with tears.

"Alicia? I'm so sorry... I didn't mean..."

She threw herself into his arms. "Of course I love you, Ethan! Of course I do."

* * *

Rita was shaking as Iain unlocked the door. She'd cried in the car and he'd held her so tightly, she could almost still feel the imprint of his arms around her now.

But she still felt naked and exposed and she didn't know when the feeling would fade.

Iain put his arm around her and they walked slowly into the living room. Iain said nothing, but Rita felt his firm grip on her arms and felt the warmth of him; the solidness.

She wasn't all right. She was far from all right. But it would be so much worse if Iain wasn't there.

Iain helped her to sit down. He put his arms around her and held her gently, as though she really was as fragile as she felt. One hand came up to stroke her hair. And Rita began to feel different.

It felt as though the strength was flowing from his hand into her body. Her quick, anxious breaths began to calm. Her heartbeat slowed. It still surprised her that Iain could have this effect on her when he could do completely the opposite just by looking at her.

"You did so well today, Rita," said Iain, and his voice seemed almost to be throbbing. "I'm so proud of you."

"I feel so…" Rita couldn't put it into words.

"I know," said Iain. "I felt that way too. Standing up and admitting to a group of people what you've done is one of the most terrifying things. Because you know that if they - the people who've actually been through something similar - don't understand, what chance is there that anyone else would? I'd almost rather have faced a firing squad than let you face that today, but it needed to happen, Rita. You had to take this step – and you did it."

"And... they _understood_ ," said Rita, still not quite able to believe it.

Iain nodded. "They did. As I always believed they would. The only thing that worried me was how you'd feel when you were telling them."

Rita shuddered a little as she remembered that moment; of standing up to face the group who'd supported her for the last month but hadn't yet known the whole truth. She hadn't wanted to lose them, but she'd been so afraid.

But then she'd felt Iain's hand take hers and she'd known that she could do this; that even if they scorned and rejected her, she would still have Iain.

She'd been stunned by their reaction. They'd accepted her. Supported her. _Understood_ her.

She didn't feel gratitude yet. She was too shocked. Still recovering from the ordeal of telling them everything.

But she knew the gratitude would come. It would overwhelm her.

They _understood_ the terrible things she'd done... and now they wanted to help her.

Just like Iain.

She looked at him, taking his face in her hands and wondering how she could have deserved him.

"I love you, Rita," said Iain, his gaze warming her.

"I love you too," said Rita, and for the first time since she'd stood up to speak, she smiled.

"And I'm always going to love you," promised Iain. "Always."

* * *

David checked his watch anxiously. He didn't know why. Rosa wasn't late. If she arrived now, she'd be ten minutes early. But he couldn't help worrying.

Forging a relationship with his son had been difficult. Rosa's objections had only made it more difficult for both of them, though David understood absolutely. She wanted to know her son was safe and he understood that because he wanted exactly the same thing.

Amira slipped her hand into his. "It's going to be fine."

David knew she was right. He and Oliver had seen each other regularly over the past couple of months. This wasn't even their first unsupervised visit. But the time they'd spent together had only increased David's love for him as he discovered so much more about his son.

But the fear hadn't gone away. He'd lost Oliver once. He knew he could lose him again.

The doors to the ED opened and Rosa and Oliver entered. Oliver's gaze eagerly scanned the ED. When his eyes locked with David, a grin lit up his face and he rushed forward. He wasn't supposed to run in the ED and he knew that, but David saw the excitement on his face – the excitement at seeing David – and didn't reprimand him. He caught his son in his arms and hugged him tightly.

"Hi, Dad!" said Oliver. "Hi, Amira!"

Amira smiled. "Hi, Oliver."

"Would you like to come out with us today?" asked Oliver. "I know my dad would like it."

David blushed and for a moment, he thought he'd rather be anywhere in the world but here.

Then he realised that wasn't true. He was in the same place as Oliver and there was no better place in the world than that.

* * *

Jacob's hand closed over Connie's. "She'll be fine."

"You don't know that." Connie's anxious gaze met his. "She's still very sick, Jacob. Anything could happen."

"It could – but it won't," said Jacob. "You need this time, Connie. You can't be on call for Grace 24/7. But she'll be fine with Robyn. She's a trained nurse."

"But I'm her mother," said Connie in a low voice. "It just feels wrong, Jacob. I feel like I should be there with her."

"And I bet you felt exactly the same the first time you left her when she was a baby," said Jacob. "It probably feels a bit like you've had one of your high heels cut off. But you got used to it then and you'll get used to it now."

Connie looked slightly embarrassed. "I know it doesn't make sense. When I think how long it took me to be comfortable with having Grace at home…"

"Of course it makes sense," said Jacob. "I get how you're feeling. But you need to relax tonight – and I'm going to see that you do."

Some of the old fire returned to Connie's eyes. "Then I trust you don't have anything overly physical planned."

Jacob smiled mischievously. "You'll have to wait and see, won't you?"


	43. Chapter 43

_This really is the final chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. I started planning this story with the aim of killing two characters: Alicia Munroe and Louis Fairhead. Instead, I've paired Alicia up with my favourite character and Louis got cut from the story completely! It's funny how stories always change themselves. Thank you again for all your support with this._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it is cute hearing Matilda say Dada! And I think by now she knows she's saying his name rather than just saying random words. Oh yes: Jacob has dropped more than enough hints about what he's planning to do! Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. Cal, Lily and Louise really bonded over looking after Matilda - I'd have felt sad if that had changed. It is a shame it took a disaster for everyone to admit their feelings and get what help they needed, but it is often the way, especially in a series like Casualty. I tried to make it all as positive as possible!

 **Tanith Panic** , I think everyone wanted Cal to keep Matilda and I'm not sure I could bring myself to write a story where he didn't! It was hard enough watching him give her away on TV. I had to rescue the real Ethan and Alicia from the aliens! I'm really sorry, but this chapter comes to an end too... Thank you for your review.

 **totti10** , thank you for your review. I actually intended Iain and Rita's scene to be quite different, but I thought I should acknowledge the therapy in some way. I think you'd have preferred my original plan. I really wish they'd written Rita's exit differently too - even Big Mac got sympathy and support and he committed a crime. I'm really glad you like the way I've rewritten the episode.

* * *

Zoe smiled round at the junior doctors. "It's tough being a doctor. It's really tough. Believe me, I still have days when I ask myself what I was thinking, getting into a job like this." She paused. "But then I remember how I feel on all the other days; the days when it goes right; the days when you make a difference to someone, whether it's by making them better or just providing the listening ear and support so many people sadly lack – or believe they lack – in real life. This is an emergency department and our priority is always to save lives, but there are so many kinds of emergencies; so many ways of helping. There will always be people who can't or won't be helped; there will always be days when there isn't time to do everything we want to do. But if we leave the hospital at the end of the day and know we've given everything within our power, there's no greater feeling in the world." _Apart from certain activities I enjoy with my husband._ "Thank you." Zoe smiled. "Now go and get a drink. You've earned it after sitting here listening to me for an hour. I'll see you lot in the pub!"

There was laughter as the doctors stood up and dispersed. If Connie had given the speech, there would have been applause. But Zoe preferred the: "Thanks, Zoe! See you later!" and similar comments from her colleagues as they left. Some might call it disrespectful; Zoe felt it displayed the utmost respect – for Zoe as an individual, rather than her status as a senior consultant.

As they left, she heard the young doctors saying hi to Max, whom she'd known would be waiting patiently outside. She laughed as one F1, who reminded her a bit of Cal, cheekily asked Max if Zoe ever stopped talking.

"Not very often!" Max cheerfully replied.

He hung back while a couple of doctors had a quick word with Zoe. She answered the F1's question on the spot and told the F2 she'd have to think about his question and get back to him tomorrow.

Finally, Max came into the room and kissed his wife. "Very inspiring, Dr Walker."

"Don't you start!" said Zoe, but she was laughing. "Come on. Let's go to the pub. I seriously need a drink."

"Now, why doesn't that surprise me?" said Max. "But before you go…" He handed her an envelope. It was sealed, but the writing printed on the envelope made it clear what it was. "Looks like someone's getting married!"

* * *

Lofty opened the door to his bedroom and stopped, a smile suffusing his face at the sight of Dylan and Rihanna. Clearly, Dylan had forgotten about his housemate (boatmate?) again. He was singing softly and moving around the room in a way that wasn't unlike skipping.

Rihanna gurgled happily and held tightly to her big brother. She was close to a year old now and had already said her first words. Dylan talked to her endlessly on all sorts of subjects Lofty wouldn't have considered discussing with a baby, but Rihanna's eyes were almost always alight with interest as Dylan told her how he'd seen a patient with a rupture of the ulnar collateral ligament earlier, explaining how the injury was often missed by doctors and how pleasantly surprised he'd been when his new mentee Sebastian had applied a gentle adduction stress to the proximal phalanx without being prompted.

But Lofty had a feeling Rihanna liked the singing best.

"Yun!" said Rihanna, when he'd stopped singing. Lofty knew he'd never forget the look on Dylan's face when he'd first realised his little sister was trying to say his name. "Yun! More!"

"More?" said Dylan. "What would you like me to sing next?"

Lofty came into the room, smiling. "How about 'I'm a little teapot'?" _No-one_ put their hands on their hips quite like Dylan.

Dylan glared at him, clearly embarrassed at having been caught dancing. "I'll let you do that one, Ben." Singing he could cope with. Actions were a different matter.

"Okay," said Lofty. "I'll do the actions, but you've got to sing with me."

"I haven't got to do anything!"

But when Lofty started to sing, it wasn't long before Dylan joined in.

* * *

The wedding was here at last.

Robyn sat, her hands resting on her bump and looked round at all her happy friends. Ethan was sitting with his arm around Alicia, her head on his shoulder and his head resting against hers. He only moved when he decided to press another kiss to her forehead. Two Dr Hardys in the department would be difficult, but Robyn was sure they would manage.

Iain and Rita's hands were clasped and loosely swinging as they spoke to Lily and her boyfriend Archie. The friendship that had sprung up between Lily and Iain had surprised them all, but it was genuine and (of course) nothing for Rita or Archie to worry about. The light caught the ring on Rita's finger as she laughed at something Iain had said. The two couples often went out together, though Robyn did regret accidentally starting the rumour that they were swingers. It had taken a while for Lily to get over that, but everything was fine between them now.

Cal was smiling happily as he sat with Matilda on his lap, one arm around Louise, who was holding Matilda's hand and speaking to her animatedly about what was going to happen today.

"Wee Wee!" said Matilda happily, and everyone who heard her laughed as they remembered what they'd thought the first time they'd heard her trying to say Louise's name.

"Yes, that's Wee Wee!" said Cal, and kissed Louise. "Everyone needs a Wee Wee. Hey, Nibbles! Do you need a Wee Wee? I very nearly called you Widdles instead of Nibbles, you know."

But Ethan was kissing Alicia and didn't seem to hear.

"Behave, Caleb!" said Louise sharply. "Or the wedding's off!" But she was smiling.

Robyn walked over to Oliver, who was sitting at the back of the room so it would be easy for him to leave if it all became a bit much for him. He was sitting between David and Amira, holding their hands. Robyn thought David and Amira were absolutely perfect for each other and frequently told them so. "Hey, Oliver. How are you doing?"

Oliver smiled shyly. "Okay, thank you, Robyn."

"I hope you'll have a good time, but you're right by the door and if you need to leave, no-one's going to mind at all," said Robyn. She bent down and looked at him more closely. "You know what? You look more like your dad every day! He's very handsome, your dad." She heard a sound by the door. "And here's Kai! Come over here, Kai. Oliver's just here." She smiled at Kai's dad, who ushered his son forward, and said in a low voice: "Grace will be here soon. She's doing really well."

Kai gave her a hug, which Robyn eagerly returned.

Amira moved so Kai could sit between her and Oliver, and Robyn left them to chat. She looked around and smiled at the sight of Dylan and Lofty playing peekaboo with Rihanna.

 _Best bromance ever!_ thought Robyn happily, and laughed as she remembered the first time she'd said that to Dylan and Lofty. Dylan had misheard the word 'bromance' slightly – or rather completely failed to hear the first letter. Robyn still wished she'd had her phone with her so she could have taken a picture of Dylan's startled face.

Robyn had been surprised when Lofty had decided to live on the boat instead of in her old room, but Lofty and Dylan were so good for each other – and for Rihanna.

The doors opened again and Elle rushed to help Jacob hold them open as Connie wheeled Grace into the room. "Here we are, darling!" said Connie. "Now, where would you like to sit?"

Elle touched Connie's arm. "Oliver and Kai are sitting at the back there. Shall I move some of the chairs and make some space for Grace's chair?"

"Thanks, Elle: that would be great," said Connie gratefully, her hand touching Elle's for the briefest moment, and the two women smiled. "I'm sure Jacob will help you."

"I'll help-" began Robyn, only to stop as she touched her stomach and thought of the baby growing inside. "Actually, on second thoughts, I'll leave it to you."

"I should think so too, Staff Nurse Miller!" said Connie severely, but there was amusement lurking in her eyes. "But thank you."

"Ro-byn," said Grace, to Connie's obvious pride and delight.

Robyn gave Grace a hug and felt her lifting one arm to hug her back. "Hey, sweetie! You look gorgeous! I love your dress."

Not long after Grace was settled, Zoe and Max appeared in the doorway, hand in hand. Max smiled as he caught Robyn's eye.

It was time for the wedding.

Rita and Iain gripped hands in excitement.

But it wasn't Rita and Iain's wedding. They were opting for a long engagement. It wasn't Ethan and Alicia's wedding. They weren't actually engaged yet, though Robyn was convinced it was only a matter of time and expected an announcement almost every time she saw them. It wasn't Cal and Louise's wedding either, though Robyn hoped that one day they'd realise the wedding jokes they both liked to make weren't actually jokes at all. As for David and Amira, they were just very good friends, much as Robyn might wish for more. Connie and Jacob had other things to consider just now and Lily had only recently met Archie.

It was another couple who were getting married today.

Robyn left the room and hugged Duffy, who was standing just outside. The bride turned her back as the groom entered the chapel, then stood still while her assistants adjusted her veil.

"Come on, Robyn." Max tucked her hand into his arm. "Are you ready?"

Robyn nodded. Zoe and Duffy gave her one last hug and hurried to get to their seats.

The music started. Robyn turned to look at the altar. Glen was standing there, smiling.

Robyn walked quickly up the aisle to join him.

Every minute was precious. Lives could be lost in less than that. Glen might not be with her in another six months and that was unbearably sad to think about, but tomorrow, something could happen to Robyn. So they had to make the most of today.

Robyn thought of her vows: not just a promise to her husband but a plea to all her friends not to waste another minute.

She knew she and Glen wouldn't.


End file.
